The Pisces B*stard

To put it mildly, Pisces is a pathological liar: If you don't believe us, try
this little quiz:
1. The Pisces b*stard you love refuses to look you straight in the eye when
he answers a slightly tricky question.
True / False?
2. He tries to avoid answering tricky questions whenever humanly possible.
True / False?
3. He says he loves you madly and has done at least one thing to prove it.
True / False?

If you answered True to any of the above, you are not dating a Pisces b*stard.
Either that, or you are a Pisces ******* , and you??re doing this quiz just to prove us right.
Because he's at the @rse-end of the zodiac, Pisces is often referred to as the
astrological —rubbish tip??. What this means is he has a little bit of all the other star sign b*stards in him, which makes him a b*stard 12 times over. This in turn means he's obliged to tell massive fibs so you won't find out the awful truth.
When we first meet someone we like, its only natural to pretend to be something we are not. Otherwise none of us would get a date. However, it's to what extent the truth is stretched, that separates the rest of the world from Pisces. For instance, you might be a bus conductor, but pretend you actually drive the bus. This is called a —gross exaggeration??. Pisces, however, will be the bus driver, and pretend it's a really interesting job. This is called an —appalling lie??.
The lies he tells to make himself look better, are not to be confused with the little white ones he tells to protect your feelings (although how he can confuse his @rse with your feelings is a complete mystery to us).

When you accuse him of buying a house with his ex-girlfriend, he will deny it — even though you??re holding the deeds enclosed with his —n?? hers names. Instead he will say the real estate agent must have made a typing error. When you look at him in utter disbelief he??ll say, okay then, he bought it by accident. When you fall about laughing maniacally, he??ll whine that it wasn't his fault — it was yours — and, besides, she made him do it.
But it's the pointless fib he tells which will really have you reaching for a gun. Pisces will tell you he watched an art house film, when what he really did was sleep through it. He??ll say he had a chicken and salad sandwich, when he actually had a ham and salad sandwich. Why? Who the hell knows? We??re not psychologists. Go and ask his.
Fortunately, whilst Pisces was blessed with natural-bor

It goes without saying, Pisces only lies when he opens his mouth. This is why he isn't normally talkative. He figures if he doesn't talk, he can't lie — thus saving you and him a lot of unnecessary grief. His impressive evasive techniques aren't limited to verbal exchanges however. He also figures if he avoids you on a physical level, you won't see him for the truly gutless wonder he is.
Unfortunately this means he??ll never be there for you when you actually do have need for him. Don't be upset when he misses the birth of your first child. He??ll either have been waylaid because he forgot to put petrol in the car (and petrol is a real and tangible thing whereby he is not), or he's deliberately avoiding it, because you might leave him holding the baby.
He's a loser. So why don't you kill him? Well, there's the mandatory life sentence to consider. And there's the community outrage to take into account — after all, everybody loves a Pisces b*stard. He's so bloody nice and kind, he makes Mother Theresa want to throw up. Naturally, you end up looking like Lucrezia Borgia on a bad day, whilst he's busy perfecting his saint in situ look.

Truth be known though, Pisces spends a lot of time thinking about how caring and sharing he is, he rarely has time to act upon it. That's why he is so sweet and tolerant. He never criticises your own foibles, because if he does, you can do likewise back to him (which you??ll do anyway, just so you can perpetuate the
myth about how he's the Second Coming and you??re a complete cow).
Let's be honest here, his passive-aggressive ways could test the patience of Gandhi. The innate ability of Pisces to sit and do and say nothing for years at a time means all decisions are made for him. By you. Which he loves, especially as most of them are to his detriment (i.e. you leave him) and he's such a consummate martyr. How else can he feel legitimately sorry for himself and get everyone else to do likewise?
—Everyone else?? is all his ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, whom he hasn't quite let go, because he hates to get rid of the past. Take the —pack?? out of —packrat?? and its Pisces. He??ll keep some of the Polaroids, most of the love letters and all of the bits of fluff. Real astrologers misconstrue this as his intensely romantic nature. Unless we??re missing something here, we??re obliged to say, it's all inside his head. Don't expect to be deluged with expensive flowers, per

Lie back in your chair. Take a deep breath and count to ten, you are now feeling calmer — so imagine you??re still in love with Pisces ??_ Now bloody well wake up!

HOW TO SPOT ONE
Your typical Pisces b*stard often has light blue or green eyes. This is God's small way of helping you to spot pupil dilation more easily when he's telling you a bold-faced lie. He'll also have small hands and feet - you will later note these are in direct proportion to his spine, brain, and everything else that matters.
WHERE TO FIND ONE
On a cross feeling sorry for himself. In a Buddhist monastery attempting to stay celibate. Undergoing cosmetic surgery at regular intervals to have his nose reduced.
HOW TO INTRIGUE ONE
Take drugs, screw around, and behave badly in public. Then blame it all on your sad, truly pathetic upbringing. This will make him feel better about his own shortcomings while at the same time make him want to save you in the vain hope you will look up to him for the rest of your life.
THE FIRST DATE
If you must go anywhere decent, organize it yourself. Otherwise you'll end up walking for miles looking for this really excellent Chinese restaurant he's been to and knows is somewhere. Round the corner.
WHEN TO DO THE DEED
When he's drunk. When his girlfriend isn't looking. When he feels like it. Don't be surprised when you get charged with date rape in the morning if he regrets what he's done (i.e., if his girlfriend finds out).
WHEN TO POP THE QUESTION
Don't. While your average Pisces b*stard quite likes the idea of love ever after, he isn't equipped to deal with harsh realities like showing up at the chapel on time, swearing on the Bible, and saying "I do" when he patently never does.
IF HE DUMPS YOU
He won't as this would mean he'd have to be responsible for his own actions. Instead he'll engineer it so you have to do it for him - that is, he'll act so unavailable you'll be convinced you aren't going out with him anymore so therefore it's okay if you sleep with someone else. This affords him the right to be duly devastated and hump all his old flames in an attempt to get on with his life.
IF YOU DUMP HIM
You'll play right into his martyr complex. In a cloud of self-denial, he'll start spending quality time with you by following you around in an unmarked car; he'll actually initiate phone calls for the first time ever (but hang up when you answer); and he'll take daring risks for once in his life by appearing at your apartment balcony without

LMAO!!

Oh man....lmao!

Wow! Kinda makes you feel sorry for the little boogers!

Good stuff LMD84! When I first started reading, I laughed a lot, then I thought, Hey there's something to this, for me at least.

THanks for helping me more self-aware. >Some< of the things are or have been true for me, & I appreciate being able to see some of the things about myself from another's perspective; Whoever wrote that is very insightful.



I also relate with you Tony Two Stars, I've done that before, realize that I wanted out & then just detached & slowly slipped away, 'til she wanted out, too. And then it appears like she is the one that ended it. Why do we/I like it that way?

One could say it's easier & more peaceful.. One could also say it's evasive & spineless.. One can say many things; and all of them could be truths.

And yet another way of looking at it is: I would never choose to hurt another person, so I'd rather them choose to leave me then say I don't want to be with them anymore. Though I'm learning that a lot of times people appreciate straight-talk, even if it hurts, because it's like peeling off a band-aid, some people like one quick RIP.

Different stroked for different folks; For me it depends on the situation. I go with the flow, follow the path of least resistance, shiat, I am a freakin' Piscean. =) Still, I'll give you the straight goods (in as nice a way as I can put it) if you want to hear it, otherwise I'll probably be sensitive of your feelings! It's a freaking balance, this duality thing. I'm starting to understand our Libra brothers better... You want Justice? Well on the one hand, there's ..................... and on the other................. How does one decide? How do You decide?

Librans resort to pure logic to find their Truth (& let the facts speak for themselves). But dammit, I can't help but feel, and empathize, and relate with others... and I am grateful for these gifts.

Thank creation for the wisdom of diversity; We all bring a piece to the pie.


PS. And Thanks curleymom for sympathizing with us little boogers =P

Well, how the heck are we suppose to know if you want out or you are just doing your Piscean "time away"? Do you just stop initiating contact? I would rather you hurt me😢