MoonShadowBunny
@MoonShadowBunny
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 2 · Topics: 2
Gemini husband not understanding that I need time
Sounds like NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). I would suggest couples counseling before you move back in. If he does have NPD (the counselor will be able to tell), there may not be much you can do to make it better.
Some men would jump over the moon to get you back just to treat you the same way they ways have. Stay strong and find a life outside of him...he may change and he may not but if you decide to take him back and he dies the same things you need to give him the divorce papers and closed the door on him.
Posted by MoonShadowBunny
Hello,
I posted here 6 months ago about my Gemini husband and our problems. I received great advises. Things did eventually improved after I gave him more space but they got bad again over the last month and half. He cheated on me, lied about a lot of things, tried to cover his lies with more lies. I did my best to be a good wife. I forgave him and we tried to work on our issues but he started acting very childish and immature about things.
Acting like he didn't give a fuck about anything and didn't want to be controlled. As if me telling him not to go have sex with a girl he met through a friend was being overly controlling. Making it all sound like I was the one with insecurities for telling him to stop seeing that girl after he admitted cheating.
Two weeks ago, I sat down with him and explained very clearly that I wasn't happy anymore and that I needed time to think about our marriage. I packed my bags and went to a friend.
Since then, he's been acting like a real husband with me. Like he received a big wake up call.
Buying me flowers, asking me out to dinner, being flirty and initiating sex. Something he hasn't done in months. A complete 360. He's been talking about life projects we've been having. Talking to me like nothing bad happened. I've rejected the sex, as I'm not ready for that just yet. We had dinner twice, we talked. It was nice, but I'm still hurt and I don't want to go back to him right away knowing that he might continue his rebellious actions right away.
I've been repeating to him that I need time to think, and that while I appreciate the efforts he's making and I still love him, I still need time to heal and process what he's done.
Lately, while acting like a better man, he's also been very pushy and doing all sorts of irrational things like drive by my friends house at night to see if I'm there. Flooding my phone, inventing problems just to act like a victim so that I can run back to him like a caring wife. I've been more distant. Taking my time to respond, if I do respond.
Like last night, he drove all the way to another city, did some shopping and texted me at 11 last night to tell me he had to sleep in his car. Normally, I would rush to him to help, but I ignored it. Told him I was busy with friends and to contact me in the morning.
Talked to a friend of his, and turned out it was a lie to get my attention. A test to see if I would care enough to rush to him.
Last week, it was bank issues. Every day, a new problem just to get me to talk to him. He turned into a puppy!
I do appreciate what he's doing, but I also want space after being hurt and he doesn't get that. It's like he's in a panic mode and don't know how to process what he's feeling, realizing he might lose me for good. I also know that ru
Best thing I ever did was the divorce the gemini who cheated on me. Before I left, I gave him the option to cut her off completely, but he wouldn't. So I did was was best for me. I completely understand the irrationality you're having to deal with. There was a LOT of drama with our divorce and afterward. He made it easy to move on. lol! My life is much more peaceful now, I'm financially more secure and have found the love of my life. I'm much happier without him than with him.
Stay strong and do what's best for you.
Stay strong and do what's best for you.
Are you a cappy moonshadow?
It appears like you're playing with him.
You tell him that you need space and even leave .. and then talk to him all the time, even dine with him - you do everything except fuck.
You even talk to his friends behind his back to keep tabs on him.
It looks to me like you're talking out of both sides of your mouth at the same time.
If you need space to think about your situation then do so ..... but, it doesnt' look like that is what you are doing.
It looks like you are toying with him. I guess the only reason to do that is to try and manipulate him into being what you want him to be.
the bottom line is he is a cheater. and whether you love him or adore him or have 50 years of history = doesn't matter, and it's not going to change what he did.
so, for you to be hanging on his every move, and sneaking behind his back to track him .... just comes off pathetic and makes you look clingy, which is the opposite of what the other side of your mouth claims - space.
wow wow P Angel you are a rock star. ... flip. I love you *tear drop*
Here's your only other thread under this name:
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/message/?id=5490981
But, judging from your character, in how you present yourself as a victim coupled with some specific descriptions ... you sound like that Capricorn chic who had a business with her Gemini husband that started going south, and the way you describe how you're treated by him sounds almost exact.
I don't remember that screen name ... but, I'd almost put money on it.
The defenseless, completely attached victim who never makes a stand for her own principals and just waits with baited-breath for any morsel he might want to throw ..... you sound just like her.
And no matter what anybody said to you, no matter how nice and polite, or mean and nasty, or any response inbetween .... you refused to believed what any said and firmly stood by the theory that he is totally responsible for you feeling approved of, worthy.
This was nothing about what the Gem was doing, and everything to do with you eagerly nailing your own self to the cross.
That is .... if you are that same Capricorn chic.
Posted by P-AngelThat's why I asked if she was a cap. I was thinking the stories were very similar as well.
Here's your only other thread under this name:
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/message/?id=5490981
But, judging from your character, in how you present yourself as a victim coupled with some specific descriptions ... you sound like that Capricorn chic who had a business with her Gemini husband that started going south, and the way you describe how you're treated by him sounds almost exact.
I don't remember that screen name ... but, I'd almost put money on it.
Posted by truecapah-ha .... I figured one of the older members would recognize her, also.Posted by P-AngelThat's why I asked if she was a cap. I was thinking the stories were very similar as well.
Here's your only other thread under this name:
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/message/?id=5490981
But, judging from your character, in how you present yourself as a victim coupled with some specific descriptions ... you sound like that Capricorn chic who had a business with her Gemini husband that started going south, and the way you describe how you're treated by him sounds almost exact.
I don't remember that screen name ... but, I'd almost put money on it.
click to expand
Here she is: this is just one of them, we all know that there were many
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/gemini/getting-that-divorce-5294937/
CarRiderGirl was her name.
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/gemini/getting-that-divorce-5294937/
CarRiderGirl was her name.
Posted by P-AngelYeah, not sure if it's her or not, though. Eerily similar coincidence if she's not.Posted by truecapah-ha .... I figured one of the older members would recognize her, also.Posted by P-AngelThat's why I asked if she was a cap. I was thinking the stories were very similar as well.
Here's your only other thread under this name:
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/message/?id=5490981
But, judging from your character, in how you present yourself as a victim coupled with some specific descriptions ... you sound like that Capricorn chic who had a business with her Gemini husband that started going south, and the way you describe how you're treated by him sounds almost exact.
I don't remember that screen name ... but, I'd almost put money on it.
click to expand
Posted by exxtasyx
He cheated on you. Get rid of him. As soon as you allow him back into your life and he gets comfortable, he will cheat again or go back to his old ways.
Getting rid of him may not be the answer right now. That's always the first answer all of us women have to give but she needs to seriously think this through and go to a counselor. This is a marriage which is more serious than just boyfriend and girlfriend. I will agree that there is no rush for you to go back. You have the right to take as much time as you need but seriously consider couple's counseling.
Posted by NevermoreSimilar to my marriage - the distance and pushing away. He criticized everything I did and no matter what I did it was wrong. We fought a lot. I asked him one night if he wanted a divorce. He said no. Then he proceeded to have an affair. I then made the decision for him and kicked him to the curb.
My Gemini husband I have been going through a rough patch lately and I don't know what to do. Things started turning bad months ago after we received bad news about our finances. He slowly started losing interest in many things, he changed mentally. Like turning to a darker person. Depressed.
He became distant with me. He started being rude. The sex stopped. We used to have a lot of fun, talk all the time. Now when I open my mouth to say something, no matter what it is, I get sighed at or, minutes after I talk about serious stuff he tells me he's getting angry.
If I talk about something fun, he's more opened to it.
Last week he told me he stopped loving me for a while. That he's been pretending only to make me happy.
The strange thing and why I'm so confused is that I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no.
He tells his friends that he doesn't know if loves me or not. He hasn't stopped talking to me completely. Sometimes he will do small things for me to show me he still cares but when I do something for him, he pushes me away.
Last night I showed him something in a magazine I was reading. I've done that countless of times before and would get a good reaction out of him. He likes to learn about random things.
Last night he said he truly doesn't care about what I show him.
Today, before heading to work, he left something in the kitchen counter for me to see about something he read online that we both like.
He's distant, there's a lot of up and down, he doesn't know if he still loves me. He's confused.
Tells his entourage we're not done but acts like it.
He's a typical Gemini. Likes to be mentally stimulated, open minded sexually. But he's not the most social. He doesn't like going out. He locks himself in the basement to work on his hobbies or play games online with his friends. Doesn't have many friends.
Communicating doesn't work, giving him his space ends up in him talking to me, only for him to push me away when I respond.
What do I need to do to save my marriage?
That wasn't nevermore's testimony of her experiences.
Oh I understand that wasn't Nevermore's experience. Was just saying from the quote that the other girls experience was similar to mine. I made a decision and followed through with it.
What fucking difference does it make how many times she has posted on here? What is the fucking point? She can posts the same question every 6 months for the duration of this forum, what is the problem?
You have a right to stay with your husband despite his philandering ways just like others have the right to leave. Just because other people choose to leave does not mean that it's the right decision for you. No one else can legislate your morality! It requires maturity to allow another person to make their own decision and remain respectful. In addition OP you can "block" users if their commentary is less than nurturing. After you select a name or two, select block you will not see any of their posts, questions, feedback or less than nurturing responses, and they will not see yours. It's a wonderful way to exit like a lady - simply block and keep it pushing.
Your Gemini man is letting you know what it takes to keep him on his toes... you have to "play" hard to get from time to time. I say "play" because Gemini is a child in the zodiac with a proclivity to cheat when bored. (Just like a child) His pursuit is speaking volumes - he loves you. It is what it is.
You have a right to stay with your husband despite his philandering ways just like others have the right to leave. Just because other people choose to leave does not mean that it's the right decision for you. No one else can legislate your morality! It requires maturity to allow another person to make their own decision and remain respectful. In addition OP you can "block" users if their commentary is less than nurturing. After you select a name or two, select block you will not see any of their posts, questions, feedback or less than nurturing responses, and they will not see yours. It's a wonderful way to exit like a lady - simply block and keep it pushing.
Your Gemini man is letting you know what it takes to keep him on his toes... you have to "play" hard to get from time to time. I say "play" because Gemini is a child in the zodiac with a proclivity to cheat when bored. (Just like a child) His pursuit is speaking volumes - he loves you. It is what it is.
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I posted here 6 months ago about my Gemini husband and our problems. I received great advises. Things did eventually improved after I gave him more space but they got bad again over the last month and half. He cheated on me, lied about a lot of things, tried to cover his lies with more lies. I did my best to be a good wife. I forgave him and we tried to work on our issues but he started acting very childish and immature about things.
Acting like he didn't give a fuck about anything and didn't want to be controlled. As if me telling him not to go have sex with a girl he met through a friend was being overly controlling. Making it all sound like I was the one with insecurities for telling him to stop seeing that girl after he admitted cheating.
Two weeks ago, I sat down with him and explained very clearly that I wasn't happy anymore and that I needed time to think about our marriage. I packed my bags and went to a friend.
Since then, he's been acting like a real husband with me. Like he received a big wake up call.
Buying me flowers, asking me out to dinner, being flirty and initiating sex. Something he hasn't done in months. A complete 360. He's been talking about life projects we've been having. Talking to me like nothing bad happened. I've rejected the sex, as I'm not ready for that just yet. We had dinner twice, we talked. It was nice, but I'm still hurt and I don't want to go back to him right away knowing that he might continue his rebellious actions right away.
I've been repeating to him that I need time to think, and that while I appreciate the efforts he's making and I still love him, I still need time to heal and process what he's done.
Lately, while acting like a better man, he's also been very pushy and doing all sorts of irrational things like drive by my friends house at night to see if I'm there. Flooding my phone, inventing problems just to act like a victim so that I can run back to him like a caring wife. I've been more distant. Taking my time to respond, if I do respond.
Like last night, he drove all the way to another city, did some shopping and texted me at 11 last night to tell me he had to sleep in his car. Normally, I would rush to him to help, but I ignored it. Told him I was busy with friends and to contact me in the morning.
Talked to a friend of his, and turned out it was a lie to get my attention. A test to see if I would care enough to rush to him.
Last week, it was bank issues. Every day, a new problem just to get me to talk to him. He turned into a puppy!
I do appreciate what he's doing, but I also want space after being hurt and he doesn't get that. It's like he's in a panic mode and don't know how to process what he's feeling, realizing he might lose me for good. I also know that running back to him would probably mean he won't change and go back to his old habits.
Any advises from Geminis to help me, and him, go through this?
I do love my husband, I just don't like t