A Gemini Who May Have Lost A Cancer

I am a Gemini who has been in a 4-year relationship with a Virgo. Although mentally stimulating, our relationship has become more of a business partnership rather than a romantic one. This has been a problem for about a year now, and I found myself just existing - loving but not being in love. Well, about 4 months ago, and old acquaintance, a Cancer, befriended me with subtle comments of interest. There has always been an attraction, but I never thought anything more of it. I tried to refuse the advances - I even tried to set them up with a mutual friend, but it didn't work out. I stopped communication until I had gotten sick and they were the only one to seriously check up on me, even though I had a companion. The sensitivity and attentiveness was overwhelming, and I was being given what I had been missing in my love relationship: this emotional connection being offered by the Cancer. So one thing progressed into another, and I made the decision to step away from my Virgo in order to see if this Cancer person was the one for me. Being so different from my personal preferences, I fought hard to look past the superficial because this Cancer was talking about a future marriage and a child (my biological clock is ticking and my Virgo stopped discussion about it all). However, the Cancer felt that I wasn't opening up enough. I tried everything, especially studied the Gemini/Cancer compatibility for guidance on how not to hurt a Cancer's feelings, etc. It's been tumultuous - we've been on an off - both afraid of being hurt. Just when I felt I was ready to take it to the next level, the Cancer tells me that there was someone else. It was a total blow and out of nowhere, especially because I just knew the Cancer loved me - or so I thought. Justifications of my not opening up and potential fidelity concerns were thrown at me when I was determine to start a life with them and never look back. I know it was done to hurt me because they were hurt and afraid, but I just can't wrap my mind around what went wrong. I need to make peace with this, and I need some advice. No contact for 3 days now, and I'm wondering if I have been forgotten and completely dismissed.

Thanks for the advice. I agree, I need to move on based solely on principle. I felt embarrassed and humiliated because I had gone so far to give of myself. I'm typically one who can just shrug things off and keep it moving, but this one knocked the wind out of me. Perhaps it's karma allowing me to see the hurt I caused the Virgo. I wasn't looking for anyone, so I should have never considered when approached. Lesson learned. It will be a long before I will safe enough to open up. This situation did some serious damage emotionally. I am pursuing my masters right now, so I'm just going to bury myself in the books and hope for a brighter day. Thanks again!

Posted by GemFemme

I tried to refuse the advances - I even tried to set them up with a mutual friend, but it didn't work out. I stopped communication until I had gotten sick and they were the only one to seriously check up on me, even though I had a companion. The sensitivity and attentiveness was overwhelming, and I was being given what I had been missing in my love relationship: this emotional connection being offered by the Cancer.

A man (anybody really) who knows you are partnered and still attempts to sway you .. is a red flag waving, even if your partnership is struggling. ESPECIALLY if your relationship is struggling. Instead of respecting that you have a SO, he presents himself emotionally showy .. to the point that you are willing to submit to his advances.

A man with true qualities wouldn't step on another man's toes like that.

Posted by GemFemme

Justifications of my not opening up and potential fidelity concerns were thrown at me when I was determine to start a life with them and never look back. I know it was done to hurt me because they were hurt and afraid, but I just can't wrap my mind around what went wrong.

It's doubtful that this Cancer was hurting, and this being the reason ... a person would have to have fallen for you, in order to be hurting away from you. He hasn't fallen emotionally for you because if he had, then he would be so smitten that his life would be turned upside down.

From what you said it sounds to me like his only interest was to interfer in your life, create chaos and then leave. Probably the new person he found, he will do this too, also.

I've known a couple people in my life who just go with the rush, and don't really stop long enough to notice that there are people involved .... they just rush into feelings on the surface, and rush out of them just as easily. So, he likely never felt deep enough to be hurting over you.

Posted by GemFemme

I'm wondering if I have been forgotten and completely dismissed.

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I think you were never a real part of him to be forgotten ... he felt a rush of feelings, and then acted on them from his own self-absorbed standpoint, and probably never even notice that someone else was there with him.

Thank you all for your comments. Today has truly been an eyeopener. I did some research on emotional manipulation, and I must admit...I got duped! I never saw it coming, and now I'm angrier than ever (but at least the hurt is gone). I always consider myself to pretty clever when it comes to "the game," but this time, I missed the mark, although my body was telling me to go the other way. A personal desire was played on, and now I have no way of exacting revenge. Quite honestly, it's not worth it, but it sure would be sweet to charm them back only to crush them. My Gemini mind is thinking overtime on my next move... I'll keep you posted.

Next move?


What is that implying?

I'm sorry sweetie. My best advice to you is to let it go with the Cancer. Don't worry about getting revenge. Don't give him a second thought. Your next move...move on and concentrate on your studies.

I'm thinking that she might want to change the Cancer's nappy, though ....

Lol. So true. I've had to sleep on it and let it go. Thanks for all your advice. :-)