Family Members

I was wondering if some of you had family members who were controling of you.

Some families take the upper hand and tell you what to do in a relationship and then expect you to do it. Others wait until you complain about someone and instead of telling you to solve it yourself, jump in and control the moves.

I understand when family members care or have your best interests in mind. But some carry it too far.

My mother was like this; she never thought any man was good enough for her, so I should treat them like crap, too. When I was good to a man, I caught hell for it from her.

Anyone have experiences like this?

Hi

I used to have friend who was always trying to control my relationships/friendships with others. So much so that if she knew that I called up my mom & made some plans without including her shit would hit the fan. She would break into a charade of how she has been so very helpful to me and I still regard my family above her. She would keep a tally list of thigns she woudl do for others & compare with what peopel do for her in return. It is another story that whatever one did for her wasnt enough. Goes wihtout saying i threw her out of my life.

This thread is about relatives being controlling... no relatives notbeen such a poblem..butthis reminded em of a friend whom i had treated like my own sister. So i thought to share.

Hello,

I have a family full of strong personalities. My mom, her mom, my father's mom and myself. Out of the 4 of us, I would say my father's mom is the most controlling. She didn't have anything against men, but she had the bad habit of trying to micro-manage your life. If she knew you were coming to visit, she'd make out of list of things she wanted you to do for her or people she wanted to you to visit. Even though her youngest daughter is 45- she still tells her how to wear her hair. Additionally, she tries just about anything to get what she wants.. her most favorite weapon being emotional blackmail. She knows that yelling at me doesn't work, so instead.. she cries. I can't handle anyone crying.

STD, I've seen my mother cry twice, emotional blackmail on both. She's gone now, nearly three years. She taught me a lot, but she kept the control over my thoughts. No one's opinion mattered more than her own. If she helped anyone, she made sure everyone knew it; the self-flattery would last for days.

There are times even now when I catch myself still trying to win her approval, which I never did. Looneybird, your friend (so to speak) sure sounds like my mother. She had to arrange all the gettogethers; I was not allowed to contact other members of her family without her permission. To do so was tantamount to treason. She had absolute control. Most insecure woman I've ever known. Her effect on her family continues to this day.

My parents divorced when I was five. At thirteen I moved to live with my dad. Never regretted it. But I caught my mother's anger for the rest of her life.

I also catch myself complaining about my mother to my boyfriend, who's mother died more than ten years ago and was also very controlling. That's one thing we definitely have in common; My Cancer man had a bad falling out with his mother; strange.

Is it true that if you are raised by a......well I've suddenly gone from meddling to controlling. I suppose for the most part they are the same. Anyway, being raised in that environment, do you end up wanting to control someone else or meddle in their life?

I think either can happen.. I think you either grow up and you -- or you end up always being the submissive in your relationships.

Sorry.. this is what I wanted to post:

I think either can happen.. I think you either grow up and imitate the adults that were part of your life, and unknowingly become a controlling person -- or you end up always being the submissive in your relationships.