Divorce Part 3

Cap woman married to Gem man for a few years. We met 10 years ago. We were best friend for years before our big day. He calls me his soulmate, the love of his life, the woman of his dream, and the girl he will never ever end things with. To him, we're married forever. He apparently loves me that much.
It's going much better between us but, he does things that is worrying me and I need to know if he reached the cold Gem side yet. I was told that to Gems, words are just words. So him telling me I'm his everything, might be that. Just words. His actions are saying otherwise.

We own a garage together. Months ago he made me a promise. That he would wait for me to buy 3 classic cars we have been eying and dreaming about for years. Those 3 cars, and getting them, are very meaningful to us as a couple. We wanted to go shop for them together. Today, his best buddy told me they want to go this week. Without me.

I went shopping all day, he stayed home. When I got home, we talked a little bit, but he was playing PS4 with his friends. I let him do his thing, and I told him I wanted to talk to him about something important later. Next thing I know, I go in the living room and he's watching TV. He forgot I wanted to talk to him. It turned into a fight.

Last night I told him I wanted to spend time with him but he told me he wanted to go to bed early to work on a car the next day. I stayed up in the living room, alone, to watch shows I had DVR'd last week. 2 hours later I went in our bedroom to sleep, he never went to sleep, he was still awake, Skyping with a friend who couldn't sleep.

He used to leave cute notes for me. Kiss me regularly throughout the day on the cheek or forehead. Text me from the next room just to be cute and letting me know he loves me. That stopped completely. I still do cute things for him, but he stopped doing them for me. He barely calls me baby, babe, sweetheart anymore. Now, it's mostly my first name.

Does it look like he reached that cold Gemini man point yet?

It sounds like you guys lost the spark. . I'm really in no position to give marriage advice. But, if I may ask, do you guys have sex anymore? Like spontaneous, hot sweaty sex. Not like... Oh it looks like it's been about a month I think we should have sex now. Is there any desire?

All that sweet stuff, for me, goes away when I no longer feel passionate about my relationship. I was with a Pisces for 7 years, that's kinda what happened during the end.

If I remember correctly, another gem recommended you try to find something new about yourself. To shake things up, spice things up a bit. Gems love that. Really and truly, that's one stereotype I think all gems agree with.

Idk :/ but if that intimacy part is there, ime, the rest is much easier to work on. If that's lacking and I'm frustrated and irritated constantly by my SO.. Well I'm less likely to bother with any compromise.

What exactly in his behaviour is still warm toward you?

As for cooling out after 10+ years...that's the norm, I'm afraid. The only difference between couple is that some are still trying, hanging on to each other, while other give up. The worst hit are the couples in which one partner tries hard, while the other refuses to put any effort.

OP, what would you do if you found out that your SO was suffering from depression? Not saying that he is, but how would you handle it? What actions would you take?

Posted by gemeliorist
OP, what would you do if you found out that your SO was suffering from depression? Not saying that he is, but how would you handle it? What actions would you take?

He was never diagnosed with depression by a professional, and I always thought it was just him being his moody Gemini self, but he mentioned it before.
Mostly because some situation outside of our marriage is not going well. Problems with his family mostly. Parents and sisters.

I handle it by giving him space when he needs it, and by listening to him when he needs to vent. I try to change his mind by doing something fun when he's not doing well. I give him guidance on what he should do. I support him, tell him he's not alone. I told him we could go to a professional together if he need it. When he's sad, I hold him in my arms. I tell him how much he mean to me. I just try my best to make him feel good and better about life.

Posted by MayDay31
do you guys have sex anymore? Like spontaneous, hot sweaty sex. Not like... Oh it looks like it's been about a month I think we should have sex now. Is there any desire?

Oh yeah!
I used to be a 2 positions kind of girl. My husband got me into all sorts of freaky kinky things. He is a big freak in bed, and I'm the only one who knows about this side of him. Things most men are not into. I always tell him we can explore whatever he wants too. We order sex toys together. We did that two days ago. We experiment together, and we use those toys often.
Well, we got older since we started, and we often get home tired but, I know what to do to turn him on, and we get to it spontaneously.

Posted by xy
Have you asked him what he wants to do? Have you suggested new fun activities?

Does he want a divorce?

What is the cause of his changed behavior? Work?

I have, and most of the time, I will get a passive yes but no real excitement when we do what we talked about. It's like he just do things to make me happy. Like he's on auto pilot.
He also said he doesn't want a divorce at all, but his actions are telling me otherwise. Things he said and hints he dropped to common friends.
He said he wants to stay with me, need me in his life, but talked to friends about being unhappy and wanting a big change in his life.

Posted by Undine
What exactly in his behaviour is still warm toward you?

Sex, mentions about what we want for our home. He's got cancer in his chart, and home is important for them I think. Investing our time and dreams into our business, watching some TV shows we both like and talking about them after, he said he wanted to save up money to buy me something pretty and meaningful.
We talked about remodeling our bedroom to make it look like a space ship, we said we'll spend a lot of time cuddling in there.

CarRiderGirl, you sound like a very nice lady, seriously over indulging him though.

He needs to tell you honestly what's the problem whatever it is or go get help to either find a way to tell you or figure out what it is if he is unsure. I would not be able to carry on this way indefinitely.

I would treat him like he is going through depression and leave him alone to figure it out, and carry on with my life. You can't help someone who isn't trying to help themselves.

...and I don't have any water in my personal planets and MY home is very important to me. It's my sanctuary.

Posted by noname
"He also said he doesn't want a divorce at all, but his actions are telling me otherwise. Things he said and hints he dropped to common friends.
He said he wants to stay with me, need me in his life, but talked to friends about being unhappy and wanting a big change in his life."

has it ever occurred to you that he is calculative? that he said those words of reassurance to you so you are not alarmed while getting himself ready for a big change as he told others. the writings is on the wall. don't be naive. be very prepared.

+100000


Just seen your other thread on ....forum, about you being in tears after some bad news while he was at a halloween party.

Please consult a good lawyer and try to come ahead of his game. There is something disturbing going on.

No, this is not normal for a marriage, no way!!!

My ex husband went through a midlife crisis too, when he dyed his hair, put on crazy clothes and chased music festivals.......however even during that "time", he didn't avoid or ignore me.

There is something else going on here.....