DNA tests

So we've all heard of the man asking the woman for a DNA test on a child IF she's been caught cheating OR if the man/woman weren't a couple when the woman conceived..

BUT...

What about the couples (NOT MARRIED) who conceive a child? What about the couples that ARE married when they conceived a child? Would it be wrong for the man to want a dna test EVEN IF he made no CLAIMS of her cheating or sleeping with someone else?

Some women are naturally offended when asked by their exclusive boyfriends to get a DNA test. They feel that if the man felt she was cheating, he shouldn't have been sleeping with her.

And some women will automatically volunteer to take the DNA test even IF her man DID NOT ask for one.

So my question to DXP is: Under WHAT circumstances do you consider it OK to ask the woman/man for a DNA test? (Cheating is a GIVEN)
-Does it depend on whether both people were IN a relationship when she conceived?
-Does it depend on whether or not both people were MARRIED when she conceived?
-Does it depend on her past OR how many kids she's ALREADY GOT by different fathers?
-Does it depend on HOW LONG both people have been sexually active (Example: 1 time vs. 30 times)
-Does it depend strictly on the child's looks?
-Does it depend on what OTHERS are saying/persuading the man/woman to do (in regards to DNA testing)?

I think its only acceptable to ask for a DNA test if you know that the woman slept with more then one guy around the time she got pregnant. If I was in an exclusive relationship and a guy asked for a DNA test the relationship would be over.

My Auntie is white with dark brown hair and her husband at the time was Black with black hair, their baby came out looking white with blonde hair! He never once questioned it, he trusted her 100% . As the child grew she got darker and it was obvious she had a lot of her dads features. I could understand that the thought might pass through his head, but to ask for a DNA test would be an accusation.

To me a DNA test is an accusation. If they are unsure if they are the father then that means they MUST think the woman cheated unless they think its another case of "immaculate conception".

lol

I think that when 2 people are MARRIED when they conceive, a DNA test is NOT necessary. I'd be insulted if my own husband needed a DNA test.

BUT, I can't lie..so many girls have RUINED IT for other women! It's 1 thing to ask your F buddy for a DNA test; after all, there's no telling how many other F buddies that woman has on the side/behind closed doors. BUT it's another thing to ask your own girlfriend for a dna test! It just comes to show that some men will even question their own partners b/c generally, it's the person you're in the relationship with that'll betray you!

I can understand though why so many men automatically want DNA tests when they're NOT married to the woman who had the child. Sometimes it's NOT even always about insinuating that the woman slept around. Sometimes it's just for the man's peace of mind. After all, if there's nothing to hide there should be NO reason to get mad/be offended. And men feel even MORE justified when they notice how women start to hesistate the moment they are asked to take a dna test! It's like "Uh oh, why do you look so nervous!? Is there anything you want to tell me!?"

If I was just in a regular relationship with someone I had a baby with, I'd automatically get the DNA test if anything just so that 1. I wouldn't have to be asked for 1 persay we break up & he decides to get "brand new" on me afterwards 2. B/c I understand the peace of mind it'd give him since I'd have nothing to hide anyways & 3. Just in case my man's family/friends have any doubts! Automatically getting the test w/o being asked to is 1 sure way to SHUT everybody up! Ha! People aren't used to a woman volunteering to take the test before the man even gets a chance to mention it!

I think that when 2 people are MARRIED when they conceive, a DNA test is NOT necessary. I'd be insulted if my own husband needed a DNA test.

BUT, I can't lie..so many girls have RUINED IT for other women! It's 1 thing to ask your F buddy for a DNA test; after all, there's no telling how many other F buddies that woman has on the side/behind closed doors. BUT it's another thing to ask your own girlfriend for a dna test! It just comes to show that some men will even question their own partners b/c generally, it's the person you're in the relationship with that'll betray you!

I can understand though why so many men automatically want DNA tests when they're NOT married to the woman who had the child. Sometimes it's NOT even always about insinuating that the woman slept around. Sometimes it's just for the man's peace of mind. After all, if there's nothing to hide there should be NO reason to get mad/be offended. And men feel even MORE justified when they notice how women start to hesistate the moment they are asked to take a dna test! It's like "Uh oh, why do you look so nervous!? Is there anything you want to tell me!?"

If I was just in a regular relationship with someone I had a baby with, I'd automatically get the DNA test if anything just so that 1. I wouldn't have to be asked for 1 persay we break up & he decides to get "brand new" on me afterwards 2. B/c I understand the peace of mind it'd give him since I'd have nothing to hide anyways & 3. Just in case my man's family/friends have any doubts! Automatically getting the test w/o being asked to is 1 sure way to SHUT everybody up! Ha! People aren't used to a woman volunteering to take the test before the man even gets a chance to mention it!

I think that when 2 people are MARRIED when they conceive, a DNA test is NOT necessary. I'd be insulted if my own husband needed a DNA test.

BUT, I can't lie..so many girls have RUINED IT for other women! It's 1 thing to ask your F buddy for a DNA test; after all, there's no telling how many other F buddies that woman has on the side/behind closed doors. BUT it's another thing to ask your own girlfriend for a dna test! It just comes to show that some men will even question their own partners b/c generally, it's the person you're in the relationship with that'll betray you!

I can understand though why so many men automatically want DNA tests when they're NOT married to the woman who had the child. Sometimes it's NOT even always about insinuating that the woman slept around. Sometimes it's just for the man's peace of mind. After all, if there's nothing to hide there should be NO reason to get mad/be offended. And men feel even MORE justified when they notice how women start to hesistate the moment they are asked to take a dna test! It's like "Uh oh, why do you look so nervous!? Is there anything you want to tell me!?"

If I was just in a regular relationship with someone I had a baby with, I'd automatically get the DNA test if anything just so that 1. I wouldn't have to be asked for 1 persay we break up & he decides to get "brand new" on me afterwards 2. B/c I understand the peace of mind it'd give him since I'd have nothing to hide anyways & 3. Just in case my man's family/friends have any doubts! Automatically getting the test w/o being asked to is 1 sure way to SHUT everybody up! Ha! People aren't used to a woman volunteering to take the test before the man even gets a chance to mention it!

@LoveBucket: I agree. When a man asks a woman for a DNA test, it's 1 of those things she shouldn't take very personal, especially considering he probably has a GOOD reason why he wants the test done in the 1st place. It may not even be that he doesn't trust his woman; it's moreso that men knows people make mistakes & that the ONE Thing most women are likley to take to the grave IF THEY CAN is the true paternity of their child. Sucks, but it is what it is.

I see DNA tests the same way I see pre-nups. Yeah yeah yeah it's an uncomfortable conversation BUT if there is no ill intention/will it shouldn't be a problem.

Some guys though take the whole DNA thing to an extreme! I used to watch Maury all the time! The man would accuse his girlfriend/wife of cheating even if by his OWN admission, there was no logical basis for the accusations. And man those men would take their girlfriends through hell! It's 1 thing to politely ask for a DNA test & explain your reasons, BUT it's another thing to make the topic of DNA turn into a complete family brawl or a tool for emotional abuse/manipulation!

Sometimes just simply asking a woman for a DNA test will reveal some of the truth right then & there! If she's completely down for it & shows no hesistation or nervousness, that's usually a GOOD sign. However, if she gets nervous, asks a billion questions & keeps "stalling" on the date to get the test done, hmmm yeah, her response speaks for itself!

1 thing I HATE though is when men judge strictly off the child's appearance. If people want to bring children into this world the LEAST they can do is have some education on how genetics work! So many guys say, "The baby doesn't look anything like me" but yet that's b/c the baby will look like the mom MORE! Men don't realize that they are NOT the ONLY 1's a baby can resemble! Sheeeeeesh

@krys and lovebucket. Would you quite happily take a test if you were married to a guy and had always been faithful? You wouldnt be offended that he thought the baby may not be his, even though you have given him no reason to believe it isnt his. Do you feel the dynamic of the relationship wouldnt be affected at all by this?

I personally would refuse the test. If I know I havnt cheated then I'm not taking one. If I know it is his but slept with another guy a month or so before or after I got pregnant (not that that is the sort of thing I do! lol) then I would take a test.

Been down this road always get the test. However in this case it did not turn out to be who I exspected kid it was someone else but it was not mine.

Posted by libra sun
@krys and lovebucket. Would you quite happily take a test if you were married to a guy and had always been faithful? You wouldnt be offended that he thought the baby may not be his, even though you have given him no reason to believe it isnt his. Do you feel the dynamic of the relationship wouldnt be affected at all by this?

I personally would refuse the test. If I know I havnt cheated then I'm not taking one. If I know it is his but slept with another guy a month or so before or after I got pregnant (not that that is the sort of thing I do! lol) then I would take a test.

Of course I'd be somewhat offended, BUT at the same time as I look around, I could see why even the most trusting man/husband would want the test just to be sure. I would be offended, yes BUT I wouldn't downright refuse to take the test b/c me doing so damn sure wouldn't sooth his doubts or help the situation more!

The truth is, people are somewhat influenced by what alot of their gender is doing. It's no different than some women getting a little nervous the minute she becomes a man's "baby's mama." Sure, she may trust her man all day long BUT reality says that alot of men pick THAT time to cheat IF they were ever going to. It's not personal BUT it's no secret that most people do things the way they do b/c of a fear of SOMETHING!

Plus, this is a conversation I have with every guy I get serious with. I always like to see what their point of view on DNA testing is wayyyyyy before sex is even had. If I end up married to a man whose persay been "duped" before, sure I'd want him to trust me persay we were to ever have a child BUT I'd also remember that him having doubts stem more from something he's been through in the past. And since I'd TECHNICALLY have NOTHING to hide, there'd be no valid reason to NOT take the test. After all, getting that "proof" on paper has it's benefits for BOTH the woman & the man.

I'd be more understanding if I ended up with someone whose been "tricked/dooped" in the past. Hell 99% of us actually TRUSTED our partners at around the time we found out something devestating OR when something "fishy" came to the surface.

Sometimes it's not all about trust. The same goes with pre-nups. Some people think that signing pre-nups is the same as pre-maturely admitting that you won't trust your partner to have integrity persay the relationship/marriage was over; some people even go as far to say that it's not worth being with someone whom you even have to doubt persay the relationship didn't work out. Well, that may be true BUT at the same time, if a person doesn't have ill intentions, it won't hurt to PROVE so if you actually can. It'd for sure be an uncomfortable conversation BUT like you've said, if I have NOTHING to hide then I wouldn't act like it'd kill me to go take a DNA test.

In reality, most women are asked "Am I the biological father?" & MOST women who have something to hide will lie about this. It sucks but hey, the same goes for cheaters. Most people aren't exposed until they are FORCED/HOUNDED to show proof otherwise. So if my man wasn't 100% sure all b/c of my "word" I'd understand that. I'd try not to take it personal especially if he's been tricked in the past by someone he REALLY trusted.

Posted by LoveBucket

Posted by libra sun
@krys and lovebucket. Would you quite happily take a test if you were married to a guy and had always been faithful? You wouldnt be offended that he thought the baby may not be his, even though you have given him no reason to believe it isnt his. Do you feel the dynamic of the relationship wouldnt be affected at all by this?

I personally would refuse the test. If I know I havnt cheated then I'm not taking one. If I know it is his but slept with another guy a month or so before or after I got pregnant (not that that is the sort of thing I do! lol) then I would take a test.

Libra Sun, what if you did refuse and then one day while you were at work, your husband took his child down to the DNAer and got the test done -- what I'm thinking is to keep the peace in the home, he'd bet not let you know about it!! lol

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If I found out about it hell would break loose!! lol I would not be with someone who thought it was ok to sneak behind my back. Hmm i know im young but I dont think my opinion will ever change on this matter. My auntie in my above example said she would have left her partner if he had questioned her, which he didnt. I can not be with someone who did not trust me. The only way he could not be the father is if I had cheated.

If I had doubt in my mind who the father was I would get the test done, he wouldnt even need to ask. If he was refusing to accept and pay his way for the child I would get the test so he had to look after his child, but my relationship with him would be over.