@Xin
14 Years1,000+ Posts
No Contact Rule - Does it really work?
Does the No Contact Rule Actually Work
The no contact rule can help create space, reset emotional intensity, and encourage reflection. Its effectiveness varies depending on the situation and individuals involved. Consistent implementation may increase chances of reconciliation or clarity. However, results are not guaranteed and depend on the circumstances of your relationship.
Is this an actual rule?
Maybe it is like the motorcycle helmet law? Seems obvious to some, but we have to make it a Rule just in case someone doesn't get it.
Just don't contact them.
I don't think it does...
I was just reading some quotes from "real men on the street" whom were interviewed and they said, "Play it too cool and evasive and we'll think you are not interested and we won't call"
That's it, it can come off as "not interested"
Or after a breakup maybe the guy/girl wants to work it out...with the "no contact" thing it can lead to mis-understandings. The guy/girl may not be contacting out of fear too...too scared to contact.
The last person I was seeing had texted me at work on Monday after the prev Friday when I had told him I would call him when I got home Friday night, it was too late, so I let it go all weekend. I was trying to be "non available, not needy and just playing it cool"
Well his text said, "You must have had too much of a good time Friday night, I haven't heard from you since"
You could say this idea above was actually working and it made him wonder about me, but it seems it just brought out insecurities.
Actually we never were together 🙂
It's just I'm too available for him. I like him, but I think I'm around too much.
Posted by sunshine222
I don't think it does...I was just reading some quotes from "real men on the street" whom were interviewed and they said, "Play it too cool and evasive and we'll think you are not interested and we won't call"
That's it, it can come off as "not interested"
Exactly. That's something I had a problem with until I had to check myself. It's just my character. I can't call someone all the time because I'd grow weary of talking to them to often, doesn't mean I'm not interested, I'm just interested in other things too, lol. But with someone I'm really feeling, I initiate more. I realize how cool & collective behavior can translate into "I'm just not that into you". Lesson learned! 😉.
YES!
I think that this is difficult with all the modern technology that MAKES us always reachable. I always get upset when I see a guy friend will sit with his phone next to his plate at dinner and then tell me.... I'm not going to text her back right away, I wanna leave her hanging for a little while.
I'm always thinking..... ummn, she knows you are CONSTANTLY on your phone too. Idiot.
For me, if someone texts me I'll usually respond within the hour, but if I want be less available (or if I'm truly busy which I try to mostly always be with work and friends and such) to someone I'll just let them know I'm happy to hear from them, but I'm super busy and I'll ask them to call me later. When starting up something new I don't like to do a lot of texting... I need to hear their voice.
Being available by text and phone (with the invention of cell phones) kinda happens. I mean... you ARE always available.
However, making sure you are not to available to a guy is where not jumping and running to see him comes in. I don't agree to last minute dates. I don't want to be your after thought.
In this day and age, I find that a lot of guys (in Houston at least) need a little positive reinforcement. The trick to being unavailable is not being rude about it, always being sweet.
Here's an example of how I'd respond to texts when I'm just getting started with someone....
"Hey you, I'm so happy to hear from you! I'm running around with work and have something (I never say what it is I'm doing, leave that open for their imagination) going on tonight. No rest for the weary! Why don't you call me tomorrow evening? Talk soon!"
Posted by Xin
Actually we never were together 🙂
It's just I'm too available for him. I like him, but I think I'm around too much.
That can get boring fast. You should NEVER, I repeat NEVER be toooooo available for a guy. Even if you are head over fucking heels in love. He'd never respect you. You should always make him wonder about you. You're a Gem, you know better than that! Lol.
Posted by Xin
Actually we never were together 🙂
It's just I'm too available for him. I like him, but I think I'm around too much.You should NEVER, I repeat NEVER be toooooo available for a guy. Even if you are head over fucking heels in love. He'd never respect you. You should always make him wonder about you.
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i agree. it's not like i believe in dating rules but this is common sense. most people place a higher value on what's hard to obtain. kinda superficial, but true. look at all those colossal waiting lists for new products out. people generally like what's exclusive.
and not too far the other way, either. you don't have to sit there screening calls and having a 2hr-textback-rule. when you're honest about your intentions, everything gets clearer. if you entertain or secretly like 'the chase', then by all means carry on. just don't complain when they're not dancing to your tune 😉
Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
I think that this is difficult with all the modern technology that MAKES us always reachable. I always get upset when I see a guy friend will sit with his phone next to his plate at dinner and then tell me.... I'm not going to text her back right away, I wanna leave her hanging for a little while.I'm always thinking..... ummn, she knows you are CONSTANTLY on your phone too. Idiot.
Being available by text and phone (with the invention of cell phones) kinda happens. I mean... you ARE always available.
However, making sure you are not to available to a guy is where not jumping and running to see him comes in. I don't agree to last minute dates. I don't want to be your after thought.
+1 exaaaactly 😄
Interesting to see who all the manipulators are .... they play the man to seek attention.
Hey look first off P, every post I've seen coming from you has either been 1. hidden or 2. something negative to say. It's not about manipulation its about making things fair. Men do this all the time. So I am personally coming out and asking a question, it's not about who is manipulating who. If that is your idea then so be it, but Id prefer not to make my posts about negativity.
Posted by Xin
Actually we never were together 🙂
It's just I'm too available for him. I like him, but I think I'm around too much.You should NEVER, I repeat NEVER be toooooo available for a guy. Even if you are head over fucking heels in love. He'd never respect you. You should always make him wonder about you.
i agree. it's not like i believe in dating rules but this is common sense. most people place a higher value on what's hard to obtain. kinda superficial, but true. look at all those colossal waiting lists for new products out. people generally like what's exclusive.
and not too far the other way, either. you don't have to sit there screening calls and having a 2hr-textback-rule. when you're honest about your intentions, everything gets clearer. if you entertain or secretly like 'the chase', then by all means carry on. just don't complain when they're not dancing to your tune 😉
click to expand
No, that 2hr text shit is ridiculous. If I want to text back right away I will, & if I'm busy I'll respond later or just honestly forget to, & respond the next day. Please, I don't give a damn what people want to call it. Manipulation, games, bullshit, hell I'll own that. AND? It is COMMON SENSE. You should never give yourself away like that to ANY man. Hmph, it's a sure way to become a doormat & a fool.
Posted by P-Angel
Interesting to see who all the manipulators are .... they play the man to seek attention.
Call it whatever the hell you want. You seeked attention from the man & HE PLAYED YOU.
@realtalk err, i already said it was common sense. and i was agreeing with you. maybe it didn't come off that way
hence the words 'i agree'.
read before you go foaming at the mouth.
i was thinking more along the lines of rabies, actually.
Posted by Xin
Actually we never were together 🙂
It's just I'm too available for him. I like him, but I think I'm around too much.You should NEVER, I repeat NEVER be toooooo available for a guy. Even if you are head over fucking heels in love. He'd never respect you. You should always make him wonder about you.
i agree. it's not like i believe in dating rules but this is common sense. most people place a higher value on what's hard to obtain. kinda superficial, but true. look at all those colossal waiting lists for new products out. people generally like what's exclusive.
and not too far the other way, either. you don't have to sit there screening calls and having a 2hr-textback-rule. when you're honest about your intentions, everything gets clearer. if you entertain or secretly like 'the chase', then by all means carry on. just don't complain when they're not dancing to your tune 😉
No, that 2hr text shit is ridiculous. If I want to text back right away I will, & if I'm busy I'll respond later or just honestly forget to, & respond the next day. Please, I don't give a damn what people want to call it. Manipulation, games, bullshit, hell I'll own that. AND? It is COMMON SENSE. You should never give yourself away like that to ANY man. Hmph, it's a sure way to become a doormat & a fool.
You contradict your quoted post somewhat with this one though ?
In one you say play a guy so he's on his toes and in the other you say you respond dutifully unless busy.
I agree on common sense though.click to expand
No. I didn't contradict myself. Where in my posts did I say play a guy? I said DO NOT be so available to a guy.
That's what I stated. Yes I am busy usually & don't have time to respond to his text & or calls right away. I'm speaking of jumping to go out with him the minute he calls, being a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th after thought for a date, never having a life of your own while he manages the relationship on his terms only, canceling your plans just to be wit
Posted by nimbue
@realtalk err, i already said it was common sense. and i was agreeing with you. maybe it didn't come off that way
Nah, I know 😉. I wasn't referring to you at all. I was agreeing with you again by saying yes, it is common sense. 🙂
Posted by nimbue
hence the words 'i agree'.read before you go foaming at the mouth.
Wasn't "foaming at the mouth" at you. I read the post fully.
oh shit, my bad. looks like i should take my own advice! 😛
Cut off, canceling your plans just to be with him. That's what I was referring to.
*cancelling
No. I didn't contradict myself. Where in my posts did I say play a guy? I said DO NOT be so available to a guy.
That's what I stated. Yes I am busy usually & don't have time to respond to his text & or calls right away. I'm speaking of jumping to go out with him the minute he calls, being a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th after thought for a date, never having a life of your own while he manages the relationship on his terms only, canceling your plans just to be witThe "Don't be tttoooooooooooooooooo available. Make him wonder or he'll walk on you" part. 🙂
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So how's that contradictory? I mean, come on. It's true. He WILL walk all over you. 😉. I'm not saying play the poor guy, just don't be so damn gullible, sheeeeesh!
Posted by everevolvingepithet
That's cool, but you do seem to like the 'play the game so you don't get played' approach.
I could go find some oldish posts to back that up but I only really like that if someone else does it 🙂.
I think it's better to just be honest even if it comes across as blunt, kwim ?
By that I don't mean offload on someone because one is having a bad day or has baggage, just be straight up with a person ?
To me, anything else would = play time. 🙂
Most of the time anyways.
Do what you see fit. It's not playing a game so I won't get played. It's called don't be fucking stupid for a man. Again, COMMON SENSE. I don't talk about shit I haven't been through myself, & I don't have a problem being honest with myself or with others. When I was younger I made some dumb ass mistakes, I've learned from them. That's all I'm saying. You're right, I concur that it will be play time. That is why I do keep it real most of the time. Remember the thread I created before about trying to start a relationship when you're in love with someone else, & you commented on? You said then don't, & I didn't. I told him the truth.
Dear Lord, can quit arguing and just answer the girl's question?
1. Waiting to text or call back for days or even extensive hours (I'm saying more than 8 hrs, a typical work shift) is ridiculous because EVERYONE knows EVERYBODY typically has their cell phones right next to them 24 hours a day.
2. Don't text or call right back within the same minute unless you guys have plans, are making plans, etc. Take a little time and think about a cute response.... for texts.
3. Do not accept last minute dates, think.... I'm calling you on Friday to take you out tonight or Sat night.... and definitely not when they are already out and about and want you to come join. MAke your own plans! Get busy girl, you'll fixate on him much less!!
4. Be polite and sweet even when you have to tell him you can't talk or hang out. Never come across haughty or proud of your ability to blow him off or even annoyed he's asking last minute, it comes across super bitchy. Flies, honey.... that whole thing.
5. Don't let P-Angel ruffle you.
Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
Dear Lord, can quit arguing and just answer the girl's question?1. Waiting to text or call back for days or even extensive hours (I'm saying more than 8 hrs, a typical work shift) is ridiculous because EVERYONE knows EVERYBODY typically has their cell phones right next to them 24 hours a day.
2. Don't text or call right back within the same minute unless you guys have plans, are making plans, etc. Take a little time and think about a cute response.... for texts.
3. Do not accept last minute dates, think.... I'm calling you on Friday to take you out tonight or Sat night.... and definitely not when they are already out and about and want you to come join. MAke your own plans! Get busy girl, you'll fixate on him much less!!
4. Be polite and sweet even when you have to tell him you can't talk or hang out. Never come across haughty or proud of your ability to blow him off or even annoyed he's asking last minute, it comes across super bitchy. Flies, honey.... that whole thing.
5. Don't let P-Angel ruffle you.
What are you talking about? Who the hell's arguing? Bling & I are having a lovely discussion. Hehehehehe. Besides it's a public thread, I'll post what I want inadvertently or otherwise.
Posted by everevolvingepithet
That's cool, but you do seem to like the 'play the game so you don't get played' approach.
I could go find some oldish posts to back that up but I only really like that if someone else does it 🙂.
I think it's better to just be honest even if it comes across as blunt, kwim ?
By that I don't mean offload on someone because one is having a bad day or has baggage, just be straight up with a person ?
To me, anything else would = play time. 🙂
Most of the time anyways.Do what you see fit. It's not playing a game so I won't get played. It's called don't be fucking stupid for a man. Again, COMMON SENSE. I don't talk about shit I haven't been through myself, & I don't have a problem being honest with myself or with others. When I was younger I made some dumb ass mistakes, I've learned from them. That's all I'm saying. You're right, I concur that it will be play time. That is why I do keep it real most of the time. Remember the thread I created before about trying to start a relationship when you're in love with someone else, & you commented on? You said then don't, & I didn't. I told him the truth.
Okidoke. I just can't be bothered with the 'wait for this, don't do that but do this, make them think they're doing that while you doing this'. It's all too much like hard work lol. If I get a message I'll answer it, if I get another one I'll answer that too. If I have a query or whatevs I'll ask. It's such a complex state of affairs you see. 🙂
I don't remember that thread but I'm sure it was awesome.click to expand
I feel you though. Yeah it was awesome!! I took your advice!!! 😄
Hahahahaha...SMFH. @Xin, if you continue to be available all the time boo-boo, he WILL take you for granted & you WON'T be respected. But hey! Do whatever your heart desires because ya gonna do what ya want anyway regardless to who says what. Experience is the best teacher. 😉
Easy bitches always get played.
It's just like a dog. Would you just let your dog shit, piss everywhere & tear up your shoes, furniture, your house? Allow him to hump everything in sight? Hell 2 da no. If you keep allowing the dog to fuck up your shit, he'll think it's ok. You have to train the dog how to behave, how to RESPECT your home & your belongings. The dog will learn that it cannot do whatever it wants.
So like a man, he can also shit on you, tear up your heart, use your body, hump everything in sight. Why? Because he can. She made it too easy for him & now he takes her for granted & dis-respects her because he believes she will always say how high when he tells her to jump. A man will only do what a woman allows. Vice versa.
yep.. true true. whew glad I haven't had many training issues though. I'm trying to think of one issue he hasn't "gotten" on his own.. maybe I just lucked out. idk. ohhh wait yeah I can think of one. haha I won't get into it though..
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LMAO!!! Whole other thread right! Hehehe...I hear you.
Hey look first off P, every post I've seen coming from you has either been 1. hidden or 2. something negative to say. It's not about manipulation its about making things fair. Men do this all the time. So I am personally coming out and asking a question, it's not about who is manipulating who. If that is your idea then so be it, but Id prefer not to make my posts about negativity.
Let me guess ... you think playing head games for attention is postive, right?
Of course, you're Gemini .... so it's not like you are expected to want a real relationship based on trust, respect and communication.
oh of course, wouldn't want to be sexist or anything. 🙂
not me. sometimes girls are chumps, sometimes guys are. it's not gender exclusive 😛 and i've seen alot of slack talk about women on here anyway. anything goes, right? 🙂
well, seeing as your sign is represented by scales, i would hope so!
So in short...there will be times we text back and forth all day one minute after another or we will have hours pass that we don't...
I was going to say as well.... when you do text him back.... on your time, if he responds pretty quickly I then will engage in some light hearted texting, but nothing too serious.... in early communications text messages can cause a ton of confusion because you don't know enough about the other person. I also feel like it's way too easy to hide behind.
Also, if I do get caught up in the light hearted conversation I never let it go far enough to where he ends it.
Posted by RealTalk
It's just like a dog. Would you just let your dog shit, piss everywhere & tear up your shoes, furniture, your house? Allow him to hump everything in sight? Hell 2 da no. If you keep allowing the dog to fuck up your shit, he'll think it's ok. You have to train the dog how to behave, how to RESPECT your home & your belongings. The dog will learn that it cannot do whatever it wants.lmao. That's nothing like anything relative to this but really made me laugh. 🙂
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LMAO!! It was just an analogy. BR asked me to clarify what I meant by respect. Hahahahahaha, 😛 but think about it.
Posted by everevolvingepithet
Although with the tables turned, is it ok to treat a woman like this rt ?🙂
Doesn't discriminate.
^^^ 😛
Posted by Xin
Does the no contact rule actually work? If we all the sudden mysteriously disappear, wait a good amount of time before we text or call you back, or even not pick up. I've been hearing that this does work, especially for us girls that are always available and we suddenly are gone.Guys - Has this ever worked on you?
Girls - Have you used this and it actually worked?
hmmm...I hardly ever answer the phone or return texts Because I hate the commitment. By replying all of a sudden I have to listen to their rubbish lol.
I'd avoid guys who only chase when you're unavailable. Unless you wanna play this game forever.
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Does the no contact rule actually work? If we all the sudden mysteriously disappear, wait a good amount of time before we text or call you back, or even not pick up. I've been hearing that this does work, especially for us girls that are always available and we suddenly are gone.
Guys - Has this ever worked on you?
Girls - Have you used this and it actually worked?