Please give me your wisdom on my cap man!

Been doing a lot of reading on this board and I'm truly amazed at what insight you all have about the cap man. I am hoping someone can help me....was in a marriage for almost 18 years, him for about 15 years. Both of us have been divorced for about 1.5 years. He is 4 years older than me and we knew each other as teenagers, we reconnected on a dating site. We have been exclusive (dating only each other, sex only with each other. We are exclusive) oh and I left out a big fact that I am a Gemini. I agree with all said that this man is the most hard to understand person I have ever been with. He has walls built up and there very hard to tear down, here's my dilemma....we said I love you about 2 months into our relationship, then he later tells me he shouldn't have said that, he got caught up in a moment (not sex) and it was wrong. Hurt to hear but when I was real with myself I realized that I spoke to soon as well and I let him know that. He is very sweet, has a protective side like when dealing with my ex he will say you just need to tell him y'all have nothing to talk about and not to call you again, another example before we reconnected ex stated he was going to come replace some outlets in the house I'm in (he's remarried) and when I had a problem with a switch I mentioned that he was like "I can do that no problem, you do t have to call him" he is never secretive about me it's common knowledge that we are dating with his friends, ex and family. I have met his parents 2-3 times, he tooke to me his grandparents and biological dads family over Christmas, he calls me everyday and texts back USUALLY always but sometimes he doesn't. We have GREAT sex together when we finally did problem with that after 3-4 times I told him I didn't like the fact he never stayed the night after sex. That I didn't want to feel like a booty call, probably shouldn't have worded it like that but I did. He lives at home due to divorce I have a home. He has stuck by me dealing with a VERY difficult 17 year old daughter, he's shown he will stand by me in crisis situations. Downside retreats after great passionate sex saying mistake that it should be equated with love, had relationship with his kids at 1st till his ex stopped that said he's "not going to war" with his ex until he can go to next level (L word) which he can't now. All this back and forth sex no sex I love you then mistake is so confusing to me. Please help me understand what is going on in his brain. I have never had

a man confuse me like he does. I can pretty much read people well. He makes me feel insecure when I am NOT a insecure person. He keeps saying he wants to wait until he can say I LOVE YOU to me to have sex again but we end up doing it (rarely) since I said that to him about a booty call but then he always says that it was a mistake, and he wants to wait (yeah right). BUT with all that said, I am in love with the boy I really am, and he knows it. I just told him he was worth the wait, and when he was ready I was here. My Gemini side wants answers NOW, I want to dictate the relationship, I want it to go in my time. But this Cap man will have none of that. Please give me some advice from the outside looking in what you think or see. What can I do to improve my relationship? What can I do to make him feel more secure so he will let down his wall?Cap men, do you think he is thinking next level with me? Is he possible hiding the fact he just might love little ole me lol? Thanks for all insight, you guys are just awesome!!


GemJenn

The paragraph has been utilised in conjunction with written word as an organisational mechanism for millenia, in spite of the fact that it was not until 1525 this particular word was used to describe it. The preservation and utilisation of this traditional writing style would be much appreciated. (It will also vastly increase your probability of receiving helpful comments.)



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1: a subdivision of a written composition that consists of one or more sentences, deals with one point or gives the words of one speaker, and begins on a new usually indented line b : a short composition or note that is complete in one paragraph.

Origin:

Middle English paragraf marginal sign marking a paragraph, from Anglo-French parogref, from Medieval Latin paragraphus, from Greek paragraphos line used to mark change of persons in a dialogue, from paragraphein to write alongside, from para- + graphein to write

First Known Use: 1525

*the written word

Caps are serious and cautious lovers. Obviously he likes you a lot. Caps don't waste there time unless its important to them. There is something missing from you that he needs to fully commit to the relationship. Chances are he will not tell you straight out. Watch out for the smallest comments or criticism. It might be something you think is little but means a great deal to him. He will repeat it often.

Sometimes a stupid brick at the bottom holds up a whole castle.

Thank you, BTW you have great advice on the other topics I have read. We have been exclusive as long as we have been dating, we had sex about 2 months into relationship. I guess my question is this and sorry if I wasnt clear. Why does he want to be intimate, then pulls back next day and says mistake ONLY since I told him how I felt about staying over. Now he stays over and sometimes we have sex in which he always says we should have waited and I am left feeling insecure. Also his whole saying he loves me then saying he got ahead of himself. He told me when/if he says it again he WILL mean it and he was sorry. Sweet Sweet guy but confusing as hell! Does this guy want to take it to next level? Hes opening up a bit more we had a talk a couple of days ago about how I am wired different, I like to hear his feelings etc...I did text him today in a joking manner and said "I thought about you 2.5 times today, just saying" he responds "Good to know, Yeah might have thought about you a little lol"

This guy is not a typical guy and I say that in a good way, your insight is much appreciated!

BTW, I try to show him I care instead of saying so much which we Gemini's tend to do, like burning him a CD and telling him that most of music is just stuff he likes, but a couple of the songs have meaning to me regarding our relationship, I just dont tell him which ones, I am trying to remain mysterious but on the inside I am dying to break his walls down and be there when he does finally fall in love.....

Sure:

GREAT ADVICE, thank you so much and I think I know what that brick is......Great way of explaining

Stoic: Great advice as well, I usually do better than that, but was typing and thinking to fast I guess lol. My apology

Metoo,

Thank you for your advice. It's good advice and I will reign it in, he does text, I defiantly do more of that and he calls more than I do basically initiates 90% of our calls. Thanks for your insight of what I can do better. He's a very worthy man of any wait I have to put in! There's truly something special about him and I will try to look at things different to make his life easier just need an outside perspective into this complicated male.....

Posted by Metoo
Ok, just to be honest, your being clingy.
Any pulling back by a cap male is fairly serious.

He is weighing things heavily.
He needs to feel in charge.
You cant bait him into the L word, or to move quicker or to take walls.down, open up, move forward.

No matter how much you want to control...you CANT. Many.cap men are sterm serious people as far as career & family.

He feels your strong pull to advance quicker & if he knows u love him he will pull back stronger & weigh things heavier as he is uncertain of u & will not want to be seen as an asshole.

Mirror him, dial down, start making your own plans & keeping busy. Dont update him on all the details & especially do not text & let him know u thought of him. He will reciprocate out of obligation, but he doesnt want to text or he would have initiated.

Slow down, let him set the pace. Relax and work on you & having balance and if he comes back stronger, dont play any games, but dont come on strong back.

They seem to thrive in the dance, a little chase, then retreat & think. Let him think. This is a man who has alot going on. Try and consider being a grown man having to live with parents, deal with an ex, a career....he.doesnt need complications.

+1

I've noticed that this is a running them with many of the Cap male relationship issues discussed on this board. A lot of women want (fill in the blank) right now with these guys and it just isn't going to happen. Unless you have the patience of a saint and can be happy with yourself until your Cap is ready to do whatever it is you need or want from him then he will continue to lay low and keep you stressed out trying to figure his next move. They do not process anything or anyone right away. Hell, they don't even fully do that after years of knowing or being involved with someone. There is no set pattern as to when a Cap man will make his move(s) it is only when he does that you will see it was worth the wait if you are the one he wants because when a Cap man is sure and decided he is standing firm without any confusion or miscommunication on his part or yours.

Pidelight,

Thank you for your observations, I appreciate your help, sound advice.

He obviously likes you and feels something. He has not disappeared on you, he's just pulled back. That is okay. Caps need to pull back occasionally. It's usually when things are moving faster than what we are comfortable with. Caps go into analysis mode and we evaluate to determine to see what this relationship is, where it is going, how do we feel about you, do we want to move forward, do I need to learn more about their character, I know her now and am I willing to accept flaws and all, etc. etc. etc. Honestly, I am still doing the evaluation occasionally on my guy - and we've been together a year. Doesn't mean I don't love him, just asking myself if he is "the one". I have pretty much determined yes, he is.

Other times, we pull back because we've made ourselves vulnerable and we have to regroup.

I was once impatient over Mr Aqua and when I let go of the impatience and wanting to control, things began to get better and better. We women have to let the man take charge in setting the pace. Remember, a cap is all about control, you're not going to take that away from him and he won't be pushed.

Just notice the actions - that will tell you everything you need to know. And appreciate what he does, it's important. And it's okay to toss a little reassurance along the way.

For what it's worth, I think he's thinking futuristically based on his actions. And STOP DEPENDING ON YOUR EX!!!!!! Let the cap take care of you!!!!!

Posted by GemJenn
Pidelight,

Thank you for your observations, I appreciate your help, sound advice.

You are very welcome GemJenn. Don't let it get you down either. You sound like you have a really good shot at something lasting with your Cap but he needs to lead things going forward. That doesn't mean you have no input or that what you want isn't important. I'm sure to him it is. He's just in process mode and when they go there all you can do is get on with your life and let them get back to you. The minute you push they resist. Remember...goats (even Seagoats as is the Cap man)can be very very stubborn. Wishing you all the best.

Posted by truecap
He obviously likes you and feels something. He has not disappeared on you, he's just pulled back. That is okay. Caps need to pull back occasionally. It's usually when things are moving faster than what we are comfortable with. Caps go into analysis mode and we evaluate to determine to see what this relationship is, where it is going, how do we feel about you, do we want to move forward, do I need to learn more about their character, I know her now and am I willing to accept flaws and all, etc. etc. etc. Honestly, I am still doing the evaluation occasionally on my guy - and we've been together a year. Doesn't mean I don't love him, just asking myself if he is "the one". I have pretty much determined yes, he is.

Other times, we pull back because we've made ourselves vulnerable and we have to regroup.

I was once impatient over Mr Aqua and when I let go of the impatience and wanting to control, things began to get better and better. We women have to let the man take charge in setting the pace. Remember, a cap is all about control, you're not going to take that away from him and he won't be pushed.

Just notice the actions - that will tell you everything you need to know. And appreciate what he does, it's important. And it's okay to toss a little reassurance along the way.

For what it's worth, I think he's thinking futuristically based on his actions. And STOP DEPENDING ON YOUR EX!!!!!! Let the cap take care of you!!!!!

Amen TrueCap! You stated it perfectly.

Posted by Pidelight

Posted by GemJenn
Pidelight,

Thank you for your observations, I appreciate your help, sound advice.

You are very welcome GemJenn. Don't let it get you down either. You sound like you have a really good shot at something lasting with your Cap but he needs to lead things going forward. That doesn't mean you have no input or that what you want isn't important. I'm sure to him it is. He's just in process mode and when they go there all you can do is get on with your life and let them get back to you. The minute you push they resist. Remember...goats (even Seagoats as is the Cap man)can be very very stubborn. Wishing you all the best.

click to expand

I think you've got us figured out Pidelight! 🙂

Thanks Trucap and Pidelight,

Y'all are very wise, thank you for the reassurance and the direction, it makes me feel so much better. I have made many plans this week with my friends, he has his kids this weekend and I'm going to focus on myself. I feel very blessed to have met this Cap. Such a gentle and honest soul. He's good to me and most importantly he is good to my kiddo and his and that makes him hella sexy in my book! Thanks again, you guys are awesome!

Posted by truecap

Posted by Pidelight

Posted by GemJenn
Pidelight,

Thank you for your observations, I appreciate your help, sound advice.

You are very welcome GemJenn. Don't let it get you down either. You sound like you have a really good shot at something lasting with your Cap but he needs to lead things going forward. That doesn't mean you have no input or that what you want isn't important. I'm sure to him it is. He's just in process mode and when they go there all you can do is get on with your life and let them get back to you. The minute you push they resist. Remember...goats (even Seagoats as is the Cap man)can be very very stubborn. Wishing you all the best.

I think you've got us figured out Pidelight! 🙂

click to expand

Not quite but I try! LOL Actually, it has taken me many years of just allowing my Cap to be and focus on myself and let him become ready for me and us in his own time. It took patience I didn't even know I had. My Cap did some stuff in the past that would make hair curl but in the end he got it together and when he was ready he fought for us (and trust I did not make it easy for him either) and now we are in a really good place and happy to just be with someone who loves us unconditionally. My other great Cap love was my Nana but she's gone now. When it comes to us water signs especially, you all have us under your spell.

Posted by GemJenn
Thanks Trucap and Pidelight,

Y'all are very wise, thank you for the reassurance and the direction, it makes me feel so much better. I have made many plans this week with my friends, he has his kids this weekend and I'm going to focus on myself. I feel very blessed to have met this Cap. Such a gentle and honest soul. He's good to me and most importantly he is good to my kiddo and his and that makes him hella sexy in my book! Thanks again, you guys are awesome!

You sound like you have a good one and yes, when a Cap makes you his/hers there is no other feeling like it in the world because their love and trust is hard earned so it is genuine when it is finely freely given. You both will be fine. Let us know when he stops processing, gets out of his head and springs the ILU.

Pidelight,

Bless your Nana, sounds like she was such an important part of your life!!

Of course I will Pidelight you guys will be a great resource for me cause I'm going to do all I can to slow this down and let him process things. I never want him to feel pressure to say it, when/if he does I want it to be genuine and sure it will be worth the wait. He springs back quick and is already back to himself. I'm not going to go back to my usually Gem self I'm going to be more reserved if it kills me lol. I also agree about the sex part. He had awakened a beast 🙂 but I will push the beast back and wait. But when it all comes together IF it does y'all are going to be able to hear it at your house cause I'm positive that will be worth it!! The sex without love part is confusing to me so great advice to hold off even if I think about it 24/7!!

Calove,

THANK YOU very good advice. I'm so glad I found y'all!!

I have been good there! No texts he's texting he's calling I will respond but not initiate. Very hard for me lol but I'm getting it!! Thanks for the advice! Today is the only day this week we could see each other between sports, work, kids I had a friend as me to go to gym I kinda forgot we had plans and he said I guess I'm not coming over Wed if your going to gym with X, had to say no I want to see you. Kinda thought to myself ok that never happens that I accidentally made plans on same day I would usually have no plans but him so I think I'm getting it!!