How does a GEM deal with emotional dependency?

Hi GEMS,

Just found out that my father's cancer is now out of remission and it's now terminal. This is very difficult for me and I normally shut down and deal with things like this on my own. Which created a wedge for me and my CANCER friend.

How/Should I allow my GEM male friend be emotionally supportive? Will he? Or would it be too much for him? I want support; which would be different for me. He's long distance too!

I ask because at the onset of our relationship; he immediately wanted me to move into his mother's old house(I thought to keep up with my whereabouts-so I declined). When I found out I needed to find another job; he kept calling to see if I would ask for any help(I thought to keep control of me-so I declined). He was very sentimental when he found out that I was going thru a really bad divorce lasting almost 2 years; asking if I wasn't ready for a relationship he'd understand, but wanted to be here to support me(I thought weird-I never talk about it). Well maybe once and he called my ex an a-hole.

My Mom passed 2 years ago almost exactly and I haven't really let anyone in since then...until I met him about 6 months ago. I don't want to continue shutting him out; but I'm so used to dealing with alot on my own too!

What do you guys think? Let him in deeper? Or keep my emotional issues to myself?

Sorry about your father .. ((hugs))


troubledleo .. from my experience, they are a tremendous emotional burden, for you have to carry their emotions for them .. or more correctly, try to get them in control emotionally. Which was impossible for me to do in my Piscean nature.

My first husband was a Gemini, and his emotions weren't controlled enough to be any kind of support system, rather, the other way around. He required the support emotionally from me, which was a burden. What I mean is that each emotion he had was way over the top, and exaggerated. I've often wondered if this was the reason why constant stimulation and thrills, excitment is required for Geminis .. an instinct in them to try and stay in a constant state of bliss.

When he was angry .. it was utter fury
When he was happy .. it jubilance
When he liked somebody .. he exalted them
When he hated somebody .. he wanted to murder
When he was engaged in a project .. he was like a horse with blinders
When he was sad .. it was bordering suicide


And though, most of the time, he was in a happy state ... even then, because his happiness would get stuck in extreme cheerfulness, he was unable to come down to seriousness .. and once he did come down to seriousness enough to deal with life obstacles .. it was depressional.

So, as you can see ... there wasn't enough emotional balance to be suitable to assist in any nurturing support according to circumstances.


That was my experience, fwiw 🙂

"for all our outward coldness, are VERY empathetic and really very sensitive creatures. Strange though - when I am going through a tough time myself, I tend to withdraw from my friends because it's too difficult to even talk about sometimes."


I've noticed this trait with a good Gem girlfriend of mine .. she is very receptive to feelings from others, yet, isolates herself often when in her own emotional stress for this fear of what she calls "inconveniencing" them with her troubles.

** Ponders whether Gem-Men's emotions are too much to handle**


As this comes full circle in thinking about this .. it appears to me that oftentimes in here, people have issues with the GemMen, more than the females (probably because more females post than men), which leads a lot of GemGirls to say that we have gotten a bad apple out of the bunch, for the girls can't relate because they're so different in comparison.

Curious .... perhaps, it's more a gender thing. In having sensitive emotions, it would seem logical that women would be more apt to handle, than a male, in any sign.

"I know gems, for all our outward coldness, are VERY empathetic and really very sensitive creatures. Strange though - when I am going through a tough time myself, I tend to withdraw from my friends because it's too difficult to even talk about sometimes. I feel like I don't want to burden them and deep down, I feel they really can't help me anyway - so I retreat until I get a better grip on things."

--> I do agree with 'emeraldgem'! This that's why I'm so hesitant in asking anyone for any help. Thanks so much for your insight and to know that I am not the only one that withdraws when I have something difficult to deal with; reflecting on myself I think it's the fear of being disappointed at such a emotional time. So I become SUPERWOMAN and deal with it on my own. Maybe it's also not wanting to feel emotionally dependent on someone...

I'll try to tell him tonight because it's kinda clear that I haven't been myself. We shall see.

BTW: My father is resting comfortably and is expected to return home this week. I'm still hoping for a miracle. It's so hard when there's still so much I need to share with him and experience with him. AARGGGHHH!!!!

Things are looking better...My father is still in ICU; but he's back to himself! (Demanding ARIES - whom I love dearly) The surgery went well and all of the cancer was removed.

My GEM sends txt messages and supportive phone calls to tell me to be strong. He wished he could be here and all that other mushy stuff. Somehow he knew when I felt lonely and knew just when to send a msg or call. WEIRD! I wish he was here; but he's traveling.

We do land on our feet! I don't think I wasted a one of my lives this time either! 🙂

Me being a gem myself I am very aware of my emotions and others around me thats probably why he has perfect timing with the msgs and calls. I get the same way when I know someone around me needs this type of support. I am always be their side to help along the way. I myself am very caring and always give a hand to someone that needs it. He maybe a gemini male but when a gem male wants someone that person definitly knows about it. And you shoulf know by now. He is there to support you. So give it to him make him feel needed.. He will appreciate you more. Trust me when a gems cares it runs deep and powerful you just need to give him a chance. I think he will proove to be worthy..

Good luck. And Im glad your dad is getting better. Gems have big sholders. Take advantage of it before he gets the wrong idea about you because we like to come up with wrongful conclusions so we don't get hurt..

I txt'd him that my father passed and his simple response was; "well you knew that it would come to this one day"!

I just spit fire at him like I have never spit fire before! One moment he's predictable, somewhat of what I'm used to in a relationship; then the next moment he's someone I don't even know.

I can't even talk to him right now! WOW! Can someone please help me with this type of behavior? Not just from a GEM Male point of view; but from a person who suppose to show compassion for others even if they're having issues themselves.

Whoa @ troubledleo.

I've had someone say something to me like this and he was not a gem. I just think some people are idiots with zero ability to empathize with others. I know what you're going thru. Keep your head up and cut him out of your life. It scares me the things that some people can say to others when they are at a low point. The only thing I can come up with is that they are miserable people and they love to see others suffer. Misery loves company.

Maybe someone talked to him this way when he was going thru some things and he wants to get payback on someone else. I'm probably of no help to you right now because I just do not understand the mentality of people like this. Just evil.