Scorp/Libra Continuing story

X-posted at Scorpio board:

Hello, I posted quite a bit in the summer and got some great support and advice. Thanks! To sum up, my Libra husband had carried on a long distance relationship with an old girlfriend. He implied things were bad and potentially ending for us eventually. Things were somewhat rocky at the time, but as an introspective scorp i was trying tofigure things out and needed some space and time. Things got stickly when they were actually discussing sneaking around to meet is she could travel to the states or that he could meet her in Europe. (Right, I would never suspect anything! HAA) As the reality of these plans became to stark, he freaked out and ended the relationship. I knew they were in contact and always have given LIbra his space to keep his important friendships alive. I knew she had relalationship issues but he always implied that she was the one in pursuit. I understand that he was the one who created the opening for this fantasy. So anyway, he ended it and did not tell me. I found over a year since that time because his email was open. Well, time went by and we had a ceremony this fall where he burned her letters and emails and in my hopes and dreams I imagined that we could be closer and make an attempt at a fresh start.
Enter trouble: I am a scorp that has difficulty with intimacy and sexuality at times. When we are not connecting well on a daily basis in common everyday ways, I feel rejected. I have not been holding back affection much but I feel slighted as a whole person. We both want sex but, he says he's tired of foreplay that (because) I'm too difficult to please. For the last couple of years I've been having sex w/o much foreplay. It usually works out fine for us but I lack a certain desire. I am always trying to improve our relationship on my end but if he's the 'scales', his balancing act is to say I'm in my head too much and am too sensitive. I want to forgive him for the past and move on but, I feel like he's given up on me. I am attempting to live in the present, he's the one who brings up the past and how we're just going around in circles, revisiting the old issues.
I don't know if there's anything to salvage. We have some very compatible aspects in our charts and a couple of danger signs. Sometimes I think the issues are more female/male then astrological. What do you think? Last night we decided we are probably not soul-mates. He and his ex-communicated like they were.

are your sexual frustrations due to the past?? If so, would you consider counselling and just get it off your chest?? it might help to just talk about things with somebody other than him??

I guess what Im saying here is that even though you think you may have "forgiven" him, but in all honesty you might not really have totally forgiven and forgotten so to speak.....just talking to him about it (even if you say he brings it up) might not be the answer....perhaps an outsider can shed some new light on how and why you feel the way you do....Im not sure but just having a friend go through the same thing and then see the change in her since her counselling (or as you Americans call it - therapy lol) its just been amazing for her relationship!!

Ah yes, I was going to "therapy" for a couple of months. She was the first person I told the whole story to even though at the time I didn't know that he had initiated much of the fantasy. I also shared the experience with a friend the first. A series of events during the holidays got me out of the routine and I haven't been in a long time. I guess I should start going again, it was helpful if just for me. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing in therapy when he's the one who felt the need to betray me.

yeah I think perhaps you should go back as our minds don't really work the way you want themm to re: "Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing in therapy when he's the one who felt the need to betray me"....its a sub-conscious thing and THAT will bring you undone even though you may think you've got it all together....its always good to get a 2nd or 3rd opinion even if just to vent!!! Therapists/counsellors can give you "tools" to work through your feelings/thoughts so use em up LOL

Problem is you can't vent to your partner as they just want to move on and this probably won't make sense to you right now but unless you get it out of your system you will never be able to move on and waste more time feeling angry/hurt, therefore ultimately destroy the r/ship and feeling worse. If you feel he is worth it, do yourselves a favour, if you feel you can never forgive? you know the answer 🙂

So yeah...my opinion anyway - hope it helps in some small way!

Kriz, glad you took my advice and posted it this here. I am sure Nicodemus will soon be on here to give you the Libran side. He has been so helpful to all of us.

I agree Chatz, therapy might help over time. Kriz, just make sure your husband really wants to do this and want to fight for your marriage as much as you do.

I gather that in this situation the issues are many but tend to revolve around a few things.

It sounds like he is at that all feared point in his life "Mid life crisis" of sorts where he is questioning everything about everything including himself and your relationship. The reason I say this is because of the stubbornness you mentioned. There are pretty much only two reasons for such an un-stubborn sign to become so. One is he is silently questioning everything and taking a stand emotionally on the wrong things to kind of let out a sign of contempt. Unfortunately this means whoever is with him needs to kind of coddle him in a sense, which is something that Scorpios and rightfully so don't really catch on to and are less likely to do if they manage too.

The other reason is Scorpio women 😛

Heres the problem, the two of you get each other but you don't. You focus on the diffferences, and when that happens both tend to start to have the frame of mind that the other is the one who is having trouble and needs to be corrected so to speak. Usually it is the Libra guy expressing this about the girl, and the Scorpio girl thinking about it towards the scorpio guy and letting it brew. You two can read each other like a book, the only problem is when your both done reading, you got somethin completely different than the other out of what you read. This issue is really hard to explain, it is like your on a slightly different frequency. The frequencies are close enough that you pick up on them, but because of the static the reception is jumbled and you end up only able to act on the little bit that was picked up.

Grrr....this is a really tuff issue to articulate. Basically, you are both stubborn and in some way feel like the other person needs to come around to you. You both realize that you both have to make some changes, but neither wants to be the first to do it, for some reason in this combination both people feel like they are the weaker partner if they "give in" first. There is always a power struggle with this pairing.

I think he feels rejected because of your issues with sex. My scorp-ex got yeast infections really easy, so there was a good amount of time where we couldn't have sex because it was painful to her. If it was with anyone else, I would have been really understanding, but because she, and all scorpio women are so sexually hungry, we take it as a personal blow, almost like it is an excuse to not have sex when we should really be look

....for an alternate solution intimacy wise.

I think the biggest problem lies in communication. You two slightly misread each other to begin with, so it is hard to get off on the right foot on any issue. You get irritable and can be a little snappy, he doesn't realize that with Scorpio women all this means is there are some strong feelings you want him to notice. But, misses this simple fact because we are so diplomatic and hold a lot of value to being tactful, his immediate reaction is one of distaste for your abrasive ways. Arguing is a healthy need for scorpio women, if only for the fact that they take it that the other person arguing with them means they care. Libra guys hate confrontation and never realize this underlying fact about scorpio women and $ 100 says he shuts down when this comes up and dismisses you or walks away.

Your devotion to him seems purely awesome, you have put up with a lot and your attitude is great, that is really admirable. I dunno, I think the best way to start working on this is to analyze your natural behavior and manorisms and him his, and then openly talk about them because I truely think it is this very difference that is causing all of these problems. A faliure to communicate below the surface. He needs a good push in realizing that sometimes you just want to be held while watching tv on the couch, or kissed on the cheek while doing a routine chore. And based on the sign soley, I will bet that you need to step back every once in a while and let him come to you. It sounds like you have given him a lot of freedom, but sometimes scorpios do things in a way that can't really be questioned because fundamentally they doing what they say but both people silently know they aren't quite. It is really hard to explain.

The Scorpio girl is likely to take on the relationship as a sense of identity for herself, and can't understand a partner who doesn't crave to do the same. You are the sign of commitment, he is the sign of courtship. Intimacy wise, he is resisting forplay becuase deep down he likely feels that you don't have the carnal attraction to him that you used to, the one that probably got him interrested in you in the first place. You need to start getting creative about intimacy, and you probably have to initiate it. He needs to realize what I did, that he really does need to open up more, and be more affectionate than purely sexual, and you will come around and start being more sexual when you have your affectio

Thanks, I think I need to go have a cry for a bit. It feels a bit strange to have it spelled out so clearly...sniff.........

Oh, Kriz, things will work out if you both work hard. It takes too, I know and see you are willing, but he has to be as well. That was what I felt the problem was with me and my ex hubby. I gave all and did all I could do and I just don't feel like he was giving his all or even half so I decided to stop wasting my time. I now see it wasn't how I thought it was after being on these threads. So try to work it out. I wish I could have...

As I said Nicodemus was the person to help you with this I know his input was the most helpful. He seems to be in tuned with himself and the ways of the Libra man.

Serously? I didn't really think I did that good of a job, I was hoping for you to correct me in a few places so i could get a more detailed understanding of whats going on.

dang.

Don't get discouraged, overcomming the challenge will probably be the most rewarding event in your life. So.... use that Scorpion dedication, will and stubborness to your advantage.

Kriz, listen to Nic... He knows...

Hey nic check your personal messages.