Gemini + Libra in a scary exciting love triangle

Hi! I am new here – merry meet!

I am a somewhat unconventional Libra – most of the general description fits me, but I also have Asperger's and ADHD and I am deep and intense and just overall atypical. I will purposely withhold my chart for now because I don't want my situation to be judged purely based on astrology. I am second decan Libra, Leo rising, Moon in Gemini, Venus in Scorpio, Aries midheaven.

He is first decan Gemini (May 23), don't know neither the ascendant nor the midheaven, Moon in Leo, Venus in Aries, Mercury in Gemini.

The above probably suffices as it contains pretty much all the data relevant to the topic.

Can't say I am in love, can't say I want something specific, it is too soon and I like to be inspired by the person and the situation to decide if and exactly how this person fits into my scheme, not the other way around like most people apparently approach relationships (I use the word in its broadest sense). All I know is I can't get him out of my head, I enjoy his presence loads and I definitely want to find him a spot somewhere in my life.

Blind date. Tells me right then and there he is already seeing three women. Says he is polyamorous. Says he is picky and needs to see several people to meet all his needs. Gets me all kinds of curious rather than turning me off. I am looking for nothing specific, just good company, human contact, so although I have trouble processing his butter, I am down for it.

Seems very interested and motivated, asks to see me again the very next day. For a few weeks, two to three dates a week. Typical Gemini behavior – fun, interesting, the opposite of boring, childish in many ways which is something I am very attracted by and never seem to find, inquisitive, wicked personal brand of humor, skilled with words, enjoyable chat, nice oddball. Although not my priority, I quickly realize I have just met my all time best sex mate and it is obvious that it goes both ways. Was not expecting this – speechless!

Dates taper off slowly as novelty wears off, end up seeing him about once every ten days six months later. No worries – he sees several more people. How does he even keep up?! I don't care, this is pretty damn close to what I wanted – worryfree, light, enjoyable human contact with much less responsibility than a traditional relationship.

He feels more and more conflicted to me, something is up, he's not telling. Ups and downs, some neurotic behavior on both ends, but never any disrespect, no yelling. I am mostly the hunter, he is mostly the prey, he clearly enjoys it, occasionally surprises me with role reversal.

Says straight up I am among the three coolest people he ever met, probably the coolest he knows at present. Asks lots of questions about me, clearly has trouble sizing me up, seems cautious of me. I am straight as an arrow, more than anyone else, sincere, direct, no lies, no games, my only protection against abuse/manipulation being withholding stuff and careful, controlled release of info. Seems to find it too good to be true, is generally not trusting. Ask him straight up whether he is scared of me. Tells me straight up the only thing that scares him is I might get attached. Says he is no boyfriend material, says he wishes we had met at a different moment, would have married me (yeah right!). Ask him to just be my friend, says great idea – disappears.

Text him to treetrunk off, it would have been more productive for both of us had he been more forthcoming. Apologizes, comes around, forgets to be friends and steers it all back to what it was before. Asks more questions, accuses me of manipulation and dishonesty (all delusions on his part, ridiculously so, never gave him a reason to see me that way). Meanwhile, humor evolves between us, we start to have habits together (tandem showers, he cooks breakfast and I eat it up, mouth feeds me fruit, shares his art and wants to know my opinion which I always gladly provide straight up and constructively, mutual adoption of each other's quirky vocabulary, wear each other's clothes [parades around in my red flower print kimono, borrows my funky men's underwear, wears my hats], etc.), our verbal and non verbal communication evolves, he slowly starts responding to my need to say things straight up, I slowly start responding to his need to not be so blunt and verbose. It feels like caring. It feels natural. Still, something ain't right.

Goes AWOL for a few weeks, then comes around and tells me he is going monogamous with someone else. Says he will "introduce the concept of Gombolom", says if she rejects it, he will dump her and go to the next level with me. By then, I know he will introduce no such concept, it is all bullbutter. Makes me very sad and angry with the lying. I set up a bike ride with him as friends, cancels last minute, reschedule, cancels again. I quit bothering. Miss him, happy for him – but knowing him, I don't believe this is really what he wants or needs, that this makes him happy. Do my best to stop caring.

Ask him for a drawing of his that speaks volumes to me and was partly inspired by me, to remember him by. Comes over on my 40th birthday (he didn't know until he got here), says he is happy to have a gift for me on that day. Gets ready to leave, stands on the doorstep, shoes and coat and all, hugs me, pushes me back in, walks me to bed, takes his clothes off, gets me in bed all dressed up. Cuddles lead to sensuality, it gets hot and heavy, refuses to carry through because says it would be wrong. Leaves with a clear indication that I will see him again, says not to worry (he knows he is not making sense, that I am going to analyze this, that I am a worrywart and that words of reassurance soothe me). Could be manipulation, could be caring – could be other stuff.

Texts me once in a while, wants news, makes me laugh. Comes over once in a while, like old times. Tells me he is going away for three weeks for the holidays with her to her parents' by plane. Seems serious. At this point, I just appreciate the visits and don't care about the rest. Good thing I didn't get my hopes up.

While at her parents' he texts me a few times, checks out my photos (lighthearted artistic stuff) on InstaGram, likes most of them, keeps going back to look at them, leaves cheery comments. Text him to ask if he is getting slightly obsessed with my photos, he straight up tells me he can't resist, they are just too awesome (I am pretty new to photography, he studied it in college and worked as a photographer).

Few days after he gets back, I literally order him to get his butt over here. Comes over in the evening with the idea to leave in the morning. Sees my new funky coloured pens, gets excited, spontaneously starts drawing things for me. He actually says it out loud: he is drawing things. For. Me. A first. I know he never draws for people. Seems in a really good mood. We get high (my initiative). We relax in the tub (my initiative). He is down with it all. I tell him it sucks he can't come to the museum with me so we can feel like butter about how we suck compared to this world famous photographer and at the same time be pretentious and bash him. He says he can actually come to the museum. Tomorrow. He is taking a day off work. Gave up a day's worth of salary to go to the museum with me. Gets up, makes us breakfast. Orders me to finish my plate, worried about my health (lost a lot of weight from ADHD meds). Stuffs me with fruit. Washes my body. Takes the subway with me, on his own initiative, despite loving to drive – I am against unnecessary car trips when public transit can be used. He has never done this before.

Takes me to a café he likes, wants to share it with me. Then, museum: literally two super excited kids at the zoo. Spots stuff by an artist I am a big fan of but whom he only knows by name from me – hey, look what I found, your favorite! Gets into detailed explanations about the artist we came to see, gives his opinion of his work, listens to mine. Takes me to lunch to a restaurant he likes. Discusses architecture as we walk back to the subway. Listens to my description of an interesting building, tries to imagine it, asks how far it is. Too far. We go back to my place. He was supposed to leave. He invited himself for the night. Cuddles cuddles cuddles like never before.

The next morning, he skipped work again to stay with me. At this point, questions were burning my tongue. As he made breakfast, I asked as little questions as I could. I don't want to mess up something good. Went something like this.

- Isn't it a little risky for you to stay with me for so long? What if she finds out?

- It is risky. And if she so much as suspects anything, it is over. Things with her are already fragile without this.

- So, if it is risky and if as you say you decided to be monogamous, why then do you keep seeing me?

- I feel good around you. I am relaxed. I can just be me.

- If you believe you are no boyfriend material, why settle with someone?

- When I met her, she was doing pretty much what I was doing. Same life style . We got comfortable.

- And that is more important than all the other stuff the rest of us can offer?

- I hurt people.

- How? We all knew from the start there were others, that we shouldn't get attached.

- I lied about that. Some knew, some didn't.

- What is the difference between those you tell and those you don't tell?

- I tell only the cool people. [He told me two hours into our first date. We haven't even kissed.]

My question is this: would it be wishful thinking on my part to assume that all of this is about the mirroring thing Geminis are known for? I caught myself in the act and I caught him too. It seems to me he was looking for this mirroring thing with her, but now he has doubts.

Any other comments, advisories, what have you, are most welcome.

Hope you all enjoyed the novella! ?

It says on the main Gemini forum page there was a reply to this. I don't see it. Where is it?

yes, Gems are like this and well, old habits are just that ... my mother used to say "shit or get off the pot" and my personality is like that so it's hard for me to say anything ...

I've known a few Gemini males pretty closely in my life and they were both married and both cheated significantly on their spouses which is something I can't do so again, what can I comment on ...

it will be what it is until it changes ...

Posted by littlenanobyte
This sounds to me like two middle aged people with a past of being burned, acquired feelings for one another but are too scared/fucked up emotionally/jaded to pursue it.

He told you basically up front on the first date that he was fucked up emotionally, or at least that is how I read it. I think that he backed off because he realized that he has feelings for you, and I think they are requited too. I think he is bored with the other woman. But I don't think that he has intentions on being specifically faithful to either one of you (I think you know this). I could be wrong.

And yes, we do mirror.

Oh and my fiancé is also a May 23 gem and I am a May 24 gem 🙂

I liked the way you wrote, and the words you used. Thus I can see why he is fascinated by you.

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply!

Everything you say in your first paragraph is exactly the way I see it, too. For my part, I am willing to take it to another level. It scares me to death, exactly as much as it gets me excited. 🙂 I have been getting really good at taking risks and I am enough of a realist to be aware that I could get burned, and I usually accept my possible future misery before I go ahead and take the risk. I make sure that I only get hurt, not damaged.

I confirm he is emotionally treetrunked up, or at least he is scared to death of emotions. He will not admit it, of course – his version is simply that he likes women. However, I know for a fact that he has only been this way for about half a decade. He is 47. I also know that he is sensitive to rejection, not just with women but in general. Given his age, there is probably also a bit of a midlife crisis element to this, especially since he has nothing to show for those nearly five decades: no house, no kids, no medal, no retirement fund...

What he says: he is scared that I will get attached. Fact: he is scared that he will get attached. I am still torn smack dab in the middle between three possibilities: he is scared that I won't reciprocate his level of attachement, ergo rejection, ergo emotions (which he seems to actively flee), or he is scared that if he gets attached and acts the part then I will start laying down the law (a no-no for a Gemini), or he is scared that if he gets attached then he will be exposed to my emotions which he knows I have great difficulty keeping to myself. What he doesn't know is that that quality of mine is exacerbated by recent misfortune and the drama that it entails. To him, I am mostly emotional, maddeningly so, but had he met me in circumstances closer to baseline, he would know that I am mostly intellectual and that I just need to purge excess emotion periodically (I am in a major purge phase at the moment, long story, my heart got badly and repeatedly crushed, burned, shot, lacerated and even electrocuted). Which of the three do you think is most likely? Am I missing something?

Fact: we both have attachment disorder and we are the worst combination. He is avoidant and I am anxious. One of the reasons I wanted a partial relationship was precisely to teach myself a secure attachment style : to be in a relationship while staying detached. I think he knows this (he is a quick mothertreetrunker) and this is only yet another reason why he would be scared to get attached: once I am done using him to correct my attachment style , I might discard him. He is dead wrong because when I like someone, I can't switch that off unless that someone does something really hurtful to me (which I am well aware he is really skilled at). I have absolutely no control over how I feel about people. I realize he might think different because people who have no control over how they feel about people wouldn't touch this kind of arrangement with a 39.5-foot pole. Did I mention I am atypical?

You are right about feelings being possibly requited. It sure feels that way. It doesn't scare me. The reason I am not ready to accept that strong possibility is that I am highly skilled at fooling myself into interpreting attachment anxiety as love, and the plain fact is I am parched for love, this very much at risk of mistaking one for the other. I don't want to mistake attachment anxiety for love and I sure as hell don't want to mistake love for attachment anxiety. And I care about him enough not to want to mess him up by being mistaken about my own feelings. If he knew I said this, his feelings for me would only deepen.

I also think he is bored of her. I think he just wanted to know what it would be like to be with someone who has a matching life style , and he is realizing right about now that this single element doesn't at all make a relationship more fulfilling. I think he is attracted to me because he can't figure me out and that keeps him on his toes. He will NEVER manage to figure me out even though he is at a great advantage compared to others and even if I were to try to actively help him along. I will NEVER manage to figure him out either. Thus we are mutually attracted.

I don't think he specifically intends to be faithful to anyone either (well said) – just as much as he likely doesn't specifically intend to not be faithful. It is up in the air and he doesn't care, that is just how he is in general. It is scary and it is alright. I like that through that, he is being faithful to himself. I value that in a person and I don't see it often in others at such a superior level.

I have looked into the scenario of me being his girl and allowing him to explore. I suspect that is precisely what he is after, although he might not be aware of it. It might not be that he wants concurrent connections, it might just be he feels safer knowing the option is available. In short, he wants a secure base to explore from (we are back at attachment disorder). I was surprised to find out that I could likely do that. Could I still love him (not just feel it but practice it as well)? Likely, if I still get to enjoy him and have that special connection. It is better than being alone, it is better than a faithful but also more boring guy and it is better than a conventional relationship where the expectations, requirements and rules are often maddeningly taxing. I figure if him jumping the fence once in a while makes him happy, I win. I have been cheated on before, and the mixing of external bodily fluids is not what hurt me – the lies and the deceit did. Then it hit me: this is exactly what we have been doing! In a sense, I am his girlfriend and she is the Other Woman. I know about her, she doesn't know about me. He is honest about it with me, not with her. He has routine with her but not with me. He doesn't care for routine and neither do I. The only thing missing is that me being his dirty little secret makes him much less available than I would like (I suspect also less available than he would like).

He has been lying since day one. I don't think it is dishonesty, I think he means no harm. I think his lying is a way for him to avoid situations where he would have to deal with and share feelings. I see through the lies, I am even entertained by them at this point. I can translate his lies and the more he lies, the more I see through him. I zip it so he doesn't catch on to it. He is the quicker one but I am not far behind, and he makes mistakes (he underestimates me). The push-pull logistics create ripples we both obviously enjoy surfing on.

Thing is, he has been lying less, being more straightforward, more patient, more available, and I know it is not easy for him, that he takes risks, that he makes sacrifices, all of it because I ask for these things, patiently, peacefully and not conditionally. Am I mistaken to think he is communicating through his actions, the same as I do with words?

Thank you for the nice comment on my writing! It sort of made my day. ?

Posted by AneemA
Heya newbie ?

I didn't read your post it's too long and I'm not interesting in doing brainstorming for your love situation.

I just wanna say hi and I find your username is funny and cute af 🙂

Thank you for being honest and sweet! 🙂

Posted by littlenanobyte
By the way, I don't think your Gemini knows what the word monogamous means though 😕

I think you are mistaken. He is brilliant and he knows exactly what it means. It was meant to be a sneaky shortcut. He still doesn't know I never believed it.

When he used that word, it took all of my (sizeable) might not to crack up and blurt out "Who are you kidding?!" 😄

Posted by littlenanobyte

Posted by aquanib

Posted by littlenanobyte


I liked the way you wrote, and the words you used. Thus I can see why he is fascinated by you.

I liked it too lmao......that UK English seeping through the text.....

It's an #airsignconnection kind of thing, I guess.

click to expand

My only connection with Britain is I love their sense of melody and I set foot twenty six years ago in Heathrow for about an hour.

I believe in the #airsignconnection thing full on! 🙂

Posted by NotSoInstant

Posted by Gombolom
It says on the main Gemini forum page there was a reply to this. I don't see it. Where is it?

One post = one reply ->dxp math

click to expand

Thank you for the heads up! Good to know. ??

One major question:

Can anybody see anything relevant in the zodiac info at the beginning of my first post?

A few specific questions:

- He told me early on, when he spoke about his being scared of me getting attached, that he was no boyfriend material. Recently, when I brought up his not being boyfriend material, he quickly but casually said "I AM boyfriend material" and moved quickly on in the conversation. Please share insight on where his need to tell me he IS boyfriend material might come from.

- I was recently telling him it was not easy to build a social circle from scratch at forty after years of social isolation. His reply? "You need a boyfriend." This, after my repeatedly telling him I did not need nor want a boyfriend, that I was not ready, that it would be unfair to the prospective boyfriend, that if I have no social circle that would be too much pressure on the prospective boyfriend, that my priority was friends and social activities. Thoughts as to why he is trying to hypnotize me into wanting a boyfriend?

- Last time I saw him (his two spontaneous days off described above), I jokingly said right after breakfast "Can you move in with me and feed me breakfast every day, please?" My sense of humor is atypical, most people mistake my jokes for serious blabla and even he has a hard time spotting my jokes. So, after a relatively short pause, he just says, with a pensive air and avoiding eye contact: "We will see about that." I had to respond quickly, so I said "No. I don't think I have what you want." Which he most likely misunderstood. I was honest, but had I been disinhibited, I would have said "Really? It is on the table? Whoa! That is cool. Can I do the happy dance?" or "You have got to be kidding me! You are messing with my head!" Had I been more forthcoming, I would have said "As much as I believe the likelihood of me having what you need is high, I don't think I have what you want. I think there is a considerable gap between your wants and needs. Please do correct me if I am wrong, I would love to hear." Where did his "we will see about that" come from? What did he hear in my reply? I see a treetrunked up weird scary exciting mirror play in this. Like two mirrors facing each other, endless reflections reflecting themselves back to the reflections of their own reflections' reflections. 😄 Would he enjoy that? Be disturbed by it? Not read too much into it? Get the wrong message and be over it by now? Help please!

Posted by 2Moon
Next Kimye.

LOL! Not very helpful – but I got a laugh! 😄

Didn't know about these two being so compatible. They sure seem to be happy together.

Posted by NotSoInstant


Are you sure there is another girl in the picture? Just asking

I know, right? You are not the first to ask that...

To me, it really seems there is. I am perfectly aware that I might interpret things to my advantage, i.e., delude myself to make mystery elements fit the current situation as I perceive it. Knowing this about me, I sort the elements into two categories: those that are wildcards and those that are undeniably true. Here is what is undeniably true about this girl whom we shall call X:

- She exists.

- He met her around the time he met me.

- He likes her (foreign) culture, not because he likes it as such but because it is hers. I unintentionally tested this: I happen to be into her culture a lot. When I tell him about that culture, everything is new to him, even basic stuff. His knowledge of it is limited mainly to food. The funniest thing is he is an artist and my interest in that culture focuses mostly on art. Yet all I tell him about that culture is new to him. By the way, the artwork he spotted at the museum as being my favorite is from that culture.

- He has been mirroring her likes: switched over to her diet, etc. But he only mirrors it to her. When he is with me, he drops it all, without mirroring my likes. He even criticizes a lot of them (it feels a lot like he criticizes stuff that makes him feel like he sucks as an artist – he is very eager to please and craves attention). His actual likes, untainted by mirroring, are very close to mine. He doesn't know this: when he tells me about stuff he likes that he doesn't yet know that I also like, I don't tell him about it (I don't want to scare him away, I know he is prone to interpret my liking stuff he likes either as attachment, which scares him to death, or as attempts at manipulation). In short, he manipulates her by validating her (which tells me she has self-esteem issues, which is likely why she was – is? – a serial dater, and he might have been – is? – a serial dater for the same reason).

- A few months after he started seeing her, there was conflict between them. He made artwork inspired by her (he also made artwork inspired by me) and he gave it to her (he didn't give me anything except the one drawing I asked for). I once went to his place and the artwork he gave her was at his place. It is since back on her wall (I know this through social media).

- He really did spend the holidays at her parents' – I asked about his holidays and I know at least some of it was genuine. I know he held back a lot while there, that he likes her mom, that doing this with her cooled their ardors, that he was happy to come back home.

- There are things he doesn't like about her. He tells me about them in a demeaning way.

- He is more interested in the status he gets from being connected to her and the people he meets through her than in her. He talks a lot about contexts where he is with her, but at this point I know much more about her friends and family than about her. She comes off to me as an uninteresting person, at least from my viewpoint (I like interesting people). The way I know him, I don't see what he sees in her.

So, I have very little doubt about this. There has got to be another woman, and it has got to be her.

What is much more likely (I might be wrong) is that he isn't really his girlfriend, at least not as far as he is concerned, and therefore he doesn't consider what he does with me as cheating. She obviously can't keep him interested.

I see a pattern here. It looks a lot like what he said when we met was perfectly honest: he is extremely picky and he needs to combine several women in order to satisfy all his needs. She has something I don't have that he wants (probably a social circle) and I have something she doesn't have that he wants (probably everything else, and I say this without exaggerating: I know what he likes and I have it all, he just can't tell because he doesn't allow us to be in a context where he could see it).

I also kind of get the feeling he likes that I don't care that we are not exclusive but at the same time he wants me to fight for him, which I have not been doing, and he is waiting for that to happen. I can do that, I would love to, the urge is there, but it comes with emotional investment and I need to establish a certain level of trust because losing that investment would be damaging to me and I have been seriously damaged over the past decade. Maybe his being so nice lately, more available, more honest, more revealing of how I make him feel, is his way of helping establish that trust? If it is, should I trust it to just be what it is, or is it more likely that this is just manipulation? How likely is it that he is sincere in this?

I get the impression he has painted himself into the corner and doesn't know how to get out. Doing something productive about it would necessarily involve him coming clean about stuff and he is likely scared of my reaction to that. I have been trying to teach him that I prefer people who can tell the sad truth and trust my overly open mind to people who tell nice lies and make me feel good about myself, but although he seems to slowly catch on to that, he still has a long way to go (old habits die hard).

Posted by littlenanobyte

Posted by Gombolom

Posted by littlenanobyte
By the way, I don't think your Gemini knows what the word monogamous means though 😕

I think you are mistaken. He is brilliant and he knows exactly what it means. It was meant to be a sneaky shortcut. He still doesn't know I never believed it.

When he used that word, it took all of my (sizeable) might not to crack up and blurt out "Who are you kidding?!" 😄

I read the last long post of yours too.

What I meant by this was that, I guess I don't understand the situation between you both fully. He claims to be "monogamous", but at what point was he ever so? He has a girlfriend, and you are in the picture. A love triangle by its very definition, defies the word "monogamous", if sounds like maybe he was never monogamous, or at one point was, but had his heart broken so he's deteriorated to this life style now and finds he can be content there - but not necessarily happy.

Whenever you said that he was worried about you being too emotional, and you were going through a difficult time of heartbreak, what did you let him see of your emotions? That could possibly be impeding any kind of progress between the two of you.

Why is he wasting his time with the other woman, if he does not like routine, and admits that things aren't good between them? What does he see in her to keep playing that role of boyfriend or whatever he is to her? What exactly are they defined as? I am getting the feeling that perhaps they are in an open relationship, and don't share the details with each other.

What is her sun sign and moon sign

And his sun, moon, Venus, and mars sign?

This man seems very confusing to me. I wonder that if he is 47, would he ever want to settle down with anyone... probably not.

My dad goes through a mid-life crisis for like, 20 years now. I think his whole life is a permanent crisis and it's not so much "mid-life" anymore.

click to expand

Thank you so much for your help!

Sorry, I do write long posts. I want to be sure whoever chimes in has a clear picture and scattering the stuff over a bunch of short posts would make things choppy.

Good catch on the open relationship thing. It is a possibility but I honestly don't get that impression. I expect people with the level of maturity to pull off an open relationship and be happy with it to not set up rules that would force one of them to hide things. Then again, what do I know? It never crossed my mind to have an open thing so I don't know much about it.

If there is an open relationship there, it is in my view far more likely that he would hide my existence from her to avoid her catching on to me being a threat to their relationship. Not saying I am a threat, but if he has feelings for me upon which he might act, she might notice and I would be seen as a threat. I have a feeling he wouldn't mind losing her but he would mind hurting her.

He says he has had this life style for about five or six years (don't see why he would lie to me about that). BUT I know for a fact (not from him and he doesn't know that I know) that he had a girlfriend in the middle of that period for at least three years who knew nothing of it and who was bitter when she ended the relationship. She seems to be much like me except she is much more accomplished than I am. Same haircut, likes the same music, same refined writing style even.

When I ask him why he got into polyamory (as he calls it; I checked and this is NOT polyamory), he says somehow when he turned forty, women started to be into him a whole lot. This is part of why I suspect there is a midlife crisis element to this. To me, someone who quits monogamy merely because he realizes he is attractive either has a personality disorder or has self-esteem issues. Both are still on the table but I keep finding holes in my personality disorder theories, and the faulty self-esteem theory is slowly getting reinforced.

He might as you say have collapsed into this life style and chose being content over happy because going for happiness is riskier and more effort.

The emotional stuff was very early on. When we met, I have only been single three months and it was a decade-long relationship. He made some insensitive remarks about what kind of guys I should date (guys very unlike him) and he sounded like he was judging me and infantilizing me, so I let my anger known a few times. I also hid from him a few times to cry about insensitive remarks. I cried one time in his arms because of prolonged social isolation and my family's attitude about it. Basically, I left that long relationship in order to come out of isolation (being in that relationship meant social isolation) and everyone and their mother, including him, was sentencing me to more social isolation, and I was at the end of my rope. It's like running away from your abductor only to get hit by a truck. He was very insensitive to that, although most anyone who has not lived through that is insensitive to it.

I gather from his history that he has never really been alone. Also, his mother is a strange woman and I think he was deprived of unconditional love as a kid (hence the attachment disorder), ignored and made to feel faulty, insufficient. She is still trying to control him. I gather from bits of conversation he doesn't have much sex with his girlfriend. Add it all up. Do you see what I see?

I have no clue when she was born or what her sun sign is, and I am not going to ask him. ?

Following are his details:

Sun - Gemini

Moon - Leo

Venus - Aries

Mars - Sagittarius

Mercury - Gemini

Jupiter - Virgo

Saturn - Taurus

I can give you more details if needed, but I don't have his time of birth.

My details:

Sun - Libra

Moon - Gemini

Venus - Scorpio

Mars - Scorpio

Mercury - Libra

Jupiter - Gemini

Saturn - Leo

Leo rising

Seventh house - Aquarius

Thank you so much! Talking to you really gets me to switch angles, it is useful and very interesting!

Also, I don't know if this is relevant but both his parents and his only sibling (the latter he trusts and looks up to and seems to be a normal, successful, accomplished person, married with kids, younger than him but seemingly a parent figure to him) are all over social media but are not connected to him on social media.

His social media friends are a cousin, childhood friends, colleagues and lots of women he has been seeing, all of the latter linked to him online for the past half decade (consistent with the period he says he has been poly). The women don't appear online as part of the poly circle, I only know that they are because I recognize them from piecing together bits of conversations we had. I also see them gradually dropping out, consistent with his going "monogamous".

He says he is into women his age, and while his last girlfriend is 46 now, besides one casual woman who seems to be his age, all the others seem pretty young. One of them is 29. He says my age is where he draws the line for lower age limit, but my guess is I am rather the upper age limit. His girlfriend seems younger too, perhaps slightly younger than me. All of these women either have something unique and admirable about them or they are professionals in somewhat powerful positions, women whose men would be proud of them, women who can stand on their own, who don't need a man.

I am not linked to him on any social media except InstaGram, where he invited me to follow him so I can look at his art. There are pictures there of his girlfriend's place, I can tell but he confirmed it as well, before I even had the chance to ask. When he told me he was going monogamous in August, he plastered her place with art and handicraft, and he plastered his account with pictures of that.

By October, he stopped posting (that is when he came over on my birthday, gave me the drawing I asked for and made no sense). Between October and the holidays, he posted three pictures, all food from his girlfriend's culture that he cooked. I can tell the pictures were taken at her place. If I didn't know better, I would say he is gay and he stepped out of the closet in October.

Weird, huh? And cute and scary and a big time poker face. Keeps me on my toes like no one. He genuinely likes things about me others either don't notice or don't care about. I feel really good around him. There is a strange sense of familiarity, I can't explain it. He is dangerous. Don't mind me, I am just really open-minded and stimulated by him in every way.

Sent him a text message of about 150 words. It was witty, light, personal, open, sincere. It kinda read like a short story, bordering on children's literature, with imagery. I managed to cram in enough content it would be worth about 1000 words. Dunno how I did that.

My point was he was quitting smoking over the weekend and since I smoke, it would be best for his success rate if he didn't see me for a while, which would suck. Also, he is quitting to please X. He was not shy to tell me that when I asked. I asked for a solution.

His reply? "Treetrunking eloquent text! You're good!"

Spontaneously got into a conversation, light and funny. Kept commenting on my verve, calling it clever and fun. Called me a sex kitten (I said nothing sexual, was not even seductive). Never directly answered my questions until we said goodbye – see you next week he said. I didn't ask to see him. Double whammy: he will not take a break from me just because my smoking might mess up his quitting AND he wants to see me next week.

What a few of you said early in this topic about verve seems to be true! In fact, I think the outcome of the conversation is solely due to that. The funniest thing is I think the way he affects me improves my verve. So, thanks for heads up on that.

Also, I looked into synastry. It is massively positive! There are a few negatives, mostly about him having trouble focusing and being flighty and about me being too emotional for his taste. It also says that we can both help each other with those issues. Also, the synastry stuff confirms to me stuff I have been suspecting about him: he has the goods I need, he is actually a nice person underneath the lies and flightiness and with the right people around him (e.g., me), that frosty side of his will come to the surface.

It is slightly creepy how what the report says matches what I have been feeling with sheer intuition. It is damn creepy how the report matches my feelings for him and around him. It helps to know these things because it dissipates my doubts and it gives me the reassurance and self-confidence I need.

I know it doesn't mean things will go in the direction I want them to, but in all honesty, there is no direction I want things to go. All I want is to get to enjoy this person for years to come. The direction things will go will just happen on its own, I feel no need to control it. We both like spontaneity and we already have that. I only fear his seriously settling down with X, that is the only obstacle we already have and I don't see any other obstacles further down the line, except health issues, but we both care about our and each other's health already.

I still would like input from you guys, don't be shy. Like I said, I prefer honest bad news to fake good news.

I don't believe in daily horoscopes, they are always too specific and they tell you what is going to happen when they should rather tell you what to pay attention to. My horoscope is right only once every fortnight. But I have always believed in personalities being shaped by the zodiac, just haven't paid much attention – until now! ?

Also, sorry about my flighty style , I am high on emotion right now. ?

Posted by PootyButt
I can't give you advice about any love triangle. That's messy. I just wanted to say that this thread title keeps exciting me because I keep thinking it says "Gemini + Library".

That is cute! Every time I look up something about my Sun sign, I picture a library in my head, I can't help it. ?

As for the topic, astrologically speaking, I don't need people to look at the triangle. I am mostly mentioning the existence of the third person because it helps with the context. I am really mostly trying to get an idea on where he is going with me. If I don't mention the third person, people might tell me to take it to the next level with him, which would not be productive. Also, more experienced Geminis, astrologers, etc. might tell me how serious it might be with the third person based on his zodiac, so I know if ever there is a chance for a long-term something with him, whatever that might be.

The thing we have feels so right and amazing. What I see in online charts is high compatibility. I am here because I would like Geminis to help complete that information. I am a Libra with Leo rising and Gemini moon: I have great difficulty making decisions and only feel ready for that when I have all available information and have analyzed it in detail. ?

I am totally not wondering what she might be like, whether she is "better" than me, or even what he sees in her. I just want to know, with his astrology and mine, whether it is worth my while to pursue this.