sobering up

hi dxpnet'ers .. thanks to all those who helped me a month ago, P-Angel, mystic_fish and sagigoat your replies were rather helpful.

So it has been a month since and I decided to look on the bright side and return back to my cheery ways, I realised I was asking from my girl the one thing she couldn't give me .. her love according my rules.

I wanted her to love me as much as I loved her, I wanted her to not imagine her life without me the way I couldn't imagine my life without her, I wanted her to think every word she says seven times only to come out of her mouth wrong, I wanted her to spoon me all night even if it meant she wouldn't have a good night sleep, I wanted her to cancel appointments and miss work just to stay with me.

I am beggining to realise that this might never happen and it is sobering and sad at the same time. I don't know if this is the way "pisces" (if I may generalise) love, I know that she loves me but why doesn't she loose sleep over it, why doesn't she loose her appetite over it.

all pisces out there please share your experience ... when you fall in love, how far do you go?

ideally yes, you would love someone for who they are and not for whom you can turn them to, but that is rarely the case, we have these dark corners inside of us, jaleousy, envy and a desire to control outcomes being some of them.

and I do at times envy her inner detachement while she projects this ultra-feminine soft and vunerable exteriour that makes me extremely drawn to her to the point of weakness, I want the same from her in order for me to feel safe.

you see I love her but I am still scared she won't love me, the weird thing is that she can fall asleep peacefully into my arms but I never can, and I find myself involunteraly withdrawing whenever she clings to me, which is rare anyway.

I have spent the past month convincing myself to love her unconditionaly, but the logical side of me keeps convincing me that this is simply not possible at 100% as long as I am a human being with survival/reproduction instincts.

I am still trying to make my love to her purer but in the same time I am too aware of my shortcomings and hers ... I am afraid my critical nature will keep focusing on hers to the point where not I only I will not love her, I will find her repusively disgusting.

I guess I wrote that post last night during a weak moment when I doubted her love to me and I was seeking confirmation of the latter in the form of some insight about how pisces love.

well a drowning man will hang on to a cloth, but replies are still welcome 🙂

hey mister eee,

is this by any chance a cancer woman? if so, all i have to say to you is GOOD LUCK. i do like her too. i hear things she says and
im worried bout her. its not just her, its many people.
she says things that give me the impression that she has
nothing in life to look forward to. like: "im bored" or "flavor or flavvvvvvv" or how she thinks she should maybe have her own reality
television show(she into drama.) then there is guy that is really disappointing her.
to me just a few words from her says alot. she not happy. i think her expectations
might be a bit unrealistic? although she never says exactly what would make her
happy.

i think for many people and especially younger generations expect
their lives to resemble one big exciting glam party. thats
our culutre these days. they dont show the old days and what their grandparents had to sacrifice and go through to get them all that they have today. they have this compulsion of wanting more and more and never being satisfied or sacrifcing or waiting for anything! are people really so unhappy and their lives so dull and
so routine, i dont see how thats even posssible, that they cant find the blessings?
they want everything as fast as a flick of the switch. good things take time to
create.

we can have whatever we want. whenever we want. if something not perfect...chunk it. everything is disposiable or replaceable and everyone suppose to look like they stepped out of a magazine lol
mass consumption and reality shows and computers and everyone going a mile a minute in every direction. if you arent being constantly stimulated then they are getting depressed. have a pill and some instnat therapy blah blah blah. NEXT!

oh and if their lives arent fast enough and unrealsistic enough, go turn on the televsiosn and watch dozens of reality tv shows 24/7 and watch someone esles reality spin out of control.
people are learning how to live and relate to one another way too much from this culture weve developed and its getting ugly.

i know that the really good things in life take time to create. it produces quality. there is a sense of joy in that itself. there is no "perfect"
indian people incorporate an imperfection in everything they make just for that
reason. they will sew in one odd color bead etc.. thats life.

I guess I wasn't clear in original post, when I said I wanted her to loose sleep/appetite over me. I didn't mean I'd enjoy watching her suffer I meant I would like to see it at least once so that I know she has the capability of that type of deep love, I know I am and this is the reason behind this soul searching exercise.

I am thinking way beyond myself now, I see us having a family and kids and I know with this will come a pile of challenges both internal and external and only those who "want it" deeply will filter through ... I am a bit worried that if deep inside she lacks such passion she will simply walk out, and I can never let that happen to our kids.

I guess I am now past the courting stage and while I still love her the way I did a month ago I am not sure if she has what it takes to go the distance, she is young after all and there is this sense of running away from the troubles of reality in her.

that is alarming to me and this is why I wanted to know just how much pisces will do for love or something they believed in

thehouselilies she is Pisces but I share your experience with Cancer, one of my best friends is one and he has such high aspirations it gets him down sometimes. In my case if I listen calmly and not let myself be drawn into the drama and sadness he eventually gets himself out of that state and I get the great intuitive and genius of the Cancer 🙂

hey mister,

i dont know what else i can

say. you certainly seem to have the right attitude. all i can say is enjoy it for

what it is and hopefully all your efforts will pay off. if not, well, worry bout that

when and if it happens. you will be alright.

i also have one little bit more of insight. cancer seems to really appreciate someone
watching out and over them. so if you could lay on the protectiveness and be demonstrative about it...you will see a different person.

Hello, Mister ... I see you're still pining away for that perfect love. We all are 🙂, and very few, if any, find it 😢


I agree with GemGal here ... you have a set of standards and expectations for her to fill in which can only lead you to disappointment, since nobody can fill shoes you create through idealistic imaginings.


Here's something to think about .... Pisces, as will all people, have passions. However, they are our own, and cannot be made by an outsider. We either feel it, or not. If you come across a person in your life to whom doesn't share your passion .. then this is an indicator that the connection is not present, and with a Pisces, it cannot be made to happen.

If this woman does not share your passions, Mister .. then she is not the one for you, regardless of how much you think you love her.

Love doesn't make happiness, Mister ... quite the opposite .. happiness makes love.

What part of my post was SCARY to you, Ashley?

Or, did you mean the OP?

I think the problem here, as with most relationships, is an expectation of unconditional love.

How can a person even begin to process this logically?

Unconditional love being expected is the ultimate contridiction one could do to their love.

People think this way ... they put the meaning of these two words together (expect/unconditional) .. and then diminish in love because they don't understand why this doesn't make sense, why it doesnt' work.

::: hangs head :::


People are asleep ... to this I am sure.

I agree ashleysagstar, people might express passion differetly and that is what I was trying to get at from a pisces point of view ... one thing she told me is that she was depressed after she discovered that her former bf had another girl so probably she is still protecting herself by not daring to fall in love deeper again.

P-Angel your posts are always a pleasure to read and I am so happy to see your reply 🙂 when it come to passion as you described it I am glad that we both share a passion for history, art and music (different tastes but who am I to judge, I like gangster rap for goodness sake).

I guess I meant passion as in strong/overwhelming feelings you have towards a cause or a subject

"when you fall in love, how far do you go?"

Not to the edge of cliff, to teeter over, as you have suggested that you want of her because your love hangs precariously.

Pisces don't love this way. You have described this to mean depth, and this isn't the case. There is a difference in the kind of love a Pisces versus a Virgo loves ... and this measurement isn't according to depth of feelings.

The reason you feel this way is because a Virgo is DEPEDENT on the other. Their love is reflective, and they are dependent upon the other to love them in a manner which is suitable for them to express all aspects of it for them to feel complete .. this is being a Virgo.

For example: It's like being a supervisor .. you would delegate duties to another employee and expect them to be able to carry out the task according to your satisfaction for you to feel like an accomplishment has been made. And that's exactly how a Virgo loves, also.

You have certain ideals and terms to measure your ability to be successful in love, and with these terms, your nature is to have the other person carry-out for you, all these conditions/terms of how you feel .. so you can feel satisfied in reflecting back your love to this person.

For this reason is why a Virgo CANNOT TOLERATE deception ... if they are to mirror back their profound love vicariously living through this image .. then it has to be real.

A Pisces loves completely different. And for certain, we do not tolerate dependency very well .. we want our lovers to live for themselves their own creations of love to live them for themselves, and to share with us why this is important to them. We don't like the mirror, because we don't like dependency on obligations to fulfill love because to us, there are no definitions.

We stand clear of an edge to fall over ... we don't want to die in our love .. crash and burn. What you are proposing as your desire is to have this love be so hard and intense that there is no place to go except in a clutching embrace over the edge of no return. Pisces won't do that, mate.

We are here to experience the love .. not cling to it, we dont' want to hold it, let it guide us and be our director of how and when all else in our life is to be regarded.

If you lead her to this edge ... she will jump into the stream and swim away long before you get her on the cliff.

" If you lead her to this edge ... she will jump into the stream and swim away long before you get her on the cliff. "

the satan in me just wants to do that simply because the prospects of the challenge seem so alluring *blush* jk

but on a serious note, it is a matter of trust to me P-Angel, of course you don't want to go near the cliff with someone likely to push you over ( deliberately or otherwise ) but if you go with someone you trust then you might just fly like rose in the titanic.

this is rather interesing P because in certain situations she didn't seem to trust me (with her body sometimes) and I called her on it everytime, she definitly trusts her intuition which are right most of the time anyway.

so next question I guess is pisces and trusting others? ( if I seem to be nagging please excuse )

I trust myself .. maybe nobody else .. probably nobody else.


Trust? In what? What do you want her to trust in, in you?

yeah, trust in me, trust that I will never deliberately hurt her and that I want to cherish her for the rest of my life.

trust in me, trust that I will never deliberately hurt her and that I want to cherish her for the rest of my life.

There's not guarantee to that...we cannot trust in a human, life happens...you want to cherish her but is that what she wants from you?

I, too, understand trust .. though, it's held exclusively.


A Pisces way of processing life, is an uncertainty in itself, for we understand that the only thing certain, is that there isn't one.

So, if you present yourself to her as though you are unsure of where you go, only that you want to clutch onto another while walking down this path, is under most circumstances, unattractive to the Pisces.

We tend to desire a person who is in complete command of what they want in life .. know where they are going and how to get there .. alone.

If they can get there alone .. then they will enjoy their company along their life path, instead of clutching to this person for fear of being alone.

The Virgo/Pisces match is very difficult, Mister .. trust me, I know. I wish I could tell you how to make it a success, but, I don't know myself ... I only know that I can't be expected of anything, nor can my Virgo husband fly solo without some boundaries placed on him.

How we've managed that ^^^^ and are still together since they are in opposition, I don't know.

"you want to cherish her but is that what she wants from you?"

zenalchemy this pisces is so dreamy she doesn't know what she wants, trouble is we don't know if we want something until we try it and even then we might not get to the good stuff until later, I know what I have to give to her is so good, in reality of course, in her dreamland I can never compare the girl is so imaginative

hehehe, funny, I was reading about this type of tropical fish ( no pun intended ) where the male lures the female into his nicely decorated place, he puts on candles, nice music, and a bottle of the finest wine then after mating and after she lays him a handful of hundred eggs he chases her out.

I think I might be just this fish, only I will never chase my baby out lol chances she will get out by herself before I kick her out, actually knowing her I'd say she will "sense" that I am about to and get out before it just to protect herself from hurt.

I think at some levels she thinks that and always keep telling me when I tell her I could stare at her forever that I will be bored of her ... hers is a valid point of course but only if things stay static between us, no new adventures, no new stimulation but knowing her and me I think this will never be the case lol

plus I get excited over the smallest things in the world so I guess it will be a lifetime before I get to even 1% of her wonders

sorry for rambling ... good night all

guys thanks alot for yesterday's discussion, i flew over your replies yesterday and i was replying in a hurry so I do appologise for some rather hasty replies but this second read is so deep:

ashleysagstar: I started to understand what you said about looking through the glass and seeing the other person.

now thinking about it I know she loves me with the same passion but her way is different to mine, maybe she even made sacrifices for me that were huge to her but according to my barometer they weren't and I failed to even notice them ... in fact I am nore that certain that she on the other hand is asking the same question: if he loved me as much as he says why doesn't he understand me, why is he forcing himself on me ... etc etc

come to think about it she must be in more agony than I am considering she is a very sensitive sweet soul 😢 I am really sorry girls on behalf of mankind, really sorry lol

she's been through a lot, pressure from her parents to return to her home country, living away from home for thr first time, first real relationship she's had, a rather reckless and arrogant bastard in the form of me chasing her up ... etc etc

I think I need to understand her more but i know better than to ask her that ... my fishies at dxpnet can always give insight though 😉 muah I love you girls 🙂

actually forget the rediculous smilies, I am just sorry

zenalchemy this pisces is so dreamy she doesn't know what she wants, trouble is we don't know if we want something until we try it and even then we might not get to the good stuff until later, I know what I have to give to her is so good, in reality of course, in her dreamland I can never compare the girl is so imaginative

Indeed, this is true but practical...however, we all know love ideas are not practical, if she feels you as much as you feel her, she will be willing to go head deep in the sea of love with you without you having to make any extra efforts of convincing her --- so the statement is like saying you're trying to find out how in fact to get her to feel what you feel for her or make her understand - YOU CANNOT DO THAT - it is supposed to be selfless, free and given out of freewill...whether in reality or in dreamland...