ok..another cap man story..drug or placebo..

Never thought caps were very interesting..found out I was wrong..I've been snooping around this site for a while, feel self conscious putting all this down "on record" :-) but here it goes..

So..met this cap guy online, same day went out on a date, a 5 hour dinner, next day went to the beach 6 hour date, we almost seemed like an old couple, very comfortable, good conversation..made plans for dinner a few days later, then I told him that he had too many anxieties and worries and that we're not a good match, he kept in contact for a few weeks, about once a week, I decided to give it another chance..2 more dates which were ok, then I told him "no chemistry", he sounded disappointed this time but took it well but this time I told him it's ok to stay friends (before I had denied even that option), he continued to stay in touch with me again on a weekly basis, a month later I was feeling kind of down due to family issues and he cheered me up and asked to meet up for a drink later that day which I accepted..that's when it happened..I saw a glimpse of what lies underneath that thick skin, I saw passion, desire, intensity, depth and I will never forget that.

So..the next day I deleted all my online dating accounts, had about 4 :-p and expected nothing but perfection, however I found him pulling away, and he told me why.. he said he is afraid that I will reject him yet a third time and that he needs to work it out himself but that it's not too late for us. As days and weeks went by I grew impatient and started to text him relatively negative things such as —just tell me if I need to move on, etc..??, nothing crazy.. he would always tell me that work has been crazy and this is true, he basically had to tear down his business and rebuild a new one and did tell me that he will be busy ahead of time. We saw each other again about twice over the course of two months..I missed him and I told him so, I apologized for said negative texts and confided that I was being defensive due to feeling vulnerable at this point and would just appreciate a straight discussion, he said he is not upset and that he still liked me but feels it's not fair to see me regularly while his business was still up in the air, texted me yesterday that he hasn't forgotten about me but work has been hectic and I responded nicely.

My questions are..do male caps typically put everything aside if work is doing poorly? Or is it the fact that he is afraid of yet another rejection? cont.

Or is he truly not interested and just being nice about it because he has a lot of respect for me and my feeling? I am able to stay calm at this point but only out of being less hopeful that things will move forward..barely holding on but I don't really want to let go. Will post both our charts if it means anything..

Me

Sun Sagittarius
Moon Leo
Mercury Sagittarius
Venus Aquarius
Mars Aries
Jupiter Aquarius
Saturn Cancer
Uranus Libra
Neptune Sagittarius
Pluto Libra
Lilith Capricorn
Asc nodeSagittarius


Him

Sun Capricorn
Moon Capricorn
Mercury Capricorn
Venus Scorpio
Mars Scorpio
Jupiter Scorpio
Saturn Taurus
Uranus Libra
Neptune Sagittarius
Pluto Virgo
Lilith Virgo
Asc nodeAquarius

I would really appreciate some input, caps or otherwise :-)

I know of a cap guy and a sag girl who knew of each other for years before the sag had an epiphany similar to that which you described and fell head over heels for him. He really did like her as a friend and person, but never reciprocated her feelings and he told her so. They??re great friends now — and nothing more — and she says she's ok with that, but when I see how she looks at him, I don't believe her.

Capricorns are not known for mincing words; you should take what he says at face value. To a capricorn, words reinforce actions. When words contradict actions, words are irrelevant. In spite of what you may have said before and what you??re saying now, you??ve rejected him twice and been inconsistent and so he's contemplating whether you??re worthy of a third chance. That he's contemplating it at all a) is highly unusual and b) tells me you??ll probably get that chance??_eventually. You shouldn't count on a fourth.

Caps are well known for their work ethic and subordinating everything, including your hopes for a relationship, to their work. What you may not want to hear is that they do this regardless of how well or poorly the business is doing.

Thank you, that helps. I was taken aback by the difference I had seen in him pursuing me to the max for two straight months getting barely crumbs to completely cooling off at the mere thought that I am finally interested. I was not playing with him, I was just going through a lot of stress and saw nothing more than someone really intelligent to pick on, until I saw what is hiding. Btw, there was nothing more than good night kisses involved and I get the feeling he would never get into a sexual relationship unless he is in love. Again..I prefer full on verbal discourse and either move on or "let's do this" attitude, I'm so not used to being patient and doing "nothing" but I am learning quickly. Culture wise I am not inclined to ask any man out, I just can't do that so I sit here and wonder..if I decided to move on I won't be going back, that I know. Could this be a test of some sort? Wishful thinking :-)

You say you weren't playing with him, but I bet he sees things differently. Perception is everything. Capricorns are naturally sincere and expect the same in return. "...saw nothing more than someone really intelligent to pick on..." You must be patient if you ever want to have anything with him; he will not be pushed. As for your test, you've already taken it. It wasn't announced - we never announce them. He's grading it now.

I truly wasn't playing with him..two consecutive innocent dates and I told him right away how different I felt we were. 4 weeks later I told him (notice how I use words to describe my feelings, I don't think he's aware you could do that!) I rushed into running away and would like to try again (he understood my circumstances and confusion..divorce), two more dates and I felt no chemistry. I told him immediately. I think being completely honest (although confused and slightly rash) should be at least appreciated.. by picking on him, I meant picking his brain, making him smile even though he tries not to.. I hope I pass StoicGoat, would just like a real shot and then be what may. He had said once that no one gets a second shot with him but there's something about me (he sounded slightly angry) and here I am asking for a third...

I have heard about people using words to describe feelings before...it's just not something we do. Thoughts are rarely verbalised, but feelings? Never. We do not speak about feelings - we demonstrate them through actions. Honesty and forthrightness are always appreciated, but rashness is not a quality likely to ever endear you to a goat. All capricorns are born with the adage "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" pre-installed; it's just like a piece of firmware, and if there's one thing a Capricorn will never stand for it's being made a fool of, most especially as the result of his own actions. Even if he wants to give you another chance, it will be extremely difficult to do so; it's just against our nature.

So..I take it you've never given someone a second chance?

Posted by saroph
Or is he truly not interested and just being nice about it because he has a lot of respect for me and my feeling? I am able to stay calm at this point but only out of being less hopeful that things will move forward..barely holding on but I don't really want to let go. Will post both our charts if it means anything..

Both!

Work will come first. Sorry. We can't help it.

Also, I'll tell you my story from the opposite prospective. I was dating a guy I liked who was divorced. He broke it off to try to work things out with his ex-wife because of the kids and unfinished business. This did not work out and I began seeing other people. I agreed to see him again after a significant amout of time. I do like him, have feelings for him. I'm not willing to explore what they are. I believe he has feelings for me, sees some future and respects me, etc. However, I'm also very leary of him. Afraid of being hurt. I still see other people as well and he knows this. Doesn't blame me. Caps are not as secure as we seem. If you really like him, give him time. Be patient.

I can't speak for him. But thats how I feel.

Thats not what I intended to quote.

Truecap...I wish patience was one of my virtues, I'm working hard to master that skill..I haven't seen him for almost 2 months, I tried going out on two dates since then with other men, felt nauseated both times. I finally decided I won't go on any more dates because 1- It's no longer fun. 2- I don't want him to think that I've moved on or make him reluctant to ask me out thinking I'm dating someone else..last time we spoke few days ago he told me spontaneously that he's not dating anyone and has not dated anyone since he saw me last..is he expecting me to see other men? I don't want to look insincere..How long should I keep waiting? I would wait forever if there was a good reason..like if he was deployed or something Lol! But that's not the case, we live less than a mile away from each other..how do I prove to him that I really want to try? We are barely communicating..am I being delusional that this is a test on his part or can it take so long for him to think about this? I have asked him outright if I should move on and he didn't give a straight answer .. just called and told me to relax and calm down 🙂 I wasn't yelling or anything I was just apologizing for being impatient and not being more understanding of his current work situation and he just said to give him some time, he asked how my divorce is going, but that's just being friendly...so I guess I'm repeating myself and I should just be patient...I need to get busy with something else, just not another man.. Do you get turned off is someone suddenly shows affection towards you? He was texting first all the time, good morning angel, good night princess, asking me out all the time, ever since I started reciprocating he's pulled away, cap thing? or man thing? (no longer a challenge) UGH!

Okay wait...You rejected him twice and then you see a little bit of passion and now you're back on again and then you delted all 4 online profiles expecting perfection. That's too erratic for a Cap male, he's gone, he may come back again, I highly doubt it but if you chase with negative text messages etc as if he owe you something he'll stay gone for good. You didn't give the guy a chance, sometimes attraction and chemistry takes time, it's not instant microwave meals or fast food drive thru's, Cap will dig his heels into the ground and wait because he's deeply conscious of how another person will effect his life if he makes an immediate decision to fall in love only to choose the wrong person and suffer for it.

Aquarius in Venus...Ugh...Probably won't work out with a Cap unless his Venus is compatible with yours.

Men with Scorpio in Venus

Are VERY interested in commitment and forever-romance but are afraid of rejection and so sometimes push away the one they want. When they love they love with everything they have, heart,soul and body. Very intense & passionate. Can get very deeply attached as well as obsessed. They prefer a woman that is deep and intense.

And see you rejected him twice, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't come back to you, but try not to panic, if he says he's still interested and hasn't forgot you then he's contemplating giving it another go but whatever you do don't reject him a 3rd time unless you are absolutely 1000% sure it won't work or he'll be gone for good, he won't subject himself to your fickle rejections over chemistry.

This placement loves with his entire being and you would hurt him with the rejection you dole out, so although he may like you he realizes you would hurt him deeply so that could be why he's stalling and really taking time to think it over. The risk is too high, being rejected again so he may not give you another opportunity to reject him.

You are Aquarius in Venus so your love style is almost completely opposite to his and thus why it hasn't gotten off the ground.

The person with Venus in Aquarius tends to want relationships to be on a very cool and rational basis. Even more than the other Air signs, Aquarius feels uncomfortable dealing with intense emotions. Intimacy feels like alien territory to those with Venus in Aquarius; and their fear of getting close to people can make them very cool and distant. They feel much more comfortable with friendships than with one-to-one relationships. These people cannot bear possessiveness, and will be appalled by displays of jealousy in others. It is difficult for them to accept their own darker emotions like jealousy and anger, so they often simply cut off when they feel hurt.

With the Venus placement in Scorpio, no games of any kind, be straightforward, no manipulation but he most likely can be very manipulative but won't appreciate it if you play games and manipulate, control issue I guess.

Also it appear a lot of women want men with this placement for some reason, but that's just part of who he is, unfortunately I'm not good at chart reading but maybe others will be able to give you deeper insight. He's either 1 extreme deeply loyal, intense, emotionally demonstrative in the bedroom or the other extreme which carries deep resentment, jealous, disloyal/cheater and sneaky.

I get it, I really do..I won't defend what I did because if a man does that to me he would not have even gotten a second chance..the thing is he continued to pursue me AFTER both rejections..it wasn't till I told him that I deleted my accounts that he started freaking out. I know I seem fickle.. The thing is I swear I had no clue what I was dealing with, he comes off as superficial and materialistic believe it or not.. I will not make the same mistake with this man again if he ever decides to give me another chance.

Posted by saroph
I get it, I really do..I won't defend what I did because if a man does that to me he would not have even gotten a second chance..the thing is he continued to pursue me AFTER both rejections..it wasn't till I told him that I deleted my accounts that he started freaking out. I know I seem fickle.. The thing is I swear I had no clue what I was dealing with, he comes off as superficial and materialistic believe it or not.. I will not make the same mistake with this man again if he ever decides to give me another chance.

Be patient, he may just come around for another go but don't chase him through text, emails etc, give it time to simmer down, and then reach out to him and GO SLOW, don't be intense and try to make it be more than what it is...

If he truly is deeply interested in you he'll be back and please no more deleting online profiles before KNOWING were you stand with a man, you most likely scared the hell out of him with your own extremes being that your Mars is in Scorpio, you went from nah it's not going to work, no chemistry to hell yeah I want you and I'm deleting all of my online profiles to prove it. That kind of extreme can chase a man off.

LOL..I agree.. in regards to venus in aqua..I really take time to settle down on someone and I can change my mind and it would take forever, but honestly when I get that feeling that "this is it", then it's done and I guess I would act like someone with Venus in Scorpio and feel the same way. I will take your advice to heart Tiki, I did scare him away but he was doing exactly the same initially, telling me he hid his account after we went out again following the second rejection, my reply then was "it's too early, don't do that yet", what an idiot...(that would be me)

It seems you both were either behind or in front of one another, so maybe this next time you both will sync up and be on the same page with one another, he could very well heat back up again but if you show interest and he pulls back then he's NOT READY and he's only in it for the chase, a ready man will not disappear/pull back, he'll be okay with you equally reciprocating interest and will not run away or feign being busy, you don't want to get sucked into a toxic cycle were he's in and out with you whenever you reciprocate how you feel.

Btw..my mars is in aries..not scorpio..that's even worse huh..guess I'll need a cold shower before I even reply to one of his texts 😉

Btw..my mars is in aries..not scorpio..that's even worse huh..guess I'll need a cold shower before I even reply to one of his texts 😉

OOOPS Sorry...Oh God Mars in Aries women lure men in and reject them LOL, if it's too easy to get you probably don't want it and could be why you weren't feeling this guy...No wonder this never took off. I can't say if he's gone for good but I wouldn't put it past him, I don't think he'll subject himself to more rejection since he's giving you excuses why he's no longer available. Be patient and keep it friendly things could heat up again. Maybe this is exactly what YOU NEED, a little rejection to heat you up, give you a challenge, something to battle it out for to develop a stronger bond with your Cap, making it easy doesn't work out well for you when it comes to matters of the heart.

Mars in a womans?? chart gives an indication of what qualities she is looking for in a partner. With Mars in Aries she is looking for a real man. She wants someone she go forward with, someone she can battle with, someone she can have make up sex with, someone she can run with, someone who can fix stuff. She doesn't want anyone who will make her life too easy, she wants someone who will make her feel alive and energetic and physical. She wants someone she can discover stuff with, someone she can go on adventures with. She isn't that interested in sensitive new age guys, poetry or the fluff and bubble of romance. She won't be seduced by your etchings, she will, however, be seduced by your muscles??_and what you can do with them??_

The ONLY reason I gave this guy another chance is because he was completely honest from the get-go and he is very sincere. If I thought he was being fickle or just assuming now we had a deep relationship just because he's back, I would not be here now. I have to decide if he is who I want. That will take me a lot of time and thought. By continuing to date other people, I am not getting consumed in this relationship. It is self protection. Until I figure out whether he is staying or leaving again, I am afraid I won't be as open to him. He understands this. We have talked. I just hope I don't take too long and he finds someone else. But if so, then it wasn't meant to be. But we did have a relationship, not just a few dates.

Just saying from my Cap prospective. Could be how your Cap feeling. Not sure.

Tiki..I am floored by your last post. That is exactly what I want, I translate it non astrologically as having a strong personality and needing someone with a stronger one, but this is so true and now a touch scary because I don't want to be that woman who is constantly searching for a challenge..I am guessing this guy is my match and giving me the run for my money, but I do hope he gives me an honest chance..

Truecap..I have done that in the past (dated other men) to keep my emotions at bay regarding another in particular but honestly I felt sick to my stomach going out with someone else and I don't see myself dating someone else until I've gotten this resolved..I'm thinking another month should be it, it would have been 3 months since "my revelation" and his "plight" lol.

Cowpuncher..I agree, work for him is number 1 and I understand..however after my "revelation" and account deletions he was also moving businesses and homes and I offered at the time to cook, clean and mow the lawn (jk) with good intentions, he wanted none of it, and I cannot offer any such thing at this time because we are not communicating enough for me to assume that he would want me to do personal things for him..again I've expressed to him that I am very interested and I am only getting .. "hold that thought" so I cannot go stalking him no matter how helpful I'm trying to be..I had even gotten him a gift out of the blue just because he said he needed something in passing and he didn't even recall what it was until he saw it..maybe I just gave too much too quickly..

Saroph you sound like a really interesting person, possibly why your Cap stuck it out the first and second time he was rejected.

I agree with you about the gift giving and cooking, that would come off really desperate if you 2 aren't really communicating.

He's not gone for good if he initiated the text about not forgetting about you well there may be another opportunity to connect again.

Maybe there is a lesson in this situation somewhere such as being less impulsive when it comes to rejecting a man, give him a chance because not every man is going to light your fire quickly and you really could be potentially passing up a good thing by thinking because there is a lack of chemistry/attraction initially upon the first few dates that you should give up and reject a man, give a man a chance to demonstrate to you who he is because once this guy actually did show you he could be a loyal good man it was kinda to late to repair things and move forward, sounds like he got skeptical, his attraction changed and backed out.

I wouldn't encourage you to wait for him, it's probably in your best interest to start dating again, cultivate some new interest and hobbies to take your mind off of this man. Whatever you don't show signs of impatience and desperation, don't push him to communicate, don't scold him as if your happiness depends on him and what he's doing or not doing with you especially if you want another chance at this.

meant to say...Whatever you do don't show signs of impatience

Tiki, thank you for the compliment (I'll take it as such :-), at the risk of sounding narcissistic (every narcissist deep down has self esteem issues) I can hold most single men's attention until I figure out whether or not I'm interested in them, I'm also into the business of getting into people's heads, lol!. With that said I know that I want a chance with him because of how sweet and attentive he was towards me initially..it was not a challenge when I realized that I want him, it is not a challenge now, it's more like a wish and a prayer.

If I get on that website again he will see me there and either assume that I moved on or that I'm trying to get him jealous, both are deadly for me right now. I have a full life but I need male attention and nothing can replace that. I have resolved not to text him first until he asks me out again..with Valentine coming up I feel the Jupiter wrath stirring within lol! I have all these deadlines in my head and when they are not met it triggers my rebellious nature and the ensuing matching (non-poisonous) texts. I have resolved not to send out any of these as well..I do not work or live in an environment conducive for meeting people naturally and damned if I'll get on a dating site again before I figure this out...how long do you think I should wait? A month before I send him a hello, hope you're doing well? I wish I was a Scorpio dammit! I would've known what to do..

or a cappy 😉

I have no doubt you can hold his interest LOL, he stuck around after being rejected which means he's not a wimp. You'll probably email him way before this month is up but if you can hang tight for about 4 to 8 weeks that should put enough time and distance which should give you a chance to rekindle things if your both are still available. If I were you I wouldn't bet on hearing from him on Valentines so go out, have fun, and you don't have to date anyone else seriously but if you don't keep busy you'll grow impatient and fussy which is never a good thing, especially if you express that energy out onto him.

This is very delicate and many women FAIL when it's this delicate, she'll push and grow impatient, say the wrong things in an angry I'm not happy tone and POOF it's done (over for him), just keep in mind if you express the wrong energy for example impatience, desperation as in I need you to make me happy type of energy, unhappy with him energy well this will never get off the ground so it's important you find something you ENJOY and focus on that, I know you don't want to date anyone else but it wouldn't hurt to get out there and have some fun just to remind yourself you're okay without him although you do want him you'll be just fine if things don't work out, it's good to remember he's not the only guy on the planet that will make you feel loved, important and happy, it's good to be in that kind of headspace as to not grow desperate over the lack of communication between the both of you which could inevitably force you to express the wrong energy and kill any all possibility to rekindle things again.

Caps hate pushy and hate being told how they should behave/act, if you can steer clear of that kind of energy then maybe things will pick up for you again, there is no guarantee that it will, he expressed he's still around so that's really all you have to go on right now.

Roger that! I am going to re-read "he's just not that into you" for reinforcement 😉 thank you and everyone else for taking the time to educate and advise :-)

Tiki, you give good advice.

Ok, I just got a really evil idea..what if tomorrow afternoon I text him "thank you :-)" and when his "?" appears act completely clueless and apologetic and say "sorry, I thought you sent me these beautiful flowers since I'm not talking to anyone else at this time..." Lol! Horrible..your thoughts? Might give him a little nudge in the right direction..or at least make him think..

Ok, I just got a really evil idea..what if tomorrow afternoon I text him "thank you :-)" and when his "?" appears act completely clueless and apologetic and say "sorry, I thought you sent me these beautiful flowers since I'm not talking to anyone else at this time..." Lol! Horrible..your thoughts? Might give him a little nudge in the right direction..or at least make him think..

He's going to think you have admirers and Caps are usually not for competition so it will push him further away probably.

Uh! I know..I know..the voices of reason and integrity dictate..

Uh! I know..I know..the voices of reason and integrity dictate..

Posted by AeGiCap

Posted by saroph
Ok, I just got a really evil idea..what if tomorrow afternoon I text him "thank you :-)" and when his "?" appears act completely clueless and apologetic and say "sorry, I thought you sent me these beautiful flowers since I'm not talking to anyone else at this time..." Lol! Horrible..your thoughts? Might give him a little nudge in the right direction..or at least make him think..

or it may give him a nudge in the wrong direction and your put on ice indefinitely as he believes you've got other prospects lining up. If he found out down the road you played him...pffft you won't have any doubt left in your mind where you stand with that Capricorn.

stay above board with your Cap saroph, you don't need the manipulative bs.

click to expand

+1

I agree with AeGiCap....Don't do it, Cap will see through the desperation you are displaying and you'll just confirm that he's doing the right thing by not taking you on....drama and manipulation won't work, resulting in him being turned off.

Find something to do instead of sitting around thinking about ways to get him to communicate. Do you see your extremes, one day you're rejecting him the next you're completely smitten'd and possibly in love, those extremes are kind of scary/creepy to Caps, a fire sign probably would welcome the drama but a Goat, oh hell no.

hey

i didn't read all the posts here, but what I have read about your descriptions of your relationship relate so strongly to what i'm dealing with.

totally in love with a cap man.
wasn't 100% into him at first, didnt think he was typically what i liked but he was so very into me so i gave it a shot and saw that holy shit, he is amazing.
problem is, he lives across the country so this adds extra tesion
however, like you
he would text a bunch at first
and then it basically faded off into nothing
and every now and then he sends me a message which shows me in a way that he still cares and thinks about me
but who knows, hes so distant (physically lol and mentally) and doesn't really talk about how he feels or doesnt put importance on that kind of conversation.

also he is super big on work (he is a skateboarder, but still, work comes first i know that)
and in the short time we spent together before he left i made it apparent that i was an understanding person so..

but i think patience is a big thing for us, because what ive read about caps is that once they find love they stick to it.
might just take a bit of time till it works itself out.

Tiki..right as usual..

Chance 11..somehow I am on the defensive here which is fine and I do need to hear some harsh objective opinions to wake up and smell the rejection.. However .. the drama is still contained within my brain. I can sit here and tell you 101 things he said or did to make me feel wanted until I showed interest in him but that again is past and subjective.. I am very capable of moving on..I just don't want to because I feel I have found something rare. Again I am not trying to "get the guy who doesn't want me" because if I felt he didn't I wouldn't want him either..nothing turns me off as lack of attention/affection but I know he is very capable of giving both I would just hate to miss out on a guy like that... I gave him two or three opportunities in the past two months to let me know he is no longer interested (nicely) however he did not take them and chose to tell me "if I didn't want to date you I would tell you so". I can forget him in 3 days if I wanted to .. but if I did then I would have to forget him forever and I'm not so keen on making that choice, unfortunately...I will take figurative valium for the next several weeks and if he doesn't call I will have no choice but to move on. I think it will be painful. I don't think you can love someone so quickly so I don't believe I will be scarred for life or anything... I wouldn't have pulled that trick I was talking about anyway..

Laurathealian..does distance make the heart grow fonder? out of sight out of mind? I don't know, I just feel that I may have indeed missed my chance with him and as someone said in another post, "love" shouldn't be that complicated..sun signs, moon signs, side of the bed you wake up on..it really shouldn't..k now I'm getting all depressed about it..lol 😉 I still believe in fate, destiny and even luck dammit!

"I still believe in fate, destiny and even luck dammit!" Spoken as a true Sag! Hold on to your optimism, Saroph...it's priceless.

SG..I will :-)

Cowpuncher..I won't

Capmusic ... ? 😉 I think we're having a communication problem

SG..I will :-)

Cowpuncher..I won't

Capmusic ... ? 😉 I think we're having a communication problem

If I was toying with him, I wouldn't have told him when I had doubts about him. I don't lie and I feel suffocated if I do in a relationship, (The valentine's evil idea was all bark and no bite, I would not do that) I admired the way he handled it and I felt safe. Now I want to give and get a real shot. Yes, I know it's my third chance and I understand by now what that means to a cap. But if it was something you feel is worth it, wouldn't you try?

He just texted me "happy valentines xoxo", whatever that means, it's 7 am and I hope it's not a mass text, I replied with same, hope to hear from him again before St. Patrick's day. Wish me good luck capmusic, even if you don't think I deserve it, do something different today. Have a good one.

..He/She said begrudgingly 😉 Thank you Capmusic :-) I admit being impulsive with my emotions and actions but I was never irresponsible with his..as Tiki said, lesson learned not to be too quick to make a decision in the first stages of dating if it's someone you like but are not head over heels for initially...

Posted by saroph
If I was toying with him, I wouldn't have told him when I had doubts about him. I don't lie and I feel suffocated if I do in a relationship, (The valentine's evil idea was all bark and no bite, I would not do that) I admired the way he handled it and I felt safe. Now I want to give and get a real shot. Yes, I know it's my third chance and I understand by now what that means to a cap. But if it was something you feel is worth it, wouldn't you try?

He just texted me "happy valentines xoxo", whatever that means, it's 7 am and I hope it's not a mass text, I replied with same, hope to hear from him again before St. Patrick's day. Wish me good luck capmusic, even if you don't think I deserve it, do something different today. Have a good one.

He texted on Valentines well he isn't quite gone for good Saroph, he's still reaching out to you but as I said you are in a really hard delicate space, one wrong move again could potentially destroy any and all possibility so take deep breaths and be patient, remember when I said something along the lines of him not contacting you on V Day well I was wrong he actually reached out to you on V Day which means the potential is there for something to happen again but even when/if he comes back around you gotta be cool, too many emotional displays of I like you, I want us to be together, you're mine will send him running for the hills, Cap males are hard to crack open, when I say patience, I mean turtle slow, really really really slow and that may or may not bode over well for you.

I think he felt safe being around you when you weren't interested, you didn't want anything nor expect anything from him so he felt safe to continue on being friends with you but as usual when the woman expresses interest he makes up a lame but valid excuse why he can't be present in your life on a regular basis anymore. Questionable actions on his part.

I wish I could guarantee you he's coming back but I can't, I really feel you should stop focusing on him because doing that will only drive you mad and push you to say something that will send him running for the hills. So is there anyone else you can hang out with and have fun with? Pull out your black book and go out on a few friendly dates, hang out with your friends, do something fun just to keep you feeling balanced inside instead of anxious, down on yourself and over thinking/over analyzing this to death.

I know you don't want to date anyone seriously but I'm sure you have a few guy friends that you're friendly with that you can hang out with. You don't want to fixate and obsess over this or your bound to lose your cool and push out all of your anxiety onto him, if you absolutely cannot date anyone else, do something that gets your adrenalin pumping, kick boxing, rock climbing, jog a few miles, keep busy! Do something that will kill the impatience, fear and anxiety.

Posted by saroph
..He/She said begrudgingly 😉 Thank you Capmusic :-) I admit being impulsive with my emotions and actions but I was never irresponsible with his..as Tiki said, lesson learned not to be too quick to make a decision in the first stages of dating if it's someone you like but are not head over heels for initially...

Yep, try not to be so impulsive, if the guy is decent as in has his life together, attractive and the chemistry/attraction isn't present, give it time, this isn't a Disney Land movie were the chemistry and attraction is present immediately, sometimes things take time to heat up, so many women reject men because the feeling isn't intense nor present in the first few dates yet fail to realize this is real life, it takes time to get to know a person, this isn't fast food were you immediately get what you want in a matter of seconds/hours/days, next time set a limit on how many dates you'll have before verbally rejecting a guy.

Good advice Tiki...you are kind and well balanced..I ordered the brazilian butt lift lol! I'll be working on that 😉 I know it may sound weird but I feel that going out with other men would be like cheating...myself, first and foremost...hard delicate space...brrrr....fingers crossed..

Oh Saroph you are not cheating, a man know if he snooze he lose, he know if he don't claim you he risk losing you to a better man, he know if he doesn't make a move then the risk of losing you (a good woman) is high, so you see it's not about him, it's about you, you have to take care of you and live your life like he was never in your life, never wait on a man. Dating is not cheating, there is no ring on your finger, if you don't get out there and date and have fun then you are OVER INVESTING in this man emotionally, waiting on him to figure it out, that can only lead to you feeling desperate inside and you'll most likely end up feeling hurt and disappointed over his behavior. DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF, it's not necessary.

IMHO The work excuse although a valid excuse is just an excuse, he's not ready, he doesn't want to be with you, being on hold is not fair and you shouldn't do that to yourself. Get on with your life and let him catch up with you and if you're available maybe you'll take him on again or maybe you won't, that's how A NON DESPERATE WOMAN BEHAVES AND THINKS when it comes to dating men.

Brazil butt lift sounds fun! And a few friendly interactions with other men won't hurt either, it'll keep you feeling good about yourself, you won't feel like you are putting your life on hold waiting for him to stop stalling.

Would it kill him to talk about what he wants/expects at this point? Honestly..would it kill A CAP MAN because that is the special population in question here.. I know he tests people and I know that caps usually test people, even capgirl (I think?) is testing the man she was interested in and was let down by at one point.. I understand your point, I should be doing for myself what I do normally and not try to be psychic and figure out what he would like for me to do. and if indeed we are meant to be together then he will accept the choices I make throughout this shady gray interaction we're having... I will need extra figurative valium for this one and I will give it an honest thought. I would like some male presence in my life, it's normal to want that, maybe I'm afraid of letting him go in my head..(already know the answer, if he goes he goes) just thinking too much.. I promise to do something to take my mind off of him..

Be patient Saroph, stay busy, use us the Cap board to stay sane and then come back here and give us the juicy details when he comes back into your life LOL, yep I'm nosey LOL but seriously you can email me and you can use the boards when you feel tested to reach out to him, instead use this place to prevent making any further errors.