How Not To Get A Job

Hilarious?.



Vice presidents and Personnel Directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:

? A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

? Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

? Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.

? Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.

? Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

? Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.

? Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

? Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

? Candidate brought large dog to interview.

? Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.

? Candidate dozed off during interview.


The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates:


? "What is it that you people do at this company?"

? "What is the company motto?"

? "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

? "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

? "Why do you want references?"

? "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"


? "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

? "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

? "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

? "Does your health insurance cover pets?"

? "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

? "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

? "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

? "Why am I here?"

?

Also included are a number of unusual statements made by candidates during the interview process:


? "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement."

? "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."

? "I feel uneasy indoors."

? "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."

? "Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."

? "I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington."

? "I get excited very easily."

? "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."

? "I am fascinated by fire."

? "I like tall women."

? "Whenever a man is with a woman, he is usually thinking about sex."

? "People are always watching me."

? "If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back."

? "Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."

? "I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."

? "I never get hungry."

? "I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."

? "If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."

? "I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."

? "My legs are really hairy."

? "I think I'm going to throw up."


These quotes are taken from real r?sum?s and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine. (Note: all typographical errors, etc., are as intended.)



? "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."

? "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."

? "Received a pl

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sorry forgot that..