lildol
@lildol
16 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 334 · Posts: 8771 · Topics: 323
Parents...
My Aries son would have twisted it around to where it was in MY benefit that he didn't go to school.
Such as: "I know you work a lot and don't have time to do this, so I took the day off and look at what all I did so you can relax Saturday and not have to worry about it". lol!
Such as: "I know you work a lot and don't have time to do this, so I took the day off and look at what all I did so you can relax Saturday and not have to worry about it". lol!
Yes, I would have addressed Virgo right then and there in front of God and everybody!
To approach your man (Virgo) at that precise moment, when your fury is high is irresponsible, considering as an adult, you should enough self awareness to realize that a fight would ensue, in which case, no point will ever be realized because of being in defense mode.
I'm not suggesting ignoring the issue, rather, be an adult in front of the child .. and practice constraint. Afterall, you are the childs teacher, and it's not just honesty you're trying to teach him. He is also going to learn maturity from you, and if you fly off the handle because of trying to make the point of NOT speaking without thinking .... then the only thing you accomplish is showing him you're a hypocrite.
Just because you have adverse emotions about what the Virgo did ... doesn't mean you are allowed to go against the very principals you trying to teach him.
I would have told the Virgo to go wait in the bedroom, letting him know you are serious ... and then talk to the boy about his honesty, and praising him for it, AND tell him that what the Virgo said was wrong, and that you will have a talk with the Virgo about it right now.
Then go behind closed doors of your bedroom and tell the Virgo he was wrong, state why he was wrong and then leave the bedroom while conveying to him that when he comes to his sense, you will be with your son.
Go with son and do whatever ... make dinner, play a game, whatever ... and await for Virgo to come.
If you have to tell a person to take out the trash, that doesn't make them responsible for their own actions, it just makes them an obeyer.
The goal is for the Virgo to hold himself accountible and come to you and son with a sincere apology .. not one forced out by you, which wouldn't be sincere, rather, just pacifying you.
You want to teach your child the right way to handle situations, lildol .. and flying off the handle during issues isn't the right way because that teaches them to react before thinking.
I'm not suggesting ignoring the issue, rather, be an adult in front of the child .. and practice constraint. Afterall, you are the childs teacher, and it's not just honesty you're trying to teach him. He is also going to learn maturity from you, and if you fly off the handle because of trying to make the point of NOT speaking without thinking .... then the only thing you accomplish is showing him you're a hypocrite.
Just because you have adverse emotions about what the Virgo did ... doesn't mean you are allowed to go against the very principals you trying to teach him.
I would have told the Virgo to go wait in the bedroom, letting him know you are serious ... and then talk to the boy about his honesty, and praising him for it, AND tell him that what the Virgo said was wrong, and that you will have a talk with the Virgo about it right now.
Then go behind closed doors of your bedroom and tell the Virgo he was wrong, state why he was wrong and then leave the bedroom while conveying to him that when he comes to his sense, you will be with your son.
Go with son and do whatever ... make dinner, play a game, whatever ... and await for Virgo to come.
If you have to tell a person to take out the trash, that doesn't make them responsible for their own actions, it just makes them an obeyer.
The goal is for the Virgo to hold himself accountible and come to you and son with a sincere apology .. not one forced out by you, which wouldn't be sincere, rather, just pacifying you.
You want to teach your child the right way to handle situations, lildol .. and flying off the handle during issues isn't the right way because that teaches them to react before thinking.
Thanks for your input (especially P)! The Virgo is an adult, and not his step dad nor my boyfriend (there is a little history there - but, goes back a ways). The Virgo does live with (off) us/me (my fault completely as I have been trying to help him get ahead - I'm a martyr TBH *hangs head*).
My son will be 19, so he could have very well told me to MYOB, but he's not like that, he's pretty honest with me and he knew I wouldn't go off - I reiterated to him that if he misses too many days it will not matter how many credits he has, he will not graduate (this is now 3 days in the first 3 weeks of school mind you). As a side note, my son won't talk to me about school - he says if I praise him it will dissuade him. I realize that is a cop-out, but I let it slide, I think the truth of the matter is that he is concerned he will disappoint me if I'm privy to what his plans are and he is not able to live up to his own expectations. I suppose it's along the lines of if we don't acknowledge it/verbalize it then we can't not succeed regardless of the outcome (after all, "never said I was going to _____")...
I was HIGHLY offended with regards to the Virgo advocating my son lie to me. And I told him such, in front of my son. He back peddled rather quickly saying he already knew my son hadn't gone to school and that it wasn't his place to tell me (uh, ok, but why basically tell my son he should of/could of lied? And then admit that you wouldn't have told me?) THEN, after I express my discontent with him telling my son he should have lied, he tells my son that he did the right thing. He then proceeds to tell me that I'm a bad parent, stupid, a simpleton and I must have come from a messed up family. WTF? I did my best not to engage, told him to keep his voice down and just go in the other room. My son went to bed and I went outside to get away from the berating. Wouldn't you know it, he followed to continue attacking my character... right below my sons bedroom.
My son will be 19, so he could have very well told me to MYOB, but he's not like that, he's pretty honest with me and he knew I wouldn't go off - I reiterated to him that if he misses too many days it will not matter how many credits he has, he will not graduate (this is now 3 days in the first 3 weeks of school mind you). As a side note, my son won't talk to me about school - he says if I praise him it will dissuade him. I realize that is a cop-out, but I let it slide, I think the truth of the matter is that he is concerned he will disappoint me if I'm privy to what his plans are and he is not able to live up to his own expectations. I suppose it's along the lines of if we don't acknowledge it/verbalize it then we can't not succeed regardless of the outcome (after all, "never said I was going to _____")...
I was HIGHLY offended with regards to the Virgo advocating my son lie to me. And I told him such, in front of my son. He back peddled rather quickly saying he already knew my son hadn't gone to school and that it wasn't his place to tell me (uh, ok, but why basically tell my son he should of/could of lied? And then admit that you wouldn't have told me?) THEN, after I express my discontent with him telling my son he should have lied, he tells my son that he did the right thing. He then proceeds to tell me that I'm a bad parent, stupid, a simpleton and I must have come from a messed up family. WTF? I did my best not to engage, told him to keep his voice down and just go in the other room. My son went to bed and I went outside to get away from the berating. Wouldn't you know it, he followed to continue attacking my character... right below my sons bedroom.
If I were perfect, I'd have talked to the virgo privately at a later time to reprimand and punish, immediately thank the libra for the honesty then swiftly reprimand and fairly punish for the game of hookie.
however... i am not perfect. so i'd have done something somewhere between what R24 first posted and what i'd hope to have done. lol!
P-Angel... striking again with the sage advice.
however... i am not perfect. so i'd have done something somewhere between what R24 first posted and what i'd hope to have done. lol!
P-Angel... striking again with the sage advice.
Somedays it feels like it... when I brought up $ 600 I loaned him last week, he said he doesn't owe me anything!! But, he owes a lot more than that as it is and I'm ashamed that I even allowed it to happen - I was trying to help him get his business off the ground, problem is, he can't run a business; not only is he not in the least bit money savvy, but he lies (well, he would say just twisted the facts or didn't tell the whole truth) to his clients - he makes a living out of lying. One of his clients calls me and always asks what's going on, it's embarrassing. He is very manipulative and akin to a used car salesman. I don't even want to say to what extent I've gone to help this guy get ahead or the money I've invested. Let's just say I went over and above what most would do and am btwn a rock and a hard place as a result. He's supposed to be getting a lawsuit settlement (I see all the paperwork and do all the faxing and emailing the lawyers, so I do know he's not just blowing smoke up my ass about that), and I just feel I need to try to keep the peace until he settles with me.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
Despite being a capricorn why do I come across to people as such a day dreamer? My chart; Sun: Capricorn Risin
I have found one in his natural setting - a prosecutor - and boy is he the epitome of a Cap man. We know each other prof
But why? What purpose does silence offer when something bothers you? The slightest little thing can bring up this wall o
Anyone care to share some tips on how to get a capricorn man to open up and talk about his feelings? I can sense the
I met my Capricorn on a training session at work in December last year. He chased me via email before we exchanged numbe
I pride myself on maintaining myself emotionally... sure, life dishes out shit but I tend to react very stoic, strong an
I know this could get a little dirty but I want t know if I'm the only one.... Capricorn women and men: How do you ge
Long story short, I'm seeing an aqua,we dated when I was just getting bfs.12 or 13 yes ago.fastforward to now. My rel
You know those moods we caps get into where we just need to be alone... What's the longest its ever lasted for you fello
Heres my situation..Im asking this on the Cap forum so I may gain some much needed insight into this intriguing but comp
Situation: My Libra son comes in and I say to him "I got a msg from school, did you skip out of 6 & 7th period?"
Him: Actually mom, I didn't go to school at all today (gotta admire the honesty)
(he did mow the lawn though, ha ha, sly little fuck)
Me: I thought I heard you this morning...
Him: Yeah, I got up and took a shower, but my stomach was bothering me (there's more detail, but we'll leave it at that)
Virgo overhears and steps in...
Virgo to MY son: You DIDN'T have to tell your mother THAT! Why did you tell her you didn't go to school? You could have just said you were in the bathroom for those periods.
................
We'll leave my reaction a mystery... how would you respond/think/feel?