Something I need to talk about.

Okay, I sort of need to talk to an adult about this but I can't go to my mom and dad and it's just been weighing on my mind for a while.

About three years ago my mother and I had a serious conversation and she told me that when she was 18 she ran from home and got pregnant with this guy who she ended up marrying. Now don't get any idea that my mother was just some melowdramatic kid who made a stupid decision, she had a pretty messed up life, her father cheated, her mother had abusive friends, they never payed attention to her...and a bunch of other bad stuff. When she came home with the news her parents didn't hug her or tell her that it was going to be okay or anything, they just asked when the wedding was. She told me that when she came home from work a few months latter, her husband had stranggled the baby to death. A week ago I found old newspaper clippings about the incident, and found that the father had been abusing the baby all along and realized that somehow my mom was forced to keep silent about it by her family. It was a horrible discovery and I know it probably should not effect me so badly because this all happened before my mom married my dad and had me, but it was still a blow and I now I harbor anger towards that man and my grandparents that just keeps burning at the back of my mind.

I just needed to let that out, I don't think I could've held it in much longer.

Gee DL, that's a terrible story. I guess you're being human for having those feelings. I had a similiar incident with a friend and i wanted to strangle the guy involved too. Just to let you know i think these are 'normal' feelings.

It might help you to talk to someone professional about it. Do they have a health service near your place? Or a free health clinic type of thing? It looks like you are in the UK, or maybe the States, i am not sure.

And your mum must be feeling some grief too.

But anyway, it's good that you got it off your chest. See if you can talk to someone, an adult, you trust.

It's not your mum's fault, sometimes we just chose the 'wrong' people.

I don't blame you at all for feeling really upset/disturbed by this discovery. It's a sad story and I'm sorry to hear that something like that happened in your family. I agree with LG that your feelings are absolutely normal considering the circumstances. Don't chastize yourself for feeling bad about it; you're displaying a very natural trait - human compassion for another life/lives. Your mom couldn't have expected that this man would do this, or she never would have been with him in the first place...I'm sure she has some guilty feelings regardless though. The whole thing is sad, and I do think LG is on the right track with recommending that you talk to someone professional about it. These are some deep feelings and issues that might be too much for you to try to work through completely on your own.

go get some help from a pro you need to get help from a person or persons who can help you deal with this.

I can't afford a pro. Besides, it happened so long ago...I think just writting it down and getting some advice back was good enough for now. Thanks for taking the time to read and reply.

Well, at least this did help then, getting it off your chest a little bit. You never know though -- there might be free support groups or not-for-profit counseling services in your area. But the most important thing is that you do whatever makes you more comfortable, and not everybody needs counseling. Do what is best for you.