I think we're missing something.......

Yes the Cap that I like is super busy and he hardly calls, but more often than not he returns my calls, sometimes with such speed that the voicemail will pick up and he's calling me back on the other line. I also think its important to have a REASON for calling. Wanting to see how your day is/going is not a reason to me. When I call, I either need him to do something or want to make plans to do something with him. When he calls me its just the same. We save intimate conversations for when we are face to face. I will call once during the week for some random reason hoping he wont pick up because all I want is for him to see my number and know that I called. Ladies, we are forgetting that they LOVE/NEED attention. Now granted I know a lot about his past so he's more recptive to a woman who shows that she WANTS him and not the other way around. He will dissapear if we had a good time together which I'm guessing is his time to think and get back in control of his emotions, because he has very DEEP emotions. If you read between the lines these men give you enough to build on. He always tells me his work schedule, and he never hesitates to spend time with me. Not only that, he always wants to come over, but the catch is that he never does. I think the reason is because he gets tired of offering, and wants me to ask, which I will in time. They allow you to give and take in a way that some may actually miss. I think the key is step outside of yourself and your own needs and see them for who and what they are. No we are not "together" and no there have been no declarations of "love" but we've been building on this foundation for a long......long time, and it gets stronger with each passing day. I like that they are slow. Too Too many times I've rushed into something only to be unhappy very soon after. But building up to it at your own pace is so much more satisfying. And think of it like this, at the very least you get a loyal and dependable friend........and thats priceless.

Febby~ that is such good info.! It makes me sad though because I don't feel that I can put it to use. You'll recall I gave him that "love letter" 2.5 weeks ago, really putting myself out there and asking him not to contact me or respond if he doesn't feel the same or want something serious. I cannot maintain my dignity and self-respect if I make another move and contact him now. He may be sitting on it expecting I'm going to do more, or to see if I'll lash out and react harshly to his silence, but he's just going to be waiting and waiting then because he won't hear from me ever again unless he gets in touch first.

I'm glad that you're figuring things out and working out a compromise in your own mind early on before things get messed up beyond fixing.

Oh Capgirl, 2.5 weeks is not a long time to wait for a response. But I think what may be holding him back if he does want to reach out to you is the fact that you told him basically to leave you alone unless he wanted the same thing. The poor guy could be in turmoil because he may want the same thing but maybe on different terms or in due time. So he may actaully be suffering as much as you are. But only you know the situation because you were in it. I personally would give it another 2.5 weeks, not to play games but to allow yourself more time to heal emotionally and to give the relationship space time to breath. If you feel tempted to reach out to him after a month than do so. By then enough time will have gone by so you can start off by saying something along the lines of, "Just because we may not be on the same page when it comes to a serious relationship, I still want you to know that I'm here as a friend." Then you both have the option of keeping the lines of communication open without any pressure. I'm a big believer in redemption Capgirl. Starting over is an option we always have in life as long as we are living.

I think you're right on that, Febby, "turmoil" and I've rather 'boxed him into a corner' even though I tried not to by saying I didn't expect him to TELL me anything, but at the same time I was looking out for myself and my needs to have this become something w/ a future, as I'm 36 and want 2 kids, or to end the "tango" so that I am able to move on. Unfortunately, I don't think he and I can be platonic friends... There's far too much attraction there and it's too frustrating and confusing, bc. he'll flirt and still want sex, and then I'll demand quality time and attention in response.

SB~ I didn't know you just recently ended things w/ your Cap. I thought it was longer ago... Did he want more freedom and space like we're experiencing with these other cap. guys?

TaurusBabe~ I'm the older woman in this situation, by 7 years, and have been pretty independent and 'take no BS' attitude, too. Have just slowly been laying down some cards though bc. he has some Pisces in his chart and is sensitive, and the 'hard-a $ $ ' approach wasn't getting me very far in the long run.

I think for most men a "challenge" is a woman who takes longer than 5 dates to sleep with him LOL. I just think its a matter of the man in question. The one I know has been there done that with the game playing, because in the end playing hard to get, not returning calls, or acting uninterested is a game. I think showing and telling someone you like them is wonderful and if a man runs from that he probably doesnt want you. Showing emotions doesnt make you easy it shows you are very brave, no what you want and are honest. If someone has had their fair share of failed relationships then a woman who comes along and likes and appreciates him will be like a dream come true. I cant play hard to get its not in my nature. I do however put my feelings on aside and get to know the person. Just because you like someone doesnt mean you have to cram it down their throat every chance you get, just relax and go with the flow, dont be so anxious to make something happen, because if its meant to be it will.