12th House Alone Time

Got any tips on remembering to let others know when the 'need for alone time' hits? I know it's necessary. I can tell when in person if the need is coming on. Well, usually. But living two hours away from the man in question (with the 12th house stellium) makes it rather... difficult, at best. More like impossible, to know when the need is coming on. Especially since he dislikes verbal communication in general unless in person. Due to distance and varying schedule conflicts, we get to see each other almost once a week. Beyond that it's all TEXT.

So within the realm of text-only, when the need for alone time hits him and he doesn't tell me ahead of time or during, I am really hurt. Typically a clingy person, I have at least gotten beyond all the Did-I-do-something-wrong and why-is-he-avoiding-me stages. If we lived much nearer each other, it wouldn't be a problem, because I could just ask him to lunch or something and hear it in his voice or what-not that I need to withdraw soon is coming on. Instead, it's text-only, and his alone time... times... can last up to 3 days. No texting or communication of any kind. Of course the paranoia courses through me of Did-he-die?

We share in the paranoia. No issues there. He is however able to put his on a mental backburner of sorts, whereas I do not have any such thing. I have.... it's either a part of my daily life, or it's forgotten entirely.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo25
3 days isn't that long. Even if he told you ahead of time, I have a cold feeling that it wouldn't matter and you will still feel hurt. I dislike chatting through telecommunication too. Nonetheless, I despise texting conversation's above human passion as they grate my nervous system like sharp cheddar cheese.

But what the hell do I know? I'm just a glass of Virgo on the rocks. Not calling comes normal to me.

Merry CHRISTmas and don't allow your circumstantial feels to destroy what needs to be built. You're a pisces rising like myself, so imagine the construction of a home when thunderstorms go roar. For now, all you need is a hammer, nails, and wood.

Well dagnabbit he's actually a 12th house Virgo stellium. You're right that I'd still be emotionally hurt 0:-) though my logical side is more content with forewarnings, when they happen. He says it's actually to do with memory when he forgets, which is.... most often.

Text-over-verbal when at a distance is his preference, not mine... I actually told him for Christmas, I'd like for him to install Skype on his computer. Skype is 100% free between computers (and we're both on the PC a lot). He said he'd think about it. Doesn't seem to be happening. I can have verbal conversations with complete strangers during a video game, but not him. Sadly enough these video game communications just make me think wouldn't it be great to hear his voice? most times.

He wants to do text because it is already installed on his computer and "it works". Le sigh.

We don't get to visit this Christmas, or the weekend after. I was at least told ahead of time, this time. Yes, it does still hurt. But it's a different hurt from the sort that happens when no warning is given. It's a dull ache, minus the panic from not being told.

Any tips at all for remembering to say to your significant other, that hey, some down-time is coming up? Or it's already hit and send-me-a-line sooner than days later, when it's over?

Merry Christmas, by the way. Best wishes to those visiting family and friends this year. Sorry about the traffic. Obviously, try not to absorb-and-spread all that nastiness that seems to be floating around. Digital hugs to those of us staying home, doing the usual, today.

And Happy Kwanza and Hanukkah and Winter Solstice... may these remain forever under-commercialized as Christmas used to be.

whatsapp or kik works great.

I have no 12th house placements but I take time off like it's my favourite hobby. It's never personal, just space needed to recharge and calm my Virgo mind. It's running restless all the time..even while I am asleep..so downtime is very much welcomed.

Posted by VirgoFlirt
The 12th house is not about alone time..... It all in how you use it to not be alone.

For instance Mercury (The Wind) Makes Love to Neptune (The Ocean). Meaning;

Mercury processes/feeds Neptune Ideas and either mirrors them or lets them out.

When neptune receives that clever idea it lets it out to the world.
----

After all I'm not the only one that sees this method but rare to find a virgo that does.

Actually... I don't get it. Unless this is more to do with the title than with the question.

Sorry to bring up a sort-of-old post. But I'm still curious if anyone has any remembering tips. 🙂 It's pointless to ask him to change who he is. If I can't handle who he is, I am welcome to leave. But it doesn't bother him to give me forewarning of these times when he remembers to do so. It's the remembering that is the issue. When these times hit him, everything else goes blank.

And I am part of the everything else. This part saddens me. But being sad by this is my own issue.

Posted by e11e

Posted by exoskeleton
i can go unnoticed, or have all eyes on me.

😱 I hate that part!

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Yeah, definitely, this is shared by Pisces Risings! Most annoying thing. Fun when in a philosophical mood, though.

So he told me a couple days ago one of these times was coming on, that this whole week he'd be 'vegging' and basically able to respond but really slow about it. I love another user's description of texting to be "grating like cheddar cheese", though I love cheddar cheese, I never like the motion of grating... so he texted me this, basically, on messenger. Of course part of me is saddened by this vegging but part of me is grateful he remembered the heads-up, so I got all Libra on him and sent a smiley with my goodnight.

I can "go all Libra" without talking down about it, too, since it's in my chart thereabouts. 😄

It feels manipulative to send fake smileys through a text messenger when he remembers to let me know ahead of time, but you know what, nobody in my life, astrology-believing or otherwise, has ever given me a better idea to help him remember... and if someone has given him a better idea directly, it hasn't worked so far.

To VirgoFlirt, yes, when we're in person together, the chatting is non-stop and he's probably the only other person on this planet not only interested in the same whacky subjects I am, but to also keep up the interest for hours, sometimes even surpassing me! That's quite a feat. IN PERSON, I want him forever and ever. He doesn't forget about me when we're in person together. It's when we're apart he sort of forgets I still exist over here. Though I don't forget about him. But that's another issue, and its a liveable difference between us.

I didn't feel like responding at the time because I've been hoping so much to solve the remembering-to-give-heads-up issue that when I was told to "forget about" the entire point of my OP, I felt offended.

But I am in a better mood today.

Posted by VirgoFlirt
When someone does not want to do something and you start trying to force them it just makes matters worse.

He doesn't mind letting me know but is not used to having someone around who wants to know. Simply put, it's a memory issue. If we're going with honesty here, which I like to do, as he is a very honest person, and has actually told me it's a memory issue. We're overly blunt and open with each other to the point most would find incredibly insulting. But it works for both of us. It's sort of that, once the world becomes overwhelming and the need to shut down and recuperate hits him, it seems to be SO overwhelming that letting your two-hours-away girlfriend know about it is hard to remember to do.

Who better to ask than other 12th house folks, or folks who know one? 😄

Posted by VirgoFlirt
I think what you really need to know is; what he's doing during these times...If he's needing to be alone an entire week, then something else is maybe going on.

Well he's reliving an old singleplayer video game from his childhood. It's not particularly alarming. I've done that before as a mind-absorbing time killer. Sometimes the craving just hits. Though I do prefer to be alone during these times, I've never completely shut down forms of communication... probably just because I don't have a whole lot of 12th house in my chart. It's the house of one of my Ascendent's rulers (12th house Aquarius Jupiter) but that's it. Not a stellium like him. Chart in profile if the curiosity hits you.

Posted by VirgoFlirt
Most neptune dominate people are always; stalking, watching and keeping up with you even when you think there not. However getting them to admit this is another thing.

That matches his Scorpio Moon and Mars, and my Scorpio Sun and Pluto.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo25

😆😆😆_________________

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Moon in 12th, the needing of recovering from emotional sponge in some alone place/moment/world.