SamCancerGirl
@SamCancerGirl
13 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 732 · Topics: 18
Workaholic capi and stress
I missed out the part where he said he was sorry n it's been soo hectic n that he wanted to meet - this was on my first day off.
I didn't reply till hours later as I had plans n was out for most of the day.
It was the nxt day whn he had the injury, which is quite serious n had been on his mind the day I saw him.
That night after he'd been referred to the hospital they said its gona be at least 3-4 months recovery.
It's all just been bad timing and he can't play sports which is really upsetting him.
Won't be able to go back to work and lastly look for a new role until he recovers.
I didn't reply till hours later as I had plans n was out for most of the day.
It was the nxt day whn he had the injury, which is quite serious n had been on his mind the day I saw him.
That night after he'd been referred to the hospital they said its gona be at least 3-4 months recovery.
It's all just been bad timing and he can't play sports which is really upsetting him.
Won't be able to go back to work and lastly look for a new role until he recovers.
Posted by Caplove
Hey Sam! If he's just been injured and he's looking for a new job then I'd have to say that yes, it was probably a bad time to bring up the "where's this going" talk.
When things are bad, they're bad and all I can focus on is the problem at hand. Him being injured was probably a big wrench thrown in his plans so my guess is that he just wasn't in the mood for the discussion. It doesn't mean he doesn't want a future with you, just not a good time to talk about it.
Thanks Caplove - it prob was a really bad time to bring it up n he was focused on the injury.
He kept asking why I always bring it up, and that I like to start arguments.
If he doesn't want a future with me then he shouldn't stay n ask me to see him, if he's going with the I only care about u routine while saying how much he likes that I'm there for him and know what to do to make him better.
Honestly it's really getting to me.
Posted by Caplove
But what makes you think that he doesn't want a future with you? How long have you two been together?
I asked him if he wants to get married n he said what if it's no
Posted by CaplovePosted by SamCancerGirl
I ask if it's a maybe or a no n he says what if it's a no.
I tell him I will have to leave then if you don't want a future with me.
Sorry about that. I need to work on my reading comprehension! Hmmmm, well the thing is when you ask directly like that, unfortunately you may get an answer you don't like. Maybe he's just not ready yet? Also, he was sort of put on the spot.click to expand
It's ok, he knows how I feel. If he's not ready he shouldnt put me in a position where he's opening up n saying things to keep me n then also say I don't see a future with you.
Now it's just awkward and he's not responding the news was worse then he thought.
I'm being supportive but if I'm not what he wants there's not much left to stay for..
Posted by CaplovePosted by SamCancerGirlPosted by CaplovePosted by SamCancerGirl
Well, I get it. If you really feel like he's just leading you on with no hope of a future then you have to do what's best for you. It isn't fair to think that you're going to stay with him when he's not willing to offer you a future. Some men are slow, I'll bet if they couldn't have kids after 40 they would move their butts real fast and not be so wishy washy.
click to expand
Thanks Caplove - yup I bet that wud speed things up. I hate to leave him in the middle of all this. I asked him if we'd b ok n he said yeah.
So Im not sure where his head is at - just that he doesn't want to be married to me. He did say he wants a small wedding lol I guess it's just not with me in it.
Every time I bring it up he accuses me of wanting to start a fight. Like he's happy with things as they are.
Things are gonna get real really quickly whn he's not gona b able to walk or get mobile for 4 months.
It's a bad time to just up n leave ESP whn I said I'd b there and take care of him
Posted by SamCancerGirlPosted by Caplove
But what makes you think that he doesn't want a future with you? How long have you two been together?
I asked him if he wants to get married n he said what if it's noclick to expand
Well, there's a difference in asking about marriage and future plans for togetherness. Perhaps, the word "marriage" caught him off guard and put him off immediately. That's a pretty permanent word and would scare most guys running into the hills if they're not quite sure yet. Next time start off slowly and lightly with that topic such as jokes about when you're old and sitting in your rocking chairs on the front porch or joking about which one of yall will be spoiling grandchildren the most and see what his comfort level is and see where it goes. Next, you can approach with an even more thought provoking with "what do you see five years from now?" "is there any room for me in those plans (with a sweet mischeivious grin)?"
Posted by truecapPosted by SamCancerGirlPosted by Caplove
But what makes you think that he doesn't want a future with you? How long have you two been together?
I asked him if he wants to get married n he said what if it's no
Well, there's a difference in asking about marriage and future plans for togetherness. Perhaps, the word "marriage" caught him off guard and put him off immediately. That's a pretty permanent word and would scare most guys running into the hills if they're not quite sure yet. Next time start off slowly and lightly with that topic such as jokes about when you're old and sitting in your rocking chairs on the front porch or joking about which one of yall will be spoiling grandchildren the most and see what his comfort level is and see where it goes. Next, you can approach with an even more thought provoking with "what do you see five years from now?" "is there any room for me in those plans (with a sweet mischeivious grin)?"click to expand
Truecap - I'll try this approach next time n work on the togetherness part and see if it brings us closer.
They really need to be approached softly softly to the topic otherwise it just scares him off.
Now he's not really responding to my attempts to get his attention.
I guess he's hurt n thinks I'm not supportive.
I have asked him how he is and sent him sport injury recovery links n tips hoping this might speed up
His recovery.
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So things got better he made time and we went to the movies quite a bit to make up for lost time.
Then things got hectic again at work for both of us.
I arranged a long break from work as I really needed some me time.
I let him know whn I was off so if he wanted he could do the same for a day off to chill.
He said ok and a few days later he said he wanted to make time to spend together soon.
Next thing I know he gets in touch to say work is restructuring and his role is no longer needed.
I'm annoyed for him as he's worked super hard for them going over and beyond and they do this to him.
He cancels our plans that night saying he needs to work on his cv, which is understandable so I'm not too upset with him about this.
We rearrange for another time, Then I got a MSG saying he cant make it, I told him that was lame.
He tells me he hurt his leg playing footie and can't walk on it as it hurts he thought he'd be ok but isn't.
I tell him not to worry and I'll be right over with any first aid kit that he needs with his fav drink n treats.
I even offer to send the nurse over to help him recover.
Things seem better he tells me that I know how to make him feel better and I know just what to say to make him feel good.
He's very affectionate n says thank you. I tell him I'm here to take care of him.
I feel things are getting a lot better n bring up the future plans talk but he doesn't want to discuss it.
Was it a bad time? I don't get why he would open up just to shut me down like that.
I ask if it's a maybe or a no n he says what if it's a no.
I tell him I will have to leave then if you don't want a future with me.