Help with Cappie chap

I briefly dated a younger Capricorn guy about a year and a half ago (he was 19-20, I was 27). We met when he got a job at the restaurant I work at part time and hit it off. He then got a different job at a fancy fine dining place, so he turned in his notice and we started dating. It was going really well for about a month and a half and then he just abruptly fell off the face of the earth (for lack of a better term).. Stopped calling, stopped texting, stopped responding to the couple of times I reached out. I figured he had lost interest or gotten weirded out by the age difference, so I didn't try to pursue it further and instead moved on.

Flash forward to January of this year.. I still work at the same restaurant part time (in addition to having a full time job). He comes in shortly after his 21st bday and we chat for a bit, during which he asks how often I work there.. He comes in the next week while I'm bartending and tells me he just started working next door. He proceeds to come in at least once a week, always when I'm working. We always chat for a bit each time and I catch him checking his hair in his phone or staring at me a couple times here and there. This goes on until May when I send him a Facebook friend request (actually my sister sends it from my phone cause she knows I have a crush on him). He accepts it immediately and we exchange a couple messages back and forth. He asks for my number and after I give it, he texts "So I've had your number in here the entire time under 'Strawberry' (his cute pet name he gave me when we dated before).. I'd like to keep you in here like that - with your permission, of course"

A couple days after that, he invites me over to cook dinner for me. We continue talking for a couple of weeks and hang out once or twice more during that time, but then I don't hear from him for a week or so. I reach out via text once or twice but don't hear anything back so I figure he just got busy with work or I misread the situation and he was just interested in friendship, so again, I drop it and continue doing my own thing.

A week after that, I'm at work and one of my coworkers asks if I'm dating someone that works next door. I ask her why she'd think that and she explains that her mom works next door and a guy her mom works with told her that he and I were seeing eachother. I ask who said that and she says his name, to which I reply "Oh. Yes we're hanging out and I really like him but we haven't discussed our status so I didn't wanna say anything to anyone else until he and I had talked about it." To which she replies, "well, he's talking to my MOM and telling the people he works with about you.." Which is so weird because at this point, I haven't heard from him in two weeks. I wait a couple more days and then send him a text that says "Sooo I haven't heard from you in awhile.. I'm guessing you're not interested?". He doesn't respond so I delete his number. I find out later that my coworker's mom asked him later if we were still seeing eachother and he told her "no, I dunno.. We haven't really talked in awhile.. She knows who she is and what she wants and I don't really know what I'm doing.. I dunno.." I don't know if that convo happened before or after I texted him though. I think it was before.

So, I guess I'm just confused as to why he would tell people we were dating/seeing each other and then completely disappear - again. Or why he would tell OTHER people we were together but not discuss it with me. I realize that people change their mind or realize they're incompatible or whatever, but he and I had already dated so it's not like he didn't have at least some clue as to our relationship styles and compatibility..

He sounds confused, young and possibly not happy with where he is in his life "I don't really know what I'm doing..".

A Cap that knows that he wants status with you is clear, and persistent. None of this I dunno stuff. He might have some self doubt but will persist if he's serious. The not responding could be because he's not sure what he wants to say yet. Some Caps also have a big mouth and like to vent (sorry, this is my opinion). They also like to talk to older people to get opinions as well. Maybe that's why he talked to third parties rather than to you.

Posted by SunMoonStars
He sounds confused, young and possibly not happy with where he is in his life "I don't really know what I'm doing..".

A Cap that knows that he wants status with you is clear, and persistent. None of this I dunno stuff. He might have some self doubt but will persist if he's serious. The not responding could be because he's not sure what he wants to say yet. Some Caps also have a big mouth and like to vent (sorry, this is my opinion). They also like to talk to older people to get opinions as well. Maybe that's why he talked to third parties rather than to you.

Agreed.

Having big mouths and like to vent is not something I have seen a lot in caps, but I'm sure there are some out there.

In my experiance, talking with a third party instead of to the person directly is usually due to insecurities of some sort. In this case, he seems to me to be both insecure and confused, so...

Posted by cheekyfaerie
ps. Stole your pic for my FB profile a while back and it killed, I tell ya. Killed!

Yuuuus!! It's a treasure that deserves to be shared, I say! 😄

And thank you all for your responses. I was kinda thinking his actions/non actions might have had something to do with insecurity or indecisiveness or youth or whatever, but I didn't really ever get the 'insecure/immature/don't know what I want' vibe from him, so idk.. Then I thought maybe he just wasn't in to me, but then him telling people we were dating threw me for a loop.

Lol what?

Who was that meme for?

... I dunno if I believe that... 😉

Am I meant to be the washing machine in that analogy? :/

So. To update, the Cap resurfaced about 2 months ago. We've been talking / texting pretty steadily since then as friends, so I thought.

He texts me on Saturday and we're conversing back and forth, when out of no where he offers me his "deepest and sincere apology" for "being an asshole" and not "being considerate of me or my feelings". I accept and we move on.

He then texts me again yesterday and after going back and forth for awhile, he pretty much just flat out tells me he's attracted to me - not just physically but I'm a myriad of other ways as well - and that he always will be. Basically that I will always have a place in his life and in his mind /feels.

But then he makes it blatantly obvious he's down to get down with me. To which I reply "obviously I'm attracted to you. And although I don't know you well since I haven't known you that long in the scheme of things, I really like the parts of you I do know. But I'm not.in the market for something that's just casual." To which he replies "yes. I know. That's why the line has to be drawn where it is between us." Meaning no sex. "Not that he's opposed though", he's quick to add.

So I guess my question is - what the hell? If all he wanted was sex, why build a friendship and apologize unprovoked for his previous behaviour? If he knows that I don't do casual, why even bring the possibility of sex into the equation?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Because, if it's not already obvious, I am completely oblivious on most things emotional/feels related.

Posted by Vanish
First accept that your Cancer moon is never going to "get" them or what the hell it is that they want from you. I thought Capricorns got attached after sex? Just have sex with him and then see what happens.

We already have had sex. Just not recently.

Posted by BlackMamba
He's so young! You're really setting yourself up for failure

Story of.my.life? Probably.

Posted by cheekyfaerie
I'd say Caps excel at having sex and *not* getting attached. I mean, if we're open to whatever, sure!, but if we don't want one, that isn't gonna change our minds.

Do you know if he has wonky, personal stuff going on? Like maybe he likes you and he's trying to be friends while he saves you for later? Cause I'd lean that direction or something as simple as wanting to be your friend in hopes you'll cock up and shag him again.

I know he got a new job not long ago, and I think they might be ducking him around a bit but I don't know for sure. He and i have mutual friends and they've said that he's mentioned to them his new employers kinda such (not paying him on time or what was agreed to, hiring him for one position but then twisting it around into another position, etc).

But he's never mentioned any of that to me. Even after I point blank asked him how the job was going, he responded positively. So idk.

So, in you all's opinion, it sounds like it's just a sex thing for him?

Gotcha. That makes sense. It saddens me but I get it.