What makes a Gem put a wall up?

By wall I mean feeling one way but expressing another to the degree of acting opposite of those feelings. With all their other attributes such as communication/talk, love of freedom, Airy and mutable, etc.. Seeing one hiding and stubbornly acting different than they feel has me utterly puzzled. I like puzzles but jeesh!

Oh yeah, I do that sometimes. If for instance I like someone but think they don't like me back, or it gets too intense I back away.

Is that what you mean?

Basically, yes. Too intense as a reason surprised me.
So, if youre in that mode of not acting and showing how you feel, what would you say helps to put you back in balance?

Thanks for the insight. The wall in question seems to lower here and there. I think he's 'processing'. Its quite different for me, since Im usually the one processing and feeling out loud. I do since his need to analyze alone. It sort of puts a weird vibe between us sometimes though. But the good side is that I'm learning that I dont have to say everything! Go opposites! (Im sag)

And back up it goes! I see through it but its there. Thinking about letting this "friendship" go. Sad though, when things are open he has profound effects on me. Sort of like a mirror that wakes up things I havent looked at in awhile. *babbling*

you could try disappearing for a while ..and then turning up again ..and see how he reacts then ..i do it way too often, just block off,switch off, and only realise what i've done waaay later,then after the chance is gone.. i wish i get another one ..

mm it seems to change every few days. I deeply want to understand it but at times Im ready to give up, so I do do as you said and disappear a bit. He does return, but this hot and cold is tiring. Currently, the wall went back up and we havent talked in a few days. Its a shame because behind it all we have a unique bond.

don't think a few days is a long time..i need a bit longer to realise i really miss someone,
... a reason why i guess i do it ...well it basicaly comes down to protecting myself..making sure people i care about don't realise my weak spots...
..have you tried confronting him ? like totaly going off and just spilling it all..gems don't mind criticism as long as you don't use cheep shots and embarrass or pressure us,

..got told once .. "now u just need to jump..that is ...now that you've got your swimmers on,what swimmers--a whole frickn' diving suit all with the oxygen bottle--now you just need to jump!" .. guess that was putting it too nicely.. i only got it a month later ...after he dissapeared..

the weird thing is..well.. i'm still not ready to put the wall down..and although i really really miss him..if he did turn up..i'm still not sure i'd jump..guess that's the double gem thing..i want it..but i don't want it (cos ..if i jump he'll see that i'm not good enough)

What makes a Gem put a wall up?

bcoz evil always win. Good only wins in fairy tales. Not in reality. We are surrounded by more negative factors and that side of gemini always wins the war.

TransientFire,

I just got out of a relationship with a Gem gal and while I'm told that Gem gals are quite different from Gem guys, my gal sounds like your guy. Two words that I want you to keep chanting to yourself...

Patience and Tolerance, Patience and Tolerance, Patience and Tolerance

That "unique bond" you mentioned is something amazing when its there but keep in mind that more often than not, its going to be on their terms and there may not be any consistency to those terms. If you try to force the situation on that, you're then conflicting with their independence which will drive them further away. I personally found that tolerating those "walls" is part of the package. Its all about taking the good with the bad and also if its something you can accept in your gem (You may find that you can't and thats honestly alright).

Its the different sides of a Gem coming and going at a moments notice. Being able to tolerate that 'other side' is something my gem was surprised I was able to deal with. She was pretty damn thankful knowing that I was going to be around the next day even if the angry / grumpy twin stomping around.

Now with this all said, you ultimately have to look at yourself and find out if this is something you have the stamina for and are willing to put up with the random walls that get thrown out. Its not for everyone and ultimately you have to make sure you're happy too.

Anyways good luck TF 🙂

Hi VirgoHero,

Sorry to hear that you broke off with your Gem gal. It surprised me because you were always telling you were crazy about her.

"as i get older......
i realize now that lashing out like a rebellious bafoon is uncool."

fine - i'm still an immature little brat lol =)

Hi Transient -

I'm a Gem female dating a Sadge male, so I can relate to the attraction of opposite signs. I totally love being with him, we have a very intense connection like nothing I've ever experienced before.

One thing that might help you understand the "wall" is that Gemini's are typically more intellectual than emotional. However, in my experience with my Gemini/Sadge relationship, there is no way to avoid heavy, deep emotions. Since I am used to dealing with my emotions in a more intellectual/detached way, this is a challenge for me. I need my space from the relationship just to feel like I am staying in balance between emotions and intellect. I also have a slight fear that if I let go of my intellect and put my emotions out there honestly, I will be hurt like I didn't know I could be.

Gemini's NEED intellectual/emotional freedom in a relationship. We do a lot of processing and analyzing which can keep us detached from our feelings. It's not that Gemini's cannot express feelings, but it will generally take us a long time if the feelings are intense. Especially if he's been burned before....

Thank you for the recent responses. TF, you gave me much to think about, thank you for being so candid.

Frolicking- Bang! Nail on the head with your whole last paragraph. Also with the intense connection. I saw him the other day and after he had said something I was forming/thinking my response in my mind, and before I ever spoke a word, he replied to me in perfect context, as if he heard me. Thank you for the input too, helps me to know that Im not crazy!

Things now are pretty much the same except each time he comes back and lets the wall down, he shares a bit more and we get closer. But! Every time it goes back up, I think about giving up on the friendship because it feels a bit like rejection and I dont know how many more times I can go through it. (Even though I believe he just needs time to work out each little progression and he will be comming back, its hard.)

TF... I am dealing with the same thing with a gemini male and he says these emotional things about the future and children and stuff, things I never expect, then he retreats and the wall is back up and a couple of days later he's back and it's as if nothing ever happened or he said the things he said, I too am thinking of letting this go, as someone said earlier emotional roller coaster

"Gemini's NEED intellectual/emotional freedom in a relationship. We do a lot of processing and analyzing which can keep us detached from our feelings. It's not that Gemini's cannot express feelings, but it will generally take us a long time if the feelings are intense. Especially if he's been burned before...."

Its funny that you said that because my sister told me, "you know, i never see you cry"

and i notice when i cry, i do it privately and its usually because of emotional build up and not dealing with my feelings head on, and when that happens it comes out really intense...

^^ Same here. Whenever I cry its because I've let it all build up and I'm bursting at the seams.

When I was younger I had no problem crying in front of my mom. She was the only person I would cry in front of without feeling vulnerable, but when my older brother passed my aunt told me I had to be strong for my mom because she'd lost her first child and only son and I was so young I confused it with never letting her see me mourn my brother's death and ever since then I'd wait until everyone went to sleep to bawl my eyes out lol.

I hate to be comforted too, as weird as it is. When I cry, if someone tries to comfort me it only makes it worse. I usually just need a few minutes to myself and I'll come back grinning. Red puffy eyes, but I'll still be smiling lol.

Geminis always put up walls, Gemins are dual.

geminifox --"or ifthings get too heavy or too deep,it makes me run away awhile or forever.
If someone has disrespected me in a very bad way,then I will stay away from them,
or if someone is getting the wrong message about me or the wrong ideas about how
I feel,then I will back away."

Agreed its very easy for me to back off of someone. Fear, to deep to fast, which would probably be fear as well.... Commitment when Im not read, "Fear again" If you push too much, that just agravats me so I egnore you for a while till you get the hint then I will try again but if the same thing happens the second time then see ya... Im gone...

Definitly if I think your feelings are different then mine I will back off to the extreme. I dont want to lead anyone on. I know what that feels like and its not a pleasent feeling when you find out the other person does not feel the same.

"Its the different sides of a Gem coming and going at a moments notice. Being able to tolerate that 'other side' is something my gem was surprised I was able to deal with. She was pretty damn thankful knowing that I was going to be around the next day even if the angry / grumpy twin stomping around.

Now with this all said, you ultimately have to look at yourself and find out if this is something you have the stamina for and are willing to put up with the random walls that get thrown out. Its not for everyone and ultimately you have to make sure you're happy too."

Wow, i couldn't have said it better...

by the way Virgohero, do you have a brother? 🙂

Thats very true Virgo Hero, one min we are hot the next we are cold. It is something that has to be delt with and most people really dont have the patients for it. But in my opinion good thing come to those who wait. And me being a gemini waiting on a Leo its like waiting on myself sometimes. The things he does I have done to alot of people. Wow I have relized alot about myself and seeing different people all the time. I dont put much into anything because of the fear factor. But if someone shows me lots of affection I will definitly give it back and those are usually the man that really want to be with me. But again if not given accurate space to think on my own I will run....Its easier then being hurt. I am very emotional so Yes I can be hurt very easy. But everyone has a breaking point you can only handle so many heart breaks before you just turn into a heartless Bicth.

And when woman go heartless they usually hurt the good man that dont deserve to be stomped on. Endless Cycle unfortunitly.

I say he's more stubborn then the 'bulls' Ive met! Really learning about my patience and ability to care about someone while setting them free, if that makes any sense.

"And when woman go heartless they usually hurt the good man that dont deserve to be stomped on. Endless Cycle unfortunitly"

May be what I am going through...

Not heartless, but that brick wall is definitely up...

Trans all of the bulls I have met usually let me lead so yes I can say we are more to handle then the bull...

I have recently experienced something else that gets my wall up. Last week I thought why isnt my leo calling me. He cant take 30 seconds to send me a text. Does he really care about me. So now my wall is up. Sorry leo... He is a good man... But im pushing back right now so I dont get hurt.

easy, we're really very scared of getting hurt and dont like being vunerable.

"I hate to be comforted too, as weird as it is. When I cry, if someone tries to comfort me it only makes it worse. I usually just need a few minutes to myself and I'll come back grinning. Red puffy eyes, but I'll still be smiling lol."

this is so true! if someone trys to comfort me ill just put the wall back up. its like i have to prove that im strong and dont need it.

Gem44 everyone needs some kinda of comfort when they are upset whether its your way of dealing with it on your own, or just getting a big hug from your mom or your friend.... Me it depends I sometimes need someone there to talk to... But really when I think of it now I also just like being by myself when Im upset about something. I can usually chear myself up too. But if I cant I need to sleep. Then I wake up feeling better.. Wierd.

1sexygem sometimes its better for the wall to stay up... Untill you know for sure that its okay to come down.... I notice when the wall comes down I usually become a push over. Not good.. Cause thats how people take advantage of my niceness.

Yes! I've been dealing with a GEM male for almost 7 months. Didn't take me long to realize that when he's in a BAD MOOD; to give him space. BACK THE _ELL OFF! It's long distance and we txt a lot; talk twice a day and see eachother maybe monthly. It's working for both of us.

I've noticed that if I say something, via txt, that's not to his liking; the txt session ends. I used to send subsequent messages; but now I've realized - give him a few days and sometimes a few weeks and he's himself again.

Sometimes he's not sure about us, he gets lost. He's emotional and misses me and I might send sexual txt messages or pics to perk him up.

Sometimes I question his character, Oh he does not like this at all! He gets defensive and it's almost all out war.

Sometimes he's just plain frustrated with work; and he's in a hurry to go fix whatever that's frustrating him and I don't hear from him for a few days. Then I get what if...

I've learned to make these adjustments and when he's over it; I have the sweet TWIN back and he's sweeter than ever.

YOUR EVIL side has levels that I can't even imagine.

I've never been surfing but I feel like getting to know this Gem has been a true lesson in learning to ride the waves. The timing and interest has worked out so far. Hopefully I wont crash or give up before he calms. Well, sometimes I wish I could give up.. but then there's some weird gravitational pull involved with waves isnt there? Would help if he wasn't so damn sexy to me!

ive dealt with sev gems and ive been in love with 2. 1 was a girl and one was a guy lol yes i play both fields. but i can say both gem guys and girl have that wall. she never got serious with anyone before me when she dated guys and i was her first girl for a yr straight i really didnt understand her she would act so non chalant about stuff like she didnt care.

so as a bull i need attention and i just wasnt getting what i was use to and when this happens i tend to stray she then started paying me lots of attention and taking me out more she was doing all the things i wanted her to do in the first place. at that point i didnt want it anymore i dont have time to break down any walls when i have a million other people in my face on a daily yes she was worth the fight but a year is my limit i wont fight for long. i am patient but enough is enough my guy gem left me to go back to the mother of his kids which i understand he has 3 girls that he wants to be around but yet he expects me to be patient i love him and the though of him being with someone else brings me to tears its been over a year and he still wants me to be "patient" i know he loves me and cares but again if im not getting what i need i tend to stray i have ALOT of admirers i am very loyal but when that person is not on there job thats leaves oppurtunity for another possible candiate to come in and replace you....so my advice is to you if you really like this guy dont let him go let him know sometimes you just need time to yourself so he just wont be in the dark like dang what did i do i been left wit this feelings so many times and it has pushed me away i sometimes put a wall up but only after that person has hurt me and unfortunalty it never comes down

i dont understand what 'wall' implies here...
if you mean 'shutting out' our just retreating into myself... then i do that when people doubt me, when they prove to be untrustworthy or when they totally neglect me.
and by doubting me, i mean more like 'them doubting me to the point in which i begin to doubt myself'
but really, i learned not to doubt myself a long time ago, i still pretend to from time to time just to give them guilt trips, which usually turns out in me making a ridiculous comment which is completely irrelevant to the topic (example: its a good thing that you're using your brain, after all that is why God put it in that little head of yours, but really, you're WAY off base!) and walking away to regain my composure... then i'll come back like nothing happened.

lmao true gem form 🙂 wit... sarcasm... and denial LOVE IT 🙂

wow, what a good thread.....my walls, yes, they are there, usually do to loss of trust and betrayal. I am big on honestly, loyalty, and freedom to be yourself. Sometimes others see walls i dont realize are there. Once i do, if put there by someone else, well, i tend to do "self' work on that wall. Protect me, and I dont do such a good job of it as "we gems" love hard. When we "love" it is complete and committed, or at least for me.
My kids dad is Sagi, spent 18 years w/him. As there was a fulfilling side to our relationship, it was not as satisfying as i have found with others. He is a wonderful friend when he chooses to be and as he knows "the evil" abilities i have within, he pushes those buttons an runs still, problem, i recognize it now and it doesnt work, therefore when he attempts to pull emotion from me, he can not get what he wants, he is not over or ended relationship, I am.
I too avoid letting others "feel" too deeply for me, I run if i dont share those emotions, for i dont like it when it is done to me, i get hurt! I would appreciate it if others could do the same, but i dont find i get that in return. (my aqua was the closest to being real on that subject without running, problem, he wanted to "control" me, nope!)

So much good shared here i can relate too, i cant even begin myself to express it all. As my emotions run today.....confused....not of myself, but of others, i read here things others are going through, as i am too, funny, all in the time we were born we share the confusion of depth!

depends on the person your referring to. There are some of us that you don't want to unleash the beast, but obviously we couldn't tell you nuttin cuz you think you could handle that. tisk tisk

Fallstar,

I dont really look at myself as "twins" I dont like it when i get mad and i dont expect anyone else does either.
I just this week expressed how i felt, and got told by man that i really adore and love dearly, that i left him "raw" not my intentions at all, nor was that what i was even remotly attempting to do, so, yes, the "evil" or "angry" or whatever you want to label it side of me personally, is VERY BAD and VERY CAPABLE, but I believe this is possible of anyone, weakness or strength, guess that depends on the situation.....and yes, i can be chewed up and spit out by someone i care about.......all the while "walking hard" if they really knew, I was "chopped and screwed" 😉