Always be here for you = no contact/ignoring?

Hello all,

I've read around and learned that I'm not the first one to have endured the Pisces disappearing act.

I have been on and off with my Pisces for quite sometime now, at first dating with the intent of being in a relationship, only for him to tell me he is not ready to commit. I distanced myself from him a little to sort of lick my wounds, but in the end we remained friends. The connection and sexual chemistry was off the charts, but we had a crazy spiritual connection as well, which was hard to let go. We continued seeing each other casually, while dating other people.

Within the last couple of months we seemed to be getting closer, having intense conversations, baring our souls to each other, even crying in the other's presence a few times. The last time we hung out we laid awake in his bed for hours (no we did not hook up... lol) and we talked about anything and everything until the sun came up. He told me he'd always be there for me and I told him the same- that I would never want him to think that what we have is solely physical and nothing else. It was clear that we actually gave a fuck about each other.

Long story short, I have not heard from him since. It's been 2 weeks and I contacted him 2x only to be ignored both times.

I'd like to know what you Pisceans think about this and what you think is going on in his head. We never go more than a few days without talking to each other. I see him updating things via social media so I know he's okay. Did this meeting overwhelm him? How should I go about approaching this? I care about him and don't want to lose him, but I also don't like the fact that he did a complete 180 and is now ignoring me for a reason I know nothing of. Help!

Hmm, your Pisces seems to be somewhat like me. That's the way i was treating the girl i spoke about a few threads below. I don't want to generalize it, so i will give you my own reasons why i acted this way. Maybe you will notice some trends that could apply to your guy in a way more specific to your relationship.

It mainly was a concern of the girl not being what i wanted. It was a fear of making the wrong choice, even before everything started. In my case, the girl was, at the moment i was acting that way, too young and shy. I felt i have stumbled more upon a younger niece than a potential romantic partner. I feared that it would not look well to make this public, because of my own contempt for grown men that take their impossibly young, bimbo girlfriends, wherever they go. (of course, she wasn't at all a bimbo, but i was just illustrating). But we still had a certain chemistry, and we could talk about a lot of things. I felt good in her presence, because she was supportive, and nice, and she seemed to really care for me. So i kind of stringed along, thinking that it could have a chance of working in the long run. I wasn't prepared to be in a relationship with her back then, but i had a feeling that she would make a really wonderful lady in the future. So, i was kinda postponing the relationship, even though, i was pretty sure that i wanted it.

But when i would notice the feelings escalate (especially from her side), i would back off, because i didn't want to lead her on - even though that's exactly what i was doing. So, i didn't want to have her think she had a chance then, but at the same time, i wasn't really prepared to let her go, because i felt good in her presence, and it was good to know there's someone there for me. Selfish, i know. So we ended up having periods of close contact, (no sex or anything "romantic", though), and periods when i would ignore her completely. She made it easier too, i guess, because she never tried to contact me whenever i disappeared.

Of course, the reasons with you guys are probably different, but i would guess that he's backing down because of not being sure you are "the one" for quite a number of reasons. Maybe he secretly wants you to "help" him decide, by being more open with the fact that you want him. Pisces have a desire to be wanted, almost as strong as the desire to want.

djbuck is right too. Right now, i don't think you can do anything about it. His mind is pretty much made up about what he wants. But only at the moment. If he keeps coming back to you, that means he must have some second thoughts about you. So that's why i suggested you to try and pursue him a bit, but without being pushy or forceful. If he continues ignoring you, then it's pretty clear he's gone. If he reestablishes contact, and plays along, then he could be considering something. But in any case, he's not considering it now. So it's only up to you if you want to wait for the off chance he may decide to be with you, or you go on with your life. Right now he's waiting for a "one", and you are not it. I went back to the girl, eventually, and i did decide to commit fully, but only because my "one" didn't work out.

Posted by Treplev
djbuck is right too. Right now, i don't think you can do anything about it. His mind is pretty much made up about what he wants. But only at the moment. If he keeps coming back to you, that means he must have some second thoughts about you. So that's why i suggested you to try and pursue him a bit, but without being pushy or forceful. If he continues ignoring you, then it's pretty clear he's gone. If he reestablishes contact, and plays along, then he could be considering something. But in any case, he's not considering it now. So it's only up to you if you want to wait for the off chance he may decide to be with you, or you go on with your life. Right now he's waiting for a "one", and you are not it. I went back to the girl, eventually, and i did decide to commit fully, but only because my "one" didn't work out.

that is very honest and it's not many guys/or girls who will admit that they chose 2nd best.

Sometimes, the 2nd best ends up being the 'one' ....someone made a film/book about it. Everythings done under the sun.

Basically, OP, don't wait around for him.

Posted by lisabethur8


Sometimes, the 2nd best ends up being the 'one' ....someone made a film/book about it. Everythings done under the sun.

You are so right. Right now, she is my "one", and it would have remained that way, if she still had the feelings for it. Second best can very well become THE best. Life can take you wherever, but only at it's own whim, not yours.

I don't hang around the Pisces forum often but Trep's response was/is remarkably refreshingly honest.

I've said similar responses to women on DXP but not quite like Trep has said it to you.

Note to yourself LeoGem if a man says he is not ready for a commitment and you feel you are ready cut off sex and think about seriously moving on immediately to save yourself from the inevitable outcome, him disappearing.

When a man says he is not ready, believe him, you instead emotionally attached yourself to an unavailable man and the end is so painful and never is closure given.

I like Treps reply. I think that is what my pisces guy did to me. He was just out of a long term relationship and in hell at work. u don't think he wanted to commit to anything ot even get involved for fear of making a wrong choice even before he knew much about me.


Here's a question...if when pisces man is behaving like this and being hot and cold with you, instead if enabling it and talking on egg shells and waiting for him to make a choice as most women do, myself included, ...what would happen if we told them to.stick it and walked away. would they come running?

Posted by Treplev

Life can take you wherever, but only at it's own whim, not yours.

Translation: You won't hold yourself accountable for the direction of your own life

Posted by LeoGemini11

..... to have endured the Pisces disappearing act.

Endurance is a choice.

If you chose tolerance ... then stfu and own it

So, you've come to other people and pretend you weren't present in the design of your life, and act like it's something that has been done to you ... rather than what the truth really is = you do this to yourself.


You're not a victim .... you are obviously all for this behavior .... afterall, here you are making a thread in honor of it.


The reality is, if you didn't like it ... it wouldn't exist in your reality.

Posted by P-Angel

= you do this to yourself.

Posted by RoseAngel81


Here's a question...if when pisces man is behaving like this and being hot and cold with you, instead if enabling it and talking on egg shells and waiting for him to make a choice as most women do, myself included, ...what would happen if we told them to.stick it and walked away. would they come running?

Yeah, he'll probably come back. Not "running". But that also depends on what feelings he has for you. If he's in the situation i described about myself, then he'll probably come back, because he *needs* you in some way. Otherwise it will probably be a load of his chest, not having to worry about you and your hurt feelings.

But i don't think you should do that. That's a trick. A mind game. Your lowering yourself to the level of a Pisces with that 😛. It may work in the short term, but if he's still conflicted, it won't last, and he'll disappear again, once the "danger" is over. He has to make up his mind on his own. And that can be done by him, and only him.

As i said, if you want him, the best way would be to check up on him. Ask him something. Even tell him you miss him (that works for me). And if he starts to warm up to you, then you have something to work on. If not... Well...

I never did that to him. I let him do as he pleased.

He said he wasn't up for dating as he was in hell at work.

He was full of apologies and saying he didn't mean to upset me.

I started talking to him about two weeks ago he replied nicely. shall I say miss you or not?

Thank you for all your insightful and comprehensive replies. I agree with what everyone has said. I think he got freaked out about what happened and retracted. Maybe I'm not "the one" or he isn't sure, that's why he keeps coming back. Whatever the case may be, yes, I am aware that I did choose to tolerate this behavior, but I'm human and when feelings are involved, it's hard to fully let go. I will keep what you have all advised in mind. Thank you thank you thank you.

Hmm, from your first post, i gathered that he hasn't said anything in two weeks.
Well, there's nothing wrong in saying you miss someone.

But yeah, work can sometimes be hell. It can take you completely out of the mood for dating. Dating, or in any case, building a connection to someone, as you know, takes up quite some time. If all your time is spent worrying or solving problems at work, there's no space for dating. Dating can also come with some amount of drama as well, even if not the worst kind. But there can be a little jealousy, a little controlling, a little of this, and a little of that. Also breakups or fights can be pretty taxing emotionally. I've always feared a moment when a break-up would happen right in the middle of a busy time at work. The way i usually take these things, they could cost me my job. So obviously, i would be quite reserved to submit myself to something as uncertain as a relationship when i need to stay focused on something.

So maybe your answer is just that: him, having the experience of the previous relationship, and going through a really taxing period at work, is not in the mood to throw himself fully. If you say you do value his company and friendship, you could try to stick around until the skies clear, and just be there as a friend, and not pressure him into anything. Just do the healthy thing, and not build up your hopes.

Oh damn... my bad. I confused RoseAngel81 with the OP. I kept answering both their questions as if it's the same person. Rose, y u butting in in other people's threads? You already have three... >.>

But Rose why do you want someone whose using an excuse as to why he's not that interested in dating you? Be it work, emergency, whatever the excuse is be it valid or not it's still an excuse.

Here you are thinking about telling a man that can't commit to dating "I miss you". Doesn't make sense.

I'm not sure why women waste so much time on men that don't wanna date, don't wanna commit when there are plenty of great guys who do want to date and who do want to commit.

I've been in those shoes and now that I'm married and been out of it for many moons it just seems ridiculous to want to be with a man that chooses to lose at love. A man that wins will put in effort and energy.

LeoGem he keeps coming back because you allow him back in.

You're chunking your standards out the window to have a small piece of him and by you doing that kind of behavior you actually teach him you don't honor yourself by not sticking to your own standard/boundary so of course he's going to come back.

You romanticize this guy with your future or you wouldn't be bothered. Time to get out of la la land and get into reality.

He said he wasn't ready for a commitment and he meant it, his current actions are in alignment with him not wanting to commit to anything with you, not even commit to being your friend, friends don't disappear.

By you not walking when the RED FLAG was waved in your face you are stuck in love all by yourself and that is exactly what happens when a woman attaches herself to an unavailable man.

Unless you wake up, create a healthy boundary, stick to a healthy standard for you, you're fucked, you will always feel some kind of pain, rejected and stuck.

Tiki33- thanks so much for your input. You know, I'm not on dxpnet much, or I don't write threads here often rather, but it's amazing how a bunch of strangers can really knock the sense back into you. It's great to have an objective point of view, rather than going to your friends who just don't want to say the wrong thing or want you to get hurt- so they soften the blow somehow. I'm working on letting go and thanks in part to this thread, it is getting easier little by little.

You're welcome...Keep posting to get insight, it really does help to have clarity.

Good luck

LeoGem, i'm rather curious how the situation between you and this guy will evolve (or devolve). Without wanting to invade your privacy, i'd like to ask you to give us some updates about it, if you think i's ok.

I'm kind of interested in these sort of relationship dynamics, but i always found it annoying that most people on forums go away after a solution was given. They never return to tell us if the solution worked or not. It's like watching a Hollywood movie, and not knowing what happened after the "happy end"

Of course. I actually found out today via social media that he's been seeing someone- I don't know if it's official or not (seems as though it is), but he is with someone. So there's my answer. Thank you guys for being there for advice and insight. I feel as if he'll come around again in time if it doesn't work out with this girl, but I'm moving on as well. It hurts like hell, but I've been through rougher waters. Thank you guys again.

Oh, i'm sorry to hear that. But yeah, that's usually the case, and with Pisces even more so, because most of us are so damn slippery, even though there's no harm intended (and in fact, in our upside down reality, we convince ourselves we actually do good). Hope you'll get over it soon, and find someone for whom you'll be THAT girl. Best of luck! 🙂

Posted by LeoGemini11
Of course. I actually found out today via social media that he's been seeing someone- I don't know if it's official or not (seems as though it is), but he is with someone. So there's my answer. Thank you guys for being there for advice and insight. I feel as if he'll come around again in time if it doesn't work out with this girl, but I'm moving on as well. It hurts like hell, but I've been through rougher waters. Thank you guys again.

LeoGem use this as a learning experience.

He clearly has time for a real relationship since he's with her so what you have to do is learn how to THINK objectively with your emotions as well.

I can't always say move on but that's really the objective thing to do when a man puts you in the friendzone and/or states he's not ready for a commitment followed with a valid excuse because the only person getting hurt is you when you invest in a man that subtly rejected you on the low to begin with.

Truth be told "I'm not ready for a commitment/relationship" is a lie, men are always dating in hopes of finding what they perceive to be the right one for them.

You'll be alright...Remember to never be a man's option, if you can't be someone he can take a chance on then he doesn't really deserve to have all of you.

Posted by Treplev
Hmm, your Pisces seems to be somewhat like me. That's the way i was treating the girl i spoke about a few threads below. I don't want to generalize it, so i will give you my own reasons why i acted this way. Maybe you will notice some trends that could apply to your guy in a way more specific to your relationship.

It mainly was a concern of the girl not being what i wanted. It was a fear of making the wrong choice, even before everything started. In my case, the girl was, at the moment i was acting that way, too young and shy. I felt i have stumbled more upon a younger niece than a potential romantic partner. I feared that it would not look well to make this public, because of my own contempt for grown men that take their impossibly young, bimbo girlfriends, wherever they go. (of course, she wasn't at all a bimbo, but i was just illustrating). But we still had a certain chemistry, and we could talk about a lot of things. I felt good in her presence, because she was supportive, and nice, and she seemed to really care for me. So i kind of stringed along, thinking that it could have a chance of working in the long run. I wasn't prepared to be in a relationship with her back then, but i had a feeling that she would make a really wonderful lady in the future. So, i was kinda postponing the relationship, even though, i was pretty sure that i wanted it.

But when i would notice the feelings escalate (especially from her side), i would back off, because i didn't want to lead her on - even though that's exactly what i was doing. So, i didn't want to have her think she had a chance then, but at the same time, i wasn't really prepared to let her go, because i felt good in her presence, and it was good to know there's someone there for me. Selfish, i know. So we ended up having periods of close contact, (no sex or anything "romantic", though), and periods when i would ignore her completely. She made it easier too, i guess, because she never tried to contact me whenever i disappeared.

Of course, the reasons with you guys are probably different, but i would guess that he's backing down because of not being sure you are "the one" for quite a number of reasons. Maybe he secretly wants you to "help" him decide, by being more open with the fact that you want him. Pisces have a desire to be wanted, almost as strong as the desire to want.

Gosh, that sucks for her. My