Need advice please!

Hello! This is my first post here. I'm Pisces if that matters. I've been reading these Libra posts for quite awhile and you all seem to have some great advice and I was hoping you could help me any advice or insight into my situation with my Libra..

I'm going to apologize now that this will be LONG but I have shortened it as much as possible to get just some of the details. We've only been seeing each other for about 4 months but it's been very intense and a complicated situation.

My Libra and I have were inseparable since the day that we started talking. It took us over a month before we slept together and we were already talking about being together and moving in together(someday)and kids and everything else BEFORE we had ever even did that.. He NEVER pressured me into it and always let me know that even though he wanted to that I meant much more to him than that and he would wait until I was ready. For us it was only a bonus to everything else that was so perfect.

He wanted to spend EVERY single day and every opputunity that he could seeing me and when not spending time together we would talk for hours on the phone.

I am going through a divorce (not because of him) and he knew from the beginning that I was not ready to commit to him yet but I made it clear that I was very interested and that was definitely the intention once I get everything else taken care of. He constantly reassured me every single day that he was 100 percent ready to commit to me when I was ready and he loved every single thing about me and had absolutely NO DOUBTS whatsoever about wanting to be with me. Then a few weeks ago we spent a wonderful evening together and I told him that even though I wasn't completely ready that I was finally willing to commit to him and that I will do anything needed to be with him because he means so much to me. The very next morning I could tell that something was different. I thought maybe he was grouchy or something since it was early in the morning so I went home and called him later on in the day. He answered right away and still talked but seemed very distant. I text him later on that day and asked him if he still wanted to be with me or not because I could tell he was acting different and he said "I just don't really want to deal with this right now".. I was CRUSHED!! There was NEVER a single second before this that he expressed even the slightest doubt of wanting to be with me!

SO after he told me he could not commit to me right now I was completely caught off guard and devastated so I went off on him and told him every mean thing I could possibly think of and that I hated him and to never, ever speak to me again. He has tried to contact me several times since then and I tried to give him another chance but once again as soon as he started with the "I don't know what I want" bit I got frustrated again and again told him to let me go and stay out of my life and stop hurting me! Then he will try AGAIN to contact me and act like nothing ever happened!

I didn't talk to him for a few days and realized that even though I am unhappy about the situation I may end up with regrets and always wonder what could have been if I just push him out of my life completely .. I text him this morning and asked how he was and he immediately responded "missing you".. I said "aww don't say that! But I do miss you too.." .. He said "ok I'll try not to." I told him "Ok, have a good day" and he said the same..

I was HOPING that there would be more.. Like that he would say he realized that he does want to be with me but instead he just said "ok I'll try not to".. 😢 I don't want to push him away any more than I already have but I don't want him to think I am ok with only being friends because I am not. I can't stand to be friends with him it just hurts way too much. Should I just ignore him and try to move on with my life and hope that he will come back when and if he's ready?? Should I just try to play it cool for now and not talk about what happened and just take it day by day and pretend that being friends is OK with me and see where it leads?? I am so confused!!

Sorry.. I just wanted to add that there are a few things I think may possibly be an issue even though he hasn't really said. For one thing, my soon to be ex husband makes a lot more money then him and has always provided everything I could possibly want financially. I know that he cannot offer me what my husband did financially and I have told him that it does not matter to me but I'm wondering if he maybe is feeling insecure about that?? It's not like I was gonna go and move right in with him and expect him to support me or anything but could that be a reason??

I also got very used to seeing him every single day that I stopped doing the things that I did at first in order to spend time with him and maybe I just made myself TOO available??

And now I'm surprised that he still even wants to talk to me after I sent the psycho texts saying that I hate him and he disgusts me and so on...

If he did not truly care about me would he still keep trying to contact me after all that or is he just being nice because he knows that I am hurt?

He sounds like a very standard Libra male. Suddenly and intensely falling for someone they can't fully have, and once they have them, growing uncertain.

Libras have an intense need to be liked. It runs so deep that the extent we'll go to in order to validate ourselves and the people we seek that validation from can be absurd. When you said all of those mean things to this Libra, it probably sparked in him that great need to be liked and in your good graces once again. I can't stress this enough; we really, really, REALLY need to be liked..by the right person. We don't need everybody to like us (though, we think that'd be ideal), but we require/expect specific people to like us. When they don't, we make it our mission to make certain that they do. When you forgave this Libra or were willing to give him another chance, he felt you liked him and thus, that he "had" you, so that doubt grew once more.

We are indecisive, and Libra males especially, grow bored of the person they were once pining for. As instantaneously as they fall in infatuation, they fall out of it too. Don't be discouraged, though. This doesn't mean this Libra has lost interest in you. He probably felt more comfortable declaring his adoration and desire of moving in with you, having kids, etc. when the possibility of it seemed unlikely. Once you were ready to commit, the reality may have struck him and scared him. Give him some space to think things through. Don't be so harsh with him, but also, don't let him tread over your feeling either. You don't deserve to be left in the dark. At the start, Libras waver back and forth A LOT (which can be incredibly frustrating for the person this indecision falls on), but once we've made up our mind that's it.

Let him make up his mind. If he takes too long to do so, move on. UNLESS you really feel that there is something there worth sticking around for. In that case, the only thing I can advise you to do is to practice the virtue of patience. Sorry, I know how frustrating a situation like this can be, so I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you so much LibraLove! I really do truly feel that he cares about me. I know that what we had was real and I want it back so bad!! I guess if I have to be patient then that's what I have to do.. When he first had doubts he initially just said that maybe we should just take things slower but I freaked out and kinda gave him an ultimatum to where it had to be one or the other so he said that if I'm going to make him tell me RIGHT NOW then he is not ready to commit to me RIGHT NOW. BUT he also said tons of things about still caring about me and not wanting me to move on and not wanting me to stop considering him as an option of someone to be with.

I can also say that although he has slowed down as far as wanting to see me he has not done the dissapearing thing yet.. He ALWAYS answers/returns my calls immediately.. And even when I told him not to contact me anymore he said that he will not stop contacting me. So maybe that's still a good sign that he does care.

It's SO CRAZY how accurate all these Libra posts are!! I read up on Libra's when I began dating him and I NEVER thought that this would happen to me and sure enough... I can't believe it!!

I am willing to be patient as he was patient with me for the past few months.. I just hope I don't end up even more hurt in the end.. 😢

One more thing.. Since all this has happened I went from seeing him almost every day to not seeing him now for about 2 weeks. Should I just be cordial to him and wait until he asks to see me or should I just go for it and hope that when we finally see each other again he will remember what we had? I really hope that absence does make the heart grow fonder.. I am so scared that the opposite might happen though and be "outta sight, outta mind".. It seems like the less we see each other the easier it is for him to not see me and I don't want to lose him!

I mean.. Should I go for it and just ask him to meet up with me or should I just wait it out?

Is there a way to edit your own posts on here??

I would ask him to hangout. Sometimes, as the distance grows, so does this paranoia. We wait for the other person to contact us and when they don't we jump to conclusions that they don't like us anymore.

Ask him to a casual hangout. Just once, though. Don't be persistent about it. It's good to remind yourselves why you liked each other in the first place.

Thanks for the advice! You are gorgeous BTW!!

Posted by luvlylady2010
Thanks for the advice! You are gorgeous BTW!!

No problem! 🙂
And thank you!

Posted by LibraLuv

Posted by LibraLove
I would ask him to hangout. Sometimes, as the distance grows, so does this paranoia. We wait for the other person to contact us and when they don't we jump to conclusions that they don't like us anymore.

Ask him to a casual hangout. Just once, though. Don't be persistent about it. It's good to remind yourselves why you liked each other in the first place.

I second that libralove-luv motion...hehehe.

click to expand

haha! 😉

Ok.. SO I asked and he has an appt around that time but he said that he will try to make it.. 🙂 This is so weird for me.. I have NEVER been so scared of how to act or what to say or do around a guy.. I just don't want to mess this up. If we do meet up should I make it clear that we are just friends and just be really casual.. Should I respond to advances as far as like kissing and hugging and the things we used to do (not sex) or if I do that will he think he can just string me along?? Should I bring up the issues we have been having or not bring it up at all??

Sorry so many questions.. I just don't want to scare him off!!

oh. the libra-pisces thing. it can be so sad.

you are both bad at saying what needs to be said, both tend to wait for the other to make the moves, to commit. so many emotions get stirred up by these 2, but you speak different languages. and their so similar, flowing air, flowing water. both more about feeling, hoping to communicate in some psychic way, because it's hard to put it into words. and it is a psychic way. crazy psychic. you pick up each other's emotions. if one feels doubt, the other begins to doubt as well. and back and forth like that, and no one is able to really talk. basically, if the cracks start to show up, it's wise to just run for cover because it's gonna collapse any second.

Posted by luvlylady2010
Ok.. SO I asked and he has an appt around that time but he said that he will try to make it.. 🙂 This is so weird for me.. I have NEVER been so scared of how to act or what to say or do around a guy.. I just don't want to mess this up. If we do meet up should I make it clear that we are just friends and just be really casual.. Should I respond to advances as far as like kissing and hugging and the things we used to do (not sex) or if I do that will he think he can just string me along?? Should I bring up the issues we have been having or not bring it up at all??

Sorry so many questions.. I just don't want to scare him off!!

If it's a casual hangout, start with small talk. Since YOU invited HIM, he'll probably be using your actions for a barometer of how he should react. If you're flirty, he's more likely to respond as such. If you're cold; ditto.

I think you have a right to know why a distance grew between you two, so I would find a way to ease into that conversation. Just a casual question. If he doesn't want to discuss it, don't pry. After all, you want to use this opportunity to sort of "rekindle" things, and you won't achieve that by being dramatic or demanding (not to say that you are, but just to warn that things don't take a turn in that direction).

All in all, let things unfold organically and see what happens. Perhaps this advice is too late and useless because you've already hung out. If that's the case; how did it go?

Posted by curious visitor
oh. the libra-pisces thing. it can be so sad.

you are both bad at saying what needs to be said, both tend to wait for the other to make the moves, to commit. so many emotions get stirred up by these 2, but you speak different languages. and their so similar, flowing air, flowing water. both more about feeling, hoping to communicate in some psychic way, because it's hard to put it into words. and it is a psychic way. crazy psychic. you pick up each other's emotions. if one feels doubt, the other begins to doubt as well. and back and forth like that, and no one is able to really talk. basically, if the cracks start to show up, it's wise to just run for cover because it's gonna collapse any second.

Wow.. Sounds pretty accurate! He never had doubts and it just seemed too good be true to me so he says that my doubts caused him to have doubts. I so want things back to how they were but not sure if possible now. I will always remember that he just changed his mind about committing to me overnight and worry he might do it again. I just don't get how it was so perfect in the beginning.. It wasn't always like that!

Posted by LibraLove

Posted by luvlylady2010
Ok.. SO I asked and he has an appt around that time but he said that he will try to make it.. 🙂 This is so weird for me.. I have NEVER been so scared of how to act or what to say or do around a guy.. I just don't want to mess this up. If we do meet up should I make it clear that we are just friends and just be really casual.. Should I respond to advances as far as like kissing and hugging and the things we used to do (not sex) or if I do that will he think he can just string me along?? Should I bring up the issues we have been having or not bring it up at all??

Sorry so many questions.. I just don't want to scare him off!!

If it's a casual hangout, start with small talk. Since YOU invited HIM, he'll probably be using your actions for a barometer of how he should react. If you're flirty, he's more likely to respond as such. If you're cold; ditto.

I think you have a right to know why a distance grew between you two, so I would find a way to ease into that conversation. Just a casual question. If he doesn't want to discuss it, don't pry. After all, you want to use this opportunity to sort of "rekindle" things, and you won't achieve that by being dramatic or demanding (not to say that you are, but just to warn that things don't take a turn in that direction).

All in all, let things unfold organically and see what happens. Perhaps this advice is too late and useless because you've already hung out. If that's the case; how did it go?

click to expand

Hello! So he wasn't able to make it on Thursday. He was really busy at work but he did text and tell me he would be way too busy that day and would not be able to make it. He also text me that same day and said that he just got a new place down the street from my work so we can hang out there on my lunch breaks now. (We used to just hang out wherever we could find close by). I told him to just to let me know when because he's usually busy. He said "lets shoot for Thursday" so we are gonna try to get together again this coming Thursday.

He asked what I was gonna do lastnight too but I was busy and I let him know. I'm glad that he's still putting forth some effort to remain in my life but it's still sad that I haven't seen him for almost 3 weeks now and it used to be almost every day.

He's been

He's been texting me little flirty messages again and I respond but trying to keep things casual for now. I am still extremely hurt about what happened and I don't want him to think that I'm OK with the way things are now because I'm not! I want things back to how they were before this and if not then I am going to have to let go. It hurts me so much to know that he used to hate going a day without seeing me and now it's been 3 weeks. Makes me wonder if he decided to try out his other options before a making a decision but just trying to string me along just in case.. If that's the case I will not wait around for that. It's taking everything in me to act like things are fine right now but I want to atleast try to make it until I see him in person before I decide what I'm going to do.

Thanks for your feedback Qlibra! U know I think your right.. Even though I KNOW in my heart that I want to be with him and was willing to commit I was scared of getting hurt so I held back and instead of reassuring how lucky I thought I was to have him I constantly focused on letting him know how lucky he was that I was choosing him.. It backfired big time. And yes... when this first happened he did say "let's go for it" meaning that he was still willing to try but I didn't think he sounded sincere which caused me to start an argument and the more I argued the further it pushed him away.

SO.. I know that I am not willing to settle with being just friends and judging from his texts he obviously thinks that he's still gonna get some which definitely won't happen if he is not planning on being with me. It hurts way too much to know that we took a huge step backwards when just a few weeks ago we were planning on being together. I'm so scared that if I continue to allow him text and see me when its convenient for him that he might get comfortable with that arrangement and not feel the need to commit. But I'm also scared that if I just cut him off completely he might just move on.. I'm wondering though if I should try to hold off on "the talk" for atleast a few weeks so he doesn't feel pressured and start to back off again.. Right now things are back to how they were the first few weeks that we met and he's definitely still showing interest.. what do you think??

Also.. do you think I should just put it all out on the table and let him know about the regrets that I have and how much I truly care about him and want this to work or do you think that may just scare him?? Should I wait until he brings it up again or is it possible that he's waiting for me to bring it up?? I am scared of the rejection but maybe it will give me closure if I put it all on the line and he still says he's not ready. This is the hardest its ever been for me to move on because of the mixed messages he's giving me!