Libran Men please advise

So your ex and childhood sweetheart or your first love cheats on you several times through your turbulent 11 year relationship with 2 children... but you realise it's happening again so you pack up and leave.

Fast forward 2 years later, the new bf has been living in your home raising your children and you've allowed it to go this way.

You've found your own happiness and she's still trying to burn you, so you finally take the steps you should have taken 2 years ago to stake your claim on custody and the house.

One final blow...you aren't allowed access to your own children until the courts make a decision

How are you feeling? Is it anger? Are you just really awakened to the fact that you've been played for a fool all these years? Did you think maybe that there was a chance one day of getting back together? Or all the above? Are you reflecting upon everything?

What's more...how can you be helped? Is there anything that someone can help you to make things easier or do you need the cold harsh realities...the facts?

LS, your experience in this field would be appreciated too.

I read the list of questions and can't help but wonder what he's done that he would feel a fool for?

I guess we'd have to start with his leaving two years ago. Was he done at that point or did they have a back and forth on and off? In your scenario, I have moved on and "found my happiness but she's still trying to burn me". How so?

The only stuff they have together is kids and a house right?

I always thought there was a chance in my case. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I wanted to try again but I always wondered why and if we could get it right knowing where things went wrong. Of course I was encouraged to think like this. Some days I think I was played for a long time and some days I don't. Even if it was true I don't know that's i'd ever believe it was malicious... though some days I wonder.

If I had moved on thoguh and she was still starting trouble for me i'd be angry. In a relationship I will tolerate way more than I probably should, once we're done and I'm over it... I don't tolerate anything. If we're in this thing together I will give everything I have for every second it is needed, if you destroy that and we let it go, don't think you still have that over me. It can take a while for me to get over it depending on the specifics though.

He left or got ousted out thinking she might be having an affair..the new man moved in within the month, into his home and family while he continued partying the mortgage and she withheld the children If he didn't. She uses the children as leverage to keep him in line with payments.

Ok, the question raised was my insecurity...as Im not sure how deep you're love goes for your first love!

With question of custody we want what the kids want and we feel they want more time with us. We see our lawyer today, she's already told the kids they can't see us until we speak with a judge.

This I believe will go against her as we have an informal written agreement.

I guess it's my perception that he was played for a fool, as well as his family and mine. But then we know more of how she has used and manipulated him with the children and I don't really want to spill all here because it is messy!

And yes he is an honourable person through all his heartache int he beginning his only focus was on his children having the roof over their heads.

This is the first time I have gotten involved with her, a year ago she tried pulling me in by texting me, I completely ignored and never responded. He told her not to text me or involve me in any way. This second time she couldn't get through to him so she started on me again and with insults and threats...with his permission I texted back and told her to seek out a solicitor as we want this solved legally.

And in this country and the my native country, the courts don't always favour the mother...they favour the children and that's all we can ask for. We won't bombard the kids with the drama, all we have told them is that we have to seek professional help with making a decision and that what they want counts.

She uses scare tactics, feeding them with too much information. I know this because the children have already talked to me about how they are trying to get her bf's children, 2 infants and telling how that mother is a drug addict and she doesn't feed her kids and they wander around the neighbourhood looking for food. They have been pushing down that path for over a year and nothing..but those kids are 2 and 4. Our's are 10 and 13.

Thanks for the clarity on my insecurities....when he went silent last night as reality hit him that we won't have the children this weekend or until there is a resolve, I didn't know what to do or why so I left him to sit in his cave. I wanted to comfort him but didn't think it would help...

The other thing that sparked my insecurity was that he was soooooo angry and upset that he mentioned that he wished ill upon her and had never felt like this in his life!

I am a Libra as well and I feel that if there is that much emotion then you haven't dealt with all your demons there.

I feel nothing for my ex, he doesn't anger me in the slightest even when he doesn't do his bit for our kids. Nothing he does or says causes any reaction. It's all done and dusted!

I have no experience with this kind of situation but in my experience with my Libra once they think they have been taken for a fool the anger is not related to emotion for the person. My libra had a (mild) obsession.for.one.of.my.friends before we got together she messed him about and strung him on for years with all of that "we cant be together YET" bullshit. When we got together naturally I wanted to make sure I wasnt the consoloation.prize. He NEVER wanted to discuss it whivh made me even more wary then one day he exploded! He is usually so calm I was quite shocked. He ranted on and on about how he wished she was dead and I started.with thr whole "if you are truley over someone then Indifference is what you should be feeling as hate is too strong an emotion" to which his response was. "this isnt about her this is about me. NO ONE is allowed to treat me that way"

So in this case if he does feel like he has been taken for a fool then his anger probably shouldnt be mistaken for passion/feelings. Think most men (especially Libras) would do everything to try and make it work with.the mother of their children but still there is a point of no return.

Im terrible for.giving the whole "I told you so" routine. My Libra never appreciates it at the time but I usually its followed up with a "so what are WE going to do resolve this". Aslong as he knows you support him 100% and are as involved/uninvolved as he wants you to be you should be fine getting most Libras to discuss feelings is like getting blood out of a stone!

Are you two together Libra sun?


Arrr the legal system does suck! Apparently it's 3 months to get a court date and she can and is stopping us having any access to the kids!! And they say that they wants what is best for the children...unbelievable!!

I can see now where his anger is coming from!

Yes post was about my husband 🙂

It always seems its the men who want to be part of their childrens lifes that get the awkward ex's!!

Yeah that's true! Mine wasn't overly fussed and I was glad for the break, in fact there were times where I insisted he pick them up for me to have sometime out!

No I meant you and Tiziani 🙂 He just called you in and then you were here lol

Haha no was just right place right time. Maybe I should birth chart us incase I ever want to trade in my Libra for a younger model 😉

whens your DOB??

Yes I find Libra men and some of the women far too forgiving! My Libra has some scorp so once he is finished being walked all over he will form a vendetta but he takes a lot!
In this case though I dont think sweethearts guy could forgive this behaviour its too far and its also affecting others. Libras can allow themselves to be upset but when it effects others that they care about they wont put up with it

thats one of my ex's birthdays dont even need to chart you lol.

I could forgive some of her actions if he was a pig, but he is a great father that drops everything for the kids and plays with them endlessly. This is what I love most about him not having a father around myself and seeing how interactive my ex was with our children.

Anyway, I still hope for the best even if it's a 3 month wait. We are starting light with confirmed visits and getting him off the house, if she digs her toes in then it's off to court!

Oh and everything back to normal but he next boring with Mr Leeb, he just needed the space to reassess and accept what must be done. He is as loving as ever 🙂

Can always count on a libra to have bouncebackability. They never stay down for long 🙂

He may be good to you but who knows how he treated her. I abhor these kind of situations b/c it's too much baggage and every relationship is different, she's being evil for a good reason, it just hasn't surfaced yet, in light of him being a great person I'm sure he did just as much damage to the relationship with her as she did with him, it just hasn't surfaced yet.

I have to agree with Tiki33. My libra told me his ex cheated on him, but how he acts sometimes, can't say I blame her for her actions, cause his action also played a part

bullshit. I know plenty of good people whos ex's use their kids as a weapon. I dont know what he was like but not everyone needs an excuse to be a bitch! One of my friends had to fight to see their child because the mother was just bitter that he left her. She wanted.him.back he said no so she stopped him seeing his kids. Women are bitches thats why I hang out with men!!

Yeah BS!

I'm a pretty good judge of character and the cookie monster has 3 children to 3 fathers. First father pays child support and he isn't even allow to see his kid,(lives in a different country and is trying to contact him through FB, she is stopping him and his family reaching out without finding out what the boy wants) my man has fathered him since he was almost 1...that's the type of person he is. The boy knows that Leeb is not his biological father but stills goes by uses his name at school etc even though it isn't his legal name.

I know another man that had to take his ex to court in order to gain access to his children too.

There are plenty of selfish scornful cookie monsters around that just want to make life difficult for men that simply don't love them anymore!

A woman that moves her new lover into a family home of 2 children within a month of separating doesn't have credit in my book!

Posted by TaurusNikki
I have to agree with Tiki33. My libra told me his ex cheated on him, but how he acts sometimes, can't say I blame her for her actions, cause his action also played a part

So cheating is ok if things aren't going your way or he spends too much time at work or with the boys or he isn't paying as much attention to you anymore—

That's a crazy set of values right there!! Here's where you need to look in the mirror as well and up the anti and make your marriage/relationship something more to hang on to...

OR Leave!

All I'm saying is there is he side her side and the truth

Her side...

She's a constant cheater!

I'm very aware of his downfalls and her complaints, he has no backbone and lets people walk all over him very rarely sticking up for himself, he can be selfish (her biggest complaint and one I have seen personally) but I think all men have this tendency in a woman's eyes.

Unless a guy has shown he is a danger to the child then there is no need to not allow contact! Even.if.he cheated on her.a.million times it doesnt make it ok. Its amazing how because some people have been messed around by immature Libras it means all of them must be bad people WOW!

The fact anyone could try and justify a mother behaving this way (when there is nothing to suggest violence/abuse) shows everything that is wrong with todays society!

And this is why this issue can go on in circles, it takes 2 people to fuck up a relationship, yeah okay she's using the kids and cheats but I'll be damned if he hadn't played a pivotal role in the break down of his relationship with her.

I can only wonder what he was using against her, emotional abuse, physical absence, silent treatment, ignoring, maybe even doing a bit of cheating as well, none of us had a ring side seat into the relationship and the relationship just didn't break down all by itself, it takes 2 people to destroy love.

I've literally known of women who dated men that were abusive with the last chick and with the new chick he's a saint, so I'm very careful about making one party the good guy and the other part the evil guy.

So much unsaid stuff bubbling underneath the surface and this is typically how it is when the outside woman is planting her feet firmly into a situation she didn't create and really has no business in it.

Once again bullshit. My last relationship broke down because my ex wanted to have his cake and eat it. I played no part in it whatsoever and even he wpuld vouch for that.

For you just to assume he has done something wrong is stupid. And even if he did why is she allowed to damage the children by denying them a father because of her bitterness?!

Your views actually disgust me. There are so many kids growing up without dads around because of selfish women who want to "punish" the dad for something they did or did not do in a relationship. And then there are people like you who defend such actions. Like "I refuse to let him see the kids" ..."how come"...."cuz when we were together he broke my laptop and didnt buy me a new one"..."well good on you girl you show him!" F'in ridiculous!!!

OMG Tiki! You are way off base here! This is not about how they were when they were together. I don't care about the details, as I wouldn't expect him to want to go through my failed marriage with a fine tooth comb!

This is about the kids and his right to father them, it has nothing to do with a woman and her feelings unless she feels we are neglecting or abusing them which I can assure you isn't the case.

You are saying that she is entitled to hold the children back from their father because ABC or however she is feeling on the day— Bullshit!

And if you go back to the OP, I was more concerned about how I could help him with how he is feeling about what she is doing which is probably why I asked Libra men's opinion. They stick to the point!

And what's more, this will all be proven. She has texted to say we can have the children with a whole lot of demands. Now while that is great for now we have already prepared documents with a solicitor to get it in writing officially so she can't pull this stunt again. It also contains the demand to financially severe there ties (the house)

We expect she will spit the dummy and instead of it all ending here it will have to go to court.

The two aren't related, the house is one thing the children are a whole separate issue but both need to be tied up legally so he can move on with his life!

His right to father them is up to the courts, as of right now she has a predominant amount of power so her behavior is what it is, this could change very soon since the courts are involved.

She may have her own personal reasons why she doesn't trust him. She may just be an evil bitch. I'm not saying she's right or her behavior is right. I'm saying she's the mother and she may have her own issues about his parenting skills, you were not there with them in the relationship and for all we know he may have just learned how to be a proper father/parent which could be partly why she has some trust issues with him.

I'm not saying he's a bad guy, I'm sure not going to paint her terrible because the truth about his behavior with her has not been exposed.

To paint him good and paint her bad is judgement in and of itself, she slept with the man for 11 years and who knows what kind of man he was when he was with her, he could have been a lousy husband and parent, maybe he's grown up and he's not the person he was when he was in the relationship with her and she only know the person she knew when she was with him so there are some issues with trust and thus the courts will have to resolve and create pace.

I'm sure he'll get visitation rights and as for his feelings, be supportive, be open, be prepared and you'll both make it through the situation, this could take months or years, as long as you are in it for the long haul the relationship can only grow and get better together.

We have had visitation for a year and a half without a problem, all of a sudden we exercise the right to keep them an extra night, which is entirely legal according to the papers we all have but doesn't suit her. She spits the dummy and starts with the threats and saying we aren't to have them anymore. In actually fact whenever he hasn't done exactly what she wants she threatens us with no visitation, it's happened about 3 times and tbh I personally am sick of it. So very glad we have taken the steps to get something more solid passed!

She's the mother and it's well within means to challenge an extra night of visitation, she has feelings, clearly she feels threatened and it's well within his means to ask for an extra night, he is the father, he has rights.

Overall they both have the right to challenge one another and she can say whatever she wants to say but it all comes down to the judge. Very immature on her part and her threats can potentially hurt her in the end.

I'm curious. When he exercised his right to have an extra night did he try to discuss and work this out with her one on one first or did he go through the courts first?

She's being unreasonable when she lashes out at him and yet she's a parent, she's being over protective like any mother would and she doesn't wanna lose one extra night of being with her kids, that's a mothers instinctual need to protect her time with her kids.

If he didn't sit down with her and work this out properly b/c something like this can take weeks or months to negotiate. If that didn't happen then yeah it's going to be a big problem for everyone.

He texted her, she said no and he pointed out that it was a public holiday on the Monday and we are entitled to have them until the Tuesday. We intended to return them on the Monday so they could get ready for school plus they wanted to stay with us, she didn't ask them what they wanted to do. Instead she started her abuse with us and then texting the children saying your father is lying to you, you aren't suppose to be there. What sort off person involves a 10 & 13 year old in an argument. Someone that wants to control the situation.

So this was last minute schedule change? Honestly I'm not trying to take her side but your man need to get his shit together in regards to how he's choosing to communicate with her because he's actually causing problems by not having his plans together with the kids. Not sticking to the original plans with a woman that's angry and scorned can set it off.

He planned on taking them back home on Monday but changed his mind last minute, not taking his ex into consideration that she may have planned herself around his initial plans, this surely will cause a problem.

Even if he's entitled to the kids the lack of respect would make any woman/mother fume with hot anger over his inability to plan and to communicate changes in advance, like days in advance. She's certainly a bitch when it comes to how she reacts/responds and yet he seems to push her buttons knowingly. Something is not right there.

Doesn't matter, at what point he asks, she'll always deny him. We have asked to have then on a Wednesday night for dinner on the week we don't see them. We can't because of school. He's scared of her. The boy is not his biological son, he had raise him from 1 year but she says he can't have any access with him when things aren't going the way she wants. Believe it or not, it really is a matter of a nasty bitch at her best!

He actually doesn't want anything to do with her. She texts her demands and he obides but doesn't text back. He used to text or call the kids and ask if they wanted to do something and they then spoke to their mother. She texted him and said, if you want something you text me, don't go through the kids. So he stopped that and anything he's asked gets a no, because blah blah blah....
So he doesn't reply back or if he does its a brief yes or that's fine.

My belief is she still wants control over him as she did while they we re together. She has texted me in the beginning because he didn't reply and it complained about his selfishness and also contained the threat that if he didn't do blah he couldn't have access to the kids. He then textured her back and also said don't text my gf, she has nothing to do with this. I never received anything More till now and I answered back after abuse with contact your solicitor, we'll sorry it legally. Then more abuse, personally attacking me which I ignored but think it will be handy in court!

LOL@He's scared of her....Sounds just like a passive aggressive Libra thus he's using what little power he feel he has to keep her on the edge of her seat with his own passive aggressive demands in the guise of a request.

Sweets has he asked you to marry him? Is there a ring on your finger and is there a date set? What's his intentions with you?

I'm just going to say what I'm thinking and you most likely won't like what I have to say. I have a gut feeling he's still in love with her.

2 plus years and he's done nothing to absolve ties financially up until now. He's attempting to maintain a relationship with a child that isn't his child and he has done nothing up until now to get something in writing about visitation rights and child support, I can only wonder if he's been paying her money without a formal legal amount from the courts.

She's a Bitch no doubt but you have a Beta male on your hands that's secretly in love with his childhood sweetheart, men are not women, men will love a cheating ass Bitch to the end because she's NOT conquered, even after marriage and child she stands firmly on her own side and that was and is attractive to him no matter how much of headache she cause him on the regular.

He's been with you how many years? And you're still a girlfriend and you've been true blue, standing by your man but he wifed the Bitch, step up your standards if you intend on getting past the girlfriend title.

Beta males are scary individuals, especially scared of women, she still has him by the balls, if he didn't love her or wasn't in love with her his name would be off that house 2 years ago and a custody order would have been in place 2 years ago. After so many years he's still thoroughly engaged in drama with her. His stalling points to the direction of him still loving this woman or she wouldn't be able to run over him, bully him nor be able to scare him.

Sweet's has more balls than this guy, any man that's scared of his ex needs to grow some damn balls.

There are signs that point to this man still having deep feelings for the "evil Bitch" ex or he would have cut ties with her completely for the exception of the kids, his name would have never stayed on that deed unless he felt he could fix it with her at some point later on down the road. Men do move on to other relationships but they also carry love for a woman for many years after the break up, if not forever.

He's had ample enough time to put her ass in her place, get his name off the deed while another mans living in the home he once shared with her and custody order in place regarding the kids. 2 years is plenty enough time to resolve some of these issues.

All I'm saying is...If Sweet's is going to tolerate this kind of baggage then he definitely need to put a ring on it, she deserves way more than the girlfriend title if this is the kind of shit she's dealing with on a daily/weekly basis.

Sweets if there is no future wedding in sight then just let him deal with it on his own, support by being present but there is no need for you to invest yourself emotionally, hold his hand and walk him through it unless he's just that wimpy/scary and can't do it for himself, it's his bed, let him lay in it.

Hahaha Bling...it's crossed my mind once or thrice 😛

In the beginning when we met I believed he still loved her (this was where my insecurity crept in recently) but when he started falling "in love" with me I now know that love ended. I do understand that there will always be feelings towards your first, not sure if love is the word but they bought two children up for a good time and they would have shared many a good times together. I'm also sure now that him finally closing everything off is his way of full closure.

The comment you made about the child though is ridiculous, he fathered him from 1 years old, the boy is 13 and they are a very close father and son. I only met these kids and became apart of their lives a year ago and I love them as my own. Paternity doesn't count for much, love is not prejudice!

Thankyou for all your comments, Tiziani and Libra sun your comments most insightful 🙂

And Tiki always open to reading your take on things too.

Oh forgot that one...

He had mentioned marriage in the beginning. Tiki, I am NEVER going to get married again. I told him point blank if this is what he is looking for then it's not with me. The first piece of jellewry he bought me was ring...thankfully it was not an engagement ring.

That is something I am not looking for and if he was persistent there I would probable cut him lose! I love having my maiden name back and I love being the person I was born. I believe I got lost in my marriage and I never want to do that again.