What happened to honesty...

So, Sunday I'm watching the football game at a friends house, he get's a call from a mutual buddy, and the buddy tells him that he is coming over to watch the game also. Meanwhile, his wife is texting me (we are all friends), I'm thinking that it's nice that she is texting me, since I have put forth effort in the past and it wasn't reciprocated. We're talking about our Fantasy Football teams and I told her that I'll see her in a bit and I'll have her scores open for her on the computer. She then tells me that her hubby (the buddy that called) said he was going to watch the game with my friend at a bar and that she was with the kids... at that point, I put two and two together and figured he was lying and wa was up to no good. Her hubby has a history of being unfaithful in the past, was caught 4 months ago, and apparently is back at it with his shenanigans and fake alibis. So, it turns out... she isn't sincere with texting me and seeing what I'm up to these days, she is fishing for info to see if what her hubby says is true. 1. Didn't he learn his lesson the first time, his wife is still healing and trying to deal with the betrayal from the first time, and he is already back at it 2. Don't play jedi mind tricks with me and text me trying to get info from me, while I'm thinking that you are really being sincere and want to see how I'm doing.

Then, another friend of mine, with whom I am close with and spoke to last night, told me she was with her family when I asked her what she was going to do and if she was going to taco Tuesday. After we hung up, we texted for a bit, then she stopped responding. I thought that was odd, since she always texts back. So, I leave it and go on FB since I'm bored... and she checked in to a bar downtown. 1. Why wouldn't she just tell me she was going out, I talked to her 30-minutes before she checked in 2. If I'm texting her, thinking she's chillin like I am and we've already been texting, why not send a quick text saying shes out and talk to me tomorrow? So, me... being who I am and always having to communicate how I feel when I feel that I have been wronged... send her a text telling her that if she's busy or out, why doesn't she just say so so that I stop texting her and lastly, I told her that I asked her if she was going out tonight and she told me she was with the family, and that obviously she is out, because she is ignoring my texts. That she didn't need to be slim shady about things... what happened to p

Posted by LadyOfRebirth
I can understand why you would be annoyed in the first scenario, but tbh I don't see what was so wrong about the second one.. Instead of assuming she just lied to you have you thought about that she might have just changed her mind last minute? Not texting back while being busy shouldn't even be an issue imo, esp when it's just a friendship. You don't own her and she isn't obligated to inform you about every little thing she does.

No, no-- I think part of her point was that if her friend was busy, she wonders why she didn't just say so, instead of making something up.

Posted by RaeofSun
If I'm texting her, thinking she's chillin like I am and we've already been texting, why not send a quick text saying shes out and talk to me tomorrow? So, me... being who I am and always having to communicate how I feel when I feel that I have been wronged... send her a text telling her that if she's busy or out, why doesn't she just say so so that I stop texting her

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I get that-- I don't want to be the one texting someone if they're busy-- that's annoying.

There was no need for the (obvious) dishonesty-- I think it's weird, too, tbh.

Posted by tiziani
I didn't see what was that bad with the first one personally. It's not easy for someone to come out and say "listen I think my marriage is in trouble and my life is screwed so we should talk more"

Agreed, tizi-- but I think it's tacky to pump her for info when she couldn't give her the time of day, before.


"Meanwhile, his wife is texting me (we are all friends),

I'm thinking that it's nice that she is texting me, since I have put forth effort in the past and it wasn't reciprocated."




@sugararies +1

Raeofsun:

You live a very complicated life. One day you may find that this is all just spinning your wheels and your not getting anywhere in life. Until such time you should really think of what you get from people who are deceptive.

or is this a reflection of the life you like to lead?

@Rae: your first scenario I agree with. Its a lack of honesty. If she was a friend, she would be comfortable telling you she's trying to find out what's going on given the fact that you know their history. Maybe she ignored your texts because of pride or fear of facing the fact that she knows. So she keeps to herself only to have to face it. Yeah, she should've just said something.

The second scenario isn't about honesty at all but just an overall lack of consideration. Unfortunately society is losing its lessons in manners in that regard. Realistically, if the shoe was on the other foot she'd be complaining. It's the equivalent of just getting up from the table and walking off for no reason at all...just rude lol.

I agree with it being said that I don't own her and she isn't obligated to tell me every little thing she does, but... I told her I was bored and then asked her if she was doing anything. It takes this girl at least 20-minutes to get ready, and it takes 25-ish minutes to get to downtown from our neck of the woods, which is where she and all of her family live. If she didn't want me to go, that's fine, but she doesn't have to be shady about it. I mean, I'm sending her texts.. I know she gets them, she responds to EVERYTHING 99% of the time. She's like me, I get a text, I always respond... it may not be right away, but at least within an hour. It only takes a second. Here I am feeling like a stalker, because we're texting and then she flatlines... take a flipping second to say you're out. So, the combo of her not being upfront about going out, and then ignoring me, chaps my hide.

About the wife, I know she isn't being malicious or means to hurt my feelers. I've been in her position before, she...like myself, just wants the truth, and she feels she can't get it from her hubby, so she goes fishing. Now that I know the nature and motive of her texts, I will just tell her that I don't want to be in the middle of what's going on. I was fully aware of what went down with the 2 of them when he got caught, we are all friends and they were both very open with what was going on.

Posted by miamivirgo
Raeofsun:

You live a very complicated life. One day you may find that this is all just spinning your wheels and your not getting anywhere in life. Until such time you should really think of what you get from people who are deceptive.

or is this a reflection of the life you like to lead?

Miamivirgo: I don't mean for it to be or intend to. Lately, I've been wondering if my standards or expectations of how friends should be with one another are unrealistic, and if I'm just being a nuisance with bothering these people by telling them how I feel when something I don't feel is right happens or upsets me. My motto is to tell the person how I feel just once about how something they did or handled made me feel, and to be done with it... if it happens again, well... I'll just have to make some changes on my end. However, I'm beginning to feel that this is a waste of time. People are who they are. I guess for me, if I did something that bothered someone, for example, if the tables were turned last night, and my friend told me what I told her. I would take responsibility for my actions, apologize for making her feel that way and make sure to put forth the effort to handle it differently the next time. I guess not everyone thinks this way... so I'm learning.

@sugararies: I've put a lot of thought into my friendships lately, and yes... they do feel very one-sided.

I feel that I give and put so much of myself into them, and maybe more than I should or usual... that I am often taken for granted or am reached out to when convenient and ignored when not. I don't have many friends, and I think that perhaps I let the few I do... to stay in my life so that I have someone to hang out with. It's my own fault... I know.

Posted by feby16aqua
Hi Rae 🙂 Ok so I'm going to put myself in your shoes and tell you how I would have reacted. Let's see...
For the first part I would understand what she was doing and let her go with it. She's probably really paranoid and doesn't trust her husband. Although she's not forthright with her intentions, she may actually think that you don't know about her husband's behavior, hence no explanation possibly.

I know about her husbands behavior and about their issues. I was confided in by both the husband and wife when this went down 4 or so months ago. I was objective when listening, but then it got to a point when I knew too much and didn't feel right knowing what I did. So, this time around, I'm distancing myself from it.



The second part would just remind me that she's not really my friend.
She may be "chasing" her husband around...I bet that that is distracting.

I feel sorry for her.



This is a different girl friend, I'm not as close with the wife as I am with this female friend of mine. I feel sorry for her as well... I've been in her shoes with my ex, and that feeling is just so heart wrenching.