In love with married Cap man

Hi everyone, I need some male cappy perspective here...

In 2008 I met a cappy man at work, and have been head over heels for him since. He is ten years older than I am (he was 46 at the time, me 36). He and his wife met in college, and due to an unexpected pregnancy, they married at age 22. He is fully dedicated to his children (6 of them), but is unhappy in his marriage. I left that company early in 2009 and we haven't physically seen each other since, but still communicate every 3-4 months. We never had a physical affair, although he did kiss me once - and it was amazing.

He had said to me at the time, that they were staying together because of the children, and if we were to ever end up together, he wouldn't want it to have started out as an affair. I completely agreed. We have amazing chemistry, but more importantly, a sense of emotional trust. He has said very little about his marriage, and I never ask, but what he has said indicates to me that they have grown apart.

Their youngest child turns 18 and graduates from high school this year, and deep down, I'm dying to know if they have plans to separate. I know this sounds horrible, but I know in my heart he is the one. I have waited faithfully for him for 4 years, in the hope that he will eventually choose me. This is crazy, I know, but I can't convince my heart to move on yet. I have told him this, but have never gotten a firm indication as to his feelings or intentions with me. I know cappy's are emotional vaults, and getting him to discuss this openly seems difficult. I know he has a deep sense of duty to his family, including his wife, so I realize it's a slim chance that they will separate (unless she initiates it).

If he were any other man, I would know 100% that he is just playing with me and to drop it and move on. But because he's a cappy, and has exceptional difficulty opening up, I can't help but wonder if there are feelings going on under the surface, that he's just too afraid to share with me. What should I do?

You're probably not going to get a lot of support here on DXP. Just remember married men sometimes look for an ego boost. Especially if he's looking a woman ten years younger than him. They will also tell you what they think you want to hear just so they can get their rocks off on knowing a younger woman is interested in them. Also, men at that age are begininng to go through a midlife crisis and they need to feel like they still got it. They like feeling they can get it if they want it. Furthermore, he's got a lot invested in this marriage - kids, time, house, material possessions and will not be willing to give any of that up.

So, move on. Find another guy who can give you what you need. I'm sure you wouldn't want crumbs - that's all a married man can give you.

It's a lose, lose for you!!! Forget him!!!!!

If he's sincere, he will leave his wife. Let it be his own doing and don't be the "woman who broke up the marriage". His kids will never forgive you!!!!! So, if he ever does leave his wife, wait til that's said and done and after a significant amount of time, then you can think about him.

99% chance he will never leave.

Yes. If he does divorce her, he will want to live the single life. Date, party, have fun, live it up. There won't be any room for you then either.

Please move on and leave married people alone.

He's not worth it and why would you want to be with someone who is capable of living a lie?

Posted by CapMusic
Tl;dr

Leave married people alone.

Posted by capgirl75
"He had said to me at the time, that they were staying together because of the children, and if we were to ever end up together, he wouldn't want it to have started out as an affair. I completely agreed. We have amazing chemistry, but more importantly, a sense of emotional trust. He has said very little about his marriage, and I never ask, but what he has said indicates to me that they have grown apart. "

I don't even know how any woman falls for this bullshit.
He's married. Nuff said.
Go find your own man.

click to expand

+++1000

or even relationships without traditional marriage, but are committed. Leave them alone. It's called respect.

Yep, if they'll play with you, they'll play around on you!

Think of it this way - he's showing you a character trait. A very, very, very bad one.

Posted by notJTG1984
You should go for it!

Smart ass!!!!

😛

6 kids and now he's ready for you.
amazing!
all you need is his wife knocking on your door.
that will kill your fantasy.

anyway he's past his prime
all you'll hear from him is whine.

Calgirl, I know love is blind but do you really want take on a married man with 6 kids? If they all are under 18 yrs old, he is going to pay child support x6. Can you handle 6 kids when they have weekend visits with him? It's a lot to think about.

As a Cap man, if I had 6 kids, I wouldn't leave Calgirl. Most of us Cap men love two things the most, our family and our money. We don't like to part from neither. So move on. I know love can be overwhelming and overpowering to your emotions but move on this one. You can't win on this one. If him and his wife divorce and he gets the kids, you are going to have to take care of them. Not a way to start a relationship.

Posted by 88NNPISCES

Posted by notJTG1984
You should go for it!

hahahaa + 1


The wife will probably thank you for it. 😄

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Lol!!! You could be right!!! My husband cheated on me, I kicked him out. I now KNOW it was a blessing in disguise!! I've never been happier!!

Posted by FoxGlove
Hmmm... tough situation. First of all, I don't think that the OP had decided "ok, I'm going to fall in love with a married man and cause myself tons of emotional pain" -- it doesn't work like that -- so how 'bout we nix the judgment and name-calling. If she's attracted to him, she's attracted to him and she can't change that. It's what she decides to do about it that counts. Same thing with him -- he can't help how he feels -- it's how he ACTS that counts. So far, I don't see that either of them have done anything wrong. He's actually said he wants to do the right thing, and so far he has -- going as far as to turn down an affair. I think he showed actually showed respect there, to his wife and to OP. Now, whether or not they're going to divorce -- who knows? How he feels about OP now? Who knows? The way to find out? Ask him. One thing I believe about Caps -- you ask and they tell. Nine times out of ten, they're straight shooters. Good luck, OP.

I don't see any judgement or name calling. We are straight shooters and she asked our opinion, so we're giving it. I don't see anyone trying to make her feel like shit. We're just being honest and warning her. We have her best interest at heart!