Not the Marrying Kind

Saturday I was out and I ran into a woman that I have not seen in awhile. She is only a few years older than me but she seems so very wise as if life experiences have made her this way. Here is the conversation.

Me: Hi, how are you?
Her: I'm great baby. How are you?
Me: I'm good. How is your husband? (They have children together and they both wore rings. I just assumed I guess)
Her: He is not my husband. He is not the marrying kind (she implied he was not husband material)
Me: Oh
Her: It's ok
Me: Ok
Her: It is what it is.

She smiled, gave me a hug and walked away.

I keep replaying this conversation over and over again in my head. How does one identify the —marrying kind— Let's even take marriage out of it because a marriage is religious in principal. Let's say commitment. Commitment is spiritual. How does one determine if another is the —commitment kind— You would only be able to determine this after the fact.

Maybe some people just aren't. They have no idea they are not. It doesn't make them any less than. They simply have a distorted self perception.

i dunno if marriage is the same as commitment. i would never have said i was the marrying kind and tbh, the only reason i got married was to get full british citizenship...we already had a 2 year old son when we got married and we considered that more of a commitment. i also didn't like having a different second name to my son...the marriage was purely practical and nothing to do with commitment or even love from my part.

then after that marriage didn't work out, i decided i wasn't the marrying kind again but it was more of an initial reaction to the previous fuck up and i'm in a different place now and i would consider marrying someone again if i could ever find anyone who isn't a knobhead of course!!!

Oh Rig...I would marry you but I don't think it is legal here. 🙂

Maybe it possible to turn the not marrying kind into the marrying kind. I suppose it is even possible to scar a married person so deeply, that they would never consider marrying again.

and from a guy's point of view especially, they might have been bled dry after a failed marriage which would kinda put you off for life too although i guess there's always prenups.

nala..come to europe...anyone can marry anyone here...we're not homophobic in the slightest.

If that's what works, that's what works. No business of anybody else to question that, I think. Not in a rude way towards you - moreso that its not a thought one will never know - it's all relative to the individual.

She wasn't saying it like he does not want to get married. She was saying it like he is a piece of crap and not fit to be married. So what I was thinking is why did she not realize this before the kids or whatever. How do you determine if someone is the "marrying" kind before you are in too deep. I suppose you could always roll the dice and hope for the best.

I'm not concerned with anyone's life choices. I was just saying you might save yourself some heartache if you realize early in that he or she is not relationship worthy. Some people just aren't.

Maybe she didn't mean it as negatively as you perceived it. That's honestly what I'm thinking. Could just be that way for personality.

"So what I was thinking is why did she not realize this before the kids or whatever. How do you determine if someone is the "marrying" kind before you are in too deep. I suppose you could always roll the dice and hope for the best"

I'm going to be honest - this quote irked me a bit.

No Huntress when she walked away I asked my other friend what that was about. She said oh you don't know. He has put her through so much over the years. So I said is that what she meant. I am not judging this person. I like her. I am trying to figure out something about me and my past relationships. Was there something I missed? Something I could have noticed. A glaring red flag to indicate to me this person is not what I think or want them to be.

Heck for all I know, I could be said person. I might not be relationship material either. Lord knows I have been hurt so many times it is difficult to not be jaded.

Maybe it came out wrong. It was after midnight here and I was tired. Idk but my questions, comments and concerns were only coming from a place of curosity and no where else.

Why thank you WL. I just like to learn from my mistakes and so I often analyze my past. I have a few Virgo placements. I suppose I do "think" things to death.

All I was trying to say is...some of these nit wits I have dated in the past were not capable of loving me the way I needed or wanted. I just wonder if some people, for whatever reason are simply not committment people by nature. Regardless of how mych nuture you put into the relationship.

Sometimes, I type the way I think. I always speak the way I think. Most times it comes out right every now and then it does not.

Because of this I am keeping track of how many times I have to apologize or explain myself here. If I find the number to be excessive. I will look at myself and not at others. (Damn that Virgo)

As I said in another post. I really like it here. The people are intelligent and I value the advice and opinions. It is free therapy. It's a "virtual couch". 😛