Pain in the

Look, i know this is an misc opinion board and i don't want to vent, but i am genuinally confused about a girl i know.

Basically, it starts off like this. We have a conversation and hit it off immediately. Every time I see her after that, I say hello. She sometimes says hello back. Then one day, i go to say hello, and she replies with a "not bad", and turns her head away a bit. Time goes on and i am still nice to her. Then one day, she is blatently rude to me. I let it pass. We know a few people in common so she is pleasant to me in front of them. When she is in a group, she ignores me. When i see her now i don't know whether to say hello or not because i am unsure as to the response i am going to get. The other day, i saw her, said hello and she literally turned her face away from me and didn't say anything.

What is it with these people. I swear, i have done nothing. The only thing i think i have done is that one day i walked past her, and she went to say hello and as a result of all the things she did in the past, i ignored her because i don't know where i stand with her. Since then she has been nice to me, but the other day she just turned again.

Crickey. Is she sexually frustrated or what?

Libragirl, I'd print out your above response and just give it to her. You've covered it all. Ask where the two of you stand: causual friends, acquaintances, etc. Normally the people I've met, I wouldn't have to do this, but once or twice I have. They confused me & being direct with them sorted it out for both of us. (Some liked me & some didn't.. but at least I knew and gave or didn't give any more thought to it after that.) Hope that helps. She does sound conflicted.
Wait.. I bailed on that one. If someone acts differently to you in a group situation, they're either too socially conscious, or unsure of what they want. (a negative and a neutral there.) Speak with her. If she likes you at all, in any way whatsoever, (friend, etc) she'll take the time to explain herself.

Thanks Espernaut,

That's what i was wanting, a psychological analysis of the situation. Strange. You are right though, i am going to say something to her. I feel like she's pushing me to do this.

Let us know how it goes. 'Luck.

The way I handle people who confuse me is that I completely ignore them until they're ready to be normal with me. I don't like being put in the position of having to figure out what someone thinks of me. I also figure that if someone isn't nice the first time I meet them, then I don't care to get to know them beyond that. If they're friendly and polite the first time but not the second, they get one more chance. If they're not friendly and polite the next time, then that's that. And I don't like it when people act one way privately and another way publically. It reminds me of that book, To Kill A Mockingbird, where the main character is talking to Scout or something and he says something like, "always act the same way in your own backyard as you would in public" (or SOMETHING like that).

I understand your methods, and they work. For me though, I have to know. I'd rather ask and get it square & waste no more time on them (if negative). I hate snipe shots and sinister innuendo's. Because I've lived through all that already.

Hey, the direct approach is probably the best approach. My approach would probably be seen by some as a little too hardass. At least you know for sure what the deal is when you come right out and ask them. I think maybe my problem is that I don't think I'd want to know, I mean I wouldn't want to hear someone say "I don't like you. You suck". lol. I am suprisingly sensitive in some ways.

Espernaut, you said you've lived through all that already...I'm not trying to be nosy, but I'm curious, where & when & why? I experienced a lot of very disturbing interactions with peers in my early teenage years...and I mean the kind of stuff some kids kill themselves over. So I know all about the world of snipe shots and sinister innuendos.

K. There's nothing wrong with your method, BTW. You actually could be stronger than I am. My feelings are that I'm not THAT perceptive, I miss things at times, or I shade the meaning in 3 different flavors.. and 2 of those would get me really hopping, if "that's" what someone meant. So for me only, I'd rather ask. It would be private, and as gracious as possible. I really don't want to know either, but my imagination is definitely worse than the reality. Even if they did hate me.

The when, where and why are very likely alot like your's.
High school, in general. Sniped at by teachers (mine was Art class, like Morgan's was English.) Classmates & people in general. Gym class. Going for jobs. The way I look, or "the way I looked at somebody".. I'm really not getting this right, actually. My initial response was a sympathetic twitch for Libragirl's encounter. I will not tolerate social snubs ever again. Now that I'm out of school, etc, it's very doubtful I'll have to take alot of abuse again.
(4 years you-must-graduate/you-have-to-stay) This applies to my job as well. What I get paid to do, is not who I am. I'm in a service occupation, but if you cross the business line into the personal, (and it takes more than once).. I will tell a person where we stand. Short version: I want to know what I did, what is it I've got that you envy? What's your major malfunction, etc. I want.. peace of mind.

Oh hi, thanks guys. I hadn't checked this threat for a while, so thanks for your responses 😉.

First of, Phoenix, i understand why you would take the 'silent' approach, especially if someone hasn't been nice to you in the first place, and i think it's cute how you get all sensitive like that 😉 I guess i get sensitive too, and nobody wants to hear how they may 'suck'! But it's only somebody elses opinion i guess, and we all know the opinions of others are not 'reality', don't we now... That's a good one to say, if someone insults you just turn around and say "that's only your opinion, it's not like it's the truth or anything".

The thing is, this girl was really nice to me straight off. We had this conversation and we sought of, well at least i thought so, 'clicked'. I then kept saying 'hello' to her and kept getting luckwarm responses like when i asked her how she was she'd say 'ok', or 'not bad' and kind of look downwards or away like she couldn't be bothered with me or my questions (which is fine because i was just being polite).

Oh anyway, to cut a long story short, ive been tolerant with her because she is quite a bit younger than me and now i have decided 'you wanna be treated like an adult, then you'd better act like one'. The thing is, she doesn't really bother me, i just feel she needs to be put back in her 'place'. Now i am getting mad talking about it.

People are strange. Maybe i will ask her why she has been 'rude' to me, i think i am curious, and if she tells me i 'suck' i will promptly remind her that it takes 'two to tango' and that i haven't done anything wrong.

Oh anyway, gee. The mundane details of my life. When i have more time, i will have something good to report 😉

Also, i have realised no matter how much you 'like' someone, there is no excuse for 'rude' treatment. Sometimes we let our close others get away with disrespecting us because we make concessions for them. Well, concessions no more...🙂

Also, Espernaut, I believe in boundaries at work too. I have the same problem, I work in the public eye a little and i constantly have people over-stepping the 'mark'. I am now honest with them, telling them 'my private life is private and i don't discuss personal issues at work'. In these situations, i believe honesty is the best policy because no one has the right to step into your private world unless they are invited. You are paid to do a job, not sell your soul so don't let anyone overstep the mark.

Seeyou you guys 😉

Sorry, this post is a little rushed, i am really busy and shouldn't be here 😉

Could i do another 😉? I am obsessed.