Is it ALL about him all the time?

Hi Everyone: My Leo friend of 7 months is going through a me, me, me phase. He is in the final stages of a divorce, trying to integrate a 2 year old to a schedule between him and his soon to be ex, trying to run his business, and trying to work on his house.

Now, I totally get that this man has an enormous load on his plate. I am totally a friend to him, although it has the potential of being something more. I am not a nag, no neediness, no drama and we are not sleeping together. I know I am the only woman he has introduced his little one to since being the divorce, and I met his mom a few weeks ago and she liked me alot.

Thing is, in the last few months when he calls or texts, with no hello or how are you, he launches into his issues with the above mentioned items. Then he takes a phone call, puts me on hold, comes back and says he needs to take the phone call and will call me back, which he hardly ever does. I have let a few phone calls and texts go unanswered, but he keeps on until he gets a response from me. I also do not call or text him at all.

Should I say someting to him about this, ignore it and hope it gets better, or ice him?

BTW, I'm a Libra.

Right Seraph. U advised me to back way off which I did. In factt I don't know how much more I can back up without tripping over myself.

So u would tell me to.....?

Posted by callmegenesis
Right Seraph. U advised me to back way off which I did. In factt I don't know how much more I can back up without tripping over myself.

So u would tell me to.....?

BACK OFF!

I have to say also that the title and your thought that it's all about him is wrong. He's going through a lot and is responsible for a child and the child's welfare should and will take precedence over you.
YOU are the one who seems to be more concerned about ME, me, me; even though you're just a friend. Can't you put aside your expectations and ego for your friend and sympathize with what he's dealing with at this time in his life? If you can't do that, you can never be a true partner to a Leo.

Donna I hope you feel better. I have been patient, over 7 months. One paragraph doesn't tell the whole story, I can guarantee its not about me. I have long ago put away my expectations and ego, Donna, as much as you would state to the contrary. I've given over 7 months of sympathy and doing stuff for him AND the baby, because I have WANTED to, not because I expect something back.

I see I'm not a part of the regulars on here, and although I was looking for a genuine dialogue about this, I see I'm not going to be that lucky. That's OK.

Thanks Elle. I always appreciate your perspective on things, and appreciate that you didn't use caps to scold me. The original message was that my Leo friend has new found habits of calling and texting and immediately launching into his issues, really without saying even a hello or how are you, then abruptly taking another phone call and basically hanging up on me when I have barely gotten a word in edgewise. This has gone on for about 3 months. Seraph and Donna made me out to be a villan for wanting those "niceties". My simple question was do I say something to him, ignore and go on and hope it gets better, or totally don't respond to anything. I was advised to "back off" which I have done now so much there's no more room to back off without completely not communicating with him.

You're right, my Libra ways....I always do for others. I'm really not resentful for it because I know he is doing the very best he can at the moment. However, my "wanting" something back is in the form of a hello or how are you. I don't think that makes this all about me.

Thanks Seraph and Elle.....points taken. He made it clear that there would be no romance until after he is divorced, which has not happened yet, and I support that. So right now, I know there is romance interest on his part, but we are keeping each other at an arm's length until everything is signed and he is free to move on.

I am helping him with some decor for his house as he freely admits he is out of his element in this area. And I know for a fact that I am the only woman he has introduced his 2 year old to since the divorce commenced in January. So I am going slow, not texting or calling, and being a friend to him when he needs it.

hey callmegenesis! i hope you're well 🙂

i just worry that if you become too much of a willing sounding board for him during this time that the relationship will never evolve beyond that. his behaviour reminds me of a leo guy i used to work with a while ago who really is a friend without romantic interest...he comes and goes with complete inconsistency...i was chatting to him on the phone and he had to go abruptly having just asked when we were going out for a drink, lol. i'm a bit like his 'port in a storm' cos he's had all sorts of gf troubles and so usually, when we speak, it's all about him.

point is, he really is a friend. there was a vague romantic interest for a short while but it was no more than curiosity on both sides. perhaps it's more of a cultural thing because mediterraneans have the view that friends are 'bread when you're hungry'. you're in that role to a certain extent with this leo. he has to appreciate that all relationships are a two-way process and you as a libra NEED to have that balance.

also, you're kind of perpetuating the relationship in its current status being so accommodating.

tell him to stick his decor up his jacksy.

LOL....said only like Roxi can say....thank you. The right word I'm looking for is balance. Yes, as a Libra, I look for balance consistently. I don't mind being a bit OFF balance, but look to right it when the time arrives. However, everyone goes through bad times and I certainly value my close friends when I need them, and as you know, I have leaned on my friends quite a bit in the last several months.

I have the same concerns you expressed...I'm seeing that while he has LOTS of acquaintenances, he doesn't have that many close friends that he lets in to his world. I seem to be one of them...he even went out of his way a month ago to introduce me to his Mom when she was in town.

BTW, Thanks Seraph. 🙂

You're a good friend to at least go out of your way to seek a solution knowing that it would be unmanageable to sustain the bond you share under these circumstances.

He has alot on his plate but that doesn't mean that he has the right to allow your friendship to become one sided. That is also a piece on your behalf as well.

A Libra friend of mine has a Leo mate, and she has become quite adept in allowing the King to see his mistakes by her stepping back, keeping her poker face, and within 30 minutes he's red under the collar knowing how foolish and self centered he appeared while being honestly sorry.

I'll always admire that skill she holds.


Next time he calls, cut him off and spill your quips on the day and drama - if he objects or becomes rude - just politely state that you thought that the manner was the norm he has displayed. Nicely though - the wrong tone could get him whining again 😉

I hope you are well. 🙂

Thank you dear Huntress. I've learned the fine art of backing off in the last several months. Seraph advised me 3 months ago to adopt this stance with him and I have. I don't call or text him, however, I will answer the phone when he calls or answer his texts. He has shown who he is presently and I have the option of accepting that behavior or not.

Thank you for the well wishes...I hope you are doing well too, and loving your new job!!!

Hey everybody! I'm new and I'm a Sag male. I just happen to see this topic on the main page. From what I've read, the comments/advice given are right on point. I'm basically going through the same thing as callmegenesis with a few exceptions. I dated a Libra about four months ago who had just filed for divorce. We had been friends for years and there was definitely a romantic interest. I kept my distance because she was married, but became very close before she filed because I was the only one she trusted. The relationship between us was what God intended for love to be between a man and a woman. I treasured her, adored her, gave her my all and she did the same for me. But sadly, it ended. She said she needed space, which I understood, but yet didn't stick to it. She still had feelings for her husband although he is an abusive Scorpio. Things got a little nasty between us because I was frustrated with how she was treating me. She basically did the same thing your Leo is doing. Part of it is selfishness, but it is mainly because he(your Leo) and she are experiencing additional stress of a divorce on top of everyday responsibilities. Me and my ex barely speak and I hardly text. I've basically done what you've done...back off almost to the point of non communication.

I say this to encourage you to work on you. I, like you, invested my all in my Libra. But I had to realize that she couldn't reciprocate at that time and she may never will. When we parted ways, she said she was indebted to me. I've gotten a lot of info on this site. About Libras and even myself. Things like this have nothing to do with signs, it's just what people are willing to do versus what they're going through. He may decide to just keep you as a friend. I know it hurts to hear that but it's a possibility. But I think he has plans for something more because he's introduced you to his child and mother. Something big for a Leo and men in general. So, just continue to be a friend...a distant one. It's not about slowing communication, but what happens when he calls/texts. Answer him on your own time. Make him work for you a little. I know how you feel. You simply want reciprocation and consideration. That's only fair. I know. Still be a friend and be there for him, but find a way to show him that he has to value you as well. When you turn the tables a little, he will either step up or he won't. That's the risk of love. Show your strength. I wish you well and I hope you two hook up.

I meant she didn't stick to needling space lol

The infamous Sagittarius ex and the current Scorpio situation with Lionesses...

I swear its following me! 😭

And Genesis - damn that Seraph and his sage advice! Let me shake my fist to the heavens - curses!! 😛 😄

Thank you as well 🙂 You Leebs and being so unexpectedly aware of everything 🙂 tehehe 😛

Posted by callmegenesis
Donna I hope you feel better. I have been patient, over 7 months. One paragraph doesn't tell the whole story, I can guarantee its not about me. I have long ago put away my expectations and ego, Donna, as much as you would state to the contrary. I've given over 7 months of sympathy and doing stuff for him AND the baby, because I have WANTED to, not because I expect something back.

I see I'm not a part of the regulars on here, and although I was looking for a genuine dialogue about this, I see I'm not going to be that lucky. That's OK.

I'm absolutely fine, why would you even say that? I'm responding to what you said earlier, that you were just a friend and I assumed you didn't date. Ah, perhaps fwb which has got you into thinking something more-maybe I'm wrong...but no women wrings her hands over 'just a friend'. If you are just a friend but expecting more in this situation, don't. That was the gist of what I said before. He's not available emotionally. I would say this to a good friend. Honestly, I don't have a horse in this race. I'm really trying to help here!

Just admit you had sex with him and expected more, many women make that mistake. Well, it becomes a mistake when nothing more happens :p
Taking all he's going thru and how men view sex, you should know better. He didn't make any promises and why any woman would WAIT for 7 months for...?
A Leo pretty much knows what he wants right away, my husband took possession of me after the first date. Again, I'm trying to help you here, stop frickin waiting for anyone!

no donna, you have it completely wrong and i must step in on genesis' behalf. she hasn't had sex with this man as he had always told her that he wasn't pursuing any romantic interests until he'd sorted his life out. genesis has been a genuine friend to this man but obviously there is a vague romantic carrot dangling in the future. THAT is the source of her confusion. tbh, most of the women on dxp are a little beyond having casual sex and expecting a relationship...we're older and wiser and sex doesn't define us as much as it does younger women. we look for different things in relationships largely based on bad experiences and mistakes in the past.

unfortunately, that means most of the men we meet who are in a similar age bracket ALSO have issues from past relationships and practical impediments such as divorces that aren't final and kids, etc.

i do agree that there is little point waiting for this man under the current circumstances and also i think it's probably wise for genesis to withdraw the hand of friendship a little before that's all he wants from her.

she's a strong woman looking for opinions from other strong women....it's easy to misinterpret situations but i just wanted to say something cos you did make her out to be a bit of a love-sick sap in your comment which is very far from the truth.

said without malice either 🙂

Thank you Rig, I appreciate you intervening on my behalf. Beautifulsoul, thank you so much for your wonderful advice. You gave a wonderful perspective on the situation. I am sorry your relationship didn't work out with your Libra girl. I am certain it is her loss. We hope to see more of you on here.

Its amazing to me that some people will automatcally jump to conclusions that you "obviously" are sleeping with someone and that is why you are having these issues. What a bunch of crap. Relationships have lots of different layers to them, and I, for one, prefer to take each layer as it comes and perfecting it, then moving on to the next layer. "Sleeping" with someone, for me, is way down in the layers. There's a WHOLE lot that needs to happen before that.

Donna, I hope you put a little more thought into your responses for the people on here that truly want a dialogue and not someone judging them unfairly. I have found that the people that post on DXP, for the most part, are wonderful caring people that take the time to assess the posts and give their advice. Judging and putting people into "buckets" here just doesn't fly.

My friend, Rig, got it right. Thank you from across the pond.

go-go gadget arms giving you a high five gen!!

Posted by callmegenesis
Thank you Rig, I appreciate you intervening on my behalf. Beautifulsoul, thank you so much for your wonderful advice. You gave a wonderful perspective on the situation. I am sorry your relationship didn't work out with your Libra girl. I am certain it is her loss. We hope to see more of you on here.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Ahhh, the heart wants what it wants and it's difficult to manage. Will she come back? Don't know. Part of me hopes so, but in my mind I've moved on. I'll just have to let fate decide. Thanks again. I'll be around. I'm mainly on the libra and sag boards, but I try to inject little pearls of wisdom here and there 🙂

Of course I have needs, but will leave that discussion for a future post.

Ok, you didn't have sex with him. Forgive me because I'm used to reading that here when women get mad at their guy for not fulfilling their expectations. Which actually leaves the fact that in this situation no one should have expectations. You can want something to happen between you, but how long are you willing to wait?

You see, with fire signs, the attraction happens fast, especially with Leos. I've got a lot of Leos in my family plus I'm married to one. Sure, he's going thru a lot but I find it a bit creepy (and I'm sure he would too) to know someone is waiting, always around him willing to help, hoping he'll 'come around' to wanting you as something more. Of course he'll appreciate you being around but I'm afraid when it really comes down to it, he might not give you what you want and then he'll be accused of being selfish. Which is unfair because if he never promised anything, he doesn't owe you anything and yes, I know you'll say you don't expect anything but this post proves otherwise. Why be mad at him if you are just friends!

Like a previous post stated, what are your needs? You don't want to address that nor why you haven't talked to him about what you want. Don't let that seethe inside. He'll respect you for looking out for yourself.

I would say you are just a friend to him. If anything more will happen, who knows but I can pretty much guarantee he's dated/slept with other women. He needs his ego fed, so between you and other women, he's getting what he wants. Right now, he probably just wants fun, nothing serious. Are you thinking that if you prove yourself over time his feelings will change?

Thank you Donna and JonLeo....good points. Let me recap what's going on here: HE pursued me hot and heavy. Since his divorce is not final, we decided not to get romantically involved at this point. A few obstacles presented themselves....moving into his new house (which is a fixer upper), trying to get his 2 year old on a parental schedule, he has his own business, and his divorce is not final. And I am in a healing stage from a horrendous 4 year relationship, 6 months into my own healing.

I have been a friend to him, the way friends are supposed to be. He has introduced the 2 year old to me and I have spent time with her, and went out of his way to introduce me to his mom when she was here visiting.

I was advised a few months ago to back off a little from him. I was always available to him, yes..by my own admission I was...calling and texting him with much regularity, and him back at me. I backed off a little, and he still continued to call and text. My original question was, in my first post on this thread....in the last few months, when he gets me on the phone, without a hello or how are you, immediately launches into his frustrations. He then gets another phone call, puts me on hold without asking, then comes back to say he needs to take the call and hangs up. Lots of times, I haven't even gotten a word in edgewise. This pattern is repeating itself over and over, on the phone and on text. I posed the question to the forum....should I say something to him about this, ignore it and hope it gets better, or ice him? I GET that he has a lot on his plate. I have not been a drama queeen, a nag or a needy whiney girl.

What my needs are at this point, and being a Libra, is just a bit more "balance" in the relationship. Just looking for balance, not a strategy to determine if there is "more" to it at this point. Neither one of us want more at this point. He needs to get through his issues and I need to be a bit more on solid footing in my own healing process.

What this stems from is enforcing my boundaries. I understand all relationships are give and take. I don't want this pattern to keep perpetuating itself and it becomes the "norm" for our relationship. And I don't need for someone to ask me how I am every time or say hello every time, after all, friendships and relationships enjoy the "familiarity" of someone you know, so you don't have to stand on "ceremony" EVERY time. It's a pattern I'm seeing with the Leo and I just posed a friendly question for comment.

Here's an update on what transpired this week.....Tuesday, a very egotistical text, almost to the point of just mean. The Leo is a nice guy, generally, with a great sense of humor, and...uh..just drop dead handsome. I ignored the text and didn't respond. Thursday night, he called and his message was just calling to catch up and for me to call him back. I haven't called him back, although I probably will today. I will say that when I don't respond to his texts or his phone calls, which isn't often, he keeps calling and texting until he gets a response from me.

By his own admission in discussing the finer points of being a Leo several months ago, he did say he lines up pretty well with all Leo traits. He was happy to learn that I am a Libra, as Leo/Libra relationships tend to be good.

I think Libra females are wonderfully paired with Leo males.

Actually I just find female Libras to be quite wonderful 🙂