Stood up

The Leo stood me up tonight 😢

Was 2nd date. He called last night, confirmed it. Said he'd call today to firm the time, already selected the location. No call. Nada. He started pulling away last week after I told him I have to have another minor cancer surgery. He reacted very nervously about my having cancer, saying both his parents died of it and it's serious to him. Kept asking if I'd be ok. Said he'd call next day, didn't. Two dates later I texted asking if Id scared him with the C word. Replied denying it, that he is on mandatory OT with the elec company due to all the summer storms. Still interested in me and apologized for not staying in touch.

I didn't reply, he called next day. I let it go to vm, he again reiterated he wasnt scared off. I didn't call, but next day texted. He replied saying he thought Id given up on him. Two days later he texted asking me out for tonight. Called last night to firm the location but said he'd call today to set the time. He's working night shift 16 hrs and was exhausted and all that. He sounded tired and confused. Last thing he said was not to read anything into this and he is still interested in seeing me.

Actions don't match words. So it's done. It seemed his lovely Pisces moon was so endearing and sincere. Meh. It's no wonder the cycle of hurt and mistrust will never be broken. Not enough integrity left in people.

I just don't get it, though...why did he keep saying he wasn't scared off and still into me, but didn't show tonight? He gives me good "words" but totally bails out? It has crossed my mind that something unfortunate has happened to him or a loved one. I certainly hope NOT. But with the inconsistency it's hard to want to continue on. If I do hear from him, of course.

Thanks for your words, Xdimpelz...you're a sweetie 🙂

I've lost several people to cancer and that would make me think things through thoroughly if someone that I had been on 1 date with told me that!!! I don't understand why you would put him through that when you are in the very very early stages of getting to know someone? Even if you are looking for someone that will see you through this traumatic time, this isn't the best way to go about it.

Do you really think you were being fair to him?

Oh for fudge sakes, sweetheart....

I was at the doctor, he sent me text. I said "At the doctor!". "Why?", "getting test results". And thus the convo started. It wasn't like I sat him down, looked into his eyes with serious drama and said "Im dying"!! I had no idea his parents died from cancer. I told him that night when he called that its Basal Cell Carcinoma...a form of skin cancer and that the only shitty part of it is the didn't get all of it out during the first surgery and I have to have a second. And as it's on my FACE, Im more annoyed than anything about being cut open again. So it was drama free, and I told him so.

I have/had no idea how sensitive he is and if I cannot share this with a man I've spent the last 4 weeks getting to know then HE isn't the man for me.

None of this excuses his shittyness in standing me up.
BTW...

Posted by BigGirlPanties

Actions don't match words. So it's done. It seemed his lovely Pisces moon was so endearing and sincere. Meh. It's no wonder the cycle of hurt and mistrust will never be broken. Not enough integrity left in people.

Oh for fudge sakes, sweetheart....

I was at the doctor, he sent me text. I said "At the doctor!". "Why?", "getting test results". And thus the convo started. ...

I have/had no idea how sensitive he is and if I cannot share this with a man I've spent the last 4 weeks getting to know then HE isn't the man for me.

None of this excuses his shittyness in standing me up.
BTW...

I agree; none of it excuses his shittyness.

Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no published etiquette for things of this nature (i.e. your surgery, etc).

But I empathize with the Leo/Pisces thing, and I can't help but wonder if this "He sounded tired and confused." accounts for much of his (inexcusable) behavior.

I wouldn't put up with it, either-- but I also wouldn't totally write him off-- sincere apologies, with behavior that reflects its sincerity, works wonders. 🙂

I'm curious as to why you informed him of your illness/surgeries. If he's not your boyfriend, a very close person in your life then I see no reason divulge anything until things take a serious turn.

I'm not saying never tell a person your health status but wait a little while before divulging something that serious going on in your life.

A dating mistake occurred. You revealed too much too soon. Next time keep some things to yourself until the timing is right.

If I were you I'd give him a pass about his behavior. Why? Because he's faced cancer with 2 family members and lost the loves of his life and I'm sure he doesn't want to lose again. Just my thoughts.

I have to lol at people who advise me to stop dating. LOL.

Maybe single folks who don't do online dating don't understand this form of communication as it relates to dating, so let me share how it's gone with this guy. We talked/texted/chatted for a few weeks before date 1. After then, we spoke/texted even more. So we were communicating and getting to know each other for a period of time on a frequent basis. In other words, I didn't tell a total stranger about my skin cancer, ya see? We are getting to know each other and this really isn't a serious topic, when put in it's proper context. Would it be ok to tell him I was having bunyon surgery? Cus that's about what it amounts to, if you remove the word cancer. And a minor form of skin cancer. So, think about it, huh? After all, HE decided to involve himself in an assertive way when he went to the car dealership without my knowledge to negotiate on my behalf. (Not complaining, it was a huge, generous thing he did). So, again, not someone who is a stranger to me.

Ok so now that all of that is said and done...it seems there has been a major miscommunication between us which I will post in the next post below.

Ok, so....I re-read the texts he sent me this week. He asked me out specifically for Thursday night, He sent me a text Weds morning, which I didn't read till weds night which said how hectic work was, short of linemen, lot of rain causing 16 hour days, etc and that "when there is a break in the action, I would love to do dinner and let you know and I am in". So I replied, "In" because I thought he was just confirming Thursday. He wasn't specific in saying "Work is so hectic THEREFORE I have to cancel Thursday". So after I replied, he calls 30 mins later, he says he is still interested and tells me how bad the work deal is but he never said he was cancelling. We talked about where we would meet, the area and restaurants and He asked if he could call me the next day (Thurs) which I ASSUMED was to set the time. He never called and here we are. So, I am giving the benefit of the doubt that he was so exhausted and having his nights/days mixed up due to shift change, that he thought he did communicate the cancellation.

I hope this is the case.

I believe the way you communicate has created the problem. You somewhat blurred the communication here with everyone as well as doing this with him as well.

Telling a man your "dating" about your health issues should be something divulged much later down the line. Yes the whole online thing can feel so real and make people open up more especially via text messaging, email, social networking but the rules of engagement still hold firm. Wait to give out personal information and the whole car thing is a bit creepy (to me) and he over stepped his boundaries so be careful about your boundaries.

Not sure what the status is between the both of you but my suggestion would be to start over again. Give him a pass on the situation and then learn how to communicate more effectively meaning if there is something you need to know, want to know, want to confirm then do so and be exact about it.

Your biggest problem will be your inability to communicate better. Next time just reconfirm the date. So for now let it pass, give it some time and start over with him.

Boundaries. People forget boundaries via technological gadgets. If she feel it's okay then it's okay for her but for me that's a big no no that I wouldn't share with someone unless they've proven to be reliable and committed to me.

Communication between the sexes is an age old problem regardless if you're talking, texting or e-mailing. It's always the same old, same old: miscommunication = trouble and strife on any level.

Glad it's sorted though.

BTW - before I share something with my SO I always first consider how I would feel if he were the one sharing it with me. If it would make me feel uncomfortable then I'll wait for a more appropriate time.

Just a thought.

Leo men have a hard time with negative news. He will come around... keep your questioning to minimum.

I keep telling same to myself, but hey... we can only try.