Maybe we are the complicated ones?

I realized this morning that we all think we are attracted to very complicated men but maybe there is more to it. I get so confused trying to figure out what my cappy is thinking, sometimes he feels close to me and other times a million miles away. This isn't new though, he has been like this since day one, it still freaks me out. At least once a week I wonder if he is going to split on me and just disappear. The weird part is that he aways calls, shows up on time, and according to my friends totally adores me; so the question I pose is: Is it me, and not him?

Any ideas?

Complications - a confused intricate relationship. Intricate- Difficult

Complications are not made my one person, things get complicated when there is no support, no communication, and no togetherness, understanding, etc., if you are the only one making all the sacrifices to make things work then you are going to run in to complications because you are eventually going to get tired and it is going to wear you down.

You are putting to much effort in trying to figure him out and it is stressing you out to the point that you think it is you and not him. You have read the charateristic of these types of men and the signs are there and you know think that it is you and not him?

Ask yourself, did you feel like this or thought things were complicated in past relationships ?

This man probably does adore you and at the same time you know that they lack communication of there feelings and show no emotions, that is never going to change they become aloof aften, and they have bouts of depression you should know that, and you saying he seems a million miles away could be him being aloof worrying about something and can't talk about it.

I just got finish talking to a friend of mines who was married to a Cappy for 12 years and she said that she was so stressed that she went from a size 12 to a 3 before she woke up and decide to leave him.

I am not saying that that will happen to you but the possibilities of it happinging to you or any other women is there.

You need to live your life and when you see him acting that way pay him no attention let him go through the motions, live your life because if you keep worrying about him it is going to stress you out like it is doing know.

WTML,

No, I don't think it's you. It's defintely these men. Just as SL said, u know their characteristics. I used to wonder what my cap was thinking all the time also, and knew it was just the way he was. I finally gave up on wondering and trying to analyze him because it drove me insane and literally wore me out. It's not worth it. Just let things flow and don't worry about it too much. Easier said than done I know, but just try. Even tho me and my cap aren't really back together but just kind of seein one another now, I don't even stress about it anymore. If he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, oh well. If it's meant to be, it will be. I told him about a week ago that I used to analyze him to death because he is so difficult to figure out. He said don't. I said yeah how else will I know. He said don't worry about it, just go w/it. Well he was talking about himself. That didn't make sense to me. But he said there is no use in trying to analyze him.

I detached myself from the cappy guy I was originally interested in, and now we are talking again but I made it clear in conversation that we are just mates..really good mates..He has opened up a lot and now since I am no longer attached to him emotionally (wasn't that attached to start with) its very interesting how you start to perceive them. When you start thinking with your head instead of your heart, all their insecurities, faults come to light. Its a very good learning curve. Now I know, I couldn't date him in a million years..very condescending, contradictory, arrogant, derogatory. Awful qualities to possess as a human being. He is also really hot on marrying status and prestige..yet hasn't the balls to ask anyone out. I had an all day conversation with him today on msn and boy did I learn lots..more today than ever before. He told me about so many women that he likes and I as a good friend encouraged him to ask them out, advised him that some opportunities you just have to take etc..but the minute I mentioned that I am actually going on a date on 24th March he didn't like it one bit, he went silent..so I detected that it bothered him and changed the subject, we talked for a little bit about other things then he steered the conversation back to my date wanting to know who he was, how long I had known him, how I knew him etc..Now if this guy didn't like me (he's never admitted to me, but I have always known that he did/does at some point) then he wouldn't be that bothered.

All I can say is I am so glad that I did emotionally detach myself..we didn't even meet or even confess that we liked each other but one conversation we had on the phone (after we broke up for a week) did it for me..my feelings evaporated..thought I would be sad but it didn't bother me in the slightest..just like cappies, we (scorpio) can switch off too. I want a guy who is not scared to show his emotions, openly communicates them..and someone who is fun and outgoing. With a cappy guy (not all) I don't see myself being me..and having the kind of marriage I would like..Oh they are also hot on control issues so thats a definite turn off..I despise being controlled

Hope this helps..Scorpionlady is usually right on the money with her views on Cappies..

missmorals
Girl we should write a book about ourselves...thanks for the compliment....that is why I am not tripping or refuse to trip off of them. I just wish all the women who make them there man or husband or wife have enough strength to deal with them and know what to expect and how to act accordingly and never ever second guess yourself as a women.

It's amazing how much strength you really have to have as a person to be able to deal w/these cap men. It isn't easy. Just as you had said, missmorals, I can't/couldn't see myself being myself while I'm w/the cap. It's crazy. I'm a totally different person when I'm w/him. I don't know if it's because I'm trying to impress him or not. But I've really come to realize that it's very awkward when I'm w/him. He doesn't express himself too much and it's just annoying to me. Not much fun. Not a person I could see msyelf spending everyday with. It could get quite boring. I like him as a person, but would a whole lot more if he expressed himself. I've detached myself emotionally from him as well, which helped a whole lot. Detaching myself really made me realize what I wanted from him. I think we're better off as just friends.

Precisely!!!..well done..as my mottoe in life goes "life is all hahah hee heee"..don't let anyone take that away from you..no man is worth that!..

Scorpionlady..lets get together..I feel a novel coming on!..lol

It's weird... when I first met my Cap., this guy was like Jim Carey, no kidding. Just full of crazy fun and laughs. Maybe it's because it was all just fun and "friends" and too early to worry about getting attached. But, he was talkative, extroverted and had me laughing all the time. Then, somewhere along the way, things got more serious... I think pretty much after he pissed me off, I pissed him off, serious emails were sent, etc. It seemed like he started curbing his behavior and personality to fit what he thought I wanted and expected, or maybe he just settled in to showing his true colors and true self (i.e. quiet and reserved). I have always wished that the funny, off-the-wall guy would come back! Maybe it was the effects of alcohol on him ... who knows?!

everyone, thank you SOOOOO much, your comments have been enlightening, and YES I would to write a book about all this, its so crazy.

SL---no I haven't ever felt so complex before so good question.

If so strange being with a guy who is so "here" and then so "there". And yes, Brahn I have talked with him about it, I have addressed his mild depressed stages, his pulling away etc. He makes up excuses that I know arent true, or tries to almost push me away with stupid/semi-unemotional language. Last week I stormed out of the room after a 'talk'..then I remembered he says things he doesnt mean, when I comfronted him he told me its hard for him to talk about his feelings....AND ITS EASY FOR ME—? HA!!!!

I see him every day, he 90 $ % of the time it is him calling me, he stays at my place everyday, his has told everyone in his life about me etc. So what the heck?

i'm sorry i know this thread is about wtml, but

How does one detach themselves from a guy they have strong feelings for?

sagbot, I am more than happy to share my 'space' with you! Detaching can take many forms, the one used by most (mainly men) is turning feelings of love into 'hate' or 'dislike'. Here are some suggestions:

1. Taking time away i.e. a vacation
2. Throw yourself into something, for me its running, yoga, or volunteer work
3. Write about it
4. Talk about it with everyone you know, unless they are totally burnt out on your problems, sad but it happens
5. Meditation and visualization, i,e them out of your life, warm light flowing in and filling the space
6. Date someone else...try not to hurt anyone though : )
7. Slowly cut them out, one piece at a time, invite a friend to dinner or spend a night at a friends house, fill your previous time with them with 'new' people

Whew, being a taurus I can testify that detachment is really, really hard, it has taken me years to get over past relationships

i empathize, sympathize and totally identify with how hard it is to totally detach from these cap guys, i hate to admit it. I have been truly in love with three men in my life, my ex-husband(cancer) a 4 year almost so intense it was on a spiritual level(leo)man and an almost 4 year fun fun fun relationship (cap)man, and the one i STILL cannot completely let go of no matter how many suggestions(and by the way, they are ALL great) I've done, tried, prayed about, raged about, cried, rationalized etc about is, you guessed it, the cap...dated another cap for just 3 months and when he showed his colors (sneaking, lying, retreating, you know after the chase and hunt was done and he knew how much i liked him) i had to end it. and you know what? I'm still upset about it. I swear sometimes i think they have some voodoo crap going on that doesn't let you go. So ladies, i applaud all of you who can make these work, I just couldn't and believe me, I tried everything. I even tried lying to myself that it was ok that we were just "friends" having sex and fun, but the truth is I couldn't continue the lie, i was seriously emotionally attached and it made me physically, mentally and emotionally sick. This is why at this point I have made a serious vow to myself that i cannot will not ever do another cap again. I don't hold too closely to all this astrology stuff, but for me, a capricorn male has been like drinking poison to me. I wish everyone luck, maybe it's just me or my sign, but i have to accept my limitations with these guys

yes. at least i am complicated. I know that i think way too much. I have issues that i am working on to better my self. To improve myself love which i hope will make me stronger. I am inlove. i guess.. or in something... because its not love. I'm insomething for this cap guy and it sucks. I know he doesnt feel as strongly for me as i do him. I feel like i'm the crazy one who is too soft and has too many mushy feelings.

I feel just like u sagibot. I'm not in love w/him and it's really not lust, but it's something that really takes over me! Just something u can't really explain.

APW,

everytime I spend time w/the cap and we r just friends having sex I feel so bad. I don't want to be treated like that and don't deserve to be. But again, I'm continuing to move my life in the direction in needs to go. Eventually I will get past this because I doubt he'll ever commit. But i have faith that it will go one way or another eventually. Believe me, I won't carry it out long term w/no commitment. I admire u for being strong and standing back from these caps. It does seem as if they have some time of voodoo to keep us hanging on. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get him off my mind or can't seem to keep myself spaced from him. It sucks because I don't know how he truly feels for me, but I know I feel more than he does and that sucks.

Mycap, don't admire me, it's not really strength I have, it's more having to accept what I can't change. I sooooooooooo know the feeling of "feeling bad about oneself" with that old cap of almost 4 years I can't tell you how many times i said to myself "that's it I can't take it anymore, he makes me feel so bad about myself" and yet...eventually the phone would ring and there I'd be acting as if nothing was wrong with me, and running to him on HIS whims. Damn! when I think of it, it makes me cringe. yes, I swear there IS some kind of voodoo, I still think of him a lot, too much really, it's scary. This letting go thing is very very difficult and again, that's why i swear I can't let a cap man into my life ever again. I really wish you all luck, as I said, I admire you ladies who are apparently making it work, it just doesn't work for me...I have to accept that.

Its reeeeeeeeeeeally easy..just don't think about them...Willpower..

Yeah, willpower it is what is needed with men..

Yes it does take willpower and right now I don't think I have that.

APW,

Sounds like me. I can be so mad at the man, and say to myself that I cant do this anymore, then the phn rings I answer it and of course I go and see him. Its been like that for months. I know I will eventually get tired of it. And say F@#k it.

Lol @ MyCap...I can't wait for that moment!...declare it on the board won't you? lol

LOL...I wish you'd hear it soon missmorals. He's being very distant right now. Maybe for reasons that I shouldnt be worried about, but the fact is that he is. Yeah I miss not seeing him, but I'm really fine right now. Maybe havin the aqua on the side is helping me get past the cap. At least I don't think about the cap as much as I used to.

Good luck Mycap, and I'm not being sarcastic, I really mean it, as i said, i know the feelings intimately, very frustrating and every time i thought i was "mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore" is when i would fold. it just plain sucks

missmorals- what are we going to call our book?

Ladies it amazes me sometimes to read what you are saying, please don't take this the wrong way but I know some things are easy said than done but you ladies who are still feeling bad because U are not with your Cappy or he has not called and you want him so bad etc...stop tripping it really is'nt that serious I myself is guilty of the same thing but me being who I am, my pride my ego,dignity, self respect etc. is what helped me to move on with my life...

Yes I still do think about like a milisecond, but not in a way of wanting to be with him. My last phone call to him was on Valentines day I told him how I felt and has not pick up the phone since and I don't plan on it..I know that man will alway have love for me I have seen it in his eyes but I never picked up on it until I read it on this board..I used to say to him why are you looking at me like that...and when I think back I remember him doing it twice and not saying anything he would just have this smirk on his face I would say quit it..LOL...little did I knew it was the look of love.

Also, as a women who is confident in herself, and knows that I am not the one with the issues. They have the issues and that is something they have to deal with not you or me or anyone else. We cannot help these type of men they have to help themselves...

Like the old saying goes:

"If you love some let him go, It it comes back then it will mean so much more and if it don't at least you will know it was something you had to go through to grow"

I will date a cappy and I have went out with one the other week and I just look at him and think to myself, He don't have a chance in hell he will except my friendship on my terms and my terms only nothing more or nothing less.

We as women need to stand a little taller, be a little wiser, and gain a lot more strength to deal with men any man. Because men find weakness in us and will used it to their advantage and then we wonder why we got hurt.

We need to speak what's on our minds and have confidence doing it regardless of the outcome..So what if he leaves you because you told him how you feel or what you are not going to deal with etc.

Ask yourself does that make you less of a women because you are not with him? NO
Do I need a man in my life to feel complete? NO

I don't know about yall but I don't have a problem getting a man, I have a lot of confidence in myself as a women and no man is gonig to strip me of anything.

I often think back to how when I was in my 20's and 30's how I used to be all about dating guys and hanging out playing the game, being a playette etc...but then as I got older that got boring and I no longer want to play those games of lies and deceit.

I don't have time for the drama of not only from a Capricorn but men in general. I have not slept with another man since seperating from this Cappy and I don't plan on doing it.

Why? you ask well like I said before when men and women especially women end a realtionship you really need time to heal and regain your composure because losing someone you love can be a very hurt feelings but to jump from the frying pan to the oven is even more painful because you never took the time to heal yourself.

Yes I still date but I look at men different know, I don't have anything to prove anymore I am in no rush to tell a man how I feel anymore I refuse to put more effort in any friendship or relationship without receiving it in return. And I can think my ex cappy for that it is not anomosity that I am feeling it was a wake up call I found a weakness about myself that I need to make strong.

And like missmorals said we as scorpions we get knocked down and we get right back up and I believe we do that because of our pride. Never ever let them see you sweat...a true sign of weakness to me.

Again, I