Confusing Capricorn

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bestwoman
@bestwoman
19 Years

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There is this Capricorn guy who is 34 and I am 39 and Aquarius. I see him regularly at similar venues since 5 years. I had not thought of him except as an acquaintance, since he is younger and had a girlfriend. About a year ago, he started flirting with me. I thought nothing of it except that he's nice and flirting and I just enjoyed the moment without showing any interest to take it further. About 6 months ago, I had not seen him in a while and then he was saying that he missed me and wanted to ask me for coffee. I told him you should have. He didn't after that. Since then and now, whenever we don't see each other for a while he??d be very warm and welcoming to me and saying how much he misses me, but nothing more. He??d also flirt and ask me why I don't give him enough attention, etc.

So of course I started to think of him (he is really funny and I am attracted to him) and I want to give it a shot. I started to send him messages on and off and he would sometimes reply and others not.
So he starts playing hot and cold. So I responded accordingly; hot and cold. So whenever I become cold (indifferent), he then tries to provoke me asking me why I am not giving him attention. At that point, I explained that I don't understand what he wants and that he is confusing me. He never explained what is in his mind.
About 2 months ago, again I had not seen him for a while and I was back in cold mode and he was again trying to provoke me and he told me that he was disappointed that I was cold and he wanted to hug and kiss me. He then questioned why I am not calling him, so I told him that I will not call him unless he calls me. So that week we communicated and he invited me at his place. We made out for some hours, but when he tried to go further, I stopped him.
So it was nice again the week after and then he went on holiday for 10 days with friends. I had felt a nice connection, but during that period, he did not contact me and also after he came back. I met him and then I was in cold mode again. He started to provoke me again how I could be so cold, etc??_ and he really pushed me til I called him a name (which was very wrong and not my nature at all). I felt really bad and he was upset and told me it was not acceptable. I apologized by text the next day and then called him one week after to make sure he was not upset. I explained to him, why I turn cold (since I realize that I am not on his mind) and then he said why should I be on his mind and then
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bestwoman
@bestwoman
19 Years

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I explained to him, why I turn cold (since I realize that I am not on his mind) and then he said why should I be on his mind and then I said I had no expectations from him (of course to save my face), but then he can't expect that I??ll be affectionate with him. We seemed to clear the argument at that point.
After that he also didn't call, but was just flirting.
Now I am sick and tired of this on and off way. I feel I have explained myself clearly. Have I? I don't think I should ask him out. I feel he is still in playing the field, so unless he is really interested to get to know me, I don't have the energy for this. I am also at a stage where I want a real relationship.
I am also not sure how to deal with him. I have already become a bit cold towards him (cause that's how I feel), but I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing and also that I have no regrets about him. I do like him in a way.
Any thoughts?
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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I'm an Aquarius and thus I know EXACTLY how you feel, it's a push pull dynamic between capricorn and aquarius women, cap men love it but I think it sucks. A good sight you may want to check out is www.sasstrology.com go to the forums section, there are plenty of women that have the same issues over there and can actually give you a broader view especially this one scorpio woman that's around your age, she has really mastered her cap man, lots of patience and space and when I say LOTS, I mean lots.

Aquarius women lack the patience to be with Capricorn men, there's plenty of chemistry which is weird because everywhere you read this relationship is a disaster but then there are sights I have come across were this relationship thrived way beyond it's expiration date, but for the most part this seems to be most women's #1 complaint about capricorn men, some women are off and on with this sign for over 5 years or more and still deal with it after marriage.

But what I can say is I see a few interesting dynamics that is going to create a bunch of friction and conflict for you, because you like him you have already made up your mind that you want a serious relationship and because he flirts with you, you INSTANTLY believe he's a candidate, BAD IDEA, this isn't how dating works for men especially a man that is dating multiple women which means he's going to be HARDER to catch (sorry you may not like it but it's the truth), you have to be a mental CHALLENGE for THIS TYPE OF cap men, they love a bit of unpredictable conversations and yet they love a predictable woman that has her life in order, she has to be a little bit of both, next time say something unpredictable...

For example, let's say he says he misses you instead of saying yeah call me let's do coffee (yawn boring) say something like oh little boys and men that don't have there life together miss women and think about asking a woman out, grown men that have there life together call women and ask them out...Are you a grown man or a little boy? (smile and say think about which one you are and then call me) Yes challenge him, he will secretly love it. See this puts him a lower position because cap men hate being seen as flaky and this will TEMPT him to prove you wrong.

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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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When he flirts with you, coyly tell him the flirting booth is closed for the day but if he wants more flirting there is a 1 cup of coffee fee that must be met or there is a one drink minimum and politely smile and walk away, this will encourage him to offer you a drink of some type or you can offer him a drink and sit and chat...Just so you know this is not an easy sign to be with but once he commits he's yours. Aqua women struggle DAY ONE.

Stop CHASING him and stop responding so negatively to his behavior, the reason I say this to you is because men are not swayed by a woman's negative attitude and how you respond let's him quickly know you are going to be a PAIN IN HIS ASS if he begins to date you, if your already having this push pull problem and your showing some level of frustration and coldness then it's only going to continue if he decided to date you and thus this explains his distancing behavior. Men are smart, they know if a woman is already complaining non-verbally then she's going to nag the hell out of him once he begins to date her.

Cap men are not needy men, they are self sufficient, they need tons of space and they tend to be pretty wonderful lovers but if they feel your going to be someone that's going to inflict emotional pain they will distance themselves until they can trust that you have your emotional life together, IMO a lot of it is a bit of testing and challenging the woman, he wants to see if you are not the needy, clingy type, he wants to see if you have your emotions in order and won't freak out (such as going cold) when he distance himself, this sign can't stand being around psycho acting needy desperate women, they abhor it. So chill out, stop thinking it's a game because it's not, it's his way of protecting his life from crazy women out of control emotional control freak type women.

Cap men are attracted to Aqua's aloof nature, it lures him in like a moth to a flame, they tend to like hard to get selective women, not easy, he's lured in and it's challenging to him (goats love to climb mountains but he's also fluid like a fish swimming up stream and down stream depending on his mood) his contradicting nature can drive a woman batty...
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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What I do notice is you playing the hot and cold pattern and then blaming him for it, we Aqua women tend to do this when a man doesn't validate us, we tend to clam up and get cold and feel rejected by the man it's so not the case in most situations. Let's break it down

You said you want a relationship (Great! You know what you want) So then you know you don't want a man that's flaky, so you caught the eye of a capricorn man, he flirts with you, disappears, comes back and says I miss you and let's do coffee but he never OFFICIALLY ask you out on a date but never the less his approach a bit flaky and open ended instead of you saying to yourself, he's no as interested as I would like him to be, I will let him warm up and continue to date other men because although I'm attracted to this cap guy he's not showing the highest level of interest that I want so until he ask me on a date I will keep it casual and friendly so for now he's not what I want and leave it at that, you decide since your attracted to him to pursue him, YOU BEGIN TO SEND HIM MESSAGES. See were this is going? You decide to pick up the reigns like we Aqua's do sometimes and put ourselves in the pursuer role and get frustrated when the man BEHAVES like a flaky girl.

See we women do the same thing, we meet men all the time, if we are not sure about the man, if our level of attraction isn't very high we play this hot and cold game, well men do the same thing, if there level of interest is not high and a woman is chasing he will fall into a hot and cold pattern as well.

He's interested but it seems he's more PHYSICALLY involved because he likes to be intimate physically with you but his EMOTIONAL attraction is not high, they both have to be there for a man to come close and closer. If you mentally challenge him his emotional attraction will grow and then you may see a bit more progress on his end and he will begin to move towards you...SLOWLY very slowly

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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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I see him challenging you and you get frustrated with him, throws out little bits of interest and you get excited and disappointed and now he can see he CONTRLOLS you, cap men are GOOD AT THIS, IMO it's a bit manipulative but this is how they are, if you allow him to control your emotions the attraction level GOES DOWN, stop getting cold and be friendly, it takes a I don't need you, I would enjoy your company but I don't need you to be in my life....say it to him the next time he mentions how you behave about not seeing him, = say I think your a sweet guy but I think you misunderstand I don't need you to be in my life, I love to have a man's company from time to time but I don't need it....this will grab his mind...sorry but some cap men and the ones I know love mental attraction, it creates this emotional feeling that makes him want more.

I can say at this point it may not work unless you shift your attitude to a more positive playful state. You have already showed him that you lack emotional control by calling him a name, you have shown him you are a bit needy and desperate and clingy, although you may not feel you are but a woman that gets upset about relationships that aren't going exactly as she wants them too, has a bit of a control problem with a hint of desperation and neediness going on, I know that is not the message you want to relate to him but any time you get upset because of his lack of interest is a huge SIGNAL to a man that you are needy and desperate to have love because you lack in your life.

You say you want a relationship but you pursued a relationship with a man that clearly wants something more casual before he commits to more and you have already played your hand and have showed him your goal is to get to the end before the beginning starts, you have shown him that your only interested in HIM if he can GIVE you what you want, your not necessarily interested in him as a man, a person, an individual that has his own wants, needs, idea's, your only concerned about him in relationship to you getting what you want....

SLOW DOWN, just date him casually and let him know committment is important to you and although you like hanging with him you are not the casual type. Take your time, get to know him, what he likes, wants in life, see what kind of ideas he carries about the world and about women, give more interest and he will show more interest.

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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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Aqua women and Cap men can work but Aqua women have to pull herself together EMOTIONALLY, we tend to over analyze and think the worst even when there is no sign of it around we tend to jump to negative conclusions before anything happens.

I believe he's interested but your erratic attitude and neediness for validation is an issue for him which prevents him from taking more interest in developing anything with you, he's challenged you several times through out the relationship and you have been pretty negative about it which let's him know your not going to deal with hard situations very well, your going to make being with you hard when difficult situations pop up.

He's a smart guy, Cap men tend to be very calculating, when he's dating you he's also watching you very carefully, observing how you carry yourself, exploring your attitude by pushing emotional buttons, triggering insecurities to see if your going to be demanding and freak out on him for the slightest issue, usually they use the distancing technique to see how secure you are in your own skin.

I'm not saying this can't work but I would suggest you learn as much as you possibly can, the more you know and implement what you know into your interactions with him you will have a better chance at getting past the difficulties you share with him.

Just so you know wanting a real relationship is fine but get rid of the I don't want to play games attitude, these are not games to men, this is life, this is how they manuever through dating, this is how they test women to get rid of the psychos, this is how most of them are, you can meet a 25 year old or a 60 year old and they all do it, you as a woman have to learn to shift your attitude to a more positive state and learn how to manuever through these challenges, the good men do it and the bad men do it, it's no such thing as avoiding hurdles, distractions, games with men, if you don't learn how to adjust and manuever through these things when they come up you will never get your dating life off the ground.

Just EXPECT certain behaviors with MEN PERIOD will show up and learn how to deal with them without freaking out and getting agitated and angry with men. When men see negativity they associate you with it and they RESIST going forward, if you can learn to be positive during those negative moments you will leave a better impression and inspire a man to move forward with little to no resistance
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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It's not what you say it's HOW you say it....Meaning are you saying it from an angry agitated forceful place or are you saying how you feel from a positive loving I'm okay place. How we respond to men tells them a lot about who we are as women, a man can immediately tell by how you respond if your going to a pain in the ass or a person that is going to ADD happiness to his life. If a woman gets emotional and upset over a man being a man then he instantly know she's going to add frustration and unhappiness to his life, he will remain hot and cold. If a woman responds with apathy then he know he can't control her by his ways and she will most likely add happiness and space to his life.

The response we give men means everything, it's the difference between him being distant and/or being closer. Check that bad attitude

sorry for so many post, I got a bit carried away but me being an Aqua I can feel your struggle...been there
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bestwoman
@bestwoman
19 Years

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Wow Tikki33, Thanks for your input
Well I agree and disagree on some of the points you've written.
I haven't really pursued him. I mean the first 6 months I was just taking it easy and enjoying the attention. I started to consider him and then I would expect that normally we would try to get to know each other, if it works, great if not, then fine. I just started getting irritated when he has started expecting attention from me and provoking me. I know I'm quite lousy in dating (haven't had many relationships), and one of my problems is I can't hide how I feel. If I'm irritated, it shows, if I'm happy, it shows.
I also haven't intenionally played the hot and cold game. It just I try to turn to cold, when I feel rejected. It's a way to protect my feelings. And when I am busy thinking about other things in life, I feel less stressed. I know I am a bit too serious and probably need to be more playful, but I'm usually playful when I am not expecting anything.
I'll think again about what you've written, but I know it isn't that easy.

I agree Aqualeo, why should he be testing me. I feel it's childish.


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tiki33
@tiki33
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If you really look at your behavior, I mean do a timeline you may not see the chasing or feel like you were chasing but go back and LOOK at your behavior. If he was flirting and giving you attention and provoking you but he was not the one actually initiating contact FIRST then yes you were chasing, he may have gave you the green light with the interest he was showing but I believe part of your frustrations is coming from your own ACTIONS. If you had not took any type of initiative then you would not most likely feel frustrated over his lack of inactions and lose your cool like you did.

I'm giving you a serious mental girl talk whipping over this, we Aqua girls are mentally independent, we do what feels right for us not really taking into consideration how OTHERS view our initiatives and actions. You must lighten up, you have to, this is not a game, he's being very real with you, if you approach this as he's playing games you will remain frustrated, so first CHUNK THE BAD ATTITUDE OUT THE DOOR, lighten up and get less serious.

Just because YOU are ready to settle down, have a real relationship does not mean MEN are going to just FLOW with your relationship timeline schedule, not cap man or any man for that fact. Aqua's are a FIXED sign, Cap men are more FLUID and STUBBORN by nature, meaning he is more FLEXIBLE and at the same time ridiculously STUBBORN and set in his ways as well. They are true bachelors and will not just throw his single life away just to have a woman in his life NOPE, they are SELECTIVE.

He's the go with the flow type, HIS FLOW not yours but if you can learn to trust he will not lead you in the wrong direction, there will be twist and turns and mystery and fun but you got to LET GO of the NEGATIVE attitude meaning stop feeling so damn rejected!! It's not rejection, it's not rejection, it's him being himself, living his life and taking an interest in a beautiful woman. He will respect your ability to wait for sex, he will respect your positive attitude and your ability to be flexible but if you push out too much nervous energy, panic, freak out with the low self esteem attitude of feeling rejected THIS WILL NOT GET OFF THE GROUND.

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tiki33
@tiki33
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Learn to relax around men, it will make a huge difference in your dating life, get a thick skin because dating is not FIXED like your attitude, things don't always work out, men change there minds, some pursue, some get lazy and stop, some disappear, 99% of the time why this is happening has NOTHING to do with you but if you have this I'M ENTITLED TO A MAN, I'M ENTITLED TO A RELATIONSHIP AFTER 6 MONTHS of attention and dating you attitude, it won't get very far...lose the sense of entitlement I EXPECTED we get to know each other better after 6 months attitude...it stinks

Men today have OPTIONS, they aren't just looking to settle down with any woman, they don't really have the urgency of TIME on there minds so they take there time, months to years all depending on his OWN IDEA'S about love and relationships, I would suggest you do some research about dating and attraction and how men THINK and FEEL about certain women of a certain age group or your going to have a bumpy ride.

Usually around the 6 month mark depending on the man, he will show a level of RESISTANCE to your efforts to move forward if you do not know that you should EXPECT this kind of resistance you will freak out, panic like calling him a name like did and the connection is CUT into pieces, just by you not KNOWING this you stuck a knife and killed the connection, he is now distant. It doesn't matter if he was provoking you, what matter is how you RESPOND and you respond negatively to all this behavior, this won't go anywhere if you don't know how to respond in a positive playful FUN way to his MATING RITUAL.

Your so serious about dating when you really should be having fun and DELAYING your feelings. It's too early for you to like a man you don't really know, try being a bit more flexible, get some confidence, confidence will get you a long long way in the mating dating rituals going on out here. Get rid of the emotional timeline, 6 months get to know him, 1 year relationship, 2 years get married....chunk it, this will kill a ton of anxiety and expectations and free up some good energy that you NEED in order to be around men....patience and plenty of it. If you don't like his love style , if you want quick and easy Cap is not the man you should date. They are very very very slow lovers, they love the PROCESS, they lavish in it, play in it...it's worth it though
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caramelt
@caramelt
15 Years

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I am in an unusual situation and I have not a clue what to do.

I am in LOVE with a capricorn and his ways are very strange at times. I know that he loves me too but... We went to school together 20 years ago, which was puppy love but I have never stopped thinking about him and vice versa for him. He is the LOVE of my LIFE and I so regret not having the opportunity of creating a LIFE with him. I discovered that he did try seeking me in high school and on numerous occasions. We both have moved on with life by marrying other ppl but I do not want to live without him. After 20 years, we have feelings for each other that are so real. This is LOVE at it's rarest!! and I don't wanna let go. I've revealed my exact feelings to him and I continue to do so because I don't want him to get away from me again without knowing how I feel. I feel terrible because of our situations but I love him. I'm in love with him after 20 years. He is so amazing and he thinks the same of me. However, I have noticed that when his feelings for me get the best of him, he shys away from me. The thought of him not being in my life breaks my heart. Do I walk away? HELP!!! I DESIRE him and I know he DESIRES me. I've been married for 15 years to a wonderful guy but I've never felt such a strong connnection to my husband. It could be the fact that I married at the age of 19. What do you think? Can this type of love really exist.

I forgot to mention something I believe is very important. I have never had sexual relations with this cap. We've only shared a kiss. It's everything else I love about him. And he has told me things he adores about me, some things are from our past and I would have never expected him to remember. So you know I can't wait to sleep with him one day. I have yet to feel this way about any guy.
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faith$golphin
@faith$golphin
15 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 618 · Topics: 44
Wow this sounds like the same man I was seeing.Anyway Capricorn men are very distant and don't like to reveal their feelings.They will wheel you in if they like you and pull away after you share you really have feelings for them.They will not get in a serious relationship quick because they have a ton of patience more than any other sign. They are freaky and will do anythang to win you over sexually. They use a lot of test to see how you will react to different situations. They are not forgiving people and will change on you immediately if you make them mad.
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faith$golphin
@faith$golphin
15 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 618 · Topics: 44
Wow this sounds like the same man I was seeing.Anyway Capricorn men are very distant and don't like to reveal their feelings.They will wheel you in if they like you and pull away after you share you really have feelings for them.They will not get in a serious relationship quick because they have a ton of patience more than any other sign. They are freaky and will do anythang to win you over sexually. They use a lot of test to see how you will react to different situations. They are not forgiving people and will change on you immediately if you make them mad.
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faith$golphin
@faith$golphin
15 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 618 · Topics: 44
Wow this sounds like the same man I was seeing.Anyway Capricorn men are very distant and don't like to reveal their feelings.They will wheel you in if they like you and pull away after you share you really have feelings for them.They will not get in a serious relationship quick because they have a ton of patience more than any other sign. They are freaky and will do anythang to win you over sexually. They use a lot of test to see how you will react to different situations. They are not forgiving people and will change on you immediately if you make them mad.
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faith$golphin
@faith$golphin
15 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 618 · Topics: 44
Wow this sounds like the same man I was seeing.Anyway Capricorn men are very distant and don't like to reveal their feelings.They will wheel you in if they like you and pull away after you share you really have feelings for them.They will not get in a serious relationship quick because they have a ton of patience more than any other sign. They are freaky and will do anythang to win you over sexually. They use a lot of test to see how you will react to different situations. They are not forgiving people and will change on you immediately if you make them mad.
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bestwoman
@bestwoman
19 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 103 · Topics: 14
Yes, this Cappy is really tiring me. I just hate myself for being affected.
The latest update was that I decided to try to take it easy and just be nice, with no expectations and see what happens (as tiki33 advised).
Well it was his birthday beginning of Jan. and he contacted me and asked me to join him. So I went to his place and spent some hours (didn't sleep with him, but we were quite intimate). I also got him a small present.
He was celebrating his birthday the next day at a place where we hang out and I was leaving for a 2-week vacation. So I called him to say goodbye and also say I couldn't make it for the celebration. He didn't pick up my call and didn't call me back the next day. I went away where I didn't have telephone coverage and when I got back I found a message from him asking where I was (it was a week later). So I texted him and said I was back and then he told me he was out of the country and just said he's coming back soon. He didn't appear for a while, so after 2 weeks I texted him again and he told me he was was away (in another country). In the middle of this time, it was my birthday and he didn't even send me a message.
Anyway, a friend of mine saw him last week, so he came back and then I met him yesterday by coincidence. I said hello (but not passionately), so he comes up and tell me how can I not see him and I don't greet him warmly. So I just said ok, I'll do it next time (of course coldly). He then came later and told me (complaining to a friend I was standing with), that I really piss him of. I just looked and him and didn't comment.
I am currently tired of him, but he has a way to pull me back in.
I hope I manage to resist.
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tiki33
@tiki33
19 Years10,000+ Posts

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Bestwoman Capricorn men can make Aquarius females feel insecure inside, cap men are cold by nature, and aqua females tend to be a bit cold and aloof, you have to stop trying to guess how he is feeling and just go with it, be warm and inviting and get out of your head, we are mental creatures, we like to think it all through which can cause a disconnection with men. Your frustrating him with the hot and cold behavior patterns, you do this to protect yourself because Aqua females tend to have a hard time trusting others but again it's creating conflict and distance.

Unless you stop trying to protect yourself all the time and learn to relax your relationship is pretty much doomed to fail, capricorn men will not reassure you every 5 minutes that he's into you, he just assumes you know were he stands because he's there with you and he's giving you his energy, something he won't do for just anyone, they are pretty selective with women. If you can't be secure and confident around him it won't work, save yourself the torture and get out now or you can learn to be patient, to be a bit more open and see were it leads you.

Aqua and Cap usually don't mesh will intimately, I find it fizzles out after a few dates (that's even If you get past date one), we don't understand one another and it usually never gets off the ground unless Aqua female can show she's stable inside, right now your showing him your not emotionally stable and this is one of the main reasons why it never gets off the ground, your emotional instability pisses Cap men off, they can't connect with you even when they desire to and that can be frustrating.
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bestwoman
@bestwoman
19 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 103 · Topics: 14
I had a talk with a common male friend and he more or less gave me similar opinion. He thought the guy was good, but that he likes to play and this is one of his traits. He also thinks that he might actually like me, but that he is still playing the field. So he suggested that I just take it easy and try not to think about too much and not to be definsive.
Will think about and try to implement, but know it will not be easy.