TheLioness79
@TheLioness79
12 Years1,000+ PostsLeo
Comments: 18 · Posts: 1149 · Topics: 51
Lesson on Leo's and love
Posted by StillWater
I don't know your whole story... but I just feel for you. A good bye. Mourning a lost marriage. Hoping for a brighter future but the shadows of what used to be are haunting. It's hard when you see your path so straight and love so strong, but the other person is unsure and lost.
I hope the best for you. But don't despair what is lost because it always comes back in another way.
Thank you Stillwater. It was a hard decision but the right one. My future is brighter and stuff I had laid down for my internal self, my children and our future is falling nicely in place. Still bumps, but I always obliterate those. That is what us Leo's do. 🙂
No despair now. I have cycled through that and moved on. It is more just final closure and putting everything to rest.
Lioness79,
I know how it feels to receive the divorce papers finalized after 15 years of marriage.
Even if it was your decision to proceed, and even if you think you will be partying once it is all over, that is not what happens. I surprised myself at the time of how emotional I became.
What seems inseparable, suddenly becomes split into two separate lives.
It will get easier of course. I never wanted to get married again.
Warmest hugs. It will feel better soon.
I know how it feels to receive the divorce papers finalized after 15 years of marriage.
Even if it was your decision to proceed, and even if you think you will be partying once it is all over, that is not what happens. I surprised myself at the time of how emotional I became.
What seems inseparable, suddenly becomes split into two separate lives.
It will get easier of course. I never wanted to get married again.
Warmest hugs. It will feel better soon.
FUM,
No partying. Just closure and moving forward. He has pretty much been out of the country for almost a year and little contact. So, I have come to my own as my independent self. I have been through the grieving process and do expect one quick shock at finalization as I lay to rest finally everything. One thing I live in my life, I have no regrets, because after all, everything in my life and poor decisions I may have made has made me a stronger and better woman. I have learned so much through this process about myself and worked to resolve those issues.
I had the same thought, never wanted to do this again, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Thank you!
No partying. Just closure and moving forward. He has pretty much been out of the country for almost a year and little contact. So, I have come to my own as my independent self. I have been through the grieving process and do expect one quick shock at finalization as I lay to rest finally everything. One thing I live in my life, I have no regrets, because after all, everything in my life and poor decisions I may have made has made me a stronger and better woman. I have learned so much through this process about myself and worked to resolve those issues.
I had the same thought, never wanted to do this again, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Thank you!
I never regretted it either. Strange but true.
The one year separation was the most difficult. I am glad to see you are independent enough to support yourself, otherwise it may have lingered for longer than it is desirable. Most women take on the care of children and end up away from the work force. It's not the best position to be in.
Anyhow, interestingly, I felt stronger and more myself too 🙂
Starting with a clean slate can have its difficulties, such as, when I left, I literally started with a car full of items and no money. I was happy though for being responsible for myself and my child. It was an exciting start. Anything I added in time, came through my own successes.
You have come this far. 🙂
The one year separation was the most difficult. I am glad to see you are independent enough to support yourself, otherwise it may have lingered for longer than it is desirable. Most women take on the care of children and end up away from the work force. It's not the best position to be in.
Anyhow, interestingly, I felt stronger and more myself too 🙂
Starting with a clean slate can have its difficulties, such as, when I left, I literally started with a car full of items and no money. I was happy though for being responsible for myself and my child. It was an exciting start. Anything I added in time, came through my own successes.
You have come this far. 🙂
I applaud you for sharing your story, and i commend you on your strengths, I pray you seek comort , even more i should say through it all.!
1 day at a time!
1 day at a time!
Posted by FUM
I never regretted it either. Strange but true.
The one year separation was the most difficult. I am glad to see you are independent enough to support yourself, otherwise it may have lingered for longer than it is desirable. Most women take on the care of children and end up away from the work force. It's not the best position to be in.
Anyhow, interestingly, I felt stronger and more myself too 🙂
Starting with a clean slate can have its difficulties, such as, when I left, I literally started with a car full of items and no money. I was happy though for being responsible for myself and my child. It was an exciting start. Anything I added in time, came through my own successes.
You have come this far. 🙂
I used this time apart to focus on me so I can be the woman and mother I needed to be to my kids. Plus, I really had to figure out who I was a woman. I got married at 19, so trying to figure out who I was tough. But I got it. Still tweaking, but I got it.
I have always been the breadwinner for the family, even when he had a job.
I just couldn't raise another child who was a grown man and be that codependent anymore, it was literally killing me.
Posted by xdimplez
keep calm and carry on lioness. you are doing so well so far
I am good. It is just bittersweet. And come to terms that this page will finally be turned. Say my last goodbyes and keep it moving!
Posted by Ssasy
I applaud you for sharing your story, and i commend you on your strengths, I pray you seek comort , even more i should say through it all.!
1 day at a time!
Thank you. I am actually in such a better place with me then I had been for a very long time. I remember waking up one morning saying, ah there you are, I missed you...me
Posted by TheLioness79Posted by FUM
I never regretted it either. Strange but true.
The one year separation was the most difficult. I am glad to see you are independent enough to support yourself, otherwise it may have lingered for longer than it is desirable. Most women take on the care of children and end up away from the work force. It's not the best position to be in.
Anyhow, interestingly, I felt stronger and more myself too 🙂
Starting with a clean slate can have its difficulties, such as, when I left, I literally started with a car full of items and no money. I was happy though for being responsible for myself and my child. It was an exciting start. Anything I added in time, came through my own successes.
So interesting.. I married when 20 days before 20 actually 🙂
I made it through with hard work too... had a job for a number of years, but in the end he told me.. "You came with nothing and will leave with nothing!"
I was the one working even when we divorced. I didn't mind him a bit. I gave him what he wanted. Signed off on papers claiming zero. Took my kid, because if I had gone into petty little ego fights, it would have taken more and gained others.
I just went.
You have come this far. 🙂
I used this time apart to focus on me so I can be the woman and mother I needed to be to my kids. Plus, I really had to figure out who I was a woman. I got married at 19, so trying to figure out who I was tough. But I got it. Still tweaking, but I got it.
I have always been the breadwinner for the family, even when he had a job.
I just couldn't raise another child who was a grown man and be that codependent anymore, it was literally killing me.click to expand
wow.. thanks Duncan! For cutting off all my f*cking comments. It was fromt he heart and I didn't keep a copy.
Sorry Lioness.
Ah. Was just saying I had married 20 days before my 20th b-day.
I worked many years and even when we were going through the separation period, I was the bread winner, but he claimed I came with nothing and will leave with nothing. He took EVERYTHING!
I signed the papers, not wanting any support for our child. I didn't want to give advantage to others for petty little .. this is yours.. this is mine... I just went.
Sorry Lioness.
Ah. Was just saying I had married 20 days before my 20th b-day.
I worked many years and even when we were going through the separation period, I was the bread winner, but he claimed I came with nothing and will leave with nothing. He took EVERYTHING!
I signed the papers, not wanting any support for our child. I didn't want to give advantage to others for petty little .. this is yours.. this is mine... I just went.
Aww FUM it's OK. You are strong woman. He sounds like a prick. It is amazing though what you thought at 19 to the time you left about life, people and your needs. And you landed on your feet and did for your baby. The lengths we go through for our children.
He was the one who left with nothing but his clothes and left the country. Before he left the country I was desperate to get him sign the PSA so I could have Sole Legal and Physical custody of the kids, in fear he may try to take out of the country. We were in disagreement of CS and I almost eliminated it just to get him to sign. Let's just say things happened to fall in my favor where once again he was dependent on me. So we negotiated it down (but I have a $ 100 escalation clause written in where it increase by 100 a month the first of every year until the last child turns 18, unless there is catastrophe to on of the children that I have maintain care of them for the rest of their lives). He signed and signed the decree and answers. I also changed the language to read payments to me instead of DCSE. What he fails to realize, that doesn't mean I can't go down and file with DSCE for them to take the case. So that is where I took my happy ass after he left. I will prolly never see a cent and not banking on it. But if he does ever return here, then it will go to their higher ed, even though he is suppose to pay half anyways.
But I get, there are times you have to do what you have to do.
He was the one who left with nothing but his clothes and left the country. Before he left the country I was desperate to get him sign the PSA so I could have Sole Legal and Physical custody of the kids, in fear he may try to take out of the country. We were in disagreement of CS and I almost eliminated it just to get him to sign. Let's just say things happened to fall in my favor where once again he was dependent on me. So we negotiated it down (but I have a $ 100 escalation clause written in where it increase by 100 a month the first of every year until the last child turns 18, unless there is catastrophe to on of the children that I have maintain care of them for the rest of their lives). He signed and signed the decree and answers. I also changed the language to read payments to me instead of DCSE. What he fails to realize, that doesn't mean I can't go down and file with DSCE for them to take the case. So that is where I took my happy ass after he left. I will prolly never see a cent and not banking on it. But if he does ever return here, then it will go to their higher ed, even though he is suppose to pay half anyways.
But I get, there are times you have to do what you have to do.
Seraph, thank you. It means a lot. Yes, my babes have always been my number one priority. They are my breath, my joy, and my sunshine !
just remember to keep yourself a priority too. work on your happiness as much as the happiness of your kids. don't harbour regrets, just focus on the future and everything will work out just fine for all of you 🙂
Posted by seraphPosted by seraph
I'll note that your first priority has always been your children. Always.
. . . and *not* the guy; not his approval, not his "love" (which it really wasn't), not his consent, not his comfort, not his attempts to control you, not his expectations of you, not his judgment of you.
You bravely strode apart from and beyond all that, and cut right through to what was most important. That kind of strength - and how you pulled it out, given the difficult circumstances, is a valuable lesson for others.
click to expand
Seraph, again I am so humbled. Thank you. I just had to keep focused on what the priorities where and kept my eye on my end goals. If choose to fall in course, that was on him, I had to make those changes best for them and I. I just did what needed to be done.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
just remember to keep yourself a priority too. work on your happiness as much as the happiness of your kids. don't harbour regrets, just focus on the future and everything will work out just fine for all of you 🙂
Thank you Roxi, losing sight of ones self is so easy to do especially when you have kids. I have worked so hard on me during this time and I do need to do more just for me though.
I have always lived my life with no regrets. It is about taking from life those lessons you need learn and keep moving forward.
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What a flood of emotions. I am confident in my choice for this. I gave it my all and gave him all opportunities to resolve our issues which he choose not to. So I know I made the right choice for myself and the children. I have ME back, not only that, but a better ME, and my babies are flourishing and shinning brighter then what they had in the past couple of years. I suffered at night by myself as I grieved the loss of this marriage for many months and cycled through the stages of grief many time until I reached the point of peace and acceptance.
So, now as it become completely final, there is relief that I can close this chapter and start my new chapter of my life and keep moving forward. But yet a sadness of loss still as the promise of forever made is not there. I will always love this man, we have been legally married for almost 15 years and he gave three wonderful children. I have no ill will against him or animosity. I really hope the best for him and pray his Leo Sun will guide him and allow him to find his way and himself.
It was hard and took a very long time to decide to walk away, but in the end it is the best for all of us. Now onto what tomorrow brings me and what I need to do to get there for my babies and help them through with a now absentee farther.