Leo: Always attracted to hot/cold types?

Hi everyone,
New to the board but I've been reading through. I am recently divorced from a Virgo man. We were married for 13 years, together for 15, two children. AMAZING SEX, of course. But not so great for each other in other ways. He cheated on me once at about the 7 year mark but I felt it was out of character so we worked through it. Keeping the family together was incredibly important to me so I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. Until last September, when I found him having lunch with another woman. Maybe they had done more, maybe not. Either way, it was apparent that he was beginning another affair at least. Because of our history, I just wasn't willing to go into too many details and tear myself apart with more knowledge than I needed to know what he was doing. I immediately asked for a divorce. From the beginning, he was hot/cold, constantly testing my love and commitment, was really critical (He told me I wasn't ambitious, twice took food off my plate telling me I didn't need all of that, criticized my homemaking skills when I was staying home with the kids, implied that I wouldn't exercise appropriate etiquette at a family wedding, and at the end said "I don't think you realize how much a wife's appearance matters to a man's ego" - which was absolutely devastating.) All of this happened over 15 years...so I guess I didn't realize how much he had totally torn apart my self-esteem until that last comment and how hard it has been for me to get past it. (without an eating disorder!) Things started to get tense between us when I went back to school and finally started my career in a very intense, time consuming, and competitive field. More fell on him. Admittedly, I was very focused on my career but it wasn't like I was totally absent...at all. We were both just very busy. He dealt with the stress by drinking and carousing. I just couldn't maintain that type of life style and maintain my edge at work, be a mom and wife, or get enough sleep, or feel healthy. I'm 36 he's 44. I felt like I gave him plenty of time to be in his 20s. Anyway. We divorced. It's been a year.

For reference: Here are our charts:

Mine:

Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Leo 25.52 Ascendant Libra 13.26
Moon Gemini 3.46 II Scorpio 11.04
Mercury Virgo 22.00 III Sagittarius 11.59
Venus Virgo 12.46 IV Capricorn 15.02
Mars Virgo 26.29 V Aquarius

His:
Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Time unknown
Sun Virgo 23.57
Moon Gemini 23.59
Mercury Libra 4.33 R
Venus Libra 18.25
Mars Libra 15.15
Jupiter Gemini 1.11
Saturn Leo 12.33
Uranus Scorpio 4.53
Neptune Sagittarius 11.22
Pluto Libra 10.56
Lilith Taurus 5.40
Asc node Scorpio 4.01

I don't know his time of birth.

Recently I started casually dating a Capricorn man and I sense some of the same patterns in him. Which makes me very wary. The sex is AMAZING...which is very important to me and seems hard to find.

Any insight into my past relationship and a relationship between me and a Capricorn would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you and glad to be here!🙂

(oh, and I don't mean to say that there weren't very sweet and very dedicated lovely times between us. There definitely were. For long stretches of time, we were harmonious)

I'm also LEO Sun/Venus Virgo.

I've dated two Virgos, long-term; one I'm still friends with, the other-- ehh.

The second was overly critical, etc.


No offense, but your ex? He's an unfaithful ass.


Watch this, and see how much you identify with.

Montgomery- thanks for the video! I am having a difficult time downloading but will try again to watch. No offense taken at all. He is an unfaithful ass. And a rather sad man. He eventually told me (after he was done blaming me for what he did) that he wanted to see if he 'still had it'. My response was (of course) 'You were married to me. That should be proof enough that you have it.' He's an incredibly insecure, fearful, and untrusting person. ( I was 21 when we met. What did I know, right?) I am attractive woman. People have often commented that we were a mismatch in that way but that didn't matter to me at all because I loved *him* and that made him incredibly attractive to me. I never, ever shot back by tearing apart his appearance when he said things to me because he isn't the most attractive man and it seemed especially hurtful and too easy to do so. (until the last comment after the second infidelity- when I broke it down pretty harshly for him and he started crying.) Didn't matter if I was a size 8 or 12...he was never not judging how my appearance reflected on him. That's a hole in him that can't be filled without some serious introspection and that's just an incredibly sad place to be as a person.

Admittedly, when I have many things going on especially, I don't notice when someone is struggling emotionally if they don't stop me and voice it clearly. He said he was unhappy for a long time. I look back on that last year and this was contradictory to what I thought was going on in the relationship. We had a lot of fun and I thought we were very close. I new that in the 4 months leading up to it that we were on somewhat different pages with the partying vs let's get ready for the week on Sunday, I can't go out on week nights thing, let's go hike instead of patio drinks thing, but I thought it was just an adjustment period. So when he told me he was unhappy for a very long time, I was shocked and said I am not a psychic. I cannot know if you never, ever told me. I am not without fault in our relationship but I was always upfront, honest, present, and communicative. I recognize that I am a lot to handle and sometimes I think my professional blossoming (which shaped our social life and networks) just overshadowed him and he was being devoured by too much of me. He didn't have enough of his own identity. That's not really my fault but it takes a certain kind of man to feel secure with that and hold his own.

Wounded Leo- I am not feeling quite the magnetism that I did with Virgo, but I am also older and trying to be much more careful with my heart. That said, he is the first man since my divorce that I've been on more than one date with. He seemed a bit hard to pin down at first but I didn't push much. I learned a lot of patience after 15 years with a virgo.

Then we had sex and something altered a bit with him. I don't think he knows what to think of me.(well, I know. He said as much) And, he might just be in a sex haze but last time, during pillow talk, I felt he was trying to get more from me emotionally (verbally) and also trying to tell me he was scared of what he was feeling (which btw, I don't necessarily need him to voice right now.) I like him. I like talking to him. I really like having sex with him. But, I am still pretty fresh off the divorce. I am not looking for serious and I am also trying not to repeat the same patterns. Still, I don't want to take my baggage and make it a roadblock to something pretty great.

I think I have started dating, essentially, the same man. That concerns me so I have been hanging back a bit.

@Mountainlion

You are aware, then-- good; you have a LOT of insight, which is impressive.

He was projecting his insecurities onto you-- and I totally identify with the "I'm not a mind-reader!" aspect.

I'm guilty of that, myself-- I don't pick up on subtleties that other signs do-- I tend to take what people say at face value.

Here is the direct link to that video: Venus in Virgo

If you're able to watch, I would be very interested in your thoughts.

🙂

Montgomery- watched it. I definitely identify with a lot in that video. Especially the servitude and the day-to-day relationship stuff. I do love that and that's why I think I am particularly suited well to marriage. I think it's romantic to look back and say 'look at this relationship we've built over all these days. Look at this history and bond.' I don't need my feelings in a long term relationship to be explosive all the time. I appreciate the ebb and flow of the intensity of love over the years and I am not one to freak out and say immature things like 'I love him but I am just not *in* love with him' and get a divorce or cheat when things aren't as intense. I know the intensity comes back.

I also identify with the lists part! I definitely had a list. It was only 10 things...ex didn't meet 1. It probably needed to be longer, ha! I don't identify with the shallow part as much. My list had nothing very shallow...other than he needed to have career ambition and earning potential. I don't know if that's very shallow though.

And I analyze the holy fuck out of my love life. Clearly. Sometimes to my torture and detriment, but I live through my feelings, analyze them and think I come out better for it. I am very hard on myself. I have learned to try to regulate that as much as possible and be a little easier on myself.

Yes, I feel bad when I don't pick up on things and I really try to be aware of that. About two weeks before I caught him, I began to have a feeling that maybe something was going on between him and someone else. A week before I caught him, I had a dream he was cheating on me. The Friday before I caught him, I told him ' look, I don't know if I am being paranoid or bringing things up from before, but I have been feeling like there's something going on between you and someone else.' Of course, he denied and hugged me and kissed me all over my face. Two days later: busted.

Oh, and I got our charts wrong - I put my birth year with him and posted mine incompletely. For anyone who wants to break down what this mess is: 🙂

Me:
Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Leo 25.52 Ascendant Libra 13.26
Moon Gemini 3.46 II Scorpio 11.04
Mercury Virgo 22.00 III Sagittarius 11.59
Venus Virgo 12.46 IV Capricorn 15.02
Mars Virgo 26.29 V Aquarius 17.48
Jupiter Taurus 29.34 VI Pisces 17.43
Saturn Leo 9.08 VII Aries 13.26
Uranus Scorpio 3.40 VIII Taurus 11.04
Neptune Sagittarius 11.12 R IX Gemini 11.59
Pluto Libra 9.56 Midheaven Cancer 15.02
Lilith Taurus 2.26 XI Leo 17.48
Asc node Scorpio 6.04 XII Virgo 17.43

Him:
Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Time unknown
Sun Virgo 23.28
Moon Cancer 9.18
Mercury Libra 19.25
Venus Libra 17.14
Mars Leo 26.34
Jupiter Virgo 17.58
Saturn Aries 24.13 R
Uranus Virgo 29.13
Neptune Scorpio 24.14
Pluto Virgo 22.44
Lilith Gemini 10.06
Asc node Aries 9.30

It is sad. That's interesting and maybe why sometimes I think our relationship was something it was not and that he isn't who I thought he was? I have said before that he just lets me "paint" what I think is going on with him. He keeps everything so buried and bottled up and to himself that I just analyze it all in some type of weird void based upon actions.

Recently, he told me that I make him feel like he's evil. That's only recently though. Throughout our relationship, I've always seen the best in him. The first half (before infidelity), I would often say he was the best person I knew. After infidelity, he was no longer on a pedestal like that, but my perspective changed - in that he didn't need to be for me to love him and move forward. In fact, I think the hardest thing for me to overcome so that I could move forward was precisely my inability to see bad in him. Even after two infidelities and the complete destruction of our family. Weird.

...oh, and thanks for the response Jynja. I really appreciate it. 🙂

So sorry with what you've been through with your marriage.

I was married to a capricorn for a long time...As WoundedLeo mentioned, they will take your heart and NEVER give it back...you'll have to snatch it back. Ex-cap was EXTREMELY manipulative and SECRETIVE. Those two things drove me nuts, but we did have a lot in common. I was lucky to leave with my sanity...though some would question that!

BUT...not all caps are the same. I thought the sex was great until I got with my now ex-cancer. I can't even put it into words. Indescribable!