Come fly with me gripe sheet

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which
> > conveys to the mechanics
> > problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need
>repair
> > or correction. The
> > mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing
on
>the
> > lower half of the
> > form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
gripe
> > sheets before
> > the next flight.
> >
> > Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense
of
> > Humour!
> >
> > Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
> > submitted
> > by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
> >
> > (P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
> > (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
> >
> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
> >
> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> >
> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >
> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > S: Live bugs on back-order.
> >
> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >
> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > S: Evidence removed.
> >
> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >
> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > S: That's what they're there for.
> >
> > P: IFF inoperative.
> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >
> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > S: Suspect you're right.
> >
> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >
> > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >
> > P: Target radar hums.
> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> >
> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > S: Cat installed.
> >
> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>pounding
> > on something with a hammer.
> > S: Took hammer away from midget.

tee hee hee!