Show vs. Tell

I heard that Caps SHOW their love more than TELL u they love u. My Cap used to go all out and buy me expensive gifts in the beginning of our relationship, but then he just stopped. Based on my experience with all my boyfriends (each a different sign), this is pretty standard. (They go all out in beginning, then over time stop trying/doing all the sweet things they did in the beginning).

I know i sound materialistic, but I'm not, I'm just hurt. For example, we had a baby together and this was my 1st Mother's Day. He didn't get me anything, which really hurt. I would have even been happy with him just writing in a card, but he didn't. He got both his mom and grandma a gift and makes good money, so money wasn't an issue.

To top it all off, he lied about the whole situation to his family even though I KNEW he was lying, which i find so weird.

We've had a bumpy road the past 6 months or so but lately things were going well so I'm confused and can't figure him out!? He's always been pretty closed off emotionally, and prefers to show me he loves me rather just actually tell me.

Does this mean he doesn't care about me anymore? How do I bring this up? What can I do to figure out if he even means what he says?

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that it means that he no longer cares. You yourself admit that guys
tend to slack off over time. Only you know your Cap guy, and hopefully you have or can re-establish
communication so that you two can talk to each other.

But, in general, I agree that Caps are more about DOING things for you to show their love for you than
TELLING you. The things they do typically are more UTILITARIAN/PRACTICAL (e.g., changing the oil in your
car, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, etc.) than MUSHY/ROMANTIC. However, I think acknowledging
Mother's Day is just STANDARD so would not fall into the "mushy/romantic" category whatsoever.

I hope this makes sense. 🙂 And I am sorry that your Mother's Day was disappointing! I hope you will do
something really nice for yourself; you deserve it!!

Thanks CapsRule. 🙂 Yes, that makes sense about the utilitarian thing, I never looked at it that way before.

Hmmmm...I'm not sure why he did that and I think it's pretty stupid how he had the nerve to lie about it too. If I were you I would've simply asked why I didn't get anything and if he didn't give a legit reason then I would've told my/his family how inconsiderate he was to me on my FIRST Mother's Day >😢.

Well, he's not used to thinking that way about Mother's Day. You're not HIS mom and he's not accustomed to remembering you on that day. And, you said you have a new baby and he's not used to thinking on behalf of the baby. I think you should give him a break on that. Maybe just tease him a little to drop a hint that it bothered you. You could mention "well, next year baby's gotta get me double since he/she couldn't this year" and laugh and smile about it. Forgive and let that go.

About showing love, well, love isn't shown through materialistic objects. Wouldn't you rather have someone be there and support you and do nice things for you than ignore you and just toss over some earrings? I think men buy things early on because they like you, but once they start to love you they give you so much more with their time and efforts. Try to look at that and you'll be a lot happier.

I don't know about the lying thing. Maybe he realized he messed up and was embarrassed. —

I don't know but I'd be miffed too!

You have a baby together, so I don't know if I'd go so far as to say he doesn't care for you.
But I would mention that it hurt my feelings.

My bf did not get me anything for Mother's Day either, but I'm not his mother nor do we have children together so it did not bother me.

But if it was my first Mother's Day and the baby was HIS? Oh yeah, I'd be pissed! Lol.

Something is not right with this picture. This is a man who used to buy you all this expensive stuff and one that you felt enough about to bear his child and yet he's clueless about getting you a Mother's Day card? On top of this he lied to his family about it? A man in love with you or at the very least respects you IMO would not have made such an obvious misstep whether he is used to you being a new mother or not. For me that would not be enough of an excuse and would give me red flags to pause over.

I agree with you, Pidelight...I definitely saw it as a red flag. He made a comment when buying his mom and grandma their gifts that he hates buying gifts on holidays, yet he still bought them gifts and not me.

Capgirl69 and truecap- I'm hoping u guys are right and he still cares. I'm going to figure out a way to bring it up calmly (since I heard caps just pull back/shut off when someone gets overly emotional.

Thank u all for your opinions. 🙂

Are you still seeing him romantically??

And sometimes men are just clueless. We all know this.

Soooooo, Father's Day? Get him NOTHING.

Thanks Caplove 🙂 And yes, truecap, we are romantically involved. If we weren't, I wouldn't be quite as hurt.