prettyladii
@prettyladii
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1341 · Topics: 40
Being too nice in relationships, dating...
@Pesca: I couldn't agree more!!! You are absolutely right. Everything in the dating world has become a "game." It's become, "Should I be this way" or "That way?" It's all centered around getting people to become/conform to everything/everyone BUT their true emotions & selves.
There are ALL different types of people in this world. Some are shy, some are the opposite. Some are mysterious, some are transparent. Some are "good girls/guys" & some are considered "bad girls/guys." EITHER WAY, there is someone good enough for EACH specific type of person & personality there is.
Certain types of men with certain personality types adore women that are "sweet, innocent, shy, etc." & then there are the men who either purposely move towards OR stray away from those types of women b/c of what society tells them they should be "attracted to." It all depends on the person & how true they are to their own emotions. And if they're true to their own emotions, they'll naturally attract themselves (AND attract) women/men that are of the caliber that reflects something within themselves. And if that "caliber" is sweet & innocent women, then so be it. And if not, so be it.
There are ALL different types of people in this world. Some are shy, some are the opposite. Some are mysterious, some are transparent. Some are "good girls/guys" & some are considered "bad girls/guys." EITHER WAY, there is someone good enough for EACH specific type of person & personality there is.
Certain types of men with certain personality types adore women that are "sweet, innocent, shy, etc." & then there are the men who either purposely move towards OR stray away from those types of women b/c of what society tells them they should be "attracted to." It all depends on the person & how true they are to their own emotions. And if they're true to their own emotions, they'll naturally attract themselves (AND attract) women/men that are of the caliber that reflects something within themselves. And if that "caliber" is sweet & innocent women, then so be it. And if not, so be it.
Posted by krysrenee7
@Pesca: I couldn't agree more!!! You are absolutely right. Everything in the dating world has become a "game." It's become, "Should I be this way" or "That way?" It's all centered around getting people to become/conform to everything/everyone BUT their true emotions & selves.
I too agree.
I think you may have misread what I was saying. I wasn't saying I am trying to conform to societiy I am just asking in general cause it just doesn't seem like they do. Who's to say someone isn't being themselves already when being loud and rowdy, and tough or sweet,quiet,and observant?
The problem for me is there is no such thing as "too nice". I have nothing against anyone who goes out of their way to help others, who does things like go to soup kitchens to help feed people who can't eat, or who do all sorts of favors for those in need, or who simply love to be good people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and there is absolutely nothing unattractive about a person, to me, when it comes to that.
It's the OTHER stuff that people try to pass off as being "nice" that get to me and can turn me off. These are the things that people try to convince themselves means they're "too nice". There's a difference between being nice because you're kind, and being "nice" because you have low self-esteem and try to stay on everyone's good side.
What am I talking about? Well, the person who always apologizes even though they did nothing wrong. The person who does favors all the time when they really REALLY don't want to do them but do them anyway because "it's just easier". The person who puts up with abuse and won't stand up for themselves, but wants to believe they're a "nice" person for it. The person who will accept anyone no matter how badly they treat them. Taking abuse, not standing up for yourself, apologizing constantly, approval seeking and never saying no are not the qualities of a nice person, they are the qualities of someone with no boundaries, dignity, standards and self-esteem of their own. That is the real problem. It's not about being too nice, you can never be too nice. It's about not having any boundaries of your own, no dignity to call your own, no standards of respect you give and expect others to give, and no self-esteem or feeling of self-worth you have in yourself.
I think the most attractive person IS a nice good-hearted person who cares both about others AND themselves. A good heart, self-esteem, and dignity, they're irresistible.
It's the OTHER stuff that people try to pass off as being "nice" that get to me and can turn me off. These are the things that people try to convince themselves means they're "too nice". There's a difference between being nice because you're kind, and being "nice" because you have low self-esteem and try to stay on everyone's good side.
What am I talking about? Well, the person who always apologizes even though they did nothing wrong. The person who does favors all the time when they really REALLY don't want to do them but do them anyway because "it's just easier". The person who puts up with abuse and won't stand up for themselves, but wants to believe they're a "nice" person for it. The person who will accept anyone no matter how badly they treat them. Taking abuse, not standing up for yourself, apologizing constantly, approval seeking and never saying no are not the qualities of a nice person, they are the qualities of someone with no boundaries, dignity, standards and self-esteem of their own. That is the real problem. It's not about being too nice, you can never be too nice. It's about not having any boundaries of your own, no dignity to call your own, no standards of respect you give and expect others to give, and no self-esteem or feeling of self-worth you have in yourself.
I think the most attractive person IS a nice good-hearted person who cares both about others AND themselves. A good heart, self-esteem, and dignity, they're irresistible.
The kind of "nice" woman I don't like is a woman who actually isn't nice at all, by that meaning one who is nice in public and a total bitch away from those she fools. Niceness is a luxury that does not befit this woman and therefore any niceness she pulls off is too nice.
@Wings: Perfectly said! I 100% agree. It's one thing to be nice b/c it's who you are AND b/c you're content in your own 'niceness.' BUT if a person is just being nice for ego/brownie points or for some other benefit that's stroking their already low self-esteem, then often times them being "nice" is phony & mabye even as wrong as someone purposely being mean.
That's what we meant @Prettyladi..it's all about a person's intentions. It's all about how this "niceness" they portray is either closer/farther from how they REALLY feel/or what they REALLY want. If someone is only nice when they really want to be another thing, then them being "nice" aint worth a damn. If a person is just playing the role as the "nice guy/gal" just for the sake of fooling others or having some hidden intention (or basically if this niceness is coming from any OTHER place besides the heart) then they were better off being mean or anything else associated with negativity.
It's possible to have standards, boundaries & a sense of self-worth WHILE ALSO being "nice." But it's impossible for me to really encourage & follow someone's "niceness" if that trait is only coming from a place with no boundaries, self-esteem or good intention.
It's sad to see people who are purposely being "nice" all b/c they can't handle being/feeling how/who they REALLY are. I'm talking about the kinds of people that would rather spend their whole lives trying to gain the approval from others moreso than from themselves! I'd admire a mean BUT geniune person before I did a nice but phony (to others AND even worse, to self) person all day long!
That's what we meant @Prettyladi..it's all about a person's intentions. It's all about how this "niceness" they portray is either closer/farther from how they REALLY feel/or what they REALLY want. If someone is only nice when they really want to be another thing, then them being "nice" aint worth a damn. If a person is just playing the role as the "nice guy/gal" just for the sake of fooling others or having some hidden intention (or basically if this niceness is coming from any OTHER place besides the heart) then they were better off being mean or anything else associated with negativity.
It's possible to have standards, boundaries & a sense of self-worth WHILE ALSO being "nice." But it's impossible for me to really encourage & follow someone's "niceness" if that trait is only coming from a place with no boundaries, self-esteem or good intention.
It's sad to see people who are purposely being "nice" all b/c they can't handle being/feeling how/who they REALLY are. I'm talking about the kinds of people that would rather spend their whole lives trying to gain the approval from others moreso than from themselves! I'd admire a mean BUT geniune person before I did a nice but phony (to others AND even worse, to self) person all day long!
Posted by Wings
What am I talking about? Well, the person who always apologizes even though they did nothing wrong. The person who does favors all the time when they really REALLY don't want to do them but do them anyway because "it's just easier". The person who puts up with abuse and won't stand up for themselves, but wants to believe they're a "nice" person for it. The person who will accept anyone no matter how badly they treat them. Taking abuse, not standing up for yourself, apologizing constantly, approval seeking and never saying no are not the qualities of a nice person, they are the qualities of someone with no boundaries, dignity, standards and self-esteem of their own. That is the real problem. It's not about being too nice, you can never be too nice. It's about not having any boundaries of your own, no dignity to call your own, no standards of respect you give and expect others to give, and no self-esteem or feeling of self-worth you have in yourself.
Well said!
I think the word for that is a martyr (apologize if it's spelled incorrectly).
Posted by krysrenee7
@Wings: Perfectly said! I 100% agree. It's one thing to be nice b/c it's who you are AND b/c you're content in your own 'niceness.' BUT if a person is just being nice for ego/brownie points or for some other benefit that's stroking their already low self-esteem, then often times them being "nice" is phony & mabye even as wrong as someone purposely being mean.
That's what we meant @Prettyladi..it's all about a person's intentions. It's all about how this "niceness" they portray is either closer/farther from how they REALLY feel/or what they REALLY want. If someone is only nice when they really want to be another thing, then them being "nice" aint worth a damn. If a person is just playing the role as the "nice guy/gal" just for the sake of fooling others or having some hidden intention (or basically if this niceness is coming from any OTHER place besides the heart) then they were better off being mean or anything else associated with negativity.
It's possible to have standards, boundaries & a sense of self-worth WHILE ALSO being "nice." But it's impossible for me to really encourage & follow someone's "niceness" if that trait is only coming from a place with no boundaries, self-esteem or good intention.
It's sad to see people who are purposely being "nice" all b/c they can't handle being/feeling how/who they REALLY are. I'm talking about the kinds of people that would rather spend their whole lives trying to gain the approval from others moreso than from themselves! I'd admire a mean BUT geniune person before I did a nice but phony (to others AND even worse, to self) person all day long!
hunny he already beat u to it
I hate nice people.....little goody two shoe people get under my skin....I just finished reading "wicked" U know the wicked witch of the west?
well its like everyone is against her.....glenda the good witch of the north isnt really good at all shes a stupid dumbass barbie who builds her reputation.....
I like elphaba because shes not good or bad to begin with.....shes just passionate then bad things happen in her life that she cant control which leads her to become the wicked witch of the west.
I hate those who play the victim.....I dont know where this is going i just felt like talking about my book..
In reply to what ur asking prettiladi
well its like everyone is against her.....glenda the good witch of the north isnt really good at all shes a stupid dumbass barbie who builds her reputation.....
I like elphaba because shes not good or bad to begin with.....shes just passionate then bad things happen in her life that she cant control which leads her to become the wicked witch of the west.
I hate those who play the victim.....I dont know where this is going i just felt like talking about my book..
In reply to what ur asking prettiladi
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
I hate nice people.....little goody two shoe people get under my skin....I just finished reading "wicked" U know the wicked witch of the west?
well its like everyone is against her.....glenda the good witch of the north isnt really good at all shes a stupid dumbass barbie who builds her reputation.....
I like elphaba because shes not good or bad to begin with.....shes just passionate then bad things happen in her life that she cant control which leads her to become the wicked witch of the west.
I hate those who play the victim.....I dont know where this is going i just felt like talking about my book..
In reply to what ur asking prettiladi
I like to read too so I might have to check it out. But what I was asking is if people really like them anymore and no not the fake ones, but genuinely nice people who look out for others or want to do something nice for their friends/family. Maybe I'm just seeing people who are the opposite more selfish, or outspoken and dominant succeeding more in relationships. Idk I know everyone is different but it just seems that people don't care for it anymore.
Posted by Wings
It's not about being too nice, you can never be too nice. It's about not having any boundaries of your own, no dignity to call your own, no standards of respect you give and expect others to give, and no self-esteem or feeling of self-worth you have in yourself.
I think the most attractive person IS a nice good-hearted person who cares both about others AND themselves. A good heart, self-esteem, and dignity, they're irresistible.
you know, sometimes i really like these boards because they show me something about myself that neither i nor my friends can see. i've been wondering if lately i've been a doormat disguised as nice. wings, what really stood out for me was the word "boundaries". it's something i struggle with all the time. i happen to be quite serious about my choice of spirituality where we are supposed to put others before oneself. for me (and some of my friends, women especially) it's always been difficult to take care of others without losing sight of your own boundaries, and how that can be interpreted by people. thank you for this. xoj
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