piano & i

So hard going through the day thinking of your past and the present
So hard reaching out to yourself but no responses come your way.
I have the love of my life but i feel as if i cant do anything for him. What is there to give?
Why does it feel that my mind tries to pull me down?
My mind always changes, but why is that my life cant seem to relate?
It seems like people have such high standards to what a person should be, that a girl gets lost since the world is filled with them.
Maybe the girl should just let be. Should just carry on and keep searching.
But dont you create your life? Yourself?
But if you was to create yourself, would that be the real you? Or would it be a false application of yourself?
Who really does know themselves?
A rose is just a rose, but without its colors, would it be as special? without its scent would it differ?
I cant please everyone, so why should i please you?
Everyone brags about wisdom that it seems artificial.
Is there really any use for kindness in this world? It seems like kindness means 0% butter in this world.
They say, that kindness is a unique trait, but does this world REALLY need it? From all the things i've seen and done, it seems like its useless.
Where is there to turn? Who is there to turn to? No one but myself.
But what if you're lost? Then what do you do? Face myself? Sounds like some cliche remark everyone says..
I want change to come, but i need action first.
But without loving yourself, how far can it take you?
How do you really love yourself??
How do we really love ourselves?
I made myself into something that i dont know.

Profound, Lena...I don't know what else to say...

bleh, everything that i already heard, everything that i already know, i wanna hear something new.

Hey, SimplyMe!
I enjoyed reading what you posted! Thanks for sharing!

I had no idea other people felt like me! Like 85% of that, I can exactly relate to. I feel so much better now that I know I'm not the only one!! Thank you so much SimplyMe, you have no idea how deeply that hit home for me. I am printing it out and putting it on my wall.

you know, Lena, how much ive hated myself in the past. You were aware of it. But in time, the feeling you have of being so lost and insecure, it will fade. I promise you that. We're all insecure sometimes, but I know right now, you're struggling with it greatly. It's hard but it's something we all have to go through, to know ourselves, to see truthfully who we are, and sometimes it hurts to see. In the end you'll see that there was nothing to find, that you are who you are and you were there all along. You'll make peace with yourself, in time.

Forget about everyone else and what they want to see...what do you want to see? There isn't enough time in the world to live up to other people's standards and be responsible for anyone else but yourself and you're own actions. Quiet their thoughts in your head, listen to yourself, you know what's best for you.

You are who you are, stop looking for someone else, someone better, someone you are not. If you look too hard, you lose yourself. Just be, and be as you become. Don't push yourself away, embrace it, you have to know it, even to change. I know you'll achieve it.

That's my advice for you, if you've heard it all and already know it all, and it's nothing new, then I'm sorry, that's what I've learned and that's all I have.

Much love to you, Lena.

oh, and..you're right. I'm pretty sure nobody knows exactly who and what they are. We just are. When I say know ourselves, I mean be aware of what we do and how we act. I don't mean the ultimate goal of absolute self knowledge...personally, i think that's an impossible goal and the search is futile. We all need to let go and take a breather. We can't "know who we are" because to me, I feel the human mind and soul cannot be boxed into distinctions. Once you start doing that, that's when you get lost. You can't describe a person distinctly because we are beings of many emotions, many thoughts, many ways of doing things. I'll tell you one thing, Lena, the person you are is the person you are, you're fine. The only inspection and scrutiny we should put ourselves through is our actions, not who we are and who we can't help but being. I can't really explain what I mean, but...Lena, I hope that you will one day find what you are looking for.

i get what you mean jane, and you read my blog sometimes, you know how i feel lol. Yes, ive learned that i cannot "describe" or cateogrize myself as to what i am, i just let it be and do what i gotta do. Be myself, by going by my own instincts, thanx for sharing your thoughts tho, much appreciated

my actions are always f*ked, so i guess im one f*ked up biznotch, hahahahaha

Lena,
You write so beautifully and so many can relate to what you say...what about comprising a book of prose written by you? I don't have any huge connections...but, I might be able to help in getting it published...hmmm...just a thought...

I do find that as I age, I become more of who I am and worry less about if people think I am what I 'should' be or if I meet their 'standards'! HA! I say, to their standards!!

I don't know how I did it...but, my daughter says that I taught her to love herself...
Maybe it was because it took me so long to learn to love myself....maybe it was because I was learning to love myself at the same time I was teaching her?? You know..kinda like me going through the steps gave her ideas of how to proceed?

I wish I had all the answers...but, I don't. I just know that I love who you are, Lena. I believe in the years to come, you will increasingly become the 'you' that you were meant to be. (I know that sounds cliche! 😛 Sometimes it bugs me to think that there have been so many people on this earth and continue to be...it makes me wonder if I EVER have an original thought!! Butter!!)

thanx star 🙂 i admire you for that star, that you love yourself. Not many ppl posess that, and i hope i possess that one day too! Right now im just going along with it and see where it takes me, i dont know. And what you said really did help! its like you dont impose advices or like ideals into me, you just say simple things from your experiences or thoughts that mean a lot, you're the first person that can make me see it differently from what a person says, maybe its just because you have so much positive energy in you ROFL And thats the truth!