When is enough...enough?

When is enough, enough? You meet someone you click with. After a few months you realize they are not available for commitment. You understand why by what has happened in their past. You stick it out because you are interested in them. They keep pretending that you are both in a relationship by stating your my partner or girl/boyfriend etc. yet actions say otherwise by them continuing going out and seeking the "one". The roller coaster ride continues...how long do you ride it?

I ask because I ended a friendship like this..I feel I stayed too long expecting a relationship out of it. I didn't pretend we were in a relationship as he was, yet when I friend zoned him he flipped saying I wasn't acting like I cared or wanted him. No way could I do that knowing he was dating other women. Why expect a person to open their heart like that? I explained my stance he grew quiet and left it be. The testing afterward though, was ridiculous. I realized after 6 months, it was going nowhere so I broke it off. Way too much effort in trying to appease him yet shield myself from hurt.

When I read articles or blogs on this, I ponder sometimes though, did I give it enough time. Typically it is stated that emotionally unavailable people are confused and they test waters with several people to see who they feel secure enough with to actually settle down. But never do these articles express when to throw in the towel. They state just stay calm when they go hot and cold and be there as a person they can express themselves with....it almost sounds like coddling. Either your ready or not. Why some want to engage in others when they are not ready, I assume, is filling a void within themselves. Truth be told they should evaluate themselves first and get emotionally healthy then include others.

Enough is enough when ur not feeling happy with that person for whatever reason.. u gave it time, 6 months is ALOT of time, so don't ever feel guilty of not being patient enough. I usually figure out a relationship is not working after the 4th month! Good thing u made that decision. I'm curious what was his sun sign? cancer by any chance?

You can keep seeing him, but if he's dating other people, you date other people too. Then, things will work out on their own.

There. Three different perspectives. Did we help? lol!

Posted by SpinCycle
When is enough, enough?
You meet someone you click with. After a few months you realize they are not available for commitment.

The bold above^^^...that's when you STOP. Anything short of stopping and moving on brings in the word DESPERATE and setting yourself up for epic failure.

Do you like to fail and get hurt?

I assume everyone has not read this part of my original post

I ask because I ended a friendship like this..I feel I stayed too long expecting a relationship out of it. I didn't pretend we were in a relationship as he was, yet when I friend zoned him he flipped saying I wasn't acting like I cared or wanted him. No way could I do that knowing he was dating other women. Why expect a person to open their heart like that? I explained my stance he grew quiet and left it be. The testing afterward though, was ridiculous. I realized after 6 months, it was going nowhere so I broke it off. Way too much effort in trying to appease him yet shield myself from hurt.

Read folks..read..I am not in the relationship anymore...I just wondered did I give it enough time or left when I found out he wasn't available.

I did right..but it still feels raw. I recognized something though that I too am emotionally unavailable. I had not realized it until I was asked on a date. I looked at the person and just clammed up said no thank you and realized I am no better than the last one. Being as unavailable as the person you date is the most up and down ride ever. You are both pulling and pushing either all at once or at opposite times. It just isn't healthy. I will just sink back into my hole and just do me for some time. Screwing up another person's life isn't my thing...

Posted by SpinCycle
I assume everyone has not read this part of my original post

I ask because I ended a friendship like this..I feel I stayed too long expecting a relationship out of it. I didn't pretend we were in a relationship as he was, yet when I friend zoned him he flipped saying I wasn't acting like I cared or wanted him. No way could I do that knowing he was dating other women. Why expect a person to open their heart like that? I explained my stance he grew quiet and left it be. The testing afterward though, was ridiculous. I realized after 6 months, it was going nowhere so I broke it off. Way too much effort in trying to appease him yet shield myself from hurt.

Read folks..read..I am not in the relationship anymore...I just wondered did I give it enough time or left when I found out he wasn't available. ...

I DID READ..you wasted another 3 months for what— Hell, you should've known & ended it the first month. I gave you credit for 3...then you waited around another 3. Don't criticize people who don't give you the answer you want to hear. I'll never do that because I'm not a pacifist.

LetitB...We as individuals are not all the same....If that was the case then these forums would not exist.

People wear masks all the time...time only sheds these masks so you see who is really who. If something is there when you meet a person you keep the momentum going..check red flags...within 6 months if things haven't moved forward or the real person shows then move on..I know this..I just asked a question to see how many stayed longer than they needed. Heck some stay years...fretting and crying trying to change another.

FYI..no criticizing was even stated...the answers were as if I was still sitting in the relationship when the fact was I had been out of it for many months now and read an article on it..which made me reflect...thus ask a General question......

Posted by SpinCycle
LetitB...We as individuals are not all the same....If that was the case then these forums would not exist.

People wear masks all the time...time only sheds these masks so you see who is really who. If something is there when you meet a person you keep the momentum going..check red flags...within 6 months if things haven't moved forward or the real person shows then move on..I know this..I just asked a question to see how many stayed longer than they needed. Heck some stay years...fretting and crying trying to change another.

FYI..no criticizing was even stated...the answers were as if I was still sitting in the relationship when the fact was I had been out of it for many months now and read an article on it..which made me reflect...thus ask a General question......

The way you wrote it makes it sound like you broke it off.... went back..... then broke it off, again.

*shrugs*

Sounds like the article is for people who are willing to settle--

Posted by SpinCycle
When I read articles ... [t]hey state just stay calm when they go hot and cold and be there as a person they can express themselves with....it almost sounds like coddling. Either your ready or not. Why some want to engage in others when they are not ready, I assume, is filling a void within themselves.
Truth be told they should evaluate themselves first and get emotionally healthy then include others.

click to expand

Agreed-- it does sound like coddling, out of desperation.

Fck that.

If someone is unsure about their feelings for me, I will not hang around and wait for them to decide.

lol no.

Posted by SpinCycle

They keep pretending that you are both in a relationship ....

When in reality, it is YOU who pretended to be in a relationship.

Posted by SpinCycle

After a few months you realize they are not available for commitment.

You stick it out because you are interested in them.

click to expand

It is YOU who stayed to be someone you're not.

Whether you have a title or not, doesn't change the fact that YOU remained in a situation in hopes of having more. Whether you were in it a tad or shitload, or anywhere in between ... you were still in relations with this man KNOWING the truth.

But, pretending it would go somewhere.

So, the answer to your question is .... you shouldn't be in one at all, no what time is enough is irrelevant ... because you don't know even know you do, and you're the one living your life.

if you don't even know what you are doing (which you've proven here) .... then you have no business inflicting your confused insecurities onto a man.