Does his silence means he wants to split?Pls help!

Dating 5 mths-out of this I was away 2 mths.Just returned.He kept in touch,waited & planned our catchup.We spent Sat together-lovely-reconfirmed plans for a party next Sat.He couldn't keep his hands off me. He told me he??d missed me.We joked how rusty we were- good to see he??d been loyal.He said he's going to another city for work,he'd be back in a couple of weeks & asked if I'd be fine.I didn't make a big deal & reminded him I'd had 2 mths practice.He asked if he could stay at my place for a couple of days before he left.I agreed.Next morn he rushed off to meet a friend to return money.He kissed me & whispered —see you soon??.I texted him once on Sun,Mon & Tues.I thought it might be a credit issue & rang on Wed—he didn't pick up.We don't normally call so I wasn't fussed.I texted him Sat about the housewarming.Nothing.I??ve asked a friend of his & he says he hasn't met him in 3 wks & he should be fine.He's been going through rough times.He's struggling to get work,completely broke & worried about sponsorship to stay in the country.He's introduced me to friends,flatmates & taken me to his place—??I want you to know where I live??.I found these very sweet since I never asked.His friends & flatmates love me.My friends adore him.When I was going overseas he said I should meet his parents since I was visiting his country.I said I??ll introduce myself as his friend & he said —just tell them the truth you are with me??.When we met on Sat every time I??d mention a guy he??d quiz me.Before I left I??d observed a trend—he??d go quite on Sun & Mon—but contact me on Tues.I asked him & he said he just sleeps in & meets friends sometimes-nothing sinister.I let it slide.This is the longest I haven't heard from him-12 days.Before I left I asked him about us & he said he's —going with the flow??.When I asked if that meant we can see other people he said no.His friends call me his girlfriend.

I emailed him 2 days ago telling him am not mad just concerned.??Am here if he needs to talk.Since friends pushed,I went to his place today.His flatmate told me he left for the other city 2 days back & he's fine physically.She's trying to get hold of him & let him know am worried.The easiest explanation would be he's bolted but I??ve seen what jobloss can do to a man.My ex lost his job,went into depression & broke up.

Is this detachment,depression?I like & miss him.My mates say he likes me & is in a bad place—nothing to d

Sorry the last post wasn't complete. So as I was saying..my friends really believe he genuinely likes me but is in a bad place - so nothing to do with me. Any insight will help! Thanks in advance & sorry for the long post.

Yeah but those are all crap excuses about his behavior and is a sure sign it's time to opt out of the relationship, only because if you let this slide he'll figure you having no boundaries about this issue gives him permission to do it again b/c of course you'll take him back.

Sounds like loverboy found a new playmate during your 2 month hiatus and needed to put in some play time before getting on the road and like most loverboys do they just "POOF" disappear leaving his one true love hanging in the trenches while he flip flaps around and I'm sure he's sweating bullets thinking of an explanation LOL and I'm sure he'll project blame back onto you and say you're being an angry nag or being over the top dramatic about his Whodini act blah blah blah, seems all these guys who do this disappearing act do the same thing in similar ways....gone for days to go play, create whopper lie about being stressed, depressed, sad, moody excuse excuse excuse and come back like nothing ever happened.

Posted by Rhia1978
Sorry the last post wasn't complete. So as I was saying..my friends really believe he genuinely likes me but is in a bad place - so nothing to do with me. Any insight will help! Thanks in advance & sorry for the long post.

I have come up with an ingenious way for him to let you know.

He opens his mouth and says, "I genuinely like you but I am in a bad place."

or

"While you were away I started screwing someone else. Over and out."


Something kinda along those lines......

yeah, i'm going with the other two ladies. a little respect goes a long way. if he's so down in a hole he can't give you the heads up, that's not much of a guy. at best, he's a poor communicator, at worst he's a double-crosser and his multiple dating wires got crossed.

either way, you don't have to excuse him. think about his actions...toss the words out. this guy's in a position where he holds all the cards and you're out in the cold wondering what the problem is. wonder no more. focus on your stuff and if he drifts back into the picture, see if you feel like hearing him out.

Posted by tiki33
Yeah but those are all crap excuses about his behavior and is a sure sign it's time to opt out of the relationship, only because if you let this slide he'll figure you having no boundaries about this issue gives him permission to do it again b/c of course you'll take him back.

Sounds like loverboy found a new playmate during your 2 month hiatus and needed to put in some play time before getting on the road and like most loverboys do they just "POOF" disappear leaving his one true love hanging in the trenches while he flip flaps around and I'm sure he's sweating bullets thinking of an explanation LOL and I'm sure he'll project blame back onto you and say you're being an angry nag or being over the top dramatic about his Whodini act blah blah blah, seems all these guys who do this disappearing act do the same thing in similar ways....gone for days to go play, create whopper lie about being stressed, depressed, sad, moody excuse excuse excuse and come back like nothing ever happened.

wow....what?!

I don't even think you read things as much as you have these pre-written responses...There was NOTHING I read that appeared to me she is being led on. And I think she's handling it fine.

Not every woman that writes a story on here, is a victim of a womanizer. And sometimes... men MEAN what they say WHEN they say it. She has no reason to think otherwise. Stop throwing salt on a womam that's worried and making her paranoid to the point that she could screw a potentially GOOD relationship up.

Basically, I think you're wrong.

There's one thing I can agree with you on..if it takes too much time in between him getting his stuff together. I know I personally wouldn't expect my man to wait for me. I think if he did, it'd be selfish. That isn't fair to keep someone waiting like that. How long you think that= would be, is up to you...tweleve days (around two weeks) isn't really that long to me. Also to the OP(original poster), mentioning your ex and how he handled things when he was going through some shit, isn't a good idea. THat new man is NOT your ex, so don't project any unresolved issues on this new relationship, cuz that WILL trip you up as well.

How I think the guy isn't leading her on.

Men don't show their side piece, where they live, introduce them to their roommates/friends/family and are generally proud to introduce them.

When they do those things...their friends and they have an overwhelmingly GOOD response as opposed to a "nervous-who the hell is you?" vibe that you CAN catch on...means that the friends if you were going to ask about your man...they are probably going to tell you the truth.

Men don't say you're my girl, un-coerced, and NOT mean it. Unless he's a pathological psycho..which thankfully is few and far between.


Maybe I'm the only one who sees it..but I don't think ya girl has anything to worry about, except maybe him and his welfare.

Bet you if she posted his chart, I can prove it.

'leading on' doesn't mean you can't bring someone into your inner circle to make yourself seem more 'authentic'. especially if they're used to strange girls being brought around them.

realy, it's irrelevant why he's failing to communicate, fact is he's doing it. the op has the choice to brush it off and not let it affect her...because if it's happened once, it can happen again and that to me is not a healthy or fufilling relationship. a man who's ready to be with a woman will let her know where she stands, without even being asked.

i agree 100% . maybe its time to move on,,, while he gets his head together... I'm in the same place2.

I guess I just don't see it the same way.

12 days with no contact? Unless he is dead or in a coma, he's just not that into you....

Posted by FireDragonScorpio
oh don't get me wrong, i would love to agree with you, especially as i'm a bit gullible when men bullshit me (although i prefer to consider it a quality to believe what i'm told). it's just that really painful experience has told me otherwise. you really can be dropped in an instant and from a great height and be left reeling in the aftermath. that's exactly the way my marriage went and believe me, i was so shocked that when it happened i got really sick. you would think that after that, i wouldn't trust again but i just got burnt this year by someone who literally swept me off my feet and introduced me to his family and friends and the whole thing with a cherry on top.

what disappoints me about men who do this is why they avoid the less hurtful route of just telling someone....even if they just tell them they're not sure about them....i would personally consider it rude to just ignore someone unless it was for a reason obvious and known to both of us. if you care for someone or even consider that you might care for them in time, why not just be honest about what's going through your mind.

that's why it feels like you're being strung along. it's tactical ignoring. like being kept on the backburner. it's not acceptable.

Bump...BINGO! You feel me FDS, you know exactly where I'm coming from and going with this.

Seems a distinct pattern of men are popping on the grid, so many men now days actually do introduce you to the whole family if he can and will still do that "POOF" act, it's not like it was back in the day when a woman could gauge the seriousness of the relationship by what a man is doing b/c now days anything can throw a relationship off, a new woman, a loss of some kind and I dunno what's in the water but there seems to be a huge amount of men (all ages) doing the same shit, it's like they say all these things in the moment but the slightest change can literally end the whole relationship and there are no long talks about it either about whose wrong, what went wrong, essentially no closure and I don't know if women will ever get used this kind of behavior b/c it's rude and very painful especially when the woman truly believes deep down she had some real only to be smacked in the face with the silent treatment (I like your word better tactical ignoring) brilliant, I'm stealing that one LOL.

As for the poster you don't need to ask us what's going on, use your common sense. Would you ignore someone you love and care about deliberately despite the hardships? Would you go to your man's house, kiss on him, love on him and then disappear without one word? Does his actions seem deliberate? I'd think 2 weeks or more is deliberate. What excuse is reasonable to you for this kind of behavior? IMO there is no reasonable excuse for bailing out without not one form of communication but again this is you and what your standards are and what's acceptable and reasonable behavior to you. No excuse is good enough for behaving this way outside of being dead (God forbid) or in a coma.

I personally would drop a man that drops me and won't look back b/c I know I don't want to be with such a thoughtless careless man and even if he's in jail he still can call you and it seems his friends are covering for him or he'd contact you by now so maybe this guy wasn't that into you as you thought he was, you don't have to move on but you sure should consider backing up and rethinking how much of yourself you are willing to invest in a "no show" if it's not a pattern then by all means keep trying but inevitably you'll probably notice the pattern sustaining itself and end up leaving anyway.