The child inside...trapped...or grown up...?

Hey everyone...

One thing astrology always seems to talk about in character profiles and your outlook is your childhood and relationships with your parents...

Mine has always been a good one and one that I now respect alot more through growing up and seeing the world through adult eyes.
I never saw it as being that important before but now see it as vital.

My quandry is how do you get a person to come to terms with a brocken and lost childhood through never having a father...and a mother they now say they hate because of neglect and a very unstable relationship....which continues through neither of them wanting to talk about it and come to terms with their HUMAN mistakes...—

They mistakes they are makeing are in my opinion directly related to the laque of love and direction through poor upbringing because they are mistakes not that I...myself would never or have never made, but realise were mistakes when I looked back and used what grounding my parents gave me to analise them from...?

Bareing in mind this person is Cancerian and battles to open up as a result their shell seems even more impermiable through the constant laque of guidence and grounding to base their life and it's decisions on...their actions are very immature and they they have a lot...I mean A LOT...of difficulty in comming to terms with faliure...samll things that are not the end of the world to get wrong set them into depression for days and to my reckoning that is a direct relation to a laque of love and support shown in the tender and early years of child develpment when you would have recieved love and support telling you it O.K to make mistakes...

This person keeps telling me they don't need help, nor even mine or anyone elses love...that they can manage alone but when I look at where I have got in life it is largely through the love and support of my family and I now know they need that...

My question is this...

As I live with them how do I tip toe through their highly emotional state on a daily basis to stay in good spirits with them but balance that with giveing advice without pis*ing them off and feeling the wrath of the Cancerian explosive nature and ultimatley loosing this person for the rest of my life...someone I love so dearly and wish they could draw on my strength and love to help them through...but are ademant they don't need to...I have more than enough to go around and my love and strength grows through shareing and giving...

How would you approach that...—

I'm not trying to replace their parents...that's rediculous...I could never do that, all I'm trying to do to show them they DO need love...they DO need others in their life and the reason for that is for support and a pillar to lean on through the rough times...

This is a it of a tough one to answer but I am just lloking for idea's and advice...have you ever been here before...what did you do that worked...what did you do that didn't...you know what I mean...

Thanks guys and girls...

Stay well...love and light to you all and always...

Durrie...

I think I'm the person you want to talk to.

"My quandry is how do you get a person to come to terms with a brocken and lost childhood through never having a father...and a mother they now say they hate because of neglect and a very unstable relationship"

Well, my brother and I both went through this, though the difference is that I carry no hate towards my mother after she died but my brother still does. You can handle the delicate emotional situation in two ways, depending upon the person.

Your friend sounds like my brother. He needs a pillar of loving support that he doesn't feel he needs and doen't want. My brother is an Aries so he has a wild temper and very emotional and insecure at times. So far, there is nothing that has worked with him (he is 19). WHat didn't work is that he blames the one person who helped him the most and tried to give him all the support and love he needs. He experienced some sort of backlash against all who were trying to help him and saw it as simply interfering with his personal autonomy.

For me the matter was different. I see the support that I have for what it is. I see exactly what you are trying to make your friend see. But the one thing I hated and still hate to this day is when someone tries to disect my mind and what I'm thinking and trying to relate any odd behavior (and there's a lot of that) toward the loss of my parents. It drives me insane when people become psycological on me and constantly ask me, "why are you depressed" as if depression was an anomolly secular to only me.

I don't know if this gives you any insight. I hope I was some help. It's a very difficult subject to answer and all people are so very different when they react to the deaths of loved ones.

As for guidance in their life, give him something to work for. Give him a dream, a goal, and tell him he can do it and that you and others will be there when he needs it. I don't like to ask for help, I prefer to be able to do something on my own. But I know that my current goal requires a lot of help from a lot of people in order to succeed. Positive motivation is the key.

Umm..i can relate to ur friend. Hmm... i dont know. You should just be there for that person no matter what, even if they say they can be off alone, but maybe because they were off on their own so much that they cant handle someone entering their life like that since maybe theyre afraid of something. So basically, you should just tell that person what you truly feel instead of giving "advice". You should tell that person that you want to help her/him out if they need it. Because you care. Just tell that person straight out why you're doing this, or if you already have then its going to be really difficult because that person is just going to listen to her their voice and no one elses. So you have to just keep supporting but not doing in a manner where it seems like you're trying to control em. Just support lightly but with the "right" words, you would know eh? Anyway, i really dont know how to help because i cant even help myself haah rofl. Anyway, you're picture looks like the mermaids having sex..oOoOOo *hides behind star* (o^^o)

Hi Gwen...Hi Luz...

Thanks for your comments...Gwen you relate well through your personal experiance and you advice is sound...thankyou.

Luz I've done that...told them all I want to do is help but Gwen hit the nail on the head there...my help has to be recieved...I am trying to force in upon them and they are becomming more irrate as a result...the disecting of the brain thing drove that home for me Gwen...nice one...I'm inadvertantly creating more pressure...I see that now...

Love and support in abundance on 24/7 call...that's it...for now that's all I can do...and shall...

Thanks laddies...thankyou for your time...

Hi Durrie!
My father was in and out of my life (and my Mothers') and my parents divorced when I was a wee babe...
I never met him...he never tried to keep in touch...

Me and my older sisters have had difficulty with love relationships in different ways...there was anger and sometimes hatred there also...
I feel I have resolved my issues...but, sometimes, my older sisters still bring things up and blame my Mom or my Step-Dad for various things...
My biological father died in 1980. We were informed after the fact, so there was never any real opportunity to resolve or have closure...

Anyway...people react differently to the same situation...as Gwen also relayed...
My older sisters glamourized my real father and wanted him to return. I resented that he left me and made no attempt to know me. My sisters resented my Step-Dad,I loved and respected him...(I still do!)

This is what I know. It takes a very long time to heal a broken inner child. Even when the person is better, there may be relapses of pain. It is probably never completely 'fixed'...but, they do have to WANT to work on it. Because it is the inner child that was hurt...many times some it does seem immature or irrational....

When a parent is absent or it feels like they are absent, often a person will seek out substitutes without even realizing it. (my Mother, God Bless her, is just not quite present...she is the queen of denial. I think she has just had too much pain in her life...so, she sorta numbed herself emotionally..but, it makes her very aloof and just kinda not present..?? When you don't allow yourself to feel pain, you also don't allow yourself to feel joy the way you should...) Anyway, I have always connected and bonded with women about my Mom's age who are very warm and emotionally expressive. My daughter has done the same thing with grandmothers...she has a substitute grandmother as a result of how my Mom is....it is not that we don't love my Mom. We do, we just know that we can't expect much in return. It has just been a natural need we have that we find a way to fulfill.

I don't think you can ever take the place of her parents...but, I know that you can give love and support!! Do this gently....let the healing occur as it will...

It is possible that your family will become a substitute family...

Talk to your angels about it...I am sure you have! But, also ask your angels to talk to this person's angels about your concerns...this is something that does seem to help...though it is not the same thing as the person asking their angels for help...

There is nothing that happens, they say, without a reason...there is something to be learned...still it does seem there are some things that shouldn't have been endured...

You are full of love and I believe there is no one better than you to give love and support to this person! I know you are one who wants action and results...but, I do believe you have patience also..
Tap into the patience for now, while continuing to love and give support...

As far as staying in good spirits...that is a difficult one...you seem sensitive to what others are going through and that can put a damper on feeling joyous and light-hearted...
Sometimes, it helps to put on a 'glamour for protection' kind of thing...

First you imagine that you are 'centering your energy' (white light) in the area of your abdomen. Then you release that energy to extend beyond your entire being. You imagine that your body is completely surrounded by this white light and that it is sooo bright that everyone can see it. Then you 'see' (visualize) the white turning to yellow like the sun, then orange, then pink, then purple (or violet), and then blue. Experience each color and then go back to which ever color felt the most right for you at the time...the one you choose may change...or it may not...
I don't know why this works....but,

Perhaps it is the light of the angels...
I also put white lights of protection (through visualization) around my daughter, my dwarf bunny, my Guy, my house, my car...in this I do not change the colors...again, I don't know why...but, it isn't necessary to change them and there is added protection from negativity or any harm.

I never thought to share that before...sorry...I have used this for so long...I forget that others may not know about how to do this...

I find people need their space and most people who go through traumatic experiences early in life need more space than the rest. I'm glad I could help.

One last thing...
Love is never wrong..and love does heal all..but, it may not be immediate, but, take years...very long years...

I believe that my oldest sister was the most afflicted by my real Father's 'here today, gone for a month' style ...he got paid, he was gone! To frolic and play...but, always came back with 'gifts for his girls'...

She loved him and could never believe that he wasn't a good person...despite the evidence...he treated her Mother poorly, but, he treated his daughters well...when he was home!! He was the infrequent, gift-bearing, magical, wonderful visitor!

This caused more pain than it did for me...because he didn't stick around to 'play' me as he did my older sisters...

I do know that he left my Mom during my 'trust' phase according to Erickson and the stages one goes through in life...(Sociology), and I am aware that my trust level is low in my dealings with men in my personal relationships...they must prove their trust to me!

Durrie, things of this sort are definitely complicated. My sister (oldest) was lucky enough to bond with a man who is super tolerant and understanding and let her progress through her healing at the rate she was ready for...they are a wonderful couple! They have been together for many years....over 20...

haha yeah, maybe you're irritating that person, you should just ease on out and if they want help, they'll come. Or just go to some other person they feel more comfortable with to talk to.

Luz! " *hides behind star* " LOL Girl!

My last post should read "they must prove they are worthy of my trust"...

Hey there everyone...

Star...thank you, thank you for your love, thank you for your wisdom, thank you for being you...
Your posts were very touching and bells were ringing all around me wakeing me up to smell the coffee.

Thank you for reminding me of my Angels...in troubled times like these the depth and sensitivity of my scorpion moon make it hard to concentrate on the ocean of emotion's that come in tail with being piscean. Emotions that I need to be sorting out first are overlooked and the truth of the matter is they are mine and a problem with me...for how can I expect to be of assistance without a clear and leve mind of my own. Combine that with my will to put others first and I am realising much about myself and that I am often my own worst enemy...—

Funnily enough I was overcome by a feeling I was most definatley not alone in the kitchen whilst doing dishes alone in my flat the other day. A feeling I have never felt before but somehow knew to be sincere and one I should not fear dispite not quite understanding it. I began to converse in my mind with "the feeling" but didn't get answers back...just a feeling of peace and calmness...which I now realise may have been all I needed and should learn to take more away from that experiance itself...

LOL...patience is one I need to work on Star...you are quite right...I want to much to quickly and may blame myself for not getting these things even though these things are generally out of my hands...I know you know where I'm comming from when I say I think the reason may be that I care to much...—

LOL @ Lena...your direct approach is one I have come to love...you are quite right...I have realised that and backed off big time...thanks dude...!!!

Much love and light to all and always...
Durrie.

DUDE........NP!!!!!

wtf.. that face...wasnt suppose to look like that..LOL..er..ok..

Durrie.... f**k you. I hope you swallow your own dick and choke.

hmm.... somebody's gonna get some coal in thier stocking.lol.

ehm..was that suppose to be funny cj7?

moving along, merry x mas everyone

just trying to change the subject. u dont have to laugh.

ok... so that was improper but kandys message is ok—

sounds like something suzy would say, and i think its just as crude. i think durrie is a positive force on this board and barly comes out to interact with us, the one time he asks for help someone has to post that? well, im sorry if i offended u lena, why i dont understand, but yes moving along....happy holidays.

Actually, Kandy, I wondered why you felt the need to say something so hateful and negative myself...

If you have issues, express them in a manner that can be understood...
I don't get where your negativity and hatred directed towards Durrie comes from...I mean, why??

Read my post about creating more distance between Thanksgiving and Christmas on the Aq post...for Christ's sake have a sense of humour!!

it was just a question? oooookay

ok...i was a little defensive. sorry

Express my "issues" in a manner that can be understood? What part of f**k you don't you understand cookiemonster? As a matter of fact, f**k all of you. And Durrie, I don't care if you don't know why I think you're f**ked up. Merry christmas everyone..

Thanks Kandy! LOL! I feel so much better now....

Durrie,

I think you should be a constant tolerant force for your friend. I had a similiar experience myself with a piscean and she tolerated me and let me see where i was going wrong. It may take time but if you are tolerant and 'loving', she will eventually wake up and see the light. Having an unstable family life is not the best and i suppose it DOES spill out into adulthood. Is this your girlfriend? Your ongoing ability to see the bigger picture should be commended. It's a interesting part of human nature that reacts when it isn't getting what it wants out of life or getting it's fix. It's a good person who can forsake their own needs and concentrate on another person. It must mean you have a lot to give. Good luck, I'm sure you will do well 😉