aquarius 4 picses

hello I'm a aquarius guy and i broke up with my ex who is a pisces.I saw him on the street in kingscross sydney and i think it was infatuation because he looked like a guy i really liked in highschool.so we hooked up and fell in love we never slept apart for a whole year we were crazy in love.about 4 weeks into our relationship his ex girlfriend *virgo* moves back home at this time weve already moved in together "down the hall" I tryed advoiding her for a while but then we were drinking in the backyard as everyone does in our building and i got to talking to her and she was crying how everything turned out cos she loved him and i was drunk and i felt sorry for her I was questioning what type of guy is he to do this to her and where do i stand in all this shit. Ben told me he still loved Cj but wasnt in love and i would have felt selfish if i thought otherwise..but over time I always saw how the two of them as "friends" were and i have to admit my mood was selfish because they got along better than we did i think he just liked me for the sex cos he was attracted to guys.I thought teaming up with a pisces guy would help me develop spiritually.thats not why I engaged tho i was completely infatuated .but then he would drink..and he couldent hold his grog and the smallest things i did would set him off.like we dont even remember what they were about . but hed try to throw my stuff out and I was more than happy to leave a drunken maniac so id collect my things and go then he would cry and beg and its so sad to see a piscean guy like that anyways we split because our relationship was looking too inwards were just too involved in each other we werent growing as individuals the last day i was there we had a big fight i went home with a broken arm and my tooth through my lip and a clicking jaw..and I got my fair share of hits in too and we left hating each other I still do hate him for letting it get like it did..but I dream about him nearly every night now that im at my family home everything seemed forgein cos i wasnt at my old home with ben and the dreams that I have of him are of him cheating on me..well one dream i had it was christmas and he got me alot of presents.when we were living together he had dreams that i dreamt of in highschool is there a connection? do i need to send him a letter? to finilise everything because we were together for a whole year and then split on really bad terms im tortured by dreams.erykah badu is piscean i wana be lik dem.

as an observer I really admired the relationship he has with his ex girlfriend I really hope theyve rubbed off on me because he hurt his ex girlfriend and she still loved him for the whole year we were together down the hall that kind of friendship or love is unconditional and i admired it as much as i was jealous......and i know that when he gets drunk his guilt rises to the surface and it comes out in chaos he cant help it because piscean people shouldnt drink. At the same time I'm not making excuses for him and thats why we separated.

what I love about pisceans and one of erykah badu's(same birthday as ben's 26feb) lyrics said "emotions just dont lie".....I wish i lived like that instead of thinking before i do things Id rather feel because its human and innocent. The year I was with him was totally contrasting to the year before I think I cried like maybe 3 times the year before him....when i was with him I cried heaps.....lmao It was just so fuking emotional like mentally draining trying to understand him. I know it was really hard for him to let me go and wheni went i was hoping someone like C.J would be there to comfort him at night even though when i was with him the thought of that happening......well.....lets just not go there lmao

I've never been able to talk about this with anyone and its sooo good to get this on here maybe now ill sleep alot better at night without the dreams.