Why are you in a FWB and is it hard to leave?

Since I'm currently single, I am curious of this and someone is encouraging it.
So far it's just me toiling the idea around in my head; along with dreaming up sexual positions.
I have a theory that people settle for a bite of the cookie when they can't get the who package of cookies.

How exactly does it go?
Why did you enter into this arrangement?
Are your needs being met?
Is it what you really want?

How long do they generally last? Anything more than a year seems like commitment phobia.
Are you more friends than lovers?
Lovers more than friends?

Are you doing, "boyfriend/girlfriend" things like; doing each others laundry; hand holding while taking a stroll? Do the lines occasionally blur?

Snicker doodles 🙂

interesting question! I can't answer any of them, but am rather curious to hear from people.

I would say to avoid like the plague!
I am currently extracting myself from a FWB relationship and its not easy.
My reason for getting into it in the first place is that the guy I started seeing had a number of issues (unrelated to me) arise and he felt that he was too damaged to start a new relationship, or develop it. But he didn't want to let me go entirely therefore we entered an arrangement. Quite simply his way of having his cake and eating it too.
I am a pretty smart girl and thought I could handle it, and stay emotionally detached, but as starlover said this is extremely difficult to achieve.

No, you are not boyfriend/ girlfriend. You are unlikely to socialize with his friends unless you already know them. You won't go round to his family home for Christmas dinner. You will be his bit on the side. And there for the sex.

You will however pass up dates with other men, as you are emotionally involved. You will chase him, and as soon as you start to press for a relationship he'll probably disappear. If you get suspicious or jealous he will tell you that you aren't in a relationship therefore you are acting a little crazy. Or words to that effect.

Being in a FWB thing is a sure way to have someone devalue you and to slowly loose your hard won self respect.

There are a multitude of other posts/ forums and websites that probably express what FWB is in much more eloquent terms. But from my own point of view there is not a whole lot of benefits to FWB.

Tell the interested party that you are worth a whole lot more than what he is offering and please smile enigmatically and toss your hair a little as you walk away...

I like your honest reply Lilllou! And especially the last paragraph...lol I will remember that!

I think there's a whole lot of truth in what you said. Pretty sure FWB doesn't work very easy for a woman.

Ill be honest most females can't handle FWB. They get attached and start thinking the guy is going to make them their girlfriend and when he doesn't they get super emo. It takes a certain type of female to do this type of arrangement. Mostly the ones who are ok with being detached. Water signs are probably the worst in this situation. Best are air females and Sagittarius females. The rest can't really handle it.

There is the FWB and there is the one-night stand.

Never thought in my life I'd do it one day.

The second is easier because timeframe is super short without any kind of investment. In return you get the 'faceless man' give you affection.

FWB can get tricky. As Lillilou mentioned, the man can be badly damaged. Had it with a Virgo man for 10 months. Friendship, romance, commitment and all was there. Committed as FWB. As soon as my hopes expanded, he disappeared. Never was worth the involvement.

As djbuck1 commented, if you are truly not ready for an emotional investment, but you want a steady partner because you will know each others likes better over time, the list of wants is an excellent guideline.

It all depends on the frame of mind one is in.

🙂 at starlover... I think the Taurus moon helps to keep me grounded when things get ugly (but it is in opp. with Mercury so causes me a bit of grief too!)

The most recent ex I was emotionally attached to already, so when he offered me crumbs I accepted. Its a bit of a brutal summary, but that is really what happened.

Luckily I have a tonne of air- Libra Venus and Aqua rising and this definitely helps me to detach when I need to, and in the past I have not wanted a full on relationship and FWB suited where I was at. Much like GemC I was happy to skip through superficial FWB things as I wasn't ready to settle down. But that was when I was younger, and now that I want something amazing with another person it seems that everyone else is emotionally damaged! The universe has a peculiar sense of humour at times.

So, since I thought this an interesting subject I discussed it with 2 friends of mine today. The one had a kind of strange reaction, saying she could do it, but not more than like having sex 3 times, after that she admitted that she gets emotionally attached. She had a FWB with a guy and was expecting more indeed. The other friend didn't really reply, but she's had lots of one-night stands and seems to be fine with it.

I'm pretty sure, although being a sag and apparently we should be better at this stuff, I couldn't do either of them really well, nor the FWB, nor the one-night-stands. I might try and act cool, but inside I would be dying. So not worth it.

Oh, and might add both my girlfriends mentioned above are aqua.

One-night stand is like revenge.

The guy has it and you need it.

Sorry for putting it so bluntly. Not that I would do it again, but it was a frame of mind.

I'm not good in ordering BIG BOB or the RABBIT. Just doesn't work for me...

Affection, the skin-on-skin, the pretending of passionate love and kisses worked better.

You don't go for any guy. You pick and choose and weigh... all the detailed research for one night except for the cooking and waiting for him later.

I guess Im in one now.

We've never talked about what it is. I tried to define it when I was uncomfortable, now I just put in my mind its needed experience gained for me. Of course Id rather have this experience with someone Im committed to, but since Ive been single forever, I dont think I even know how to commit.....so this works. We kiss, hug, cuddle a bit, sit on the couch and hold hands. This is all a 1st for me btw. We've gone further but no sex yet. I actually enjoy hugging and cuddling the most, which feel the most intimate. I tell him every once in a while Im going to get my feelings hurt with this arrangement. My emotions are involved. The dilemma is I dont necessarily want a relationship right now BUT Id like to think we are working towards something. Im thinking longterm...what we can have in the future. Im not sure, but I bet he's thinking what he wants now, which is sex *sigh* and I probably push for it, in a very subtle way, more than he does smh.

I wouldn't recommend this arrangement. It seems to be something for confused emotionally unavailable people.

It's not for people who connect sex with emotions. ( good for you that you still can )

I've been in them mostly because I am a commitment phobia at times and it's very ( convent at times for someone like me ) to get to just have sex, cuddle

watch movies, order take out and than not have to talk until I'm lonely another night or horny.


Daylight relationships ( meeting their friends, care about their work, their dreams, going places, meeting family, sharing a life) < that is all a lot of work and takes a feeling of connection to create.

If you have issues w belonging or attachment sleeping around you will feel more at home.

My guess most people who enter into these kind of things have issues with those.

Than of course there are people who enjoy the fling but also like relationships. I can be switchable but mostly I like to be alone, I'm starting to think. Who knows.

But that would be my take on it personally and outwardly.

I'm a sag sun w a venus in aqua and I'm always like what the hell is going on? lol

Posted by starlover
I am so glad i cannot handle it....shows that i am emotionally healthy and sincere....what woman wants a man to be with her just for sex~feels kinda shallow somehow?

That is an extreme statement and totally inaccurate. I know plenty of woman that don't sleep around and are always in relationships and are absolutely bats hit crazy totally emotional unavailable co dependents.

But given a choice between FWB and LTR I would certainly pick LTR. If I choose FWB when I couldn't get the LTR wouldn't that mean I was settling?

Wait for love. It's worth it.

I agree with the statement its hard for water ladies.Been in one with another water sign for almost 2yrs now n still doing it.mind u! Its hard to dettach.All am saying is if u know u can't handle it, just don't get involved. Its an emotional torture.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
I am trying to think of one thing I would find appealing in an FWB.

Nope. I can't. Even the sex for me would be at best mediocre because of the lack of emotions. And friends? Yes hardly. I wonder how many so called friends in the FWB situation end up as mere acquaintances after said arrangement ends?

My friends last a lifetime not the duration if an exchange if fluids. Gross.

well, in my situation we were dating with a view (for my part) that there was a relationship, but then the proverbial hit the fan. there was still an excess of emotions and hence my arrival here to sob my little heart out!
I was deluding myself that I could handle FWB...
there are lots of different versions though, but over all not a good idea for a scorp Irresistible Pineapples...