Cheating

out of curiosity, how many of you have cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend?

I truly never thought I would...but, I did. I cheated on my husband. I told him about it as soon as he came home. Then I left him.
I never should have married him. I didn't love him. He knew it. I knew it. We got married anyway. It was a huge mistake.
I guess I could say I learned a lot....mostly I learned that some things should not be done in order to please another...you must listen to your heart and follow it...because if your heart is not in it, someday, it will haunt you.
I know it doesn't make it any better...but, I did love the guy I cheated on him with. He also knew of my love for this guy before we married...
Yes...it was a twisted triangle...something that I couldn't change...but, would've if I could've!!

umm...yeah i cheated, but what can i say, i followed what was best in my heart, what star stated 😉

Hey Lolita Girl! love your name!

I wanted to post about the book thing...but, the book I want to post from is being lent to another...

LOL!! star its me! luz!

but thanks anyway 😉

I haven't always been faithful, but the times that I haven't been, I was following my heart and not my "special parts". lol. Yes I feel bad, no I'm not cold and heartless by any means. Yes I probably could have made some more well-thought-out decisions. No, I'm not proud of my unfaithfulness (by the way, has anyone seen the movie "Unfaithful" with Diane Lane and Richard Gere?

Does emotionally cheating count as cheating? I've always wondered...

I've always been faithful damnit! not for any particular moral reason - just when i'm going out with someone i really don't notice other people (that's right i'm a gemini!). But hell, I really don't feel like a relationship at the moment after coming out of a two year live in one, so i'm thinking maybe i could string a few people along at the same time.

As to the emotional cheating morgan, i think it depends on the situation - maybe such feelings are indicative of an unfulfilling relationship that shouldn't be continued - who knows? I'm certainly not the person to be handing out relationship opinions!!!

Dammit, cortica, get off. I thought i was the only one here!

I think maybe there are good cheating and bad cheating, like good cheating is when you're in a dead end situation and it's better for the both of you to end it... And bad cheating when you know you're just being... bad. I suppose it comes down to how guilty you feel about it, because deep down you DO know what's right and what's not... Hmmm... but what about those time's when you just don't care, I wonder if it was just ment to be that way, something like fate, so that at least the other person knows your true cheating nature... Better for them in the long run anyway... And if you're dreadfully sorry, but they don't take you back, well, it serve you right... But if they do, you got lucky and you better not screw up again... But for repeating violaters and those their with that take them back regardless... Well that's just a rather bad (treetr*nked up) situation and I don't know why anyone would take back a repeate cheater...

Hmmmm... I don't know... I'd never cheat physically...

I've never cheated ever. But I plan to start. Sooner rather than later. But hey, is cheating actually cheating when your partner is aware and has been told of everything?

Sounds like emotional blackmail to me. Why dont you just end it first and then do what you want? It seems to me you say this, because you are trying to hurt him. You want to change him and all the responsibility for everything is on him. Dont you think both of you have equal share in the outcome of your marriage.

If you are having problems in the relationship, there are reasons for it and you can do something to change that. The easy way out is to cheat or divorce; the challenge is to face your problems and find away to reslove them(especially when there are children involved), unless there is violence and you or he is in danger.

Soshy, thanx for your opinion on my marriage. You have no idea of the facts, and you are so very far from any truth in relation to my particular relationship. I can assure you there is no emotional blackmail here, and the relationship will be terminated in 2 yrs which is common knowledge to all. Kids are involved and their interests are being protected. There is no salvaging an unsalvagable situation.

Lawgoddess,
LOL, about starting sooner rather than later. I guess I wasn't aware of the termination in 2 years...
I hope this is for the best...

No, you are right Lawgoddess, I have no facts. I dont need any in this case it is cut and dry.

"is cheating actually cheating when your partner is aware and has been told of everything?"

Do you think your husband or any man finds your aggressiveness attractive?? I have read some of your comments about your husband and it appears as if you want to wear the pants. Maybe by him not jumping to your every command is his way of keeping his bullocks(whats left of them that you havent already chewed off.)!!!

If I was your husband I would shine you on too. I think he has bullocks!!! I wouldnt put up with you either.

I suggest counseling because it works, it really does. You and he found each other and came together for reasons you know: compatibility, same emotional wavelenght etc...sounds like you are hurt and I understand but really it can be fixed. There is this really wonderful book on this subject...if I can remember author is Peter D. Kramer? the title is 'Should I Leave?' it is about intimacy and autonomy. Very good book. I found it very helpful in changing the way I view things. I have many new perspectives and this is what it is about. Seeing things through different lens.

LoL (don't mean to be insensitive but these posts strike me as funny).

I agree with Morgan- there are two kinds of cheating. I don't count it as cheating if two in marriage are separated and are not bound by the other's obliviousness/naivity etc. Bad cheating is when the other doesn't know and is blindly in love with you. Then you are disrepectful of yourself, the other ect. etc.

LawGoddess- it sounds like you have a healthy understanding with your husband. He's aware, you're aware, that the relationship is over. That you're staying together for the kids is great. But, sloshy, it is not right to sacrifice your happiness when you may get it elsewhere. Not trying to be selfish but this is a fine line to tread.

sorry Soshy- I didn't mean to say sloshy (though it's rather funny when I think about it). No offense.

Well, I was wondering how long it would take a genius to come up with that cute interpretation of my handle. I think you knew exactly what you were writing the first time, so dont try and BS a BSer LOL! NO offense; it made me smile.

Anyways getting back on track now, what is the point in cheating. Isnt one body just as good as the other. What kind of satisfaction can you get from just changing partners— Is it sex that makes a relationship good or is it the relationship that makes the sex good. You only need to get back the intimacy. There are ways to do that. Whatever attracted people in the beginning is the reason why people can fight for the relationship and restore it. Sometimes it is good to leave, for instance when there is violence. Or if you stay because you are afraid of being by yourself but would be better of if you could face your fears and leave. I have had to challenge myself and face my fears so I understand. I think there is still love in her marriage just by guaging by her comments. That is my opinion. I dont know them. But I read something that I feel is a contradiciton in her message. I am the queen of this behavior so I think I know a thing or two.

I am not saying I am right; you are wrong. This is just another perspective. She needs some advice and she has alot to consider with a family involved. If it were me, I would do everything I could to save it and especially for the kids. Maybe she has and I hope she has sought some really good advice. That is why I offered the book. I think she will find it very useful.

The topic was cheating I think that should be the focus of debate. 'Cheating' which is the act of deceiving. It is deceiving if her heart still is in love with her husband. She is deceiving her self and that is far worse, IMO.

I think that it's stupid to stay in a marriage that is falling apart. The entire family is better off if they just move on. And they only people who can judge what is really best would have to be the people in the situation. I think LawGoddess knows what she's doing.

'A marriage' just doesnt 'fall' apart. People start to grow apart of one grows and the other doesnt. There are many reason but it doesnt just fall apart. People stop trying or give up or dont fight hard enough to recover the intimacy that was there in the beginnning. Sometimes people shouldnt get together in the first place. For instance, you meet someone directly proceeding a break-up, that is called 'rebounding'. When you are just coming out of a marriage, your emotions are all screwed up and guess what type of person you a liable to attract?? If you dont know the answer, I will tell you...one that is as equally screwed up. I know this from experience, not a book or from wathcing others this happened to me. There is nothing wrong with forming attatchments and falling in love with someone new as long as you are healthy at the time.

Like I said before and until you experience it yourself, Morgan, you have know knowledge to draw on. Its easy to walk away; it is much more of a challenge not to, and once you get down to the core of the problem it can be fixed. The intimatcy can be restored again. Wouldnt that be better than starting from scratch all over again with someone new? All that time and energy you put into something just to let it die? I dont understand that.

ditto Morgan. And soshy, really, I didn't realize what I typed. For some reason people always think the worst of me. And I agree with you that without experience it is difficult to be able to say for certain. I for one would not deceive my lover/oyfriend/husband etc. becasue I feel that would be debasing myself. Similarly, I would never be with a person who is cheating on his/her significant other with or without their knowledge becasue of the same reason.

I think Star put it very well..."I wish life was always that simple"

Things happen and you wish somethimes life was perfect and uncomplicated, unless you are one that like it the other way; but to the point, I have learned never to say never, and I have gotten really good at forgiving people in the process. I have never allowed myself to be put in that situation, not because I am so in control and a perfect person, but usually I have my hands full with one relationship at a time, and I cant even imagine taking on more than that!!! It is enough work keeping up with one. Besides that the bible says it is wrong!

There are times when what you say about just starting over with someone is true, shoshy, bu there are times when it's not... And you mentioned that you have to think of the children when they are involved... Well here it is from the child's perspective: some people try and try but it still doesn't work. Don't know why. Only know what I see. I see two miserable people who yell and fight and think to myself, would it be better if they had just split up and moved on— Wouldn't they be happier... You can't hide it from the children. No matter how good you are at pretending, you can't hide it.

I dont know Morgan, I thought you were an adult? I was gone when I was your age. Do they take it out on you? They probably adore you and there problems are not about you. Some couples like to fight and then make up. Maybe they have a good time making up? Did you ever ask what their fighting for?

I know what you mean Morgan. I know of a couple who stayed together for the kids' sake and divorced after the kids were out of the house...ALL of the kids (7 of them) wished their parents had divorced much, much earlier...(but, maybe there wouldn't have been 7 kids then?!) Anyway...from the perspective of my best friend and her siblings, everyone would have been happier had her parents divorced when she was little.

Soshy - why ask? they tell. Anyway regardless of my age now, it still went on when I was younger.

Star - That's exactly what I mean.

Some people do get along better when they don't live together...my daughter's father and I are that way. It took us awhile...but, we get along great.
My friends parents are the same way. Fought all the time they were living under the same roof...now they visit each other and treat each other much better than anyone thought possible!