Is this Leo in my future or not?

It's a long time since I have been here. Dating Leo Man just over 4 years and need help please.

I am Gemini lady, moon-Cancer, mercury-Gemini and venus-Cancer.

I have been going out with a Leo man, moon-Gemini, mercury-Virgo, venus-Gemini.

I love how my Leo has a very stable gentle nature and I love how he is organised and keeps me focused. We are both home bodies and I love how he is entertaining and we love the same music.

However 4.5 years ago his very sick and very wealthy Auntie whom he has little contact with needed his address in case she needs to send him something. At the time he had $ 30k in savings, moved in with me and left his high paying job to start up a business. He has nothing, no property nor ongoing expenses.

My uncle and my friends think I should kick him out because they believe he is only using me.

Since giving up his job, he spent all his money, basically on himself to fund his image and life style impressing shop owners by buying his lunch everyday, his cigarettes, his beer, his cappuccino's, the newspaper and petrol for his car.

Then he said he is struggling with getting a job and much had to do with his age (50), so he went on anti depressants. But he could still fund his lifestyyle

This last 6 months I got him a part time job working 3 or 4 days a week. His business is non existent.

However he does all the housework, lawns, garbage, vacuums and washes dishes, shopping and cooks dinner, laundry and bathrooms. He makes my lunch for work everyday.

He makes my life easy as I mostly work 8 or 9 days straight, being 14-16 hour days with 1 day off, so he has all my work clothes clean and ready for the next day.

I feel so spoilt as I do not have to do anything when I get home from work.

So what is my problem!!!! It sounds just to good to be true.......

It's my place so I need to pay the mortgage and he doesn't pay rent, though will help me if something needs fixing round the house.

He struggles with my inconsistency and flexibility, when I say "Guess what, I've come up with new idea".

I am jealous of his social 'Cavalier life style ' because we never go anywhere on my days off and it is never more than 5kms from the house. He has so much free time and will travel great distances so he can socialise with his friends, neighbours, at the local shops, goes to the beach and says 'The water's beautiful'..

If I want us to go on holidays, I pay because he can't afford it.

It takes me weeks to get the his share of the utilities out of him.

If the kettle, vacuum, lawn mower or washing machine or fridge breaks, I have to pay cause he can't afford it.

The last 4 months we sleep in different rooms because the queen mattress he sleeps on is 31yrs old, needs replacing as it hurts my lower back and hip. He can't afford to help me buy a cheap one so we can sleep together. I said to him I get the same affection from my kids as him when they come over, a peck on the cheek.

We hardly have sex and I feel like we are more like flatmates with benefits. At times I feel like I am paying him to stay at my house than in a real relationship.

I am very patient person and have tried to be as honest as I can

Sounds like this guy simply needs something to do. I don't think he's sleeping around on you, I think he may be (for lack of a better word), depressed.

You mentioned that you were in your 50s? I'm going to guess he's in his 50s or 60s? Very possible he's going through a mid-life crisis and needs some direction regarding what he wants to do. He probably knows somewhere in his mind that he needs to do more, but could be so mentally overwhelmed about his goals (or lack there of) that he is stuck in a state of inaction (Leos tend to procrastinate, so it's an easy pitfall for him to get stuck in).

He probably doesn't want to work anymore (who does?) unless it's something he REALLY enjoys. It sounds like he originally wanted to pursue his own business (a very Leo trait), but when it didn't pan out, he started internally sulking and never continued the pursuit of his goals. Sometimes a Leo needs some coaxing (or even coaching) to get us back into handling our responsibilities. Sounds like he may be a little burnt out and needs a reboot to his purpose in life. He's basically exhibiting the life of a retiree but it's financially weighing down on you since he has no savings left.

One thing everyone should be aware of is a man's purpose/goal in life is VERY important to his well-being (ESPECIALLY Leo men). It not only gives him a reason to get up and "be a man", but it also affects his libido. In fact a man's purpose/drive = his libido. Right now he seems to be vacillating and unsure of his purpose. As a result his sex drive has lowered. This can be confusing for most women when it comes to men of his age. The other thing you must realize is (if he's older) his sexual desire isn't as potent. As men, our sexual peak is somewhere between 16 and 30. By the time we're 50, unless we've been taking proper care of our bodies, our sex drive has diminished significantly. Then add in the fact that he may feel less manly right not, that may explain why he's not treating you like a sexual being.

So what should you do?

Gently bring it up to him. Men are sensitive when it comes to our "validity". Even when we aren't showing up properly, all men still take pride in our abilities. Let him know that you now feel like his "mommy" and are losing attraction for him. Let him know you're ONLY saying this as a means to help him because you know that he is a good man and should be showing up better than he currently is. Tell him if he needs help figuring out what will make him happy that you will support him. Just let him know that he needs to DO something.

My guess is he saved up money, spent it, now feels a bit incompetent and waiting for something to pan out (i.e. his wealthy/sickly aunt). I don't think he's cheating on you (though not completely out of the picture), I get the sense that he's too proud to express that he feels like a failure. We Leos tend to "indulge" when we feel down instead. It sounds like he is indulging and not facing his own inadequacies.

Granted, this is just a theory, but worth looking into if you feel love for him. Talk to him and feel it out.

I know my post was long and I really thank you for your replies. I value each of your insight and agree he made the wrong decision and overwhelmed by his situation. You are correct saying I sound resentful and today we are having another talk about money, not his money cause he hasn't got any, it's mine. He has known for 7mths I need surgery(next week) and recovery is minimum 6-15 weeks off work, so I am worried about bills.

He won't talk to anyone about his financial burden on my quality of life cause it has gone downhill. At times I feel like I am an enabler and think he is using me. Someone said lucky his name is not Bob, cause I call him Sponge Bob. A relationship can not survive on love alone. I am happy to pay someone $ 150 for lawns and clean house every 2 weeks. I want him to stop spending his money on his addictions and himself ( $ 300 a week from his part time job) and get a full time job, contribute financially to food/bills and provide a life style , instead of me paying for everything.

He can be very hot tempered and has stormed out of the house to stay with his friends for days on end, with no contact, then just return when he has cooled down. I told him I am not playing that game and next time he walks out the door, shut it cause I'm not chasing him. He was shocked, that was 18mths ago.

I don't believe he is cheating and it never cross my mind, but if he can find a better option I will glad to help pack his bag. I just hate how he presents himself to friends, neighbours etc, that life is grand and things are 'just jim dandy'. When he applied for jobs, he would comment, (however I believe he was serious) 'Who wouldn't they hire me, just look at me' as he flexed his muscles in the mirror.

In the end I think I know the answer, thanks again

He dosent feel good about himself. I tend to get depressed when I can't carry my share of the load. I just keep getting deeper and deeper into the hole of depression. Nothing can fix it either, except stability. We need stability and right now he has none. This is all him and there's nothing you can do about it.

" I feel like I am an enabler ..."

Yeah.

Double that $ 300 per week he earns, with a full

time job, and he'll be just fine.

It would be good to let him go.

You'll feel so much better.



🙂

Ok after careful thought and controlled emotions I said to my Leo Man ' I love you but this relationship is going round and around.' He agreed and as lifted my hands I continued 'I surrender and can't do this anymore' he agreed. I said I think I'm enabling you which is not fair on both of us and I give up, I can't do it anymore.

So after saying that and had just worked 14hrs, there was nothing for dinner so he bought chinese.

Today I go to work and come home to a polished house. He did everything i mean tidied and cleaned everything. Plus dinner made and my favourite show recorded.

that is a typical action of a Leo telling me that he is really really sorry, he knows he did wrong and is trying or pleading really hard for forgiveness.

I don't mean to be rude but getting a Leo's to actually say the word 'sorry', is like watching a person eating a lemon or grapefruit for the first time. Sorry guys...

See how I feel he completes me. Now what—

Cleaning the house is fine and dandy, but now he needs to go out and get a job. Him "agreeing" with you is probably as good as you're going to get regarding an apology unless you REALLY let him know that you don't appreciate feeling like you've been used. Sounds like he was being compliant, so he is being thoughtful by cleaning up and buying dinner. The issue though is that he needs to contribute financially.

So don't let this die out just yet. You need to let him know that you want him to start making moves. He needs to be contributing to the financial welfare of the household. Let him know that if you are working, then he AS THE MAN needs to stop sitting around and start being more productive. His depression/ sulking/ procrastination stage is over.

Thank you for all your advice, I really get a lot of comfort from the genuine considerate comments. I had been 4 months off work recovering from surgery used all my leave plus needed 5 weeks leave WITHOUT PAY, but he couldn't help with the bills because he only made enough money to maintain his cavalier life style to outsiders while we suffer at home. I said to him if we were renting we would be thrown out on the street because he is not stepping up and taking care of me, like I did him last (for 2.5yrs).

So listening to your suggestions I made huge adjustments last 5 months and limited shopping, only paying for food I liked. Which caused him to fork out more of his money and it clearly became intrusive on his life style . First came complaints 'Oh I can't afford it' or 'I haven't got any money'

Such sympathy, Oh you poor thing try forfeit the cigarettes, alcohol, cappuccinos and buy petrol instead.

Removing my funds dramatically changed his lavish life style which caused us to argue more and more, plus 3 weeks ago we moved 38kms closer to my work, which then was 38kms from his casual work so we had to have a talk.

Peacefully he said 'All I can say is this relationship is not working and hasn't been for a while, your not doing it for me and I'm not doing it for you'.

Yes I said 'That's all I can come up with as well'. I said I am so glad because I don't have to listen to his rubbish any more of why he can't do blah blah...like get a full time job and pull your weight and that he reminds me of a parasite, that sucks the life or funds out of someone and then moves on. I said to him I was sick of his grumpy, cranky, uptight and negative frustrated attitude.

It's good that you stood up for yourself and saw him for who he truly was.