?? to Cap guys...best way to break it off.

I'm a cancer, dating a cap guy for over a year (he had just got divorced when we began dating & we had actually dated before he was married). I have the feeling he is losing interest. He doesn't text every day like he always has and doesn't try and see me more. We both have busy lives with work and I have a teen, so we are limited. But still, seems like he would try a little more; he did in the beginning. We only see each other 2 or 3 times a month. He is a loner and I am too, so it's not a huge deal to not see him a lot. But the daily communication seems to be fading. I don't text him everyday, so I definitely don't over-do it. He claims I can be aloof. May be, but I go into self protection. Can't stand to appear needy or hurt.

I'm a big time idiot in not being able to ask him what he needs/wants from me when we are together. Our time is limited, so don't want to spoil it, plus I'm just scared. So all week I wonder what the deal is (which drives me nuts), and I get really mad at myself for not resolving it for myself.

As a cap guy would you want to be asked in person or a text asking what the deal is? I don't want to put him on the spot; I don't think y'all respond too well to that. Is a text pathetic? Looks like an easy way out for him, if he wants an out, and/or gives him time to think. Actually have done the text thing a few months ago. He dismissed it, saying he was fine with how we were and wasn't looking to move on. Nothing else ever said. Is he just use to me now and being his very cap self or losing interest?? I feel ridiculous not being able to talk with him about it...

I understand how you don't want to —rock the boat?? by confronting him but honestly the only way you are going to know what is up is if you talk it out. There is no other option. You aren't a mind reader and neither is he. Try making it about you so as not to come off as confrontational or laying blame at his feet because this is really your issue not his.

Let him know how you are feeling and, if he genuinely cares about you and your relationship, he will address your concerns not dismiss them so that you again feel comfortable being with him. Caps can get lost in their heads, responsibilities, etc. so before taking his actions personal or as a sign of a lack of interest in you and your relationship tell him how you feel and let him take it from there. JMO

Pidelight, Thx, and you are so right about everything. Do you think it's wrong to text it? Or should I ask to meet so we can talk (he'd hate that with dread), or lower the boom, out of the blue, next time I see him? I know that sounds adoloscent; I dont' know why I have such a hard time talking. I guess part of it is I know he hates doing it.

Yeah, just ask him. If nothing else, it will clear your mind. I know what it's like to not want to really bother someone or push an issue, but if you don't get it off your chest your mind will forever be filled with thoughts of what's he's thinking and what's going on. That constant wonder/worry isn't worth it, and it puts all the control in his hands in a way.

Posted by protector
Pidelight, Thx, and you are so right about everything. Do you think it's wrong to text it? Or should I ask to meet so we can talk (he'd hate that with dread), or lower the boom, out of the blue, next time I see him? I know that sounds adoloscent; I dont' know why I have such a hard time talking. I guess part of it is I know he hates doing it.

If it were me I wouldn't do it in a text. To easy for him to be vague and you to miscontrue what he is saying because you aren't getting the whole package, i.e., eye contact, body language, etc. to go along with the words. You don't even have to make talking to him like some special event (the "we need to talk" prelude) that will probably put him on the defensive just because that's usually an indicator to the other party that some type of confrotation is going to take place and confrontational isn't what you want. You need him at ease and willing to listen and respond in a way that is comfortable for you both to communicate your opinions on the issue. Next time you are together find a way to bring it up in an honest and sincere non-accusatory way. Just let him know you have something on your mind that you needed to share with him because he and your relationship is important to you and go from there. You can't be afraid to express yourself to your partner because you are worried of how they will react. Put your cards on the table and give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves he doesn't deserve otherwise.

You are correct again Pidelight! So mature; that's what I need to be. Quit being a weanie and just approach it in mature way...now to do it. Scared!

I wish you all the luck in the world. Just speak from your heart without fear of expression and you'll do fine.

Pidelight, well, I didn't exactly listen to your advice about texting. He had not texted in 2 days. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but when he has texted virtually every day for over a year, to me it's a red flag. There have been a few other flags too of course. I wasn't going to be able to see him for several days and it was driving me nuts, so I texted him this morning. I spoke from my heart like you said. I gave him an easy out if that was what he was looking for. I didn't give ultamatiums, just told him it was hard for me to be "together" and never really talk about what I am to him. It's been 1 1/2 years, so long enough to open up some. I told him it was getting too hard to continue w/out communication & if he wanted to move on, to please tell me. So I guess I didn't say I'm completely done, but leaning that way even though I still have strong feelings for him.

His response..."I'm sorry you feel that way; I guess I understand. I wasn't purposely not texting you. I had a sore throat and went to bed early". That's it! Typical of him...he takes out all of the emotion and doesn't say what he wants. So you are right. Texting he can be too vague. I don't want to go back/forth with the texting deal, but I spilled my guts and that's all I got back. I think he's just waiting for me to say, I'm done, so he doesn't have to. He's fine either way. He is soooo controlled and seemingly unemotional. Now, I'm still stuck with no clear break up, grrrrrr, and I have to make another decision. I was hoping he would take the easy out and say that yes, he needed to move on.

can i say somethin, im a capricon and my gf is cancer,i no its so wrong with us cause our personalities, we r more reserved. its not that we dont like our cancer girl, its just that we cant show off our emotions but we really feel for you(cancer)and me(capps) really miss my girl(cancer) a lot after we broke up. for me i think a cancer can never tell anything stright forward whats there problem is? they just follow us, but unless they tell us how they feel for us, then we r going to understand what they really want? im sorry to say that we have got less emotions but its not our fault, we are born like that,so i you should talk to ur capps stright forward face to face(showing some emotions), so he really understands u, how iportant you are to him. But let me tell u a capricon have got a great heart.

i can give u lots of tips, to help u out

There is a problem in the relationship when a guy OR girl is only communicating through text. Were you always limited to texting each other or did you talk on the phone? I have been in your shoes with a Virgo guy and I moved on, it took me a while to get it but finally I did. The Cap guy I've been seeing for 4 months makes it a point to talk to me on the phone, at first he didn't get it that the phone was important if not every day/at least every other day to stay connected (we are in the same situation as you, kids/work = limited time to see one another). We only spoke at night but we are now trying to check in randomly througout the day if we can. Once when I wasn't feeling great emotionally and I was the one that was only texting (easier sometimes to express myself this way) he insisted that we talk face-to-face. Bottom line, if someone wants to make an effort he/she will do what it takes. It's a shame though that he won't even speak to you and come up with a proper solution/break up since you were with him for a year.

I don't think he's waiting for you to say you are done. I think he's probably trying to figure out why two days of non-texting signals the end to a relationship. That does not make sense to a Cap.
You began an emotional manipulation with that text and he is probably read that text thinking "WTH—"

The best approach with Cappy is a face to face conversation explaining that a daily text is what you need. If he cares about you, he will comply. If he understands that you need or require that for reassurance, then he will have no problem giving you what you want. Its almost like they need a list of instructions and they will follow the list if they want to be in the relationship.

I've been with my Cappy for two years now and this is how his minds works. Hope it helps.

Posted by protector
I'm a cancer, dating a cap guy for over a year (he had just got divorced when we began dating & we had actually dated before he was married). I have the feeling he is losing interest. He doesn't text every day like he always has and doesn't try and see me more. We both have busy lives with work and I have a teen, so we are limited. But still, seems like he would try a little more; he did in the beginning. We only see each other 2 or 3 times a month. He is a loner and I am too, so it's not a huge deal to not see him a lot. But the daily communication seems to be fading. I don't text him everyday, so I definitely don't over-do it. He claims I can be aloof. May be, but I go into self protection. Can't stand to appear needy or hurt.

I'm a big time idiot in not being able to ask him what he needs/wants from me when we are together. Our time is limited, so don't want to spoil it, plus I'm just scared. So all week I wonder what the deal is (which drives me nuts), and I get really mad at myself for not resolving it for myself.

As a cap guy would you want to be asked in person or a text asking what the deal is? I don't want to put him on the spot; I don't think y'all respond too well to that. Is a text pathetic? Looks like an easy way out for him, if he wants an out, and/or gives him time to think. Actually have done the text thing a few months ago. He dismissed it, saying he was fine with how we were and wasn't looking to move on. Nothing else ever said. Is he just use to me now and being his very cap self or losing interest?? I feel ridiculous not being able to talk with him about it...

Leave the Capricorn, Take the Pisces.

Snap!

Hey guys, thanks to all for your replys. All of you were correct and had good advice. I have to admit my own limitations, insecurites and reasons I stay. We are both getting something we want from each other, but at some point, there needs to be a change, good/bad. Over the weekend, I got up the nerve to talk with him in person. We got some things out in the open, which felt good. He still didn't say much, but he listened and it was a baby step in us relating to each other. He has shown thru his actions since, he cares. He's more into his career choices and what the future holds for him in that area. He has a good job, but it's not fulfilling for him and really bothers him. His relationships seems to be secondary. I'm the opposite. So that is where the breakdown with us comes. I believe he is consumed with that and then I'm kinda the afterthought. I can deal with that as long as he shows me he cares and so far he has. Just have to remind him sometimes. Such a guy, lol!