I love you .. Now change

How important should compatibility be between two people in a relationship and what determines compatibility? And doesn't the idea of compatibility defeat the whole premise of loving a person for who they are? After all, isn't it really a selfish notion based upon the degree to which someone lives up to your preexisting standards? Or rather, is it a good indicator of the future the couple has together? If two people are too compatible, can that also take away from other valuable aspects of a relationship such as the personal growth that accompanies relationships that challenge us to look at ourselves through the mirror of another?

How much did you earn last month?

Huh?

LOL@GreatBull

I Love You...Now Change

Great play! I saw this on off Broadway many many years ago.

Ooooh, good topic!

Actually to be precise...the play was titled -

I Love You, Your Perfect...Now Change

Mi cattivo

That right there was the moment I realized that it is entirely possible to find someone who can be your true partner in life. That unless you have *that* which is through being who YOU are, you inspire another & in having a partner who in being who THEY are inspires you - then it is not worth it to try to make something fit. It does, or it does not.

But don't you think all relationships require some compromise? I'm not saying, completely compromise who you are, but when two people interact, they are bound to have their occasional differences and conflicting needs.

That said, I think there is far too much emphasis on immediate gratification. Slow down, get to know your partner, get rid of those barriers within yourself that keep your true self hidden - be in the same place at the same time. These are all important factors. Both people need to be whole in and of themselves.

I agree. But how do you bring those barriers down? Someone once told me that each of us has a limited number of times we are able to fall in love and that I should be careful not to love indescriminately for this reason. I think it's because love is an extension of our faith, like religion, and nothing more. Once we have become jaded and stop believing, then we are no longer able to love after that point. We start to see everything through the filter of all our bad experiences. How do you bring those barriers down and learn to put all your faith in another person again?

Compatibility isn't going against loving people for who they are,it's choosing to be involved with people who have a good influence on you and fit well in your life.

But it's possible for two people who love each other a lot and who through being together, grow as individuals and learn a lot from one another, to not be entirely compatible. They become better people through being together, but this sort of relationship is often challenging and puts a strain on the relationship. I guess what I'm trying to come to terms with is what should be more important in the long run, the level of "compatibility" between two people (however that's defined) if that means sacrificing some things in life you never thought you could do without, or the love two people feel for one another if it is accompanied by mutual respect and understanding.

How much did you earn last month?

Don't worry. Enough to take care of you when we're married.

If people are "that" compatible in the first place, you should pretty much have many shared interests and values already.. There shouldn't be all that much sacrifice. Still the most mature, unselfish relationships do take "some" sacrifice and "compromise". Nobody can have "just" what they want. Mutual respect. You each bring in something special as individuals, and together as a couple. So it's important there's more than mere physical chemistry. Imo, your lover or that person you commit to forever (is) your best friend .. *first.

"I love you....now change"

Sounds like my Aqua ex.

"Know thyself, and what you can and cannot compromise"

Exactly. Every relationship will have it's downside, for me it's not so much about having differences (depending of course on what they are) it's how each partner handles them.