dpriyu
@dpriyu
14 YearsLibra
Comments: 2 · Posts: 54 · Topics: 4
just some more words..
Even after three months in a row, I feel the same pain when I heard that sentence for the first time —I am reaching to a final decision??_ I am going??_?? thousands of tears could not shut the door or could make him change his mind. What's the point of honest tries if someone themselves do not want to stay?! I cry myself to sleep every night till now, thinking what a horrible person I became later that made him dump me. Hoping every second that he might forgive me one day, after all I am a human being and we all make mistakes.
I have tried to find comfort in every possible place that I could think of. Even I tried to talk to friends and family to soothe the pain of being away from him! But, as from childhood I have always been known as a girl who is strong and happy-go-lucky type, my sad face didn't match with what people expected of me and as a result, I rather got the feedback —Get a grip girl! Try to have some self-respect.?? So I am quite done with the idea —sharing pain makes it tolerable??.
Day after day I have searched the exact reason for which I had to face this —dumping reality?? because from my point of view only —having arguments?? can not be the reason for split up as two matured persons can surely have different point of views on a single subject. Being a Libra, I tend to have/find every possible answer of a topic/problem and I try to look from different angle. Though I am not sure whether I still have been able to reach to the bottom of this —being dumped?? problem but this the least I could have.
My Pisces man proposed me and the story started. In my point of view, it doesn't matter in which sign a person belongs; most of the individuals need their time to take a big step and trust another person for —creating?? a relation. So I took my —making up mind?? time and let him know —I would take time because I have been hurt badly by my ex and I want be cautious this time.?? My wish was granted by my P-man.
I have tried to find comfort in every possible place that I could think of. Even I tried to talk to friends and family to soothe the pain of being away from him! But, as from childhood I have always been known as a girl who is strong and happy-go-lucky type, my sad face didn't match with what people expected of me and as a result, I rather got the feedback —Get a grip girl! Try to have some self-respect.?? So I am quite done with the idea —sharing pain makes it tolerable??.
Day after day I have searched the exact reason for which I had to face this —dumping reality?? because from my point of view only —having arguments?? can not be the reason for split up as two matured persons can surely have different point of views on a single subject. Being a Libra, I tend to have/find every possible answer of a topic/problem and I try to look from different angle. Though I am not sure whether I still have been able to reach to the bottom of this —being dumped?? problem but this the least I could have.
My Pisces man proposed me and the story started. In my point of view, it doesn't matter in which sign a person belongs; most of the individuals need their time to take a big step and trust another person for —creating?? a relation. So I took my —making up mind?? time and let him know —I would take time because I have been hurt badly by my ex and I want be cautious this time.?? My wish was granted by my P-man.
It took me more than 5 months to make up my mind (??_yeah, I am slow but I wanted to make sure that I don't rush into anything) and my P-man would come to surface and sometimes gently nudge me but never pushed me to take any decision. It was probably because during this time, we were knowing each others life style , family and back ground, hobbies etc. etc.
Days were more beautiful with him after we officially became a couple and I would sometimes stare blank at the wall, thinking —is it really happening to me?...so the idea of Prince Charming is really true!?? I was happy and more confident and I would stand so tall. He was patient and calm and I guess he sensed that I was feeling uneasy to open up about my emotion, so he would start one after another discussion on any random topic and present a situation in front of me where subconsciously I would present my point of views from different angles. He would listen to me silently and I can remember the day when we first met, he was kind of swallowing each of my words!
Being in love, loving someone, being loved back--- these are amazing experiences! More amazing is that when u get to know that u can reveal all your dreams and fantasies to a person no matter how crazy they may sound! We would spend hours after hours talking about our crazy ideas and I would wonder later how easy I was feeling with him, gradually.
As I said before, from childhood, most of the people know me as a girl who doesn't break no matter how critical the situation is and who has a bright smile for everyone. Clearly it IS my defense against the cruel reality of life. But he would tell me —It's okay to cry when u feel pain??, —it is okay to feel nervous if something is serious??, —trust me, if u fall I am here to catch u.??
Days were more beautiful with him after we officially became a couple and I would sometimes stare blank at the wall, thinking —is it really happening to me?...so the idea of Prince Charming is really true!?? I was happy and more confident and I would stand so tall. He was patient and calm and I guess he sensed that I was feeling uneasy to open up about my emotion, so he would start one after another discussion on any random topic and present a situation in front of me where subconsciously I would present my point of views from different angles. He would listen to me silently and I can remember the day when we first met, he was kind of swallowing each of my words!
Being in love, loving someone, being loved back--- these are amazing experiences! More amazing is that when u get to know that u can reveal all your dreams and fantasies to a person no matter how crazy they may sound! We would spend hours after hours talking about our crazy ideas and I would wonder later how easy I was feeling with him, gradually.
As I said before, from childhood, most of the people know me as a girl who doesn't break no matter how critical the situation is and who has a bright smile for everyone. Clearly it IS my defense against the cruel reality of life. But he would tell me —It's okay to cry when u feel pain??, —it is okay to feel nervous if something is serious??, —trust me, if u fall I am here to catch u.??
When I was with my ex (Capricorn, for three years), he would occasionally tell me —do u even know how to nag or how to boss around— probably it is the easy going nature in me, I never liked to nag or intrude in someone's private time (even if it is my bf) and always supported a free-flowing relation.
—But I like when you tell me to do something??, —I want u to boss around me and make plans for me??, —I kind of feel happy when I sense the twinkle of jealousy in you!??---my P-men would tell me again and again (sometimes pouting his lips) and I could feel that my guards were coming down. I was being more expressive, little by little.
And possessive.
And demanding.
And clingy.
And angry.
And the list goes on.
OH! I AM AN EVIL LIBRA!
Was I evil before? Nope! It happened slowly??_
After nearly 7 months of starting the relation, I came to know the fact that I might not be able to have a baby as I have a problem. It was kind of a shock to me though my P-man was stronger than me on that time??_ and he said- —I only want YOU and nothing else...?? oh!my P-man!!
After being dumped, I would blame only ME for losing him because surely no person would like to feel burdened with emotional baggage. I myself would have run away if someone tries to control me and ask for more attention. But now I ask myself, did it happen out of the blue and my P-man along with the circumstances had nothing to do with my gradual change?
I have always tried my best not to stand IN BETWEEN him and his buddies. I rather preferred to stand with all of them if possible and if not then I tried not to interrupt his —guy time??. But things started to bother me when his —guy time?? extended from 4 hours to 10 hours, every single day. Things could have been better if I had some time for me from him. Things could have been better if I hadn't seen some of his female friends continuously and literally squeezing him (in front of me) and he had no complains for that attitude. I consoled myself, thinking that they are his friends. His friends do need him too!
—But I like when you tell me to do something??, —I want u to boss around me and make plans for me??, —I kind of feel happy when I sense the twinkle of jealousy in you!??---my P-men would tell me again and again (sometimes pouting his lips) and I could feel that my guards were coming down. I was being more expressive, little by little.
And possessive.
And demanding.
And clingy.
And angry.
And the list goes on.
OH! I AM AN EVIL LIBRA!
Was I evil before? Nope! It happened slowly??_
After nearly 7 months of starting the relation, I came to know the fact that I might not be able to have a baby as I have a problem. It was kind of a shock to me though my P-man was stronger than me on that time??_ and he said- —I only want YOU and nothing else...?? oh!my P-man!!
After being dumped, I would blame only ME for losing him because surely no person would like to feel burdened with emotional baggage. I myself would have run away if someone tries to control me and ask for more attention. But now I ask myself, did it happen out of the blue and my P-man along with the circumstances had nothing to do with my gradual change?
I have always tried my best not to stand IN BETWEEN him and his buddies. I rather preferred to stand with all of them if possible and if not then I tried not to interrupt his —guy time??. But things started to bother me when his —guy time?? extended from 4 hours to 10 hours, every single day. Things could have been better if I had some time for me from him. Things could have been better if I hadn't seen some of his female friends continuously and literally squeezing him (in front of me) and he had no complains for that attitude. I consoled myself, thinking that they are his friends. His friends do need him too!
People call it —distancing?? when someone is making less and less contact and they are simply —forgetting?? to give their partners some time. Panicked I was, with the feeling of insecurity and arguments started to take place. With the silliest of topic, we would argue and I would cry in the end. (((After all I have learned that —it's okay to cry if you feel pain??!))) And my P-man was becoming more and more silent.
He just went away from my life after stating that harsh line. Thousands of tears could not change his mind. I only can see now that both of us were right in our own point of views, according to the circumstances. Before leaving he said— "I am not being able to give u anything. My presence doesn't make u happy anymore." He was right about what he saw and made a clear statement. But did he ask me what really my problem was? No, he didn't because his perception of what is happening around him was definitely different than mine. I myself was overwhelmed by my own extreme behavior (once a person starts to be expressive then it is way too difficult to bottle up the emotion).
We both were victims of circumstances and we could not make it. People tell me to stop pondering in the past and move on??_ self-respect, dignity, pride--- these are big words for a person to digest who has invested a lot of emotion to form a relation. After the string is cut down, that feelings/ emotion/ moments do not return where they belonged and the person feels void. S/he lingers in the past back and forth, to see if there's something left behind. But does it mean that I am weak? I certainly do not think so though at some point I came to a point that death might be the only solution to end this heartache. I even contacted him countless times (I guess just to plead him to give our relation another chance) but his only response was —staying silent—?_
He just went away from my life after stating that harsh line. Thousands of tears could not change his mind. I only can see now that both of us were right in our own point of views, according to the circumstances. Before leaving he said— "I am not being able to give u anything. My presence doesn't make u happy anymore." He was right about what he saw and made a clear statement. But did he ask me what really my problem was? No, he didn't because his perception of what is happening around him was definitely different than mine. I myself was overwhelmed by my own extreme behavior (once a person starts to be expressive then it is way too difficult to bottle up the emotion).
We both were victims of circumstances and we could not make it. People tell me to stop pondering in the past and move on??_ self-respect, dignity, pride--- these are big words for a person to digest who has invested a lot of emotion to form a relation. After the string is cut down, that feelings/ emotion/ moments do not return where they belonged and the person feels void. S/he lingers in the past back and forth, to see if there's something left behind. But does it mean that I am weak? I certainly do not think so though at some point I came to a point that death might be the only solution to end this heartache. I even contacted him countless times (I guess just to plead him to give our relation another chance) but his only response was —staying silent—?_
After nearly 20 days of break up, I came to know that he had been hospitalized for some kidney trouble and as I still was so absorbed in pain, I ran to meet him which turned out to be another disaster as he didn't even look at me. This gesture can be called as hatred (at least that's what I thought, being at that moment) but considering his whole attitude in the beginning of relation, during the tough time makes me think now he simply didn't want to see the pain that was surfacing on my face.
I do not know how long it will take for both of us, for me to recover the emotional wound. I guess, the misunderstanding and the lack of knowledge to handle a certain situation tore both of us apart. An action always has its own reaction and the consequences follow and for us, the consequence led to the break up point.
I do not know how long it will take for both of us, for me to recover the emotional wound. I guess, the misunderstanding and the lack of knowledge to handle a certain situation tore both of us apart. An action always has its own reaction and the consequences follow and for us, the consequence led to the break up point.
thekingofLibra..
i am literally rolling over floor, laughing, after reading ur comment!!!!
LOL!!!!!
yeah..i have a limit of being unable to write short things 😄
sorry for that..
but thanks anyway...for making me laugh after a L-O-N-G time!!!!!
i am literally rolling over floor, laughing, after reading ur comment!!!!
LOL!!!!!
yeah..i have a limit of being unable to write short things 😄
sorry for that..
but thanks anyway...for making me laugh after a L-O-N-G time!!!!!
and thank u QLIbraMale...getting over is hard. but i guess, finally i am doing it 🙂
Yup, gotta move on babe. Only 20 days of break up...It's hard, but it's got to be done. Take as long as you like to ponder, analyze and overanlayze what went wrong. But don't do it forever. At the moment, you are emotionally drained.
You've got to get out of that mess and start thinking about yourself, not 'you and him'. He's gone. He may come back, and if he does, you'll have to be emotionally stronger than you are now. You'll need to be capable of staring at his eyes and show him you feel nothing for him anymore, that you're over him. That'll intrigue him.
But my advice will be to concentrate on yourself. Forget about the fish. They are complicated creatures. They drain you emotionally, turn you into this emotional wreck, weaken you. If you were used to be a tough cookie, they'll succeed into smashing you to pieces with their charm and their emotional blackmail crap, so much, so deep that you'd wonder what the heck happened. However you can recover from that.
A better man will come along. A new adventure. Probably better than your last one. So get ready for that one. Everything negative cripples the mind. Think positive. Keep your mind busy. Go to the gym, focus on your hobbies, your work, yourself... good luck.
You've got to get out of that mess and start thinking about yourself, not 'you and him'. He's gone. He may come back, and if he does, you'll have to be emotionally stronger than you are now. You'll need to be capable of staring at his eyes and show him you feel nothing for him anymore, that you're over him. That'll intrigue him.
But my advice will be to concentrate on yourself. Forget about the fish. They are complicated creatures. They drain you emotionally, turn you into this emotional wreck, weaken you. If you were used to be a tough cookie, they'll succeed into smashing you to pieces with their charm and their emotional blackmail crap, so much, so deep that you'd wonder what the heck happened. However you can recover from that.
A better man will come along. A new adventure. Probably better than your last one. So get ready for that one. Everything negative cripples the mind. Think positive. Keep your mind busy. Go to the gym, focus on your hobbies, your work, yourself... good luck.
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thank u.