Assumptions

Things with a Pisces Swordfish are interesting... as usual. He is 'in and out and runs hot and cold'. I don't have a problem with this since I tend to be the same. We are close but not in a committed relationship even though most people in our circle assume that we are. I told one of his friends that we were together because he wouldn't stop bugging me about it and I just wanted him to shut up and go away. He immediately went to Swordfish and told him what I said. Swordfish just smiled and nodded. I'd say we are very respectful to each other in action. I disappeared for a few weeks a while back, he was not too happy about this and reacted by openly flirting and dancing (close) with a girl at a party when I was gone. The only reason I found out about it was because he told me he was, "doing things I shouldn't have been doing."

The situation is I'm going on vacation to the tropics with a girlfriend. He has made some snide comments about guys there and the attention we will receive. I've been playing these comments off because I feel he's looking for reassurance... which I'm hesitant to give.
I am not going to mess with anybody there because I'm not interested in that and don't want to risk the potential of this relationship. If he asked me directly and stopped flopping around the topic, I would tell him this. But he's being negative and wishy-washy. If it was him going away, it would be hard for me to do but... I'd straight up ask him, "If you met someone you're attracted to, would you mess around?" I know he's not ready for any type of commitment but at the same time if he wants to talk about where we are at 'now' in the relationship... I feel he should just come out with it.

Is directness from him too much to assume?

When I write out the situation and read it back... ya, I wonder what I'm doing too. He's weird... I find it intriguing.

I'm not too concerned about the retaliation part... he's not a man whore and most of the stunts he pulls are out of insecurity (me thinks).
This issue is HIS really, not mine. I feel if I bring it up and coax him along I'm setting a tone that he doesn't have to be direct about how he's feeling about stuff. I know he can do it, he's done it before so I would rather wait until he gets there on his own.
I don't leave for a few weeks so maybe he'll get there...

It's not just that he's weird... I'm not very typical in my views of relationships and with other guys who I've shared interest with, I hear, "Why don't you this... and how come you are so that?" I find I have to explain myself and try to justify with them. I don't have to do that with this guy. He's very excepting and non-judgemental and those are qualities hard to find in men these days. He's proud... but without the ego.

You disappeared for a few weeks some time ago, now you are going on holidays on your own...
Maybe he won't commit totally because he feels insecure of you. If you disappeared in the past, you could do it again. We Fish take your disappearing hard, we take it personally, and it hurts. Even though we may tell you it doesn't or act nonchalant, it does hurt a lot.
Maybe that is one of the reasons he is willing to jump completely into the relationship, for fear of being dumped later on...
anyway, he won't be with other women if he is in love with you, flirting yes, we do that, but we are loyal when we love the other person normally.
I guess it would be a good idea to talk openly,to see what he wants, how he feels...but not right now, if you are going away on your own, maybe after you come back. We are sometimes emotionally needy, specially when the other is goign away or unavailable, but then we have the irritating tendency to need space alone when the other person is there for us....annoying, huh—

remember you can PM me any time dear

It appears that people are willing to throw him under the bus for being the same way as you are, and you even admit to it. That is baffling .. because I was always under the impression that there were two people responsible for the health of a relationship.

Posted by shellshocker

He is 'in and out and runs hot and cold'. I don't have a problem with this since I tend to be the same.

I disappeared for a few weeks a while back, he was not too happy about this and reacted by openly flirting and dancing (close) with a girl at a party when I was gone.

I've been playing these comments off because I feel he's looking for reassurance... which I'm hesitant to give.

Posted by shellshocker

... I feel he's looking for reassurance... which I'm hesitant to give.
I am not going to mess with anybody there because I'm not interested in that and don't want to risk the potential of this relationship. If he asked me directly and stopped flopping around the topic, I would tell him this. But he's being negative and wishy-washy.

Is directness from him too much to assume?

During the initial stages of a relationship it is common for people to look for reassurances, especially in a relationship the two of you have where both are standoffish.

You recognize that he's feeling a bit insecure, and instead of nurturing the development of trust within this union .. you prefer to say nothing and let the potential for mistrust to fester?

Apparantly directness from you is too much, also.

Grown ups nurturing relationships, they work towards finding resolution, they do everything in their power to ensure it develops on grounds of trust and respect.

Juveniles (maturity level, not age) .. play for points, attention, they work at trying to change the other because they haven't the wisdom to realize that they (both partners) come from a place of trying to find a strong hold in the relationship, rather than a soft spot to tear it down.



You are the latter ... and you sufficiently described it in your post.

Here is something that isn't an assumption .. it is fact.


When a Pisces feels like they are partnered with a person they love and trust .... they wrap their entire world around this person. In this wrapping of world, there is no doubt, there is no insecurities .. because the Fish has their partner in every thought, every gesture, every dream.

Posted by P-Angel
Grown ups nurturing relationships, they work towards finding resolution, they do everything in their power to ensure it develops on grounds of trust and respect.

Juveniles (maturity level, not age) .. play for points, attention, they work at trying to change the other because they haven't the wisdom to realize that they (both partners) come from a place of trying to find a strong hold in the relationship, rather than a soft spot to tear it down.



You are the latter ... and you sufficiently described it in your post.

That is an interesting take on it...

Juvenile and immature in relationships... yes. It goes both ways and that's probably why we do this tango. Like tends to beget like...

I just don't see how responding to snideness with nurturing is going to benefit either one of us. I would happily reassure and help ward off insecurity... but I think there has to be honesty with facing these feelings first. If/when the subject comes up again I'll try to open a dialogue about it. And I'm not looking for a 'commitment' right now because I don't think either one of us is ready for that... until we figure out what it would mean.

::: shakes head :::



You have nothing and wait for it to be something


And the sad part isn't even that ^^^^^, it's that people like me have to say it to you.

You are standing at the train station waiting for your plane to come in ..... and are completely blind to it.


And there's nothign anyone can say to you .. because you are where you choose to be.