Me/Pisces-Him/Virgo

Hello everyone, I haven't come on here for a long time. I need all of your input I can get, because I'm overthinking and I can't stand it. I met a man in one of the video games and we got close over a few months. That was over a year and a half ago. All sweet and cute, a month in, us talking, playing and reviewing each game session every couple days. He expressed romantic desire soon and I reciprocated, telling him I'm traditional and he has to pursue me properly if he wants us together. At this point we were very close already and when I brought up something that was bothering me and requested we talk - he ignored it and didn't get back to me. I found it strange but didn't do anything and I didn't go after him either, only took a mental note of what happened. We stopped playing soon after, because he was being hot and cold.

3 months pass in total silence and then I wished him a happy Easter and soon we started playing again, he expressed his desire to be "my angel and my hero" and one day maybe after a few days of playing together - he got distant, because I didn't reciprocate his hot and heavy, one night before he went to sleep he told me he'd be thinking of me and I didn't respond, I said good night. Then I explained that him being silent for 3 months didn't sit well with me and I need consistency over time to feel safe. We kept playing and spending time together. At one point he worked late and I asked him to leave me a message once he got home and wished him a good night. I woke up to nothing in my inbox and I asked him how he got home and why he didn't leave a message, to which he called me dramatic, saying he's got enough problems on his plate and he doesn't want extra headache, i.e this relationship can't work. We talked and we seemed to overcome everything. I was being understanding and told him we will be fine, but both of us need to put in the effort.

We talked a lot and the physical intimacy was mentioned, he said he has to be satisfied and that he can't compromise in the bedroom department and if there's no connection in bed - he doesn't see it going anywhere. I didn't understand, we hadn't even slept together, or built sexual rapport, so how does he know we are not compatible? I opened up to him saying I'm rather inexperienced, but once we are in a relationship my partner's pleasure is my pleasure. Fast forward and I'm noticing my emotional needs are not being met. I brought it up - he says he's crazy for me, but there are obstacles in our way and he can't give me the kind of attention I want". I didn't pay attention to this, thought it would change, a few days later we spent all day together playing/talking and when parting he said to sleep well and not to worry, he'll take care of me. At this point we had already agreed to meet up. He was supposed to visit my town fairly quickly - which he didn't bring up again. A few days later and he's acting sketchy. I added his extra account and he didn't accept the request, saying he forgot, which was total bs.

At this point I'm fed up. I sat him down and asked for a conversation to decide how are we moving forward, if at all, He responds the next morning heavily horny, borderline disrespectful, completely disregarding my message. Saying he feels guilty reading what I said, because whenever he thinks of me he craves me. I ask him why would I be thinking about sex when he's not the man I need him to be. He said okay and asks me to be honest with what I want and he'll respect it, that message was lost into 15 other messages from him, once again I reassured him that our sexual life will be satisfactory and he has nothing to worry about, then I finally read him asking me what I wanted and I told him, a committed relationship and to build a life together. He says I'm sorry, I can't. Why ask me if you can't—

He continues, saying he's not satisfied and doesn't wanna waste time with someone frigid and closed off. (—) That he doesn't expect me to be sweet when we talk, but I have to flirt and tease him a certain way. This sounded undeservedly demanding to me. At the end of the convo, his disrespectful message hit me again, even though he had said he didn't mean to cross my boundaries - that's exactly what happened and I went ahead and set those boundaries. it came out cold and to the point. I told him his sexual satisfaction is none of my business for the time being, because he's not my partner and if he wants to be - then he'll do everything and more to make it happen.

I got blocked.

I felt sorry for him and sent a message saying it wasn't a rejection, but an invitation to make our dreams reality. In response he deleted the acct where we met.

I didn't say anything else and it's been over a month.

The way he spoke the last time, I got the impression that he expected things "online", which was never going to happen. Any bits I spoke about sex, was the glimpse of what our life together would have been like, under one roof!

I'm sad about me being perceived the wrong way and even my pure intentions potentially being misunderstood. I'm debating to send him another message, to let him know what I wanted yet again, even though I've done it countless times already. What do you all think?

Just to let you all know, he wasn't always like that and we shared many tender moments before, that's why I stuck with him.

Our chart is to be extremely compatible:

Me - Sun/Venus/Mercury - Pisces, Moon/Cancer, Virgo rising and Gemini mars.

Him - Sun/Mercury - Virgo, Moon/Pisces, Cancer Venus and Aries mars.

And English isn't his native language, so there has been a misunderstanding in the past regarding something trivial too.

Run. Just run. Look into attachment style s, particularly avoidant. Everything you just said is what youll find. And I promise you, it isnt you, its him. Dont wonder what you did wrong, dont try to correct your behavior, its not you, its him.. the over dramatic comment, the ready to bail over sex and things that havent even happened, thats avoidant behavior. Its a cycle, and you want to get out now. You cant "fix" him, it his nervous system terrified of getting close to you.. thats why it started when you guys started trying to get romantic. Youre sweet, youre dreaming about a future, thats what happens, thats whats normal, but those are expectations, and avoidant people are terrified of other peoples expectations of them.. and you want to assure them, youre probably pretty accepting, you want the future youve envisioned together. And thats the trap.. you try harder, they feel more pressure, and it feeds a cycle.. if you make plans, they cancel, you start to get close, they share vulnerable information about themselves, they ghost for a while.. when they come back the avoid any direct conversations about why they ghosted..

Just run. The reality is for 3 months you weren't important enough for him to reach out to. That tells you what you need to know.. dont blame yourself in any way. You weren't too much, you weren't dramatic, this is whats called the fault finding stage, its him making excuses for his own insecurities.. dont hang onto your projections of how you thought things should go, this is what he is. You aren't going to change it by minimizing yourself so he doesnt run away again. It will make you anxious. You do it enough, and it ends up as a trauma bond.

Here's another thing, youre on here asking questions that a normal relationship would be able to address inside the relationship. Im sure youd prefer to get clarity directly from him, right? But he wont give you clarity.. he's avoidant, they dont do clarity for you.. clarity is also commitment to a story.. if they commit to a story they cant change the story in their minds as to why they are doing things they know are wrong. It has to be your fault in their mind so they feel better and it justifies them leaving. Theyre cowards.

Im sure you understand having arguments in a relationship is super healthy, right? Not fights, but sorting issues like these out, takes a level of confrontation with each other, an ourselves. Avoidant people dont do this.. they discard you instead.. they run.. anytime shit gets real, they bail. And they'll do it over and over again.

Just look into avoidant attachment. And run, and dont look back.

You both sound like complete nightmares

Sounds like he's trying to convince himself for a reason to stay so he figures in his mind, if the sex is good then he will stay. But he's so hot and cold, he leaves you wondering if he's even worth it. I don't think it's anything you did outright. It's obvious he pulls away when you say you need something from him.

I don’t mean to be crude but it’s pretty clear he just wants to f*ck and doesn’t want to be bothered with your feelings.